Just not compatible or not that into me?

In the interest of being brief: Hi, I'm new here. Nice to meet you all, you guys seem like some nice people. On to my questions...

Honestly the first question I can probably answer for myself... so I guess maybe I'm more interested in you guys' opinion on the second question.

To start off with, I'm a virgo female, dating an aqua male, he's 29 and I'm 27.

We met via an online dating site a littel over 2 months ago. When he contacted me he was very eager and almost pushy about meeting. Long story short, we met up the follwing night and ended up having sex that night--I'm not really one of those people who has a rule about an exact time to have sex, but I've always believed in NOT having sex the first night... one again, it was basically like something about him turned me upside down. We hung out the following day too, spent all day doing things together. All in all, it was probably the two most magical days of my life, romantically. During those two days he was quite affectionate and very free with compliments, which made me feel very secure about the relationship. (I'm calling it that because after the first week we agreed that this was a monogamous relationship.)

Dating him has been some of the most frustrating experiences ever: I often feel like rules apply to other people and not to him... he has stopped giving compliments freely and I don't feel he's that affectionate when we see each other. However, he does call everyday and we exchange texts when I'm at work and we can't talk.

I broke it off with him two weeks ago though because I started feeling deeply insecure and unhappy, esp with his sarcastic sense of humor. We got back together couple days later (I'll explain a little more in a reply to this post) and that was last week. By this point, we have not physically seen each other for 3 weeks, coming up on one whole month this Friday.

Over Sat I told him that I felt like I was in a long distance rel again (was in one for 6 years) and that I felt like I was with someone who didn't want to see me even though it'd been 3 weeks. I swear I wasn't being (that) naggy or whiny about it, I accepted his reasons and said I was done complaining. I asked him today if he was coming down this week, because he mentioned he was going to take today easy then do schoolwork tomorrow afternoon. He said, "I don't know" and I didn't push him.

So, insights?

Just to provide a little more info without giving too many details:

Situation is further complicated by the fact that he has PTSD from being in the military.

I broke it off with him because I felt he couldn't be what I wanted because of the PTSD. I got back together with him after we talked following the break up because I realized my overall mentality about the relationship had changed. I used to be afraid to speak up because I thought he wouldn't like me and consequently couldn't be my true self. I also do carea bout him a lot and I wanted to give it another try. It shoudl be noted the getting back together was a mutual decision and I didn't beg to go back to him or anything.

I think what I'm looking for is insight from other aquas who may be able to explain why he doesn't feel the desire to see me. I kind of feel like if he can't give me the affection and attention that I need, he's not right for me. But I'm kind of curious if his action is somewhat normal of an aqua male who isn't totally sure he wants to commit to me. It seems to me that at teh beginning of a relationship, both parties should want to see each other all the time, regardless of astrological signs. One month is a pretty long time when you only live an hour away.

Thansk for reading, guys!

Um honestly this just sounds like a guy thats confused.

But you want insight on a Aquarian: We get BORED easily. Anytime I don't feel into seeing my "significant" other is b/c im bored and dont miss them like they miss me. From what you've explained he just seems confused. Aquas do play hot and cold as well but I cant tell if he's doing that either. Aquas are independent. We are social but at the same time were in our heads a lot. Thinking... idea mind work.

There just insn't a lot of info your really giving. To me it sounds like you wasting your time. I mentioned this in another post with a girl like you and if you give any man an option he will keep it that way. You broke up with him cause of how you were feeling. Which were good reasons but than you took him back super fast. So you basically discarded everything you were truly feeling because he made you feel like he wanted you back only for him to go back to his "I don't know" attitude. Take away his security blanket and never give it back. Even if you end up having 5 kids with the dude. Always let him know your worth and that if he makes you feel less than that than your out. Because I bet you make him feel great and I doubt he's running around claiming you make him un-happy about himself or make him feel insecure.

If he is than you should break that relationship up for good. Because why be in something that brings you both down.

To cut to the point: He likes you and wants you but your very easy to him. He doesn't have to work for you anymore because your there waiting for him and he knows it. So basically hes bored and his answer to you is "I dont know".

I've been threw battleships with a scorp who somewhat put me threw the same thing just more threw his traits.. but any how once I came back to reality and saw that he was messing up a good thing I let him know. Not by words but my actions. I was still sweet and loving but I set up my boundaries. Im a great catch and if the guy I like can't see that than HIS LOSS. Its hard to pull away and go back to living your life but if you let him know your not an option his "I dont know" will turn into a "I know". If you break up with him than keep it that way till he shows hes serious for you. If he isn't than keep walking. Atleast you had respect for yourself and worth. Trust me on this one it works. Just let go and step back. He doesn't want to see you than okay you got other shit to do. It will get his attention.

1. You guys moved too fast. I'd be willing to bet you that had you taken more time to get to know him, you would've seen all of these inconsistencies BEFOREHAND. And had you seen them, you would've thought twice about agreeing to date him or be monagomous with him.

2. Sucks, but maybe this guy only put in the work in the beginning just to get the sex/benefits. Wake up. Alot of guys will be prince charming up until the day you finally give it up. Then once you give it up, their true colors come out, they eventually stop doing all the things that "wow'd" you in the 1st place & of course the woman is always left feeling confused & wondering what went wrong. Her giving it up too easily is what went wrong.

3. Nagging & being up front about your standards & what you expect in a relationship/friendship are 2 totally DIFFERENT things. If you're dating this guy, you absolutely DO have every right to communicate with him about what you expect from him & how you desire for the relationship to function. If he's already insulted/offended at the fact that you expect certain things from him, he's obviously NOT that into you

4. Back off a little. I believe he has already, BUT just in case you haven't yet realized how NOT into you he is, give him a little bit more time to show his true colors & intentions. Whatever you do, take it for what it is. What you see is what you get.

5. No he's NOT that busy. NO, he didn't forget about you. NO, there isn't some horrible tradegy going on in his life that is stopping him from sending you a 15-word text message. NO, there isn't some huge magical force stopping him from getting in his car & coming to see you. He's making the DECISION & CHOICE not to invest as much energy in you. Why he's not wanting to do so shouldn't really matter, but just in case it DOES matter to you, the least you can do is ask him & see how he explains himself.

6. Once he explains himself, it'll be up to you to use your own sense of judgement/intuition to decide whether or not this guy is full of shxt.

7. I think you know what it is, but just aren't ready to back away yet b/c you're still stuck in the clouds from when this guy swept you off your feet. Get out of your emotions for a second & dwelve into your logic.

Thanks for the replies guys. Everything all 3 of you said basically went through my head these past 3 months. I definitely agree that we moved too fast--something I realized about two weeks into the relationship--especially because like krysrenee said, I think I would've thought twice about agreeing to date him if I had known him better.

I've been getting pretty angry in my head about how things are going and my plan is to broach the subject. My problem is I often chicken out when it comes time, especially if I'm not feeling particularly annoyed at the moment. Something I'm trying to work on. (I've read some things about virgos being outspoken, too bad I'm not often like that!)

I've also decided to make plans for this weekend so if he does decide he's bored and wants my company, I will not be available to him so readily.

So basically, if I can "man" up and talk to him in the next couple days, and I realize he's not going to be who I need him to be, it'll be the last break up between us. If I don't, I'll at least wait until summer vacation, which is in two weeks for him, to see if he shapes up. Meanwhile, I really haven't initiated contact in a month, he usually calls me first. I sort of think the "damage" is already done from the first month and a half but, at least I did wake up in a relatively short amount of time.

Either way, I've been writing scripts in my journal to assertively ask for what I want and it might take more than a few days, but I will get it out!

Anyhow, this is turning into more of a relationship topic than astrology topic. I do appreciate the insights, although just because there's an explanation for things, doesn't mean I should have to be the only accommodating one.

Thanks much again 🙂

Great post Virgo...I have/had the same issues with my Aqua...accept for the first nite thing...but, we still were monogamous after about (2) weeks...he is a great man, he is. A sweet soul really. BUT, he had stuff to do and after waiting and patiently waiting for him to hang out...you know we're like a couple blocks from ea. other...but, he had a musical to drum and prepare for...uh, ok. a beer is not going to kill you to hang for awhile...

There's more complications than that.

But, I've had issues with the all of a sudden disappear act after him asking me over like 3-4 nites a week. Dude, I have an Aqua. Moon (you should pay attention to your other signs as well) (Virgo / Aqua are a little opposite) (if it wasnt for his Taurus Moon that compliments my Cancer Sun...or our conjunct Sun/ Moon (we'd be screwed on Cancer/ Aqua relationship alone) anyway...let me know how this is playing out for you. My break was recent...he dumped me...who cares right? He said for several weeks prior to the break how he'd never leave his apt....and months prior to that how he'd leave when he either got married, or won the lottery. Soooo, he was telling me (we're not getting married) is that your hint hint— I didnt appreciate being played..I deleted him from FB and asked him for my things that are at his aptmnt. immediately and he wanted to wait a few days, (he's got a bad back right now)...I'm like fine, but you know...I've also dumped ex- BF's stuff at their car before...so, where's my crap? Or is he second guessing his decision?? If he is studying for the end of school and such, I do know that (my Aqua moon was no different) when he has something he's working on ... he shuts out the world until that thing is done...I did the same to an Ex-Libra BF and it drove him so crazy.

You need to have date/place/time of birth to see if you two are compatible if you indeed are interested in astrology side. Sun sign alone said nothing. I've met countless Aqua whom have Earth and water influences that act nothing like an Aqua sun.

Just wanted to update and give little more details too.

I was sick of waiting around for him and being unhappy so I made plans to go out with my friends on Sat. While we were out waiting for a restaurant to open, he called me. We talked until the restaurant opened and I had to get off the phone, at which point he was unhappy, said that I didn't want to talk to him. He'd done this before, you see, and I stopped being afraid he'd dislike me for it, so I told him, "You know it's not true, 'I'll call you later.' "

He texted me a little bit later and gave me the pass-agg line, "It's nice to have someone to talk to...." I told him not to give me a guilt trip because I made plans since he wouldn't with me. He told me he'd find someone else to talk to. I told him to go for it.

I had my fun day and when I got home I text him to let him know I'd like to talk on the phone about what happened. I didn't call because previous times he's reacted that way, he would not pick up the phone. As I expected, he refused to talk on the phone and blamed everything on me. Since I didn't have time for him earlier that day, he didn't see why he had to make time for me that night. I ask him what his reason was (since mine was that I was out with friends and not petty) and he just ignored my question.

He called me needy for bringing up the issue of wanting to see him. Said that I dont' take responsiblity for anything. Last text I sent him was that things were not goign to work the way it is. If he can't have an adult conversation with me, the relationship will come to the inevitable end but he has a day to think about what he wants to do.

No, it doesn't sound like he's overly interested in you. If he were he'd be at your door asking to spend time with you.

It's hard to find a decent relationship with a great connection - who gives that up, seriously? You don't have it.

Thing with some men is (and women too, for sure), is that they just don't know how to tell someone they aren't interested. They hope the person will lose interest and slip off quietly, no arguments. I think this may be what is happening here.

Aquarian or not, he's not acting interested at all.

He's acting like a kid and you were in the right for telling him that. Very typical of him to need all ur time once u got busy. Than when ur not busy he's now where needing to talk.

I would drop him this kind of behavior will drive u insane. It's not an aqua thing it's more him being a dick and a baby.

Err, I broke up the post too early.

Anyway, I also clarified that we weren't broken up yet, basically I wanted to have an ACTUAL conversation first. But it's Wednesday and he hasn't contacted me in any way. Last time we had a falling out, I would see him go back onto the online dating site we met. But this time he hasn't been on for 15 days. I'd decided by Monday that it was truly over, honestly, so I'm not too heartbroken about it...not like the first time I broke up with him. I normally don't believe in gettin back together and I should've stuck with that to start with.

But after this last incident I really started to see things clearly and most of the clouds finally lifted. I had suspected a couples into the relationship that he may have borderline personality disorder but I decided it didn't really fit him. Looking back now though, so much of what I keep reading resonates with the situation. So I'm really sure now that there's no going back to him even if he came back around. There's just not way I'm going to put up with it, because he will not be one of those BPs who actually tries to get help.

To bring it back little more to astrology again... I have to say it really struck me that a lot of the behaviors of a BP reminded me of what I read of aqua men. Particularly an unevolved one. I told him that he weas being childish, he of course just said I went from being rude (not having time for him) to insulting him (by saying he behaved like a child). I'm not making a sweeping judgment of aquas, it was just interesting to me. I think my difficulties with this guy had more to do with his personality disorder than his sign anyway.

I actually have ran a couple compatibility and birth charts for him but I was missing the birth time. When I ran it with time unknown on some site, it did list a lot of incompatibilities but also some good ones. But like I said, I really think it was more of a personality issue with us.

couple weeks into the relationship*

Immaturity doesn't equal a Borderline Personality Disorder.

Oh there was a much more to it with this guy. He has a history of hurting himself, past attempt of suicide, many other things and red flags I ignored in my naivete and such. I don't want to disclose too much just in case. I wasn't implying immaturity equals bpd

And if you meant the unevolved aqua part, I just meant that a lot of traits were similar. For example: coming on strong then back off, hot/cold. I suspect the REASONS behind it would be different: aquas get bored whereas BPs have such low-esteem that when you become theirs they think you must not be perfect if you canl ove them. Like I said, not making sweeping judgment or conclusion, just possibly similar behavior 🙂

In reponse to annabella:

I know what you're saying and I understand your reaction. In the time I was with him, I never told him what I suspected or told him how he should be. I didn't ask him to declare his undying ove for me either. I never got crazy when I called and he didn't pick up. I didn't pester him with texts except when he refused to pick up my phone call. He got mad at me for not picking up MY phone becuase I was getting my hair done after one week of bein together and refused to pick up my calls.

He was the one who told me he couldn't have dreamed me up more perfect on our first date. Yea, probably was trying to get me into bed. And yes, red flag, but like I said, naive. I am 27 but this is my 2nd actual relationship (my previous one was long distance that lasted 6 years).

With all due respect, you also don't know the whole situation, so it's a little unfair for you to put me in my place by saying I'm alienating him doing all these things. I don't plan to ever tell him I think he has BP traits/tendencies if not full-blown BPD because the fact fo the matter is, they don't respond well to confrontation, and really, it should be a therapist and not the significant other to tell them that if they don't already know it.

Durign our time together, he told me a lot about his past. A lot about his past girlfriends, and a lot about his emotional issues. He would say he had low self-esteem but come across so confident and like he liked himself so much. When he thought my friends who rude to him (I didn't think they were, but that's neither here nor there) and he got mad at me for not standing up for him, he called them names, started berating me and saying things aimed at hurting me.

Another incident: he accused me of not putting him first because I was in the car with my friend, a 10-min ride back to my place. I told him I felt rude talking on the phone, so I would call him back when I got home. When I did, he ignored my calls. Accused me of putting my friends and family above him. Instead of letting me reason with him, he just refused to talk to me and only would text. And our text fights would consist of him telling me I didn't care for him and I was all about myself.

He said one time he wondered why I liked him. I said I knew I liked him b/c he made me want to be a better person. He then proceeded to invalidate my point by psychoanalyzing ME. I have never psychoanalzyed him to his face because I am only ever comfortable doing that with someone I feel I can be myself with. I never felt like I coudl truly be myself with him the whole time because he made me really insecure. That might be my own issues, but my point is I never felt comfortable enough to do that to him.

This isn't so much a rant as a description of what the relationship consisted of. He continuously made fun of my best friend and her certain masculine features. Kept saying she was a lesbian and joked that we had a lesbian relationship. Didn't really bother me b/c I knew it wasn't true, but annoying, to say the least.

Anyway, like I said, this relationship had too many bad times that I tried to justify. So it's over for me. I do appreciate your comments, annabella, I just realize maybe I need to provide more information.... yea, I don't like being made to feel as if I am making baseles accusations =/

And I do apologize if it comes across as if I'm denouncing aquas. That was never the intent of this post. I probably should've left the similarities part out. I do like to analyze things and I like to have discussions about it after I analyze it.

It doesn't really matter if any of you agree with what I said. Like I said, I didn't intend it to be mean.

I also clarified that I think whatever issues I had with the guy, had more to do with how he was than him being summed up as an aqua. So I hope no one took real offense.

Okay. I think I already said this is over, so I'm not sure why you keep talking like I stil want this relationship to go on.

Whatever the reason or issue is, I'm not getting what I need, so I'm not sticking around. And if you're right, he's nto getting what he needs. No reason for two people to stay together in that case anyway.