Maybe you can explain this shit to me

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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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I broke up with my Aqua for various reasons including but not limited to the fact that he CATFISHED ME when we first met pulled the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" thing (although not as part of a breakup, he still wanted to be together - dont ask me i have no idea) and stopped being intimate with me.
Now before you even go there no he isn't cheating.
Yes I know this for a fact. There's just no way it's not his style (I have known him a long time) and he is constantly calling, available ANY TIME I want to call or txt him he's just not - in fact I almost wish he were, because at least that would make sense.

anyway
Okay fine, it's not working I'm not good enough or whatever the fuck so I walked.
He wanted to remain friends, fine whatever sure I didn't much fancy the idea of just throwing away someone I have thought of as my best friend for several years now

So wtf

he is calling me every day
He is still using his bf tone of voice, you know the one aquas would rather die than be caught using with anyone else ever?
He calls me sweetypie etc when we say goodbye.
He has said things like "well maybe we can try again in a little bit after we've gotten our lives in order"

I think what he means by that is after I lose weight.
Fuck that
yes I gained weight over the last year..
I gained weight EATING THE WAY HIS FAT ASS EATS.

yes I am losing it and when I do I want to find someone who is as interested as I am in living a healthy life style .
I can't tell you how many times I suggested we go for a walk, or eat salad and he had ZERO INTEREST.

Anyway now he's dropping hints that he has been working out etc.

So explain this to me, WHY THE HELL WASN'T HE DOING ANY OF THIS WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER?
Things were clearly not working if we weren't having sex and now my leo pride is hurt.

I just don't even know what to think at this point, please if you can enlighten me as to this aquas crazy thought process here.



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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by starlover
Because people become complacent when they are in a relationship...it finishes..they start to change..i had two Aqua men do this to me. The guy that buys the woman flowers because he is guilty or scared of losing her comes to mind

They seem to love the push/pull dynamic ~ not sure about you, but i am not interested in that kind of r.ship



Yah not me either.

As a cancer/Leo it is hard for me to let go. I procrastinated ending things for several very miserable (for me) months.

I do still love him but I want better than that.

it's funny, as a younger woman I would have LOVED to be in this position. To have a man wanting to change his ways and get back with me.
I don't love this at all, I feel guilty and sad.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by truecap
I think everyone gains weight when in a relationship. I call it happy pounds. 🙂

Men get lazy though once they know they've got ya. Then when they lose you or are about to lose you, they try harder. Most of the time, by then, it's too little, too late.

Men can be clueles sometimes. Maybe he thinks you walked because HE gained weight? —?

*shrugs*



especially if you have nice jupiter and moon aspect, it's happy fatty watty time!! YUM YUM.

FOOD!!!

chomp chomp chomp! more to looooveeee! ^___^
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IAmMystified
@IAmMystified
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Posted by truecap
I think everyone gains weight when in a relationship. I call it happy pounds. 🙂

Men get lazy though once they know they've got ya. Then when they lose you or are about to lose you, they try harder. Most of the time, by then, it's too little, too late.

Men can be clueles sometimes. Maybe he thinks you walked because HE gained weight? —?

*shrugs*



I agree with this completely. People get complacent in relationships once they are used to the fact that they have ya. Men especially. They try less, they spend more time with friends, ...more talkative with new people in their life. Then they try harder temporarily when they get worried you might leave or when someone else my take ya.

Experienced these behaviors many times over especially when they think they know my "pattern" of behaving, so I've learned to always change it up and be random so they NEVER know how I'll behave or what I'll say in any given situation so things stay "fresh" with them and they are always left wondering but not to the point where it becomes to stressful for them.

Ditto on the "cluelessness". God they are so clueless.
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aquasnoz
@aquasnoz
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Just for reference, I don't think all people are like that.

I generally put more effort when I'm in a relationship than not. I'm by myself and I'm single and I don't give two shits about what people think of me. However in a relationship it is vital my partner is proud of me. In saying that though it's not like I let myself go while single, I just care a whole lot less.
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NotYourAverageAquarius
@NotYourAverageAquarius
13 Years5,000+ PostsAquarius

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Yeah... I won't lie. I can be deeply cynical.

I think though too... lots of people are affected more by certain viewpoints then others. I like to think I'm "realistic" while other people would probably call me just plain "negative"

I also find that more sensitive people/signs will be offended by something I've said without trying to ask me to explain what I meant.
And, when someone does sometimes they find out I'm not being offensive other times I realize that I myself am being unknowingly offensive.

The worst thing you could do is take offense to something that is said... not question what was meant by me and let it affect how you respond to me and communicate with me.
Being open to communicating how you feel and what you're thinking goes a long ways.... IJS
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InquisitiveAqua
@Jamjam
11 Years

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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aquas can be passive-agressive and can dig in their heels especially if it has to do with their "individualism." Even to the detriment of their relationships. They'll hold onto their "individualism" before they compromise even if their individualism includes crappy behavior. At least that's what I've found. I'm going through this right now with my mom. But I also know that Aquas will think about needed compromises in their own time and eventually make adjustments--just don't expect them to acknowledge it or let you know that they they changed for you.

Also, deep down, Aquas can be very insecure. There can be a distinct undercurrent of pessimism in there.



I agree with this as an Aquarius. We know we need to change but tell us we need to change and you will find that we do the opposite!! We have to do it on our own terms.
I know this is frustrating but you won't get anywhere by constantly hounding an aqua, even if it's for their own benefit.
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by Jamjam
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aquas can be passive-agressive and can dig in their heels especially if it has to do with their "individualism." Even to the detriment of their relationships. They'll hold onto their "individualism" before they compromise even if their individualism includes crappy behavior. At least that's what I've found. I'm going through this right now with my mom. But I also know that Aquas will think about needed compromises in their own time and eventually make adjustments--just don't expect them to acknowledge it or let you know that they they changed for you.

Also, deep down, Aquas can be very insecure. There can be a distinct undercurrent of pessimism in there.



I agree with this as an Aquarius. We know we need to change but tell us we need to change and you will find that we do the opposite!! We have to do it on our own terms.
I know this is frustrating but you won't get anywhere by constantly hounding an aqua, even if it's for their own benefit.
click to expand




So true.

Irresistible really nailed it. Aquas know when they're wrong but don't try to get it out if them... If you let them be they will smarten up 🙂
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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uote>Posted by starlover
Did you ever try being single for a while?



hah
Did I ever.

I was actually single and celibate for 6 years after my divorce before aqua and I met, and another year while we got to know one another before finally hooking up.
I found this board during a 4 month period when he pulled a disappearing act near the end of that year.

He also had been single for 6 years following the break up of a 9 year relationship.
Like many people on the board correctly guessed, he went into hibernation mode before coming back ready to commit.


Posted by starlover
Either way, i don't intend to go there again. Love Aqua men...but as friends

Re the *love* thing ~ i have come to realize, sometimes loving someone from afar, is preferable to one's health and sanity lol
click to expand




Agree!
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by truecap
I think everyone gains weight when in a relationship. I call it happy pounds. 🙂

Men get lazy though once they know they've got ya. Then when they lose you or are about to lose you, they try harder. Most of the time, by then, it's too little, too late.

Men can be clueles sometimes. Maybe he thinks you walked because HE gained weight? —?

*shrugs*



Haha Happy pounds. That's adorable.

Well he was large to begin with. As I mentioned he catfished me, sent me photos from several years and several hundred pounds earlier 😆
TBH I have never been with a bigger guy before but I was head over heels for him as a person and I didn't want to be shallow.

He had been a very fit man most of his life, I think he was INCREDIBLY insecure about his weight gain, (hence not meeting for so long and disappearing for 4 months and CATFISHING ME) and it made him say wildly inappropriate shit to me, he would refer to my masses of red hair as "Ronald Mcrats nest" etc.

I started birth control and between the hormones, my shock at his catfishing me, and his negative comments my weight really ballooned out of control.

He knows I did not leave him because of his weight, I left him because he had a problem with mine.

I'm not even mad that he had a problem with mine, I truly believe you can't just change your appearance drastically in a relationship and expect your partner to remain attracted to you, but I also don't deserve the nightmare self esteem issues that come along with being with a man who is clearly not attracted to me and I really have to ask myself, if things were working out so well why was I gaining so much weight?

Well whatever I've lost over a stone so far and feel happier than I have in months.
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aquas can be passive-agressive and can dig in their heels especially if it has to do with their "individualism." Even to the detriment of their relationships.
Also, deep down, Aquas can be very insecure. There can be a distinct undercurrent of pessimism in there.



This^

Understatement of the century hah!

He is SO BLOODY PESSIMISTIC
But in a really hilarious way.
He is an incredibly witty man, but he is just so fucking negative.

And insecurity? Yes hidden behind a very very massive cocky ego, but I am his woman, well I was his woman and I know there is DEEP insecurity there.

You hit the nail on the head.
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by IAmMystified
@scorp

Yep, I have seen the pessimism. Kind of in a 2 faced sort of way.

To the general public, happy go lucky. Then later on, bitching and complaining about everything adn the people they were happy go lucky with a few minutes prior.

Such a turn off



I found my Scorpio did this.
Aqua is content to let everyone know he is a pessimistic bastard 😆
Except small children and animals who he is actually endearingly sweet to.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by CancerLeoDynamite
Posted by truecap
I think everyone gains weight when in a relationship. I call it happy pounds. 🙂
Men get lazy though once they know they've got ya. Then when they lose you or are about to lose you, they try harder. Most of the time, by then, it's too little, too late.
Men can be clueles sometimes. Maybe he thinks you walked because HE gained weight? —?
*shrugs*


He knows I did not leave him because of his weight, I left him because he had a problem with mine.
I'm not even mad that he had a problem with mine, I truly believe you can't just change your appearance drastically in a relationship and expect your partner to remain attracted to you, but I also don't deserve the nightmare self esteem issues that come along with being with a man who is clearly not attracted to me and I really have to ask myself, if things were working out so well why was I gaining so much weight?
Well whatever I've lost over a stone so far and feel happier than I have in months.
click to expand



then isn't that your insecurity? 😢
that's very shallow of him to be honest, if he had a problem with your "weight"....he didnt love you for the person you are inside and out. Whether you lost weight or gained.

I am reminded of the love of Taurus sun/Cancer moon Pierce Brosnan and his Libra wife, and how she gained alot of weight over the years through the photos. People are really cruel, and superficial and shallow. they are affronted that she gained so much weight (even the paparazzi are making fun) and he's pissed off at them. Do you think he's gonna leave his wife because of her weight gain? It's awfully SUPERFICIAL and frankly...it's not love. So thank your lucky stars you left.
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by CancerLeoDynamite
Posted by IAmMystified
@scorp

Yep, I have seen the pessimism. Kind of in a 2 faced sort of way.

To the general public, happy go lucky. Then later on, bitching and complaining about everything adn the people they were happy go lucky with a few minutes prior.

Such a turn off



I found my Scorpio did this.
Aqua is content to let everyone know he is a pessimistic bastard 😆
Except small children and animals who he is actually endearingly sweet to.
click to expand




Nope I don't think it is insecure to leave someone who isn't in love with me.
I think it would be insecure to stay.

He has never truly gotten over his 9 year relationship and to be honest I think it's kind of pathetic.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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that's what I mean. It is insecurity. Because HONESTLY, he does NOT show you any SECURITY.

if he did, you wouldn't hesitate or complain right?

If you felt SECURE, you'd be happy and all those "flaws" are nothing. He is a superficial man, who is looking for "perfect" in his idealistic brain. there is nothing PERFECT.

A woman needs to feel secure, and if he's complaining about "weight" and showing about how awesome he is, then what does that mean? It means he's still idealising or dreaming about the past of what he wishes and it is hopeless. He'll never be happy because he's looking for something that does not exist.

A woman will never be secure in his eyes. You got away good; he didn't love you at all. That's not love. Let him be.
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Eleventh
@The_eleventh_sign_11
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I shit you knot I logged on to bitch about my ex cancer and I found the perfect place to rant.

He promised me a trip to thailand this year in may and I declined him so many times till i finally said yes do you know what the fucker did—_..he flys his ass to new york and finds himself a boyfriend, mind you we've been broken up for 8 years but were still close and fuck on occasion. I refuse to get back together with him because I don't want him to have the satisfaction of him being able to say that I'm his boyfriend so he can show off to his friends because they are all rich city folk and I'm like some sort of novelty to have around.

Can I tell you that the whole time we were together that fucker begged me to go to the gym with him so we could be those couples that go to the gym together but he would always choose the gay gyms where all the gay guys hang out so again it was like he wanted to show me off but I never went with him once nor would I jog or do any exercise with him and it because so tedious to ignore his begging and pleading but so satisfying at the same time.

What is it with cancerians and catfish?? my "friend" is in a "relationship" with this guy from Ghana and its so fucking ridiculous, she's never met him before only on the internet and she sends him money and she's on benefits and has two kids and lives off her babies daddies sending them child support.
cancerians are fucking kookoo crazy
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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by lisabethur8
that's what I mean. It is insecurity. Because HONESTLY, he does NOT show you any SECURITY.

if he did, you wouldn't hesitate or complain right?

If you felt SECURE, you'd be happy and all those "flaws" are nothing. He is a superficial man, who is looking for "perfect" in his idealistic brain. there is nothing PERFECT.

A woman needs to feel secure, and if he's complaining about "weight" and showing about how awesome he is, then what does that mean? It means he's still idealising or dreaming about the past of what he wishes and it is hopeless. He'll never be happy because he's looking for something that does not exist.

A woman will never be secure in his eyes. You got away good; he didn't love you at all. That's not love. Let him be.



It's true he never loved me. I am pretty broken up about it, it is a major blow to my ego.
I don't say that in some pathetic whiny girl wah he doesn't love me way, I mean just calmly, genuinely as fact.
He loves me the way you love a friend.
he has never been IN love with me.
TBH I'm not sure I was ever IN love with him either so aside from my ego I'm not sure wtf I'm so upset about.

I don't like being compared unfavorably to his ex.
He lives in the past, how am I at 32 supposed to compare to his memory of a 19 year old he was head over heels in love with as a man in his young 20s?

It's ridiculous.

It seems a lot of men I meet are unable to move on from their first real loves, and it's absolutely pathetic.
Stop living in the past and make the most of NOW.

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CancerLeoDynamite
@CancerLeoDynamite
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Posted by Gobshite
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aquas can be passive-agressive and can dig in their heels especially if it has to do with their "individualism." Even to the detriment of their relationships. They'll hold onto their "individualism" before they compromise even if their individualism includes crappy behavior. At least that's what I've found. I'm going through this right now with my mom. But I also know that Aquas will think about needed compromises in their own time and eventually make adjustments--just don't expect them to acknowledge it or let you know that they they changed for you.

Also, deep down, Aquas can be very insecure. There can be a distinct undercurrent of pessimism in there.


I agree. Been there, done that.

The problem is, some of their crappy behaviour can be detrimental to the relationship. Time waits for no-man and life is too short. Sometimes, the non-Auqa partner has no choice but to pull the plug for the sake of their sanity.
click to expand




^this

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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by CancerLeoDynamite
Posted by lisabethur8
that's what I mean. It is insecurity. Because HONESTLY, he does NOT show you any SECURITY.

if he did, you wouldn't hesitate or complain right?

If you felt SECURE, you'd be happy and all those "flaws" are nothing. He is a superficial man, who is looking for "perfect" in his idealistic brain. there is nothing PERFECT.

A woman needs to feel secure, and if he's complaining about "weight" and showing about how awesome he is, then what does that mean? It means he's still idealising or dreaming about the past of what he wishes and it is hopeless. He'll never be happy because he's looking for something that does not exist.

A woman will never be secure in his eyes. You got away good; he didn't love you at all. That's not love. Let him be.



It's true he never loved me. I am pretty broken up about it, it is a major blow to my ego.
I don't say that in some pathetic whiny girl wah he doesn't love me way, I mean just calmly, genuinely as fact.
He loves me the way you love a friend.
he has never been IN love with me.
TBH I'm not sure I was ever IN love with him either so aside from my ego I'm not sure wtf I'm so upset about.
I don't like being compared unfavorably to his ex.
He lives in the past, how am I at 32 supposed to compare to his memory of a 19 year old he was head over heels in love with as a man in his young 20s?
It's ridiculous.
It seems a lot of men I meet are unable to move on from their first real loves, and it's absolutely pathetic.
Stop living in the past and make the most of NOW.


click to expand




i agree with you. I hate those types. That's why i got with a hubby that does not even mention Ex's at all!!! that is a HUGE red flag if a guy talks about his "ex" this and "ex" that. Something is seriously wrong with him that he can't "let go"..... PATHETIC!!
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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think very very clearly about this. If a guy talks about his ex's alot... you are FRIENDSVILLE.

you are nothing more than a "friend" to him. PLATONIC. like brother, like sister, like mother, like father.

I hope this will help you see clearly. Because common sense, if you DESIRE someone and want to be with them ...you make DAMN sure you don't talk about ex's....cause that's a SURE FIRE way that he's chasing off the women. Unless the woman is clueless and really lacking in intuition.


So, girl ...you have alot of intuition!! you did good!
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by Gobshite
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by CancerLeoDynamite
Posted by lisabethur8
that's what I mean. It is insecurity. Because HONESTLY, he does NOT show you any SECURITY.
if he did, you wouldn't hesitate or complain right?
If you felt SECURE, you'd be happy and all those "flaws" are nothing. He is a superficial man, who is looking for "perfect" in his idealistic brain. there is nothing PERFECT.
A woman needs to feel secure, and if he's complaining about "weight" and showing about how awesome he is, then what does that mean? It means he's still idealising or dreaming about the past of what he wishes and it is hopeless. He'll never be happy because he's looking for something that does not exist.
A woman will never be secure in his eyes. You got away good; he didn't love you at all. That's not love. Let him be.



It's true he never loved me. I am pretty broken up about it, it is a major blow to my ego.
I don't say that in some pathetic whiny girl wah he doesn't love me way, I mean just calmly, genuinely as fact.
He loves me the way you love a friend.
he has never been IN love with me.
TBH I'm not sure I was ever IN love with him either so aside from my ego I'm not sure wtf I'm so upset about.
I don't like being compared unfavorably to his ex.
He lives in the past, how am I at 32 supposed to compare to his memory of a 19 year old he was head over heels in love with as a man in his young 20s?
It's ridiculous.
It seems a lot of men I meet are unable to move on from their first real loves, and it's absolutely pathetic.
Stop living in the past and make the most of NOW.



i agree with you. I hate those types. That's why i got with a hubby that does not even mention Ex's at all!!! that is a HUGE red flag if a guy talks about his "ex" this and "ex" that. Something is seriously wrong with him that he can't "let go"..... PATHETIC!!


So, I guess that makes the women who do this pathetic as well...
click to expand



what? You want to make it a two way street? Especially when women are more emotional than men?

if so, yes, it is pathetic. Even for women. You know why?? Because why do