Found a Sag but married to a Leo...help....

This is my first post on the forum and I love what I have read so far.

Long story short:

When I met my Leo years and years ago ? I also AT THE SAME TIME met the Sag ? all in the same environment ? dancing club environment. Well, the Leo was the first to talk to me because he didn't dance, and my self esteem and self worth were so low, that I thought the first guy to come along to talk to me was THE GUY. Sag? Well, he liked to danced ? in my mind at the time,no way I was worthy of his attention ? even though we did dance from time to time, I shied away from him because I just assumed that a guy like that would never give me the time of day. Leo and I married after I chased him and we dated for 6 long years.

Over the past 10 years, I've come to realize that I do have self esteem, and self-worth that are worthy of someone who gives a damn ? who has the same interests, who likes to do fun things ? who is supportive, upbeat, kind and fun to be around. This person is not my husband. I don't hate my husband, I've just come to realize that we don't have as much in common as I once thought ? I realized I settled ? it took me 10 years to realize this. I've tried and tried over the years to makes things happy, better between us ? this is not something new ? but everything has failed ? you can't change people.

Did you know that this past January was our 10 year anniversary ? I wanted to go snow skiing to the same place we went to on our honeymoon ? he told me he didn't like to ski, wasn't interested in going, didn't want to go anywhere, and that if I wanted to go by myself that would be fine with him!!!! WHAT— All the marathons I ran ? he was never there to support me. All the fun things I like to do ? he has no interest, doesn't want to have an interest and doesn't care. He's very pessimistic, very cynical, a very negative person to constantly be around. I've come to realize that I don't want to live my life unhappy ? I don't want to continue this way ? I deserve to be happy ? I have self worth, I have self-esteem now.

I've recently run in to Sag, from 10 years ago and we HAVE HIT IT OFF!!! Prior the meeting, I've been considering leaving Leo and getting on with my life.

Thoughts? Is this just my Arian nature and I need to slow down?

continued....I've been talking to Sag a lot on the phone. Leo husband does not know this. Any thoughts?

looks like you already made up your mind
leos can be lazy at times.......

"I've been talking to Sag a lot on the phone. Leo husband does not know this. Any thoughts?"


People grow and feelings change about others and ourselves .. nothing abnormal in that, and nothing to feel odd about .. if you're feelings have changed, or you have come to a self-discovery that you do indeed have self-worth and that your heart would be better matched with another person, then this is what you should do. We all deserve to be happy and if another person makes you happy and your husband doesn't .. then, you do what you have to do for yourself .. however ..

.. exercise respect ..

.. don't be securing a relationship with another person behind his back, that is disrespectful and showing that your self-worth is mis-guided.

If you feel that your marriage is over and you want to be with another person, then that is what you should do .. but, not at the cost of your husband's heart who did nothing wrong to you. He hasn't forsaken you for not having the same interests as you. You knew this from the beginning because you had no self-esteem and went with the first guy who approached you ..

"and my self esteem and self worth were so low, that I thought the first guy to come along to talk to me was THE GUY"

So, in reality .. your Leo has done nothing wrong to warrant disrespect, he is the same he has always been .. you are the one who has changed .. so, to go behind his back and attempt to secure a relationship with someone else .. is just wrong.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to want a relationship with someone else .. I'm saying it's wrong to be disrespectful to your husband to be developing a relationship with another while still pretending to be his wife.

Good Luck and I hope you figure out the respectful course for every person involved.

I am in total agreement with P-angel!

Great words of wisdom P 🙂


Okies, this post is completed.

Next!

you need to discuss this with some friends to get proper opinion - people who know what your nuiances are - this is serious buisiness !!! dont be flippant - sounds like you need to stead carefully as if you so flippantly made the last 'mistake' for 10 years based on being unconfident i would nt have confidence in you making the right decision this time - sounds bit weird that you fall back on the idea of someone from 10 yrs ago also - recon i would find it more plausable if it were a recent 'new find' JB

hmmm....guess not.

haha sounds like someone needs to open this guy's eyes to the joys of life. what a downer!

Thank you all for such great and sound advice. I really appreciate this forum.

I will say that I have no intentions of disrespecting my Leo husband - it's true, he's done nothing wrong, it's me that has changed over the years - with this past 6 months of it all coming together for me in my mind. The realizations have been incredible. Again, this all has taken place over the past, I would have to say, 2-3 years - so this is not some quick arian "fly by the seat of my pants" decision.

If I'm going to end my marriage, it's not going to be to run in to another's arms - as much fun as the Sag is providing, I'm older and wiser to my arian faults, and realize that at the very least I owe my Leo respect and honesty - which I am providing.

Anyway, what I'm curious about - and I'm looking for another Sag's take on this -I have a feeling the only reason I'm getting the attention of this Sag is because I represent a challenge to him and that if eventually I end up divorced and truly available this interest will go away simply because it's about the journey for the Sag not the arrival of the goal. Can a Sag actually settle down with one person as long as that person doesn't infringe upon their sense of freedom?

The previous paragraph really is just me being curious not something I'm considering as a factor to leaving my Leo. Really.

Right now - I don't know what the answer is to all this. The last thing I want to do is break my husband's heart - this may be something that can all be worked out. We are starting to talk about things and I am being very careful with everyone involved. I don't want to make the wrong decision and I'm trying everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen.

Thank you all again for such sound and honest advice.

"I have a feeling the only reason I'm getting the attention of this Sag is because I represent a challenge to him and that if eventually I end up divorced and truly available this interest will go away simply because it's about the journey for the Sag not the arrival of the goal."

Life is really easy for us when we take the time to look within - you already have your answer in your above statement. Your inner wisdom knows the truth - trust that information. All of us here can only speculate and give you our thoughts, they are not your truth. There is a lot to be said for our "gut instincts."

Wishing you the best Run262!

People change .. people become more self-aware .. people sometimes follow down wrong paths .. people evolve .. people err .. people find happiness in moments, rather than time .. people do what they believe is right for them .. people are human.

It doesn't sound to me as though you've made any kind of mistake .. you were unsure of exactly who you were, but, knew you wanted to be happy with a partner, and so you found some happy years with a partner .. if this Leo wasn't happy, he would have left you .. so you did indeed make him happy .. now you are sure of who you are and ready to embrace a new life-experience .. there's nothing wrong with that .. that's what people are suppose to do to evolve.

"I have a feeling the only reason I'm getting the attention of this Sag is because I represent a challenge to him and that if eventually I end up divorced and truly available this interest will go away simply because it's about the journey for the Sag not the arrival of the goal. Can a Sag actually settle down with one person as long as that person doesn't infringe upon their sense of freedom?"


This really doesn't matter, for being with this particular person isn't what is going to make you happy .. what's going to make you happy is experiencing life without your husband because you have evolved and the Sag is only the object in which you have to focus on as a goal to obtain your new awareness.

"I have a feeling the only reason I'm getting the attention of this Sag"


This is double-sided, though, it's hard for you to see right now .. you will, though.

The only reason the Sag is getting attention from you right now is because you know you need to change your environment to feel completely free to experience your new awareness .. if you didn't have this need inside of you, you wouldn't be giving the Sag any attention at all.

Don't concentrate on the Sag himself, rather, you know you need to be free.

P-Angel: the wisdom you have in your comments - they are hitting deep inside where it matters. I can't thank you enough.

It doesn't sound to me as though you've made any kind of mistake .. you were unsure of exactly who you were, but, knew you wanted to be happy with a partner, and so you found some happy years with a partner .. if this Leo wasn't happy, he would have left you .. so you did indeed make him happy .. now you are sure of who you are and ready to embrace a new life-experience .. there's nothing wrong with that .. that's what people are suppose to do to evolve.

Wow. So eloquently stated. So true - this one AND all the others. It's to true - the feeling that I need to be free is so strong inside right now, I feel as though I've been smoothered for so long and I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, whereas for such a long time, I didn't realize the tunnel I was in, it's taken years to get here - to realize how much control I've given up for so long, how unhappy I was.

The Sag has really been the icing on the cake - it wasn't the catalyst in all this - he is simply showing me life and how much fun I can have and that there is no reason I'm not entitled.

Now if I could only get the Lion to see my need for freedom without hurting his pride.

Thank you SOOOO much.

You're welcome .. I know exactly where you're coming from, for I also have spent many years in a marriage and now I have grown beyond my husband, evolved, and feel the exact same way you do. It's not anything he did, or didn't do, rather, the union has run it's course and it's time to have more life-lessons without him.

So, I can truly relate to what you're saying in here. You're one step ahead of me though, at least you have the courage to face it. I'm still sitting her pouting about it. 😢

You're gonna be fine .. you know your path .. walk it with pride and confidence. 🙂

But that's just it - I recognize I have grown beyond my husband and it's not anything he did or didn't do, but I don't know that I have the courage to face this.

I know he doesn't know how far I've gone in my "revelations" and where I'm at with my thoguhts, feelings and where I want to be in my life. This is going to sound bad, but we are so different in intelligence, that I don't think he could ever understand all this - this stuff we have discussed. I just see him getting mad, upset and not "getting it." But, I can remember many conversations over the past couple of years where he's said he's felt like I don't love him anymore - I never addressed it at the moment because I wasn't prepared, but now I am.

This is so hard. Where do I start the dialogue with out it going south real quickly? I just don't know.

We have a 4 year old little girl so that is an added element to all this.

Thank you again so much.

Dear Run - your child is what matters. Do what you must, but never forget your priorities. Keep the child safe - play later!