truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Aquas - gotta question for ya
Glad to hear you are making plans like this !
Can't help you with this as i am a cancer ...
But as a cancer? Yes i would feel a bit pressured if someone is TOO enthousiastic about something like this.
Can't help you with this as i am a cancer ...
But as a cancer? Yes i would feel a bit pressured if someone is TOO enthousiastic about something like this.
Stop worrying about little things. He's scared to be getting that serious with you. But he's ready to do it yet he's scared.
Well in all honesty my head lives in the fututre hearing that puts limitations and pressure on me not to mention pressure i put on myself
Posted by truecapI think he knows that you two need to make "this plan official". He was probably thinking what he has to do next. Buy a ring and propose...Hire a wedding planner....Set a date... he probably got lost in his thoughts! I'm Aqua Mercury and it happens to me too when I'm excited about something. Suddenly, a whole movie is running through my head, images, action, anticipation, excitement.... I'm so absorbed into the moment that I omit to invite others to join in.
Hey aquas and those in serious long term relationships with an aqua. I gotta question.
I know I should know the answer to this, but I'd like some insight.
I laugh too and tell him I can't wait until we start our life together that I'm excited to think about it. That we need to make this plan official sooner than later. He doesn't say anything so I kiss him and tell him to be safe going home. He tells me he loves me and will see me tomorrow. .
Congratulation for reaching this milestone, though! My Aqua is potentially moving with me this summer as well. We haven't talked about marriage yet.
I'll let mine know that I have a 'pick up your socks and do your own laundry' policy, as a way to preserve his 'independence'.
Posted by truecapHe's thinking, let me move in first lol. Not in a bad way, your Aqua has a decision tree all mapped out that is mutable depending on how the move in works, so he doesn't want to over promise. We're big picture thinkers.
Hey aquas and those in serious long term relationships with an aqua. I gotta question.
I know I should know the answer to this, but I'd like some insight.
When your partner makes a statement about something they would like to happen, and you don't respond to that statement, why are you choosing not to aknowledge? Like we know you're pretending not to hear - we see right through it.
Background- we are talking about getting married after his son graduates high school this spring. He is openly mentioning to friends and family that he is going to be moving into my house. More so recently. Tonight he states to me that I'm going to enjoy picking up another pair of socks around the house and laughs. All is good. I laugh too and tell him I can't wait until we start our life together that I'm excited to think about it. That we need to make this plan official sooner than later. He doesn't say anything so I kiss him and tell him to be safe going home. He tells me he loves me and will see me tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm too old to be asking this question. Lol
Bold has always worked out for me, so I don't regret saying what I said. Hindsight, though, and natural cap doubts about being vulnerable are making me wonder if I made him feel pressured.
I think him talking about moving in with me to other people is helping him prepare and adjust to the change.
So, my question is why wouldn't he comment to me saying anything about starting our life together or about wanting to make it official. I don't think he's uncomfortable with the idea.
I wouldn't think anything of it, myself. We both do that "silent" response thing to each other. He might have had an instinctive "oh noes" thought (loss of independence) or he may have been agreeing with you silently and didn't feel the need to respond.
Posted by GennieNo moving in with me unless there's a formal engagement first and a wedding date set. That's how I rollPosted by truecapHe's thinking, let me move in first lol. Not in a bad way, your Aqua has a decision tree all mapped out that is mutable depending on how the move in works, so he doesn't want to over promise. We're big picture thinkers.
Hey aquas and those in serious long term relationships with an aqua. I gotta question.
I know I should know the answer to this, but I'd like some insight.
When your partner makes a statement about something they would like to happen, and you don't respond to that statement, why are you choosing not to aknowledge? Like we know you're pretending not to hear - we see right through it.
Background- we are talking about getting married after his son graduates high school this spring. He is openly mentioning to friends and family that he is going to be moving into my house. More so recently. Tonight he states to me that I'm going to enjoy picking up another pair of socks around the house and laughs. All is good. I laugh too and tell him I can't wait until we start our life together that I'm excited to think about it. That we need to make this plan official sooner than later. He doesn't say anything so I kiss him and tell him to be safe going home. He tells me he loves me and will see me tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm too old to be asking this question. Lol
Bold has always worked out for me, so I don't regret saying what I said. Hindsight, though, and natural cap doubts about being vulnerable are making me wonder if I made him feel pressured.
I think him talking about moving in with me to other people is helping him prepare and adjust to the change.
So, my question is why wouldn't he comment to me saying anything about starting our life together or about wanting to make it official. I don't think he's uncomfortable with the idea.click to expand
this reminds me of my mother in law's colleague....
she told me that her colleague (around their late 60s-70s) have started going with this old guy (around the same ages of course)
and her colleague owns her own place, and the other guy too.
well, they go over to eachother's homes and when they get tired of eachother they leave. lol!!!
and i asked, why dont they get married or live together for the expenses— it's less the cost too.
mother in law told me that her colleague LOVES this type of arrangement because her children are all grown and her grandchildren she sees on some weekends to watch and spend time.
she doesn't want to have to pick up the man's socks and underwear and baby him!! She said she did that when she was with her ex husband long ago.
She loves the liberating FREEDOM of not having to DEAL with a man's own mess. lmao!!!
so she doesn't pick up his socks or do anything, just go over there for companionship.
EDIT -- to me, its funny because i see this old couple, and they are acting like a couple of young' uns. lmao
but i see her point, in that she's TIRED and she loves her freedom.
i guess thats how it is with some women.
while other women get old and still able to get up and pick up socks despite aching bones and arthritis.
she told me that her colleague (around their late 60s-70s) have started going with this old guy (around the same ages of course)
and her colleague owns her own place, and the other guy too.
well, they go over to eachother's homes and when they get tired of eachother they leave. lol!!!
and i asked, why dont they get married or live together for the expenses— it's less the cost too.
mother in law told me that her colleague LOVES this type of arrangement because her children are all grown and her grandchildren she sees on some weekends to watch and spend time.
she doesn't want to have to pick up the man's socks and underwear and baby him!! She said she did that when she was with her ex husband long ago.
She loves the liberating FREEDOM of not having to DEAL with a man's own mess. lmao!!!
so she doesn't pick up his socks or do anything, just go over there for companionship.
EDIT -- to me, its funny because i see this old couple, and they are acting like a couple of young' uns. lmao
but i see her point, in that she's TIRED and she loves her freedom.
i guess thats how it is with some women.
while other women get old and still able to get up and pick up socks despite aching bones and arthritis.
oh basicaly for you as an EARTHY sign, especially double earth ...
you need to find out the BENEFITS of living together, financially as well. And cost-effective.
of course the fact that you get along like easy peasy and harmoniously. and respect eachother....
i mean, you have to see what you want in the long run...
ive seen lots of couples move in together and one of them sells their home.
My virgo brother in law had a home he bought in his twenties, but when he met my sis, he sold it so he and her could buy the house together.
Cost-efficent as well.
EDIT i just realized me and my husband are the same way. I moved far to be with him, so i had to quit my job, and marry him and start a family because he made alot more money and we planned it this way. We already PLANNED what we are gonna do in the future, and present, ect. and it's lovely.
everything counted on COST-EFFICIENCY ...and smarts ...and of course, love. that's just the cherry on the big ole' PIE.
you need to find out the BENEFITS of living together, financially as well. And cost-effective.
of course the fact that you get along like easy peasy and harmoniously. and respect eachother....
i mean, you have to see what you want in the long run...
ive seen lots of couples move in together and one of them sells their home.
My virgo brother in law had a home he bought in his twenties, but when he met my sis, he sold it so he and her could buy the house together.
Cost-efficent as well.
EDIT i just realized me and my husband are the same way. I moved far to be with him, so i had to quit my job, and marry him and start a family because he made alot more money and we planned it this way. We already PLANNED what we are gonna do in the future, and present, ect. and it's lovely.
everything counted on COST-EFFICIENCY ...and smarts ...and of course, love. that's just the cherry on the big ole' PIE.
oh have a piece of some pie. 😄 😄
whatever you do, truecap, you are too smart ...... you know what you will do.
Posted by Lifepath8PiscesPosted by truecapWhy not get married first and then he moves in. That is how every woman should roll.Posted by GennieNo moving in with me unless there's a formal engagement first and a wedding date set. That's how I rollPosted by truecapHe's thinking, let me move in first lol. Not in a bad way, your Aqua has a decision tree all mapped out that is mutable depending on how the move in works, so he doesn't want to over promise. We're big picture thinkers.
Hey aquas and those in serious long term relationships with an aqua. I gotta question.
I know I should know the answer to this, but I'd like some insight.
When your partner makes a statement about something they would like to happen, and you don't respond to that statement, why are you choosing not to aknowledge? Like we know you're pretending not to hear - we see right through it.
Background- we are talking about getting married after his son graduates high school this spring. He is openly mentioning to friends and family that he is going to be moving into my house. More so recently. Tonight he states to me that I'm going to enjoy picking up another pair of socks around the house and laughs. All is good. I laugh too and tell him I can't wait until we start our life together that I'm excited to think about it. That we need to make this plan official sooner than later. He doesn't say anything so I kiss him and tell him to be safe going home. He tells me he loves me and will see me tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm too old to be asking this question. Lol
Bold has always worked out for me, so I don't regret saying what I said. Hindsight, though, and natural cap doubts about being vulnerable are making me wonder if I made him feel pressured.
I think him talking about moving in with me to other people is helping him prepare and adjust to the change.
So, my question is why wouldn't he comment to me saying anything about starting our life together or about wanting to make it official. I don't think he's uncomfortable with the idea.
Your gut is telling you that he is still not on the same page as you, he does not want to get married. Maybe till he moves in and plays both of you are married then decide if he wants to go all in.click to expand
no. I think you misunderstood.
The plan is to get married. He will sell his house and we will live in mine. We're just not officially engaged. He keeps mentioning moving to friends and family so I brought up we need to make our plans official.
Maybe he's not telling you so he can surprise you
Posted by LindaaaatjeI wasn't overly enthusiastic. It was said in conversational tone. I'm a cap moon, I don't know how to be enthusiastic! lol!
Glad to hear you are making plans like this !
Can't help you with this as i am a cancer ...
But as a cancer? Yes i would feel a bit pressured if someone is TOO enthousiastic about something like this.
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11I notice that aquas do live in the future and I'm sure in his head, he's got it all planned out. However, you can't skip or forget about the present - that's like leaving out a big step of the process.
Well in all honesty my head lives in the fututre hearing that puts limitations and pressure on me not to mention pressure i put on myself
This is the first time where I felt perhaps I pressured him. My internal battle is that I know he will be more comfortable going forward on his own time, but as a cardinal it's hard not to get the ball rolling. But, dang! 4 years in, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to let him know what I'm thinking. He hasn't acted weird or treated me any different than normal, so I guess that's good.
Posted by UndineLol!!! You know as well as I do, you have to be direct with them and tell them exactly what you want because they sure don't take hints! lol!
I'll let mine know that I have a 'pick up your socks and do your own laundry' policy, as a way to preserve his 'independence'.
He's the one that keeps asking things like that. Almost like he wants to make sure this is what I want. I think that's why I wanted to tell him I was excited about when we can begin living our life together.
Posted by cosmicbutterNope. If his mind isn't made up about getting married, he's not moving in with me. I'm not playing house. I'd prefer we keep our own places until marriage is practically a done deal.
I think he is working out in his head and probably will make up his mind once he has started living with you. That is what he is waiting for before making it official maybe. I sometimes don't respond immediately but it keeps running in my head. and that silence is often misunderstood. Don't sweat over it. He did say he loves you after all.
Posted by sultrykittyYes, that could be it. Maybe he didn't feel the need to respond. Or he wants me to cool my heels. lol!
I wouldn't think anything of it, myself. We both do that "silent" response thing to each other. He might have had an instinctive "oh noes" thought (loss of independence) or he may have been agreeing with you silently and didn't feel the need to respond.
Posted by FutureSeekerMakes perfect sense.
It's a big deal for an Aqua to commit- live together, marry. We cling to that feeling of "freedom", so actually committing gives us an "oh shit" moment with our fear that our wings will be clipped forever.... Because we are fiercely loyal, and don't want to let anyone down. It's not personal- it has nothing to do with something our partner is doing, it's just a thing we go through. I know many Aquas who have beautiful marriages- they are able to balance the need to feel "free" and in a relationship. I hope I worded this in a way that made sense.
Posted by lisabethur8I completely understand her thought process. If we decide not to get married, I'd keep things the way they are now. We each maintain our own houses and live independently. I'm not giving up my freedom without a formal commitment.
this reminds me of my mother in law's colleague....
she told me that her colleague (around their late 60s-70s) have started going with this old guy (around the same ages of course)
and her colleague owns her own place, and the other guy too.
well, they go over to eachother's homes and when they get tired of eachother they leave. lol!!!
and i asked, why dont they get married or live together for the expenses— it's less the cost too.
mother in law told me that her colleague LOVES this type of arrangement because her children are all grown and her grandchildren she sees on some weekends to watch and spend time.
she doesn't want to have to pick up the man's socks and underwear and baby him!! She said she did that when she was with her ex husband long ago.
She loves the liberating FREEDOM of not having to DEAL with a man's own mess. lmao!!!
so she doesn't pick up his socks or do anything, just go over there for companionship.
EDIT -- to me, its funny because i see this old couple, and they are acting like a couple of young' uns. lmao
but i see her point, in that she's TIRED and she loves her freedom.
i guess thats how it is with some women.
while other women get old and still able to get up and pick up socks despite aching bones and arthritis.
Posted by aquasnozThat pops into my head too.
Maybe he's not telling you so he can surprise you
I'm super curious about your Aqua's plans, you'll have to let us know how it goes for you. Are you a more traditional couple, where you have a reasonable expectation for him to propose or throw an engagement party?
Posted by truecapthat could be it too, that she is covering up for the fact that he isn't the type to get full on commitment and my mother in law was being "nice" about it. but you know...you never know!!!Posted by lisabethur8I completely understand her thought process. If we decide not to get married, I'd keep things the way they are now. We each maintain our own houses and live independently. I'm not giving up my freedom without a formal commitment.
this reminds me of my mother in law's colleague....
she told me that her colleague (around their late 60s-70s) have started going with this old guy (around the same ages of course)
and her colleague owns her own place, and the other guy too.
well, they go over to eachother's homes and when they get tired of eachother they leave. lol!!!
and i asked, why dont they get married or live together for the expenses— it's less the cost too.
mother in law told me that her colleague LOVES this type of arrangement because her children are all grown and her grandchildren she sees on some weekends to watch and spend time.
she doesn't want to have to pick up the man's socks and underwear and baby him!! She said she did that when she was with her ex husband long ago.
She loves the liberating FREEDOM of not having to DEAL with a man's own mess. lmao!!!
so she doesn't pick up his socks or do anything, just go over there for companionship.
EDIT -- to me, its funny because i see this old couple, and they are acting like a couple of young' uns. lmao
but i see her point, in that she's TIRED and she loves her freedom.
i guess thats how it is with some women.
while other women get old and still able to get up and pick up socks despite aching bones and arthritis.click to expand
anyway the old guy sounds like an old bachelor, set in his ways and not going to go anywhere past girlfriend boyfriend stage.
Posted by GennieYeah, we're pretty traditional.
I'm super curious about your Aqua's plans, you'll have to let us know how it goes for you. Are you a more traditional couple, where you have a reasonable expectation for him to propose or throw an engagement party?
His mom even brought up that I should propose to him on Leap Year, though. How supportive is that?!! lol!
I won't, but it was nice to hear her say that - right in front of him!
Posted by cosmicbutterI think you have misunderstood. You're the one that says he hasn't made up his mind, if that's the case, then he wouldn't inform all our friends and family about our plans. Otherwise, he'd be private about it. I'm pretty certain he wants to get married since he's the one that brought it up originally and keeps talking about plans. I'm not rushing him. We've been together for four years. I'm not really concerned that I came out and said what I said. I admitted that he may have felt pressured by it, but I think with the length of time of our relationship, he shouldn't feel pressured. My question was why he would pretend like he didn't hear since he's been talking about it for over six months, telling everyone our plans. I don't think I said anything out of line and I don't regret saying it to him. I do know him very well and we don't have a communication problem for the most part, I just thought I'd throw it out there and get some aquarian or aquarian partern opinions. I did get some good input.Posted by truecapPosted by cosmicbutterNope. If his mind isn't made up about getting married, he's not moving in with me. I'm not playing house. I'd prefer we keep our own places until marriage is practically a done deal.
I think he is working out in his head and probably will make up his mind once he has started living with you. That is what he is waiting for before making it official maybe. I sometimes don't respond immediately but it keeps running in my head. and that silence is often misunderstood. Don't sweat over it. He did say he loves you after all.
What is such a big deal. U r not a kid. You should underatand him by now. If u can't ask him directly about whats bothering you then i suspect communication is an issue. In that case u shouldnt be rushing marriage. He is right in not jumping into it.click to expand
So, no I'm not making a big deal about it. You're the one that stated he wants to live together first and I said that's not going to happen. He knows this. And I know that he wouldn't just shack up either. If we get married, we'll live in my house; if we don't get married, we'll maintain separate residences. Which ever is fine. So, I don't see how you're saying I'm making a big deal out of it.
Posted by Lifepath8PiscesYou can't direct your statement directly to me? You have to talk about me like I'm not here?? 😉Posted by cosmicbutterI was saying the same thing to her. plus she asks this same question every 6- 8 months, in a different way but it is the same question.Posted by truecapPosted by cosmicbutterNope. If his mind isn't made up about getting married, he's not moving in with me. I'm not playing house. I'd prefer we keep our own places until marriage is practically a done deal.
I think he is working out in his head and probably will make up his mind once he has started living with you. That is what he is waiting for before making it official maybe. I sometimes don't respond immediately but it keeps running in my head. and that silence is often misunderstood. Don't sweat over it. He did say he loves you after all.
What is such a big deal. U r not a kid. You should underatand him by now. If u can't ask him directly about whats bothering you then i suspect communication is an issue. In that case u shouldnt be rushing marriage. He is right in not jumping into it.
like Aquanoz says, he may want to surprise her. He wants it to come out of him without having to be told and when.
I just think she needs to have a little faith in herself, and everything looks good so far with her loving man.click to expand
JK. lol!!
Thanks for your input and support. I'm not really that worried. But I didn't realize you thought I asked the same question every six months...I don't think I've posted anything about this in at least over a year...(I could be wrong or what I have posted could be taken that way, I suppose).
Before Valentine's Day? Nah, I didn't ask about that then. I did do a thread about Leap Year...but I wasn't asking about that for myself. I can see how you thought that I was, though.
Posted by truecapAnd maybe I misunderstood what you were asking. Where you stating that living together wasn't a big deal? And why I thought it is? Neither of us agree with that on moral and religious grounds.Posted by cosmicbutterI think you have misunderstood. You're the one that says he hasn't made up his mind, if that's the case, then he wouldn't inform all our friends and family about our plans. Otherwise, he'd be private about it. I'm pretty certain he wants to get married since he's the one that brought it up originally and keeps talking about plans. I'm not rushing him. We've been together for four years. I'm not really concerned that I came out and said what I said. I admitted that he may have felt pressured by it, but I think with the length of time of our relationship, he shouldn't feel pressured. My question was why he would pretend like he didn't hear since he's been talking about it for over six months, telling everyone our plans. I don't think I said anything out of line and I don't regret saying it to him. I do know him very well and we don't have a communication problem for the most part, I just thought I'd throw it out there and get some aquarian or aquarian partern opinions. I did get some good input.Posted by truecapPosted by cosmicbutterNope. If his mind isn't made up about getting married, he's not moving in with me. I'm not playing house. I'd prefer we keep our own places until marriage is practically a done deal.
I think he is working out in his head and probably will make up his mind once he has started living with you. That is what he is waiting for before making it official maybe. I sometimes don't respond immediately but it keeps running in my head. and that silence is often misunderstood. Don't sweat over it. He did say he loves you after all.
What is such a big deal. U r not a kid. You should underatand him by now. If u can't ask him directly about whats bothering you then i suspect communication is an issue. In that case u shouldnt be rushing marriage. He is right in not jumping into it.
So, no I'm not making a big deal about it. You're the one that stated he wants to live together first and I said that's not going to happen. He knows this. And I know that he wouldn't just shack up either. If we get married, we'll live in my house; if we don't get married, we'll maintain separate residences. Which ever is fine. So, I don't see how you're saying I'm making a big deal out of it.
click to expand
Posted by cosmicbutterPosted by truecapIf you have all the answers. Then why ask? You have been together for 4 years! And u r asking from strangers what is on his mind?Posted by cosmicbutterI think you have misunderstood. You're the one that says he hasn't made up his mind, if that's the case, then he wouldn't inform all our friends and family about our plans. Otherwise, he'd be private about it. I'm pretty certain he wants to get married since he's the one that brought it up originally and keeps talking about plans. I'm not rushing him. We've been together for four years. I admitted that he may have felt pressured by it, but I think with the length of time of our relationship, he shouldn't feel pressured.Posted by truecapPosted by cosmicbutterNope. If his mind isn't made up about getting married, he's not moving in with me. I'm not playing house. I'd prefer we keep our own places until marriage is practically a done deal.
I think he is working out in his head and probably will make up his mind once he has started living with you. That is what he is waiting for before making it official maybe. I sometimes don't respond immediately but it keeps running in my head. and that silence is often misunderstood. Don't sweat over it. He did say he loves you after all.
What is such a big deal. U r not a kid. You should underatand him by now. If u can't ask him directly about whats bothering you then i suspect communication is an issue. In that case u shouldnt be rushing marriage. He is right in not jumping into it.
click to expand
I know I don't have all the answers and I didn't ask what was on his mind. I just asked about reasons other people would have for pretending not to hear. Then again, maybe that's the same thing? lol! I just wondered why other people would do it. Your first response made a lot of sense. I provided the story to put it into context. Then so many people jumped into the marriage thing and living together aspect.
I do appreciate your input. It does help a lot to discuss things from different angles and viewpoints - that assists in opening the mind a lot. Sometimes I get so focused on my own thoughts that it's good to hear other points of view. And sometimes, it helps to get my own thoughts down in writing.
Thanks for your patience.
Posted by killerwhalemoonYou're right. Knowing is good enough. I'm all about action over words though.
Knowing is good enough. What do you have to do to make things "official"? Isnt doing it louder than words.
Dont talk about it be about it.
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Hi guys, I'm a desperate Virgo trying to get Aquarius back. But please don't tell me I should let him go. I need a good strategy. I will explain what our situation is... First of all, we've been dating for less than a year. Ever since end of last year,
I know I should know the answer to this, but I'd like some insight.
When your partner makes a statement about something they would like to happen, and you don't respond to that statement, why are you choosing not to aknowledge? Like we know you're pretending not to hear - we see right through it.
Background- we are talking about getting married after his son graduates high school this spring. He is openly mentioning to friends and family that he is going to be moving into my house. More so recently. Tonight he states to me that I'm going to enjoy picking up another pair of socks around the house and laughs. All is good. I laugh too and tell him I can't wait until we start our life together that I'm excited to think about it. That we need to make this plan official sooner than later. He doesn't say anything so I kiss him and tell him to be safe going home. He tells me he loves me and will see me tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm too old to be asking this question. Lol
Bold has always worked out for me, so I don't regret saying what I said. Hindsight, though, and natural cap doubts about being vulnerable are making me wonder if I made him feel pressured.
I think him talking about moving in with me to other people is helping him prepare and adjust to the change.
So, my question is why wouldn't he comment to me saying anything about starting our life together or about wanting to make it official. I don't think he's uncomfortable with the idea.