Relationships---Just to Vent

I'm amazed by some of the things I've read on dxpnet, regarding men, women, cheating and relationships. It's pretty sad that by reading these posts, I understand why more and more people are remaining single and/or are having "open" relationships. That's just MIND BLOWING to me. I'm not a traditionalist, I'm only 25yrs., and I understand that we are all human and monogamy is an unnatural occurrence...but I am becoming more and more positive that this way of thinking allows us to make excuses for ourselves, and the fact that we (UNFORTUNATELY) are unable to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions...are we really sooo lazy to turn down true relating?

I have cheated, once, and I will continue to beat myself up for it. The fact that I've cheated haunts me in every one of my relationships to this very day. Of course, I tell myself not to be too self critical, for I am only human. But when I'm honest w/ myslef...YES, I'am human which is why my ex forgave me and still talks to me today...but, I also broke the heart of someone EXTREMELY special in my life, and I will always be shameful...he didn't deserve that. It's one thing to play the field, date around and be upfront about it. It's another to say you are committed to someone, but still have "relations," w/ other people, i.e., sexual, flirty, or anything that would be disrespctful to your partner.

To those of you who follow the latter trend in your relationships...GOOD LUCK! That fear of spending your life w/ only one person is what will prevent you from ever truly knowing what it's like to not only love someone, but to have that someone truly love you, back...and I mean the way a Man loves a Woman. It's funny to hear men say that they don't care if their wife hangs out w/ other guys...or women say that their man can flirt, but at least he's coming back home to me...That is UTTER SHIZNAT! As humans, we are also territorial...and there's nothing wrong w/ feeling like your man/wo-man is yours and no one elses! Yes, as Humans, we are free to roam...but you know what, if you've pledged committment to someone...roam w/ tact and respect...don't to you your partner what you wouldn't want done to yourselves...

Those who disagree w/ me, that's fine, and I welcome all responses. But I'am conviced that those who do not agree have a low sense of respect for themselves (no matter how much you want to preach about how happy you are!)--BYE :-)

So, has this self-righteous speech come from your own pain because someone has cheated on you and now you have to vent to everyone else why you think it's a guilt to be carried life-long because if you're betrayed then there can be no redemption, as well as, you think every other person who lives with their own sense of self-respect is wrong if they aren't living up to your standards?

Or, is this coming from the fear of a mistake you made once in your life and therefore you can only carry shame for the rest of your life because your standards are set above the limits of humanhood and therefore deserve nothing more than total abhorence, and this fear would influence you to be convinced that other people's sense of self-respect is not living up to your expectations of true-relating?

Or, are you just being snarky?

Or, is it just the ear-marked traits of a Leo to be so pompous?

Did God die?

"I'm amazed by some of the things I've read on dxpnet, regarding men, women, cheating and relationships. It's pretty sad that BY READING THESE POSTS, I understand why more and more people are remaining single and/or are having "open" relationships."

So...to answer your questions...NO :-)

So, if he's still alive, who put you in charge of people's consciouses?

Good question...

"Those who disagree w/ me, that's fine, and I welcome all responses. But I'am conviced that those who do not agree have a low sense of respect for themselves (no matter how much you want to preach about how happy you are!"

I've said peace...what are your thoughts?

That you think people's own personal sense of self-respect should adhere to your judgement of deeds is deemed disparagingly because you can't get past your OWN remorse.

YOU are the one who fucked up your own sense of self-respect for yourself and continue to do so. Quote: "and I will always be shameful"

That's pretty self-centered and really only your responsible to carry the shame.

For what purpose does it serve to tell other people that if they don't abide by your assessment of what's acceptable in a partnership, and go even further with it and make the claim that if other people don't abide by this "rule of relations", then they aren't really being true to their partner?

Huh, for what purpose? So, you can feel better about yourself in your own horrible sin?

LMAO - P angel at work again. yahoooooooooooo

Tell you the truth, I couldn't care a less about your morals, or lack thereof.

I am curious as to why you think that other people should be informed that if they don't live up to your values than they are deemed un-true by you. Are we suppose to take notice and make a change in our lives to suit you?

I guess the main thing I'm curious about is whether you've comprehended that where this is coming from is your own guilt that is so unmanageable that you would not only allow it to haunt you and jeapordize un-related unions, also, you would make a conclusive opinion that other's must live up to your view or be disrespectful to themselves.

Are you aware of that? The final above thougth, are you aware that this stems from a guilt so profound that you would ruin all chance you have at being happy?

Guilt . . . I thought Leo's were strong people . . I guess I was wrong about that. Guilt can completely ruin a person's life and here is proof.

Truthseeker quotes:

"I have cheated, once, and I will continue to beat myself up for it."

"The fact that I've cheated haunts me in every one of my relationships to this very day."


In life, to find growth, it means to expand beyond what we've experienced to better our lives, by learning from our mistakes . .

Your thought in this thread is a contriction in itself.

You say that a person is suppose to understand, quote, "that to have someone truly love you, back...and I mean the way a Man loves a Woman",
that this entails, quote, "if you've pledged committment to someone...roam w/ tact and respect...don't to you your partner what you wouldn't want done to yourselves...",
yet, you can't because you won't allow yourself to love him with tact and respect because,
quote, "The fact that I've cheated haunts me in every one of my relationships to this very day."

So, in essence, you aren't living up to your own standards because you aren't loving your partner the way you want to be loved, because you can't get past your own guilt of cheating someone.

Is this a Leo thing? Or, are you just so distraught with this heavy wieght of guilt and remorse that it slants your sense of awareness?

hehehe...w/ you taking the defensive, P...it sounds like maybe you are ashamed of some things, and the way you handle your own personal relationships.

First of all, I am in a relationship w/ a man that makes me happy on so many different levels. I only mention my cheating past to prove my point regarding why I (notice the word "I" which has nothing to do w/ you or anybody else) could never be in an open relationship, and why people need to have more respect for themselves and their partners instead of taking the easy way out by promoting open relationships. Yes, i do still beat myself up from time to time...but trust me, I'm not wallowing in guilt any guilt.

As far as what you think I'm trying to do/say w/ my post...that's your perogative. There's nothing I can do about yours and others reactions, besides...the title of the post says "Relationships---JUST VENTING." If you care to engage your personal opinion according to P-Angel and his/her thoughts based on experience, by all means. But sweetheart, you are not breaking me down, for I've done nothing wrong.

Thanks for your comments!

No, actually, I'm just not a half-way kind of person. If I'm thinking along a certain line, then I think it to the end of the universe.

Lol, you are a funny one, quote, "you are not breaking me down", because that isn't my purpose. You just don't know me and that's fine. Really, I couldn't care a less about your sense of morals . . . I'm a truthseeker, you see, and I will look at every angle, so don't be surprised if I come back later and approach this again from a different perspective.

"you taking the defensive, P" Actually, I don't take the defensive, if you listen to most posts I respond to . . I'm on the offensive side, hehehehehehe, you're funny, lol

Truthseeker quote: "but trust me, I'm not wallowing in guilt any guilt"
Truthseeker quote: "and I will continue to beat myself up for it. The fact that I've cheated haunts me in every one of my relationships to this very day"

With a Capital "H" . . . lol

" 'You say that a person is suppose to understand, quote, "that to have someone truly love you, back...and I mean the way a Man loves a Woman",
that this entails, quote, "if you've pledged committment to someone...roam w/ tact and respect...don't to you your partner what you wouldn't want done to yourselves...",
yet, you can't because you won't allow yourself to love him with tact and respect because,
quote, "The fact that I've cheated haunts me in every one of my relationships to this very day.' "

Talk about your spin, P...I never said that at all. Once again, it's the assumptions you've made based on your own devils, Angel.

"In life, to find growth, it means to expand beyond what we've experienced to better our lives, by learning from our mistakes . ."

I couldn't agree w/ you more. It was hard moving on and learning from my mistakes...3 years to be exact, and I'm still "haunted," despite my growth.

Your opinion of my morals hasn't been answered...my thoughts are on "open" relationships...not cheating...been there, done that, learned this. So what exactly is your opinion...oh...wait, your opinion is on deciphering Truthseeker, the Leo. I see, you have no real opinion.

"Talk about your spin, P...I never said that at all. Once again, it's the assumptions you've made based on your own devils, Angel."

Those are YOUR quotes, I merely copied and pasted. The fact of the matter is, that's exactly what you said.

There ya go, someone finally gets me, "So what exactly is your opinion...oh...wait .. you have no real opinion." Most people don't comprehend that. They think I'm voicing an opinion because of manner of approach, when in reality, I'm only pondering "why, when, where, how, for what purpose, do you realize, can you see, are you self-aware, did you say this - but mean that" Not opinions at all, just opening up the angles in which to view the circumstances from different points. Most people DESIRE to see things in one-sided, when in fact, everything in this world is very dimensional. Nothing is one-way, there are always many levels.

Wow, you're the first person to say that they "get it", some people do, but, they don't communicate it because they are too busy being on the defensive.

Cool

hey. some people just have "the grass is greener" mentality, ya know?

also, some people probably grew up in bad homes with parents who were bad examples of what a relationship should be. a lot of times people cheat because they have issues with themselves, not the person they are with.

moral of story....if someone cheats on you its really not about you, its about them, and they probably have some issues that run deep.

i know cuz that's the reason i used to cheat.

you just gotta look within and understand why you do things, and want to change and be a better person-- not for others, but for yourself.

so don't think that all people who do that are scum bag losers. a lot of times they just have issues. you shouldn't judge. try to understand that maybe they are hurting inside to some degree. (although i would agree, its a terrible way to cope with it)

BTW...

P-Angels Quoute:

'You say that a person is suppose to understand, quote, "that to have someone truly love you, back...and I mean the way a Man loves a Woman",
that this entails, quote, "if you've pledged committment to someone...roam w/ tact and respect...don't to you your partner what you wouldn't want done to yourselves...",

Yes...those were my words, P...but how you interpret them is called spin...and what you've spun above is, in fact, not what I said.

JT...R U talkin to me or P...

I'm the one who cheated, but as I mentioned before, that wasn't the purpose of my post. My curiousity is with people who can maintain open relationships (committed relationship w/ relations on the outside)...I don't get it! What do you think about it JT...it's just mind boggling and I feel like those who partake in these types of situations have no respect for themselves or their partners.

yay boy!!! P angel come on dont let anyone have the last word. You shold always have the last word. defensive and u!! OMG u r never defensive just stating ur always right opinion. Wow. and obviously u understand people esp aries and leos more then they do themselves.

BTW with all ur analytical abilities when are you writing a book? maybe then we will all really understand ourselves!

🙂🙂

k...I look forward to continuing things...gotta run! Thanks for all your comments, and branh..."I also could care less about someones motives to cheat, because as I am concerned, it is never excusable."...I couldn't agree more!

Have a good weekend!

"Yes...those were my words, P...but how you interpret them is called spin...and what you've spun above is, in fact, not what I said."

Word !!! So, to topic now? That was a side road I went down, lol

With me, it would be hard to put myself in your position because I believe in open relationships, so long as there is an understanding between the partners. Not every relationship is love-based. I think it would be unfair to assume or expect that every relationship should be bond to the conditions of commitment.

To me cheating comes in many forms, so I don't know that I could hold someone to my view of cheating IF the other person took the word to mean something else. Also, I believe that there is mental and emotional cheating. Your theory is only physically based. Example: If you loved me and you stayed completely loyal and deticated to me, yet, thought about another person romantically . . you've just cheated on me.

So, first, I would have to make sure that both parties understood the terms and conditions of the relationship first, before I formed an opinion on whether it's cheating, or not.

That's cause you're a dude . . dude!!!

Women know about emotional cheating, to them, it can be a serious situation if they are feeling like they don't get enough attention.

Personally, I fantasize all the time . . so, in that theory, I'm a cheater, lol
Knowing you, I better clarify . . when I talked about it above, I was meaning that there are different forms of cheating, not that I was owning the statement. Plus, in the example, I used the first possession . . still, just an example.

Branh, I know open relationships that work. Perhaps you don't, you don't know every person in the world. I happen to know some and they work just fine.

Probably more don't work than do, like you said. But, I think it boils down to the terms of the relationship. Not every union is the same, because not every person is the same, and so long as both parties respect each other's hearts and follow through on their repsonsibilities to take care of each other, are honest and communicative . . then if they CHOOSE to have an open relationship, then they haven't hurt anybody.

Who are they hurting? You? Truthseeker? Whoever else feels this way? None of you are in the relationship, so what do your feelings matter on whether it's right or wrong?

If it's right to the people involved and nobody's getting hurt, then wtf . . . .

Alex, I will take, What is the meaning of Relationship? for $ 500.

"Alex, I will take, What is the meaning of Relationship? for $ 500."

lol, freebird


"Just don't expect me NOT to have an opinion on it, because they certainly have an opinion about those who prefer monogamy"

I hear you on that. In fact, this very thing happens in here all the time. A person can have an opinion, but, if someone comes on with a different opinion, then they are considered to be attacking. Insanity!!!!!!!!!!

Alex, I will take, What is Needless Suffering? for $ 1,000 please 😉

By all means Freebird

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


Hi B and P-A 🙂

Quite an interesting topic goin' on here. What is absolutely fascinating to this Bird are the many unique thoughts that are being expressed and ya know what? they all are true! 😉

It took me a while, and help from Freebird and her wisedom . . I think I figured out where this is coming from.

Truthseeker, have you found yourself trying to development a relationship with a man, who wants to be with you, but, also wants the relationship to be open, he wants to date others as well, and because you can't accept this because of your own morals and the guilt from your past betrayal, that in oder to find righteousness in your belief system, that you need to have "others" by on your side to strengthen your resolve in the belief that an open relationship is disrespectful?

You say that this is only about the topic of open relationships and if a person only looks at that explanation of "why" this thread started, then along those lines are the responses you're going to get. However, that's not "why" you posted it, for the title is, "Just to Vent". Just to vent, means there is something that is chipping away at you, that gets your ire up, and therefore, you need to let out some steam. If it was just to get peoples take on open relationships, then the title wouldn't have been those words, plus, you wouldn't have made the claim that anyone who doesn't agree with you has no self-respect. A Pisces cannot be fooled and I noticed you didn't place this on the Pisces board, probably for that reason.

The issue is not about an open relationship, in itself, rather, you wanting people to take a stand on your side. Why else would you go to the Leo board and state that I am cussing you out, when in fact, I've done no such thing. Does having a person, any person, standing on your side of the line you've drawn make you feel more confident when you make the claim to him that open relationships are just wrong?

Why must there be a line? Why must people stand on a particular side? There's a hidden motive in this topic, and that is to have support for your own self when you battle with him about respect. You can look back at these people here, and real people in your world that you recruit into your beliefs . . it will give you strength and firmer ground to stand on when you argue this point with him because you'll believe you aren't alone in this opinion.

Is your own integrity not enough?
Real strength and power is standing on your own.
You want him to respect your wishes?
Then stand your own ground. If you tell him that "others" believe this to be true, also, he'll KNOW you are weak, and, therefore, NOT want a closed and committed relati

"Truthseeker, have you found yourself trying to development a relationship with a man, who wants to be with you, but, also wants the relationship to be open, he wants to date others as well, and because you can't accept this because of your own morals and the guilt from your past betrayal, that in oder to find righteousness in your belief system, that you need to have "others" by on your side to strengthen your resolve in the belief that an open relationship is disrespectful?"

NO...I don't believe in open relationships, and therefore, I would never develop a relationship w/ anyone who follows this kind of trend.

"You say that this is only about the topic of open relationships and if a person only looks at that explanation of "why" this thread started, then along those lines are the responses you're going to get. However, that's not "why" you posted it, for the title is, "Just to Vent". Just to vent, means there is something that is chipping away at you, that gets your ire up, and therefore, you need to let out some steam. If it was just to get peoples take on open relationships, then the title wouldn't have been those words, plus, you wouldn't have made the claim that anyone who doesn't agree with you has no self-respect."

What's "chipping away," P-Angel is the different posts I've read here on dxpnet (do you remember the first sentence in my original post?) What i've read is what has caused me to vent. Also, at the end of the post, I stated "I welcome any responses," thus, not only did I choose to let off steam, I opened the topic up to those who chose to engage. My statement that those who participate in open relationship have a lack of self respect for themselves is, in fact, my opinoin...take it or leave it.

"A Pisces cannot be fooled and I noticed you didn't place this on the Pisces board, probably for that reason."

Pisces, gemini...whatever P. If you must know, the internet at work is not very high-speed...I meant to post on all the message boards, but I gave up when things started taking too long.

"The issue is not about an open relationship, in itself, rather, you wanting people to take a stand on your side."

I could give two slices of butter who takes my side, P. Also, you'll see my explanation as to why I said you were cussing me out if you go back to the leo board...

I am not your patient, P. I think that you are reading into things more than necessary. By all means, feel free to form your own opinion and make assumptions...but I should warn you that your assumptions about me have all been incorrect. I don't know if you really are 47, and I think you stated that you are married which does give you a bit more "expertise" on the topic since you've "been there, done that." But don't think that you are able to properly pshycho-analyze someone based on those intuitive vibes you get as a Pisces...

That last statement was me being sarcastic, because, really, this has nothing to do w/ the signs. I don't know why you have such beef w/ Leos (from what I've heard), and I don't know why you are basing your "proufound poetics" on the day someone was born...that's another story I guess.

I know who to go to if I need advice on my life (and I'm not being sarcastic), but homegirl...my topic is on open relationships...feel free to engage some more on that topic if you choose.

"I don't know why you have such beef w/ Leos (from what I've heard)"

lol, Leo's aren't brave enough to stand alone. Appropriate forum to be posting, since Aries can't either. Talk away, make an army.

Power is in having the guts and resolve to make a stand independantly.

Have fun gathering allies.

Don't need allies...I just took my stand to you all by myself...yeah...congratulate me, woman...I'm all grown up, now! LOL

"(from what I've heard)"

lol

My mistake...Literally from what I've read about you.