Aqua man+Aqua woman problems(long)

Ok, I am about to put all of my business out there so be gentle, please. As some of you may remember, I have these ongoing issues with my ex. We dated for 2 years in an uncommitted relationship, he is an Aqua too. Well he was cheated on twice by two different girls, I think he might have asked one of them to marry him at one time. He lacks emotion and has issues with rejection. I think a lot of it stems from childhood, his father remaried after a divorce and his mother sent him to be raised by her father while she started another family.
I have always been told that the relationship was probably about sex if he wouldnt commit, so I would second guess everything. I also have issues with trust because both my father and brother-in-law cheated on their wives and had children outside of marriage.

Early December I sent him a letter saying that I didnt want to be with him. Before you all read the e-card, you should know that I think that premarital sex is ok for ME as long as we plan on being together for the long haul, but I cant see myself with someone who is JUST in it for sex..... for me it would be immoral. Anyway after a bad argument and then not talking to him for the next month, he out of the blue decides that he wants to commit. He does stuff suspiciously. He'll block his number. He told me that he was getting a new phone number and I couldnt have it unless I came to see him. He gets so uncomfortable talking on the phone and he always resorts to sex conversation, THE SAME CONVERSATION(dont get me wrong he has intellect and we have good conversations). I figure its because he is uncomfortable and doesnt know how to express his feeling(he is no smooth talker, we didnt engage in sex until 5 months after we met..my choice). We havent been active for about 8 months so maybe this is the problem. In the end I thought he was commiting for the sex. 😢 So I sent him this e-card.

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=385153339&m=2329&source=msne999<BR>
Aww man! Why did I do that. He calls and tells me that that wasnt the reason he made the discision, he was rethinking his life(26 years old and 1 kid) and its time for him to start getting serious but whatever its over now. I fell like such an idiot. I have been in so much pain over the last 2 months worrying if it will heal itself. I can live without him but I dont want to he is a part of me. I really messed it up this time.

Awww. I dont know where to dig to. I need a manual. When I called back to talk to him he tells me that he's gonna talk to another girl(just to make me jealous). Im was gonna send him a card for his b-day(the 16th) and another for Valentine's Day, but I feel like it will look bad. I was even thinking about inviting to a romantic night and a stay at a bed and breakfast so I could apologize. I know the letter is kinda personal but I was wanting some feed back if it was so harsh that he wouldnt deny me the chance to apologize. I didnt think anybody here would care,sorry Primegen and anyone else I make uncomfortable.

i once had a brief involvement with a young aquarian guy who was divorced..his wife (they got married at 19) was cheating on him with one of his friends while he was away (he was in the military) needless to say, he was pretty messed up over that, understandably..he definitly did not trust women and it was hard to get a relationship going with him...we talked on the phone and texted a lot...he was very clear that he just wanted a "bed buddy" we never got intimate, just talked on the phone a lot. we stopped talking about six months ago, but i still wonder how he is. I think he used sex as a way to feel better about himself, but he never took any farther than that. THe thing that surprised me was that he told me he would have forgiven her, but she is the one that wanted out of the marriage.. After all that, i couldnt believe it.

Yeah, he was in Kuwait when the fiance cheated on him. She was sending him pictures saying she missed him with a ring on her finger, but when he got back he found out that she was sleeping around and no one knew they were even engaged.

i was in the navy when i was in my early twenties. YOu would be surprised at the amount of cheating that goes on. It's pretty sad that people cant commit to the person they supposedly "love"

You mean by the soilders or the people they have at home?

Both! I saw a lot of it going on, esp with people on ships...

Yeah I was in the Army for 2 and it was so aparent that marriage and relationships were nothing to those people. So many people didnt even care, it was so ridiculous.

A lot of times, people in the services just move in together and get married because it increases their pay.

I meant, that they get extra money for that...

Especially if you are sent to different duty stations or the one who is in the military goes overseas. Thoses guys/gals rack up.

That's a good reason to marry someone who's trained to shoot an automatic weapon.

Yes Aquaaqi, it is a long distance relationship.

"What would he do if you spilled you guts and told him that? told him you learned from it and asked him to forgive you? "

I did, a week after I sent the letter. He told me that he had heard it all before from his ex(but I never cheated, just was scared). He told me that if we were to be together I would have to prove that I was gonna always be there no matter what. My pride grabed a hold of me and I told him that im not proving anything to him bc I had proven to be a good partner in the past TWO YEAR and that I was just confused! I couldnt believe he change so much after 6 days. I know, I should have agreed to it but i've been working my butt off to please him. Comforting and reassurance is definitely needed on both sides, like you said.

Do you think resentment from his has in fact started. I wonder what it would take for him to understand that I want no one else and he is all I need. Weighing your experiences with male Aquas or just men in general, do you think resentment would be too hard to reverse? What would reassure him that I loved him more than anything in the world? I know a card for birthday and valentines day is a start but I want him to REALLY know and have no doubt.

I think the letter really hurt his feelings. 😢 I want my bestfriend back.

Im a real big cudddler. I use to make my ex squeeze me real hard and say "cuddle cuddle cuddle." LOL

"Remember back... When you did give him sex, did he love you? Did he show it?"

Absolutely! It use to be great. He would be all excited like he had won something. We were both much happier back then. He would kiss me in my sleep and hug me. I think he thinks sex is love or something and after, it was like he had just expressed something to me. I never got the message.

Things started to happen and my trust in him started getting leery. Things he was doing just werent adding up, so I just started protecting my heart. I started telling him I didnt want to be intimate unless he was sure he wanted to be with me. I stopped seeing him as much. He thinks I started seeing someone else. I was really in love, EVERYTIME I saw him I would come running and jump on him and kiss him all over his face. He loved it because he knew I was CRAZY about him....but this started to go away. I started pressuring him to express himself more. Unlike what I would've expect him to do being an Aqua man, he didnt dissapper he just gave me space and would try to spend time with me again in a couple of weeks. I think he loved me.

"Wait, isn't it a long distance relationship?"

Its about 5 1/2 miles but I had to go there once a month anyways because my reserve unit was there, sometimes I would go twice a month.


"Is he usually passive agressive and manipulative?"

He is usually very passive(not agressive) until he gets suspicious or insecure then he gets manipulative. Its not just about the sex eventhough that is the easy explaination. There is much more. I know he cares very much for me, but not really being able to tell me after so long really bothers me. Yeah he could get sex from anywhere but he says sex is nothing to him and he doesnt have a problem not having sex. I dont know. Blocking his number when he calls and acting like his number changed IS to manipulative me to come because it really didnt change LOL.


"Do you want someone who is at that level, or someone more on your level? If it's okay with you to do all the work? Then do it. If not..."

He's perfect. I actually enjoy catering to him, I just need reassurance in knowing that its not in vain.


This is starting to make me think. 🙂 I was shutting down on him even earlier than I thought. He has taken it for a long time. Hmmm....