Are you secretive (Page 2)

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

I value my privacy.

But what if your privacy is needed in order to understand you?

My actions will help you understand me.

I'll readily tell you what I do and don't like, my hobbies, my goals, what motivates me.

I don't need to lay out my secrets or my life story for you to know what kind of person I am.

But... sometimes...you may have to...no? Your actions without words can only describe something changed you. However, without knowledge of what, it's like where's the context of this change?

I understand your thought process, but for the most part I don't believe it's necessary.

The only positive aspect that comes with unveiling your secrets is the vulnerability that you're displaying to the other person. That's part of what builds intimacy.

But at the same time, in doing so, you're giving that person the power to hit you where it hurts.

I don't believe that it's essential to unveil your secrets as long as you're an open book in every other aspect.

I might graze over certain experiences in my life if I'm close to someone, but I don't feel it necessary to go into great depth.

Okay I'm going to level with you there. Depth isn't always needed. I agree.

If somebody hits you where it hurts after you've been vulnerable to them about whatever, that's not someone you wanna call friend or lover. Not saying you don't understand that, but it's just fucked up and I had to denounce it.

Right, but I don't even give people the opportunity.

Not randoms of course, but just someone you deem special to you. In my experience it builds your vulnerability defense. Makes you a stronger person.

I don't entirely trust anyone. No matter how long I've known them or how much time I've spent with them.

People are flawed and they can change like the wind.

True. So you don't actually get extremely close to anyone, except yourself? Do you think that plays out in your relationships? Or am I taking what you said too seriously?

I do get very close with people. I know basically everything about my closest friends.

They understand me and they don't feel threatened by my need for privacy because they understand that it's just the way I am.

They also know that I'm not the kind of person to turn on a friend should the friendship end for whatever reasons.

If they told me anything in confidence during the friendship it's always going to be safe with me.

Hmmph, I'm similar.

However, I've come to realize that keeping a secret for someone close could sometimes harm/kill another physically and mentally. I struggle with those. I don't tell out of respect, but I want to and someone else would probably condemn me if they found out I didn't. I hate situations like that. Makes me judge people close to me in a negative view.

The secrets I'm speaking about aren't menacing towards others.

Just embarrassing, shameful, or something that deeply affected them.

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Oh, my bad 😅 Guess that's just me then 🤷🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

Posted by Still_FISK

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by Still_FISK

I will say this as my one and only contribution since threads like these turn into either a shit show or a circle jerk.

The more you try to force, the more pushback you will get. Whether you like it or not, or accept it or don't, certain types of intimacy will be on our pace and on our terms.

Funny you say that because it's never the other way around...is it?

You mean letting the other person set the pace?

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Correct. It is either your terms or the highway, no?

Posted by Still_FISK

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by Still_FISK

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by Still_FISK

I will say this as my one and only contribution since threads like these turn into either a shit show or a circle jerk.

The more you try to force, the more pushback you will get. Whether you like it or not, or accept it or don't, certain types of intimacy will be on our pace and on our terms.

Funny you say that because it's never the other way around...is it?

You mean letting the other person set the pace?

Correct. It is either your terms or the highway, no?

Not necessarily. I find myself a lot more nsync with earth moons, they tend to take a more easy going pace, and I can go with that.

I have my way of gauging if it's just infatuation or a sincere connection.

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Can you now 🤔

So, do you consider sex to be the main focus of being close to someone? I know it's important, but does it create instant instability in the new relationship if it isn't at your standards or is it also something that can have a jointed pace? Basing it off a sincere connection.

Posted by MothToFlame

It’s not so much about being “secretive” as it is just being private. I don’t tell a lot of people things that I’m going through or feelings that I’m having, and it’s not in the pursuit of maintaining some sort of secret identity. I prefer to analyze and work through things on my own, I don’t need to tell people every thought I’m having or every small thing I’m going through. I will tell you if I feel it’s important to our situation, or important that you know in general. If someone wants to know anything about me, they just need to ask and I’m an open book, because like I said it’s not about trying to be secretive, it’s just about being selective in what I choose to share.

How do you feel about receiving help when going through said problems in life?

Posted by Still_FISK

Posted by Anomalous

Can you now 🤔

So, do you consider sex to be the main focus of being close to someone? I know it's important, but does it create instant instability in the new relationship or is it also something that can have a jointed pace? Basing it off a sincere connection.

lol. Interesting that sex is the first thing you go to. No. And I don't think I understand you question correctly...

If the sex is there, great. I base it on friendship (the ease of communication and being around each other) and a common shared goal.

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Whether you understood it or not, that was the answer I was hoping for 😉😘

I'm actually the same way, but I have a feeling you do not think so 😂🤦🏾‍♂️

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

Posted by Anomalous

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

I value my privacy.

But what if your privacy is needed in order to understand you?

My actions will help you understand me.

I'll readily tell you what I do and don't like, my hobbies, my goals, what motivates me.

I don't need to lay out my secrets or my life story for you to know what kind of person I am.

But... sometimes...you may have to...no? Your actions without words can only describe something changed you. However, without knowledge of what, it's like where's the context of this change?

I understand your thought process, but for the most part I don't believe it's necessary.

The only positive aspect that comes with unveiling your secrets is the vulnerability that you're displaying to the other person. That's part of what builds intimacy.

But at the same time, in doing so, you're giving that person the power to hit you where it hurts.

I don't believe that it's essential to unveil your secrets as long as you're an open book in every other aspect.

I might graze over certain experiences in my life if I'm close to someone, but I don't feel it necessary to go into great depth.

Okay I'm going to level with you there. Depth isn't always needed. I agree.

If somebody hits you where it hurts after you've been vulnerable to them about whatever, that's not someone you wanna call friend or lover. Not saying you don't understand that, but it's just fucked up and I had to denounce it.

Right, but I don't even give people the opportunity.

Not randoms of course, but just someone you deem special to you. In my experience it builds your vulnerability defense. Makes you a stronger person.

I don't entirely trust anyone. No matter how long I've known them or how much time I've spent with them.

People are flawed and they can change like the wind.

click to expand

☝️ this