end of friendship after rejection?

I asked my cap co-worker out on a date after being friends with her for like a year and after the rejection she's been having trouble being, well "normal" and she does this hot/cold thing for about 4 months now instead of being the consistently warm person she was before. I have no problem accepting no for an answer so it's nothing like that but I notice that sometimes she is the incredibly sweet person I knew from before and other times she is pretty harsh when she speaks to me and a little bossier than usual. is this normal female cap behavior or did my friendship pretty much just end? I later found out that she is going through a really tough time right now, though she didnt tell me what it is, I found out otherwise that it could potentially put her career in jeopardy. should I just relax and let her deal with her major career issues and see how she's doing in a few months (it would probably take that long for her to resolve it).

The most recent example of her behavior is she'll be extremely nice to me, then later i'll catch her intensely staring at me a few times and she will pretty much ice me out for a while, as if she came to some conclusion through her thought process while staring.

if it matters, we have some pluto-venus (double whammy), pluto-moon and mars-venus aspects in synastry but since we aren't in a romantic context I dont think it does matter.

Female caps? I'm sure you reject plenty of male friends, how does it usually go?

she is stressed out by work, not everything is about you,chill

Yeah, makes sense. thanks.

I'm ok to lie in the bed I've made. I think I'll wait for her major stresses to pass and if she still feels the same way (through her actions) then I'll assume the friendship is lost for at least years if not forever. I didnt expect such high stakes but you have to be prepared to take the loss.

We're coworkers. We were like an amazing team before, we got a lot of shit done. I'm extremely risk averse and I would not have even asked if I did not think the feelings weren't mutual, but I was wrong.

I will admit i've had fantasies (nothing more) of sleeping with women bosses but I'd never actually do that, that crosses the line for me, hah.

well, that sucks. lol.

She’s being cold towards you because when she was warm and friendly towards you that got her the awkwardness of having to reject your advances.

Been there, done that.

If you didn’t work together she would’ve ghosted you by now.

Posted by LadyNeptune

She’s being cold towards you because when she was warm and friendly towards you that got her the awkwardness of having to reject your advances.

Been there, done that.

If you didn’t work together she would’ve ghosted you by now.

There were no advances though after I asked and was turned down. I do believe you about the ghosting, appreciate the perspective.

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by LadyNeptune

She’s being cold towards you because when she was warm and friendly towards you that got her the awkwardness of having to reject your advances.

Been there, done that.

If you didn’t work together she would’ve ghosted you by now.

There were no advances though after I asked and was turned down. I do believe you about the ghosting, appreciate the perspective.

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Once was enough to make that connection in her head.

And understand there is probably a history of men who can’t take no for an answer. Again, been there done that.

Past experiences will always color your perspective.

Posted by Phantum

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by LadyNeptune

She’s being cold towards you because when she was warm and friendly towards you that got her the awkwardness of having to reject your advances.

Been there, done that.

If you didn’t work together she would’ve ghosted you by now.

There were no advances though after I asked and was turned down. I do believe you about the ghosting, appreciate the perspective.

How long has it been since the rejection happened and things changed? She might warm up to you again eventually. For the time being, she must be worried that acting friendly would send the wrong message.

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October. it's been cycles of warm/cold since then. I told her at the time when she said no that not to worry i wont bring it up or mention it again (and I've kept my word since then), but apparently she didnt seem to hear/comprehend that.

its ok, i played stupid game i win stupid prize

Posted by colliereborn

she is stressed out by work, not everything is about you,chill

Ditto - Cap women are very focused

We don’t like to shit where we eat. Either she does have some feelings for you, but she doesn’t wanna explore them because you work together or what everyone else said. I know my weird version of being me has definitely reeled in some unwanted advances and trying to be “normal” after that is anything but.

Just an update, So the cap girl went on a vacation for a week or so (though like I said, I found out that she is under a tremendous amount of stress and I know this was a working vacation to take care of things) which actually gave me some time to get her out of my system and help me move on from this situation. She comes back and I more or less ignore her other than the usual pleasantries and try not to make eye contact otherwise. At the end of the day she sits about 2 feet away from me and just stares at me for a bit and I couldnt help but stare back at this point. We eventually have good conversation and things seemed good again for a few days, now she's back to being distant and cold but not as bad as before. The stares are kind of driving me crazy because I dont dislike them and I know she's probably just processing things, but it's just tough to get over a girl when she's staring at you.

It's a bit annoying to realise a good male friend doesn't see you as a friend. You're seeing it as a compliment on your behalf, but she can't be herself around you now. You don't seem to understand how that is? You are just another guy now, and she has lost a friend - hence the hot and cold

thank you everyone

The staring makes me think she maybe attracted to you but hasn’t come to terms with her feelings yet. What’s your sign?

Posted by CreativeCap

The staring makes me think she maybe attracted to you but hasn’t come to terms with her feelings yet. What’s your sign?

Maybe, but regardless the here and now says it could be anything. Leo rising, cancer sun, pisces moon.

Posted by Phantum

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Posted by besarlalluvia

It's a bit annoying to realise a good male friend doesn't see you as a friend. You're seeing it as a compliment on your behalf, but she can't be herself around you now. You don't seem to understand how that is? You are just another guy now, and she has lost a friend - hence the hot and cold

What’s she staring for then?

She sounds like a Virgo. I’d still forget about her and minimise contact but you do you.

Trying to read him and his intentions. Trying to process whether he can really just be friends.

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Weird thing is, the more this drags on the more I think I cant be friends.

Posted by Phantum

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by Phantum

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Posted by besarlalluvia

It's a bit annoying to realise a good male friend doesn't see you as a friend. You're seeing it as a compliment on your behalf, but she can't be herself around you now. You don't seem to understand how that is? You are just another guy now, and she has lost a friend - hence the hot and cold

What’s she staring for then?

She sounds like a Virgo. I’d still forget about her and minimise contact but you do you.

Trying to read him and his intentions. Trying to process whether he can really just be friends.

Weird thing is, the more this drags on the more I think I cant be friends.

It does seem to be taking an unreasonable amount of time for her to act normal. How close you were before this happened? Is it a friendship worth saving?

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I'm cancerian I try to keep all my friends. I think it is worth saving, we were an exceptional team when we work together, but I doubt the closeness of the friendship and the genuineness at this point. My limited experience with caps tells me to let them come to you though, so it works out either way.

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by CreativeCap

The staring makes me think she maybe attracted to you but hasn’t come to terms with her feelings yet. What’s your sign?

Maybe, but regardless the here and now says it could be anything. Leo rising, cancer sun, pisces moon.

click to expand

Its difficult to gauge a caps feelings especially in a professional setting. I think your intuition is right to let her come to you. She knows how you feel/ felt so the appropriate action is to let her make the next move. in the meantime I would explore my other options.

Thank you everyone.

Boy can't you just go to work to focus on, idk, work? Leave all that alone and be grateful you still have a job that hasn't paused cos of the virus. Doing too much.

To end this story, I have decided to not only give up trying to save the friendship but to shut the door permanently by ensuring we'll not be physically near each other nor be able to physically see each other anymore. Our future assignments will in no way allow us to cross paths.

To give an update, Cap gal came back, all friendly and stuff, even tried to volunteer to be on some work projects i'm on, not sure how i feel about this.

Posted by hippiecrite

We don’t like to shit where we eat. Either she does have some feelings for you, but she doesn’t wanna explore them because you work together or what everyone else said. I know my weird version of being me has definitely reeled in some unwanted advances and trying to be “normal” after that is anything but.

cheeky! hi 😄

Posted by rabidtalker

To give an update, Cap gal came back, all friendly and stuff, even tried to volunteer to be on some work projects i'm on, not sure how i feel about this.

keep it cool and cordial, you'll see her intentions soon enough.