Am I wasting my time?

Ok so first post here I just need a heads up on what's going on with aquarius guy.

Dated years ago when young, it was a whirlwind. So intense and unforgettable. Told me he loved me then disappeared two days later for years. Hooked up a few years ago then again he did a runner. He's the love of my life, I've never been able to get over him.

Now to today. I sought him out and made a play, asked to reconnect. He responded and we have been talking on and off for months. He is hot and cold all the time. One day saying he doesn't want anything and tells me to delete his number. A day later he will text me himself asking to meet.

We met last week, he invited me to his house. We talked about all sorts then he came and kissed me out of the blue. Things got heated then he backed off and said he can't. The next day he sends me a text saying " it was so great to see you, it's weird but everytime I see you, the feelings gush to the surface and I want to see you more, I wanted you so bad but I think too much of you for a one night stand"

I responded telling him I'm happy with friends, I just want to be part of each others lives. I gave him space and didn't reach out for five days. I then text him asking if he wanted to meet, he said he was busy but next week.

He doesn't reach out to me very often and seems stand offish but always polite. I don't know if I'm wasting my time or bugging him and should let go or if he does feel something. I can't tell if what he's telling me is true because his actions don't follow suit.

Please help cancer girl.

Posted by Cancermoon87
Ok so first post here I just need a heads up on what's going on with aquarius guy.

Dated years ago when young, it was a whirlwind. So intense and unforgettable. Told me he loved me then disappeared two days later for years. Hooked up a few years ago then again he did a runner. He's the love of my life, I've never been able to get over him.

Now to today. I sought him out and made a play, asked to reconnect. He responded and we have been talking on and off for months. He is hot and cold all the time. One day saying he doesn't want anything and tells me to delete his number. A day later he will text me himself asking to meet.

We met last week, he invited me to his house. We talked about all sorts then he came and kissed me out of the blue. Things got heated then he backed off and said he can't. The next day he sends me a text saying " it was so great to see you, it's weird but everytime I see you, the feelings gush to the surface and I want to see you more, I wanted you so bad but I think too much of you for a one night stand"

I responded telling him I'm happy with friends, I just want to be part of each others lives. I gave him space and didn't reach out for five days. I then text him asking if he wanted to meet, he said he was busy but next week.

He doesn't reach out to me very often and seems stand offish but always polite. I don't know if I'm wasting my time or bugging him and should let go or if he does feel something. I can't tell if what he's telling me is true because his actions don't follow suit.

Please help cancer girl.

If you believe in dating one person at a time, I would say yes.

If you looking for this guy to marry you, I would say yes.

If you were being honest when you said, "I'm happy with friends" then, I say no, you're not wasting your time.

You determine what your time is worth.

I’d like to know from Cancer women what is likeable about indecisive men who are either ambivalent oremotionally unavailable?

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by aquarius09
I’d like to know from Cancer women what is likeable about indecisive men who are either ambivalent oremotionally unavailable?

I have a cancer moon myself and was attracted to this type for a long time. I’m just now recently starting to no longer find that attractive at the ripe age of 40+ 🥴🤣🤣

It’s actually kind of sad. I can’t speak for other women but I know my dad was unavailable a lot because of work, he was married to my mom but only saw him at night, and then they divorced when I was 16 so then I only saw him on weekends.

Aside from astrology I’ve also read about attachment types and why the codependent type (which a lot of cancer sun/cancer moon women are naturally codependent) are attracted to avoidant/ambivalent men. And sometimes it goes back to childhood.. Having that type of inconsistent male figure kinda sets the tone for what a woman grows up believing love looks like.

click to expand

Right on! I have seen this behaviour time and time again with Cancer and Pisces women, and as much as I want to pin this on codependency or daddy issues, it can’t merely be that. I think this sign suffers from low self-esteem and innately suffer from wanting to be a nurse to some dithering loser who they see as “in need of help.” This would explain Cancers attraction to another sign that has self esteem issues like Virgo.

Yeah. You're wasting your time (in my opinion). You both want different things; varying approaches maybe? Just seems like you both have your own perceptions on what you think would be right/wrong in the progression part of a relationship based on what you explained. However, don't let my opinion deter you from doing what you desire. Ultimately, your destiny is in your hands. Follow your gut, and never second guess it. If you feel like it is worth pursuing, perhaps there is a communication barrier that you need to overcome. If you are getting the feeling that this is not worth your time from the beginning, don't over think it and move on.

Yes you're wasting your time because you don't actually just want to be friends or FWB. You want more than he can give you.

The comment he made I would assume he was horny but backed off because he probably knew you wanted more than he could give and didn't want you to feel like a one night stand. Whatever it is he doesn't want more and you don't really want to be just friends if you're being honest. Would you be fine if he dated other girls?

Posted by Timone
Yes you're wasting your time because you don't actually just want to be friends or FWB. You want more than he can give you.

The comment he made I would assume he was horny but backed off because he probably knew you wanted more than he could give and didn't want you to feel like a one night stand. Whatever it is he doesn't want more and you don't really want to be just friends if you're being honest. Would you be fine if he dated other girls?

@cancermoon87

This crossed my mind too.

It's a mistake to not be honest with yourself.

Closed mouth doesn't get fed.

If you really want to explore a relationship with him then suggest wanting to get to know him better.

You really got to ask yourself these questions.

1.What do you feel for him AND WHY?

Question your answers.

2.. What do you want at this time and what does he want?

Question him.

Communication, respect, and "conflict resolution" is the hallmark of successful relationships. Whatever kind of relationship it maybe.

That can take effort on both ends.

Thanks for responses guys. I'll just reply to all here in one.

I have thought long and hard about what I want over the last few years. My last relationship was abusive so that has a lot to do with how I view relationships now. When I first met aquarius guy I was young and wanted the whole shebang, marriage kids etc but no I'm approaching 40 and I've been there done that, I actually just want a companion, Fwb type situation. He's told me he won't commit and he thinks I want more based on what I wanted years ago but I can't get through that what I want has changed.

I've never thought about him being with other women so I suppose I'll have to chuck that in the mix.

@aquarious09 spot on with why I Alway gravitate to avoident types. I'm infp-t, I like to save people 🙈

You’ll never know what’s going on with an Aqua man. I’d relationships with two

Their ruling planet Uranus is unpredictable and erratic 🥴⚡️

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by aquarius09
I’d like to know from Cancer women what is likeable about indecisive men who are either ambivalent oremotionally unavailable?

I have a cancer moon myself and was attracted to this type for a long time. I’m just now recently starting to no longer find that attractive at the ripe age of 40+ 🥴🤣🤣

It’s actually kind of sad. I can’t speak for other women but I know my dad was unavailable a lot because of work, he was married to my mom but only saw him at night, and then they divorced when I was 16 so then I only saw him on weekends.

Aside from astrology I’ve also read about attachment types and why the codependent type (which a lot of cancer sun/cancer moon women are naturally codependent) are attracted to avoidant/ambivalent men. And sometimes it goes back to childhood.. Having that type of inconsistent male figure kinda sets the tone for what a woman grows up believing love looks like.
click to expand

Right on! I have seen this behaviour time and time again with Cancer and Pisces women, and as much as I want to pin this on codependency or daddy issues, it can’t merely be that. I think this sign suffers from low self-esteem and innately suffer from wanting to be a nurse to some dithering loser who they see as “in need of help.” This would explain Cancers attraction to another sign that has self esteem issues like Virgo.

It’s all on a subconscious level, from the outside looking in i agree that it’s very frustrating to witness. My sister is a cancer sun/Taurus moon and she does have that tendency to want to save or help men who had a rough past. It’s a natural need for cancer placements to want to have something or someone to nurture. The lesson for these types of women is to turn that nurturing in toward themselves (if they don’t have kids to nurture) because yes, it absolutely is an issue of self worth/self esteem. I have cancer moon AND Virgo Venus, so both are self sacrificing in ways and it took me a while to figure it out. but I think subconsciously for a long time, I had it programmed in my mind that I had to “earn” someone’s love by proving my loyalty or by proving how good of a woman I could be to them. Instead of knowing that someone could love me just for who I am, I always felt like I had to prove it. And again, we can agree to disagree but I think that early childhood programming has everything to do with how we show up in relationships.

click to expand

I would never think to discount formative childhood years. A person is 50% nature (determined by astrology) and the other 50% is nurture. Of course daddy’s presence and behaviour l in childhood is huge for a child of both genders. For example, I totally think there’s a connection between men who cheat with how their father’s were with their mother etc. My Virgo sun with Libra moon sis has severe daddy issues and always picks men who need help. In her case that is so, but I have Virgo friends who have present fathers and even mothers and they still go for train wrecks because they need their project to distract themselves from their overthinking and neuroticism.

Posted by Cancermoon87
Thanks for responses guys. I'll just reply to all here in one.

I have thought long and hard about what I want over the last few years. My last relationship was abusive so that has a lot to do with how I view relationships now. When I first met aquarius guy I was young and wanted the whole shebang, marriage kids etc but no I'm approaching 40 and I've been there done that, I actually just want a companion, Fwb type situation. He's told me he won't commit and he thinks I want more based on what I wanted years ago but I can't get through that what I want has changed.

I've never thought about him being with other women so I suppose I'll have to chuck that in the mix.

@aquarious09 spot on with why I Alway gravitate to avoident types. I'm infp-t, I like to save people 🙈

Do you want me his man to be accountable for your emotions?

Imo, FWB cannot be held accountable for much of anything. It’s an in/out kind of arrangement where even your orgasm is your responsibility. Here today, gone tomorrow.

If you want someone to be cognizant of your feelings, then you indeed want something deeper than a FWB.

You said he is the Love of your life but you’d be okay with the love of your life only being a fwb? Sleeping with other women?

Also, when you first started seeing each other, were you in a relationship?

I ask because Aquarius are into taboo relationships. Out of the norm. Provocative. Risky

Did something about your life change and become more normal?

Posted by DMV
You said he is the Love of your life but you’d be okay with the love of your life only being a fwb? Sleeping with other women?

Also, when you first started seeing each other, were you in a relationship?

I ask because Aquarius are into taboo relationships. Out of the norm. Provocative. Risky

Did something about your life change and become more normal?

Taboo ~Yes they are ! 🙃⚡️

Been there

Done that

Got the T-Shirt

With two Aqua suns

One aqua moon

Three’s a charm (I’d a baby with the aqua moon)

Lol 🥴

Posted by Cancermoon87
I actually just want a companion, Fwb type situation. He's told me he won't commit and he thinks I want more based on what I wanted years ago but I can't get through that what I want has changed.

I don't think his actions don't follow suit like you said. It's like I said from the beginning he thinks you want more and that's why he's pulling away because he can't give you more.

On the contrary I think it's your actions that don't match what you say and he can feel that. Even I can feel it as an outsider from what you've written. You say you want a FWB but you don't act like that. If you have feelings for him and want more from him having a FWB and hoping for more is just going to hurt you.

I dated an aqua rising who was like this. We were doing great then suddenly one day he just broke it off and turned cold, saying he can't but wouldn't specify or talk much. Disappeared for awhile, then came back only when he saw on my social media I was out on trips with friends or meeting other people. We would sleep together then while still in bed I would ask, Do you love me? And he'd straight say to my face No. lol. Then I'd say Why did you come back then? He didn't know. At the time I convinced myself it was bc he did love me, just didn't want to admit it. So I just had to keep playing this game to "get him to finally come around." Looking back, he didn't, he just wanted to keep me as if i were a possession. He was just mad that I was going off doing things without him. He had selfish motives and I'd let him come back any time he wanted because I was a doormat. The hot/cold on/off was just a "loophole" for him to still keep me but also fuck around with other women without technically cheating. Waiting for this type of person to suddenly become different from how they've realized they can get away with treating you is a huge waste of time, they will not change. As other people have been saying, it's kinda up to you what you want to do. But after awhile the heartache and longing and uncertainty does get tiring and it's better to choose yourself.

Aqua men ~ push pull

Posted by pouch42
I dated an aqua rising who was like this. We were doing great then suddenly one day he just broke it off and turned cold, saying he can't but wouldn't specify or talk much. Disappeared for awhile, then came back only when he saw on my social media I was out on trips with friends or meeting other people. We would sleep together then while still in bed I would ask, Do you love me? And he'd straight say to my face No. lol. Then I'd say Why did you come back then? He didn't know. At the time I convinced myself it was bc he did love me, just didn't want to admit it. So I just had to keep playing this game to "get him to finally come around." Looking back, he didn't, he just wanted to keep me as if i were a possession. He was just mad that I was going off doing things without him. He had selfish motives and I'd let him come back any time he wanted because I was a doormat. The hot/cold on/off was just a "loophole" for him to still keep me but also fuck around with other women without technically cheating. Waiting for this type of person to suddenly become different from how they've realized they can get away with treating you is a huge waste of time, they will not change. As other people have been saying, it's kinda up to you what you want to do. But after awhile the heartache and longing and uncertainty does get tiring and it's better to choose yourself.

Two words

Head Fuck

There’s a man in our village who told me when he was in Uni he called his thesis Head Fuck.

He’s an Aqua sun ….

Update...

Had a frank talk with him yesterday. Told him how I'm feeling. He said he loves me but he doesn't trust me so all we can be is good friends. I agreed.

He's a gifted artist, this morning I went o pick up my jacket that I'd left at his and he'd put one of his sketches in the pocket for me. I reached out to say thanks and silence again.

I guess for now I should take him at his word. Friends it is. Thanks for all the advice.

From someone who's been in a relation with an aquarius man for a year or so all I can say is...if he's like this I don't think he likes you? I'm not trying to sound mean but my boyfriend is so incredibly needy, he was the first one to say we're a couple, the first to say "I love you". The first for everything tbh... there was nothing I did either that's different from you, I was attached first, I'm incredibly blunt and honest. I didn't okay any games and he just fell with me.

What your aqua does sound like and what you sound like in my opinion is a situationship I had with a Scorpio male- also known as the F boy. I met a guy who I knew subconsciously wasn't a good man, so to stop myself from being hurt I said "let's be fwb", he agreed after doing the whole "I really like you, I get jealous when you talk to others but I'm not ready for a relationship etc etc". It's not like he wasn't ready, he just didn't want to with me. He wanted to eat his cake that he didn't really like until a better one was presented. Now was I hurt by this? I wasn't because I really did know what sort of man he was, but I'd never met him prior and fallen in love with him. Fast forward and this guy had slept with one of my friends and gotten into a relationship with another lol.

Please ...know your worth. If he's saying he isn't ready he really isn't...With you. He'd probs drop you the minute miss right appears for him, and he'd leave guilt free because "it was all your idea....he'd told you honestly...she's crazy".