What does he want?!

Hi guys,
I'm turning to you because I need advice from every perspective I can get. I have been seeing an Aries male for about 6 months now. He works full time during the week and has school full time on weekends. I am also a full time student with weekends off. We see eachother about once a week because of our busy schedules. Since the begining, he has taken me on great dates but has always had an issue with communication. We have been great together but he would text me every two or three days. At one point, he went 5 days without contact. One night, as drinks were involved, I brought up the topic of how I didn't think I was going to see him and he said the same thing. I said well I was waiting for you to message me and he said the same thing. I told him that he was playing games and that it made me thing he didn't care much. He then said that a little chase is always fun. Well now that he knows that I won't message him until he messages me he has usually messaged me more often. Here and there I will message him but I don't act too clingy. Recently, we had a conversation and since it was late he did not answer what I had responded. Usually when he does this he responds some time the next day but I did not get a response or a message. It is now going on day 6 that he has not message me or responded at all. It was not a conversation that would have any effect on being angry or jealous or anything, it was a normal conversation. For him not to message me in 6 days honestly makes me think he is not that interested. I know he likes the chase, but for someone to not message me for SIX days is ridiculous. I need advice. Since he is a busy man and seems to only have a bit of time, when he does its usually with me or with his friends. He organizes great dates and we are always good when were together. Now i'm wondering Is he completely ignoring me because it is over? Is he ignoring me because he is busy and concentrated on work and school? I just don't see why all of a sudden he would just disappear after we had a nice date last week. Please help!

xx

Posted by Sscorp
I told him that he was playing games and that it made me thing he didn't care much.

1. What part of he is busy don't you get? At least you have your weekends free

2. If I was him, the quote above would make me think that you're the one who's playing games and trying to manipulate me, to force a reaction out of me. It's possible he went off on that and you are being iced.

Or he's busy, or he lost interest. You could contact him if you want to find out what it's about.

"One night, as drinks were involved, I brought up the topic of how I didn't think I was going to see him and he said the same thing. I said well I was waiting for you to message me and he said the same thing. I told him that he was playing games and that it made me thing he didn't care much. He then said that a little chase is always fun."

^^^ That right there tells you EVERYTHING you need to know. He does not sound like he's into you at all... and don't forget just because YOU thought the date was great and wonderful does NOT mean he did.

Lastly, it takes two seconds to answer a text. I'm in school full time going towards medical school, plus a job. I have time to text the man I care about. The pendulum swings both ways.

I would forget about him and move on... NOT worth your time, I promise 🙂

ohhh. :/ i have had a VERRRY similar situation but mine has gone on for 2 years. always acts like nothing could be better when we are together, goes long periods without hearing from him. i would love to hear others opinions as well. so many times i have said, come on this is is nuts! and told him i would never see him again. only to run into him or hear from him months later and somehow cave to respond and yes even sometimes hang out. i have made it clear that i am happy with a fwb situation with him as we have both been single for a long time, but it never becomes too regular and its always on his terms. i have tried to throw the tables around and demand his compliance to what i want, but its like telling a drunk baby what to do.

nevertheless, our banter is unparalleled and the chemistry is obviously intoxicating enough to make me mush. i feel there is a fire/fire connection that is incredibly strong. also were are mentally challenging to eachother in a good way and its hot. hes my kryptonite and i wish he could communicate just the eensiest bit. he has confessed his feelings for me years ago while completely smashed and routinely downplays them since. gyarrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just see it as Aries like the chase so why would I contact him if I was the last person to say something. Also, if he did not care why would he cook me dinner and take me out to places? We never had a conversation about a relationship but I feel like if and or when I see him again I need to know if we're on the same page or where this is going. I know for a fact he is not seeing any one else because 1. He is very busy and 2. My friend is seeing his brother. I'm not trying to make excuses for him because i find it unacceptable for him to not message me for a week but I'm also trying to figure out why he keeps bringing me on dates and doing nice things like that if hes not interested.

I just want to add that a year ago he came out of a very long relationship with a girl he lived with. I'm wondering if hes taking extra percausion and extra slow because she left him. In my perspective if a guy likes a girl he'll message her as often as he can not to lose her but he is losing me. I met some of his friends and his sibblings, so im also wondering why he would do all that if he wasn't interested..

Yeah I will definitely ask him to see if we're on the same page, but this is the longest that he has not messaged me. That is why I'm wondering if he is just not going to talk to me again or if he has taken a step back to re evaluate what he wants or what. I definitely deserve someone who shows more interest. Communication is key and he is great in person but his communication skills are lacking.

He's Not Into You... and IF by some chance he is let him come to you. I have YET to see any relationships on here where the girls have similar situations to you and they chase the guy do they ever get him.


JUST DO YOUR THING AND MOVE ON... if he really likes you you WILL hear from him. Like Greg said in"He's Just Not That Into' (the book)... if a man is interested HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Very similar to women... see you are interested and you are trying to make it happen. Want to know if he is interested? Let him try to make it happen.

But don't half ass it either... Just because you ignore him for a couple days and then he "texts" does not mean he's interested... I think sometimes when forget that men sometimes really just want only sex and nothing else...


You got this girl! I know you can do it 🙂... LOL sorry hyped up on coffee!!!!!


WEEEEEEE!!!! 🙂

Yeah I agree, he needs to make more effort into contacting me if he's interested. Good dates don't mean alot if their only once a week and if in between theres not much contact. I want HIM to wonder what I'm doing, not the other way around... Thanks for the responses!

xx

This is true, I should have communicated my intentions at the beginning or tried to see what he wanted out of it. But I didn't and I know I should have, so now what? I don't know how to bring it up without giving an ultimatum. I just want him to know that this is not what I want and I want someone that makes more effort communicating. I just don't know how to say that and I also don't even know if he will message me again. Don't Aries communicate clearly when they aren't interested in someone anymore? I didn't think Aries did the disappearing act.

Posted by xtina
He's Not Into You... and IF by some chance he is let him come to you. I have YET to see any relationships on here where the girls have similar situations to you and they chase the guy do they ever get him.


JUST DO YOUR THING AND MOVE ON... if he really likes you you WILL hear from him. Like Greg said in"He's Just Not That Into' (the book)... if a man is interested HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Very similar to women... see you are interested and you are trying to make it happen. Want to know if he is interested? Let him try to make it happen.

Post Of The Day

*standing ovation/claps/cheers*

I'm definitely not contacting him! I know that if he is interested he is contacting me. But when or if he does, I do need to communicate what I want and if he can't give that to me or doesn't want the same things then on to the next one..

Posted by Sscorp
This is true, I should have communicated my intentions at the beginning or tried to see what he wanted out of it. But I didn't and I know I should have, so now what? I don't know how to bring it up without giving an ultimatum. I just want him to know that this is not what I want and I want someone that makes more effort communicating. I just don't know how to say that and I also don't even know if he will message me again. Don't Aries communicate clearly when they aren't interested in someone anymore? I didn't think Aries did the disappearing act.

Everybody does it.

Posted by feby16aqua
Well I don't think you need to give an ultimatum for this. You could ask him in a playful way but make sure that your intentions are very clear. You will know. And then you will decide accordingly what you are to do afterwards.

I would approach it from a positive direction. People can pick up on all sorts of things and no one likes negativity or even ultimatums. That puts people in the corner. For me, as an aqua, I will punch and kick my way out of a corner 😛

+100

Ultimatums are very selfish... they don't take any consideration of what the other person wants or needs, it's just ME, ME, ME, ME.

I'll put you in the corner feby 😛

Posted by feby16aqua

These buggers are very hard to shake once they get their eyes set on you.

LOL

just imagining a tiny version of me clinging on to you and you trying to shake me off >__

I agree with Feby btw... honestly sometimes not wanting so much is the best route because it means that everything YOU have personally within you is enough and you don't need more. SO, when a man gives you something, whether it be his time or love... anything! Then you know it is truly from a place that is genuine and not because you forced it out of him.

I think as long as he's not doing anything to harm your character or who you are as a person there is no need to have a talk about it.

Yeah thats exacly why I don't want to say are we on the same page or not kinda thing? Also replying to feby I thought we just were also. But now the fact that he hasn't talked to me in 6 days makes me think otherwise....He is very touchy infront of his friends and stuff and compliments me and I even have a toothbrush at his place!lol I defintely though we were together without asking but now not so sure...

Posted by AriesGirl74

Posted by xtina
He's Not Into You... and IF by some chance he is let him come to you. I have YET to see any relationships on here where the girls have similar situations to you and they chase the guy do they ever get him.


JUST DO YOUR THING AND MOVE ON... if he really likes you you WILL hear from him. Like Greg said in"He's Just Not That Into' (the book)... if a man is interested HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Very similar to women... see you are interested and you are trying to make it happen. Want to know if he is interested? Let him try to make it happen.

Post Of The Day

*standing ovation/claps/cheers*

click to expand

Why thank you 🙂

Boys are such a headache!!!

Agreed Sscorp... as George Carlin once said "... Men are stupid and women are crazy, women are crazy because men are stupid."

IMO Sscorp if you make it simple and just take what he does for face value rather than what he says then you'll make life a hell of a lot easier for yourself.

Posted by starlover
My very wise capricorn mother used to say that women should keep men on their toes and showe them the way. i used to laugh at her, but my Aries father was in love with her for a very long time. Aries men respect women who are clear and a little dominating, believe it or not 🙂

Of course, but every situation is different and this mostly goes to the difference of being in a relationship and trying to get into one. Of course you have to show them you won't take their shit. But I believe, like anything else in life, there is a fine balance for everything... but that just might be my Libra moon speaking 😛.

And a part of keeping them on their toes is not needing them. Meaning you will be fine with or without them in your life, so therefore you won't care if they give flowers are chocolates for valentines day, cause you're with them because you're just happy to share your life with them not because they give or offer you anything.

But that is a long topic and there are many nooks and crannies to that... maybe we should just open up another thread!! 🙂

Posted by starlover
ladies 🙂 ~~~ i am coming back as an AQUA next time


😄

I want to come back as a Scorp!

Now that is a good topic... what would you want your chart to be if you were reincarnated?

Hey don't get me wrong ladies I'm all about putting in his place when it's deserved.. but only if it's deserved.

You have to have some sort of "standards" for lack of a better word... The only thing I won't stand is wasting my time and being mean to me for no reason... I'm sure theres more up there somewhere, but those two are most recent in my mind. Happen once for both with my Cancer, for the time I put him in his place I wouldn't answer back his calls or text because I was SOOO pissed off, we talked about it, and he has not since wasted my time. The last he was being his usual crabby moody self too much to explain but basically I was like FUCK that lol... now he's a good little crabby 🙂.

Welllllllllllllllll so by me not messaging him will he think I don't care? He has said before that he waits for me to message him too...GAMES...I should just keep sticking it out until he messages me? My emotions are all back and forth right now...One minute its hells no he needs to message me and I will go about being busy and keeping myself busy and the next is what if he thinks I don't care because I havn't messaged him, yet he hasn't messaged me.. Ahh im going crazy.

Posted by Sscorp
Welllllllllllllllll so by me not messaging him will he think I don't care? He has said before that he waits for me to message him too...GAMES...I should just keep sticking it out until he messages me? My emotions are all back and forth right now...One minute its hells no he needs to message me and I will go about being busy and keeping myself busy and the next is what if he thinks I don't care because I havn't messaged him, yet he hasn't messaged me.. Ahh im going crazy.

Trust me... if he thinks you don't care he's an idiot you don't want to be with you anyway. But in my experience men can be really persistent if they REALLY want something. Even if you turn them down or not text. If he REALLY wants you he WILL communicate. But I would leave all up to him to initiate, it he doesn't...oh well

Alrightttttttttttt. Thanks alot!!!! It helps to get different opinions!

Posted by Sscorp
Alrightttttttttttt. Thanks alot!!!! It helps to get different opinions!

Last thing I promise and I'll go back to studying 😛


But in my experience with Aries men and there have been a few... No matter how I pushed them away or showed them I didn't like them THEY ALWAYS CAME BACK... Feby was telling the truth when she said it's hard to shake those fuckers off... they get really attached.

If he cares no amount of reassurance (or even lack of) will change that... if he doesn't no amount of reassurance will change that!

I wanted to add that the sooner you set your boundaries for what you want out of a relationship, the sooner all of the confusion will go away. It is hard to stick to those boundaries sometimes, but in the end, they really are worth it. I wish I had learned this when I was younger, it would have saved me a great deal of grief.

If i'm the last one to comment on something I expect a response and If I don't get a response I'm not going to message again. I don't want to be clingy that way. I do message him first asking how school is and stuff like that. At this point six months later we both message eachother..but I refuse to if I was the last one to say something and havn't gotten an answer or comment on it. This is why I refuse to message him this week because he hasn't answered my last comment or anything.

Posted by tiziani
Plus all Aries like to have their egos stroked. If they do not feel like they are the centre of your universe, they become unhappy. There's no point making an Aries unhappy.

Isn't this the opposite of being hard to get then? How can you stroke their ego while still being hard to get? lol

Posted by feby16aqua

Posted by Sscorp

Posted by tiziani
Plus all Aries like to have their egos stroked. If they do not feel like they are the centre of your universe, they become unhappy. There's no point making an Aries unhappy.

Isn't this the opposite of being hard to get then? How can you stroke their ego while still being hard to get? lol

**pulls out card from aqua bag of tricks and reads it**
it says:

tell him he's the best you've ever had
and then disappear 😈

click to expand

Damn good idea!! hahah I can't do that if he hasn't talked to me tho! Boooo

Posted by justanothercrazysag
ohhh. :/ i have had a VERRRY similar situation but mine has gone on for 2 years. always acts like nothing could be better when we are together, goes long periods without hearing from him. i would love to hear others opinions as well. so many times i have said, come on this is is nuts! and told him i would never see him again. only to run into him or hear from him months later and somehow cave to respond and yes even sometimes hang out. i have made it clear that i am happy with a fwb situation with him as we have both been single for a long time, but it never becomes too regular and its always on his terms. i have tried to throw the tables around and demand his compliance to what i want, but its like telling a drunk baby what to do.

nevertheless, our banter is unparalleled and the chemistry is obviously intoxicating enough to make me mush. i feel there is a fire/fire connection that is incredibly strong. also were are mentally challenging to eachother in a good way and its hot. hes my kryptonite and i wish he could communicate just the eensiest bit. he has confessed his feelings for me years ago while completely smashed and routinely downplays them since. gyarrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did you respond after he confessed? Maybe he is embarrassed and thinks you don't want a serious relationship because you said you would be fine being FWBs..(?)

Posted by tiziani
Yep, as feb said, just compliments. Genuine ones. Let them know you're thinking about them when you do talk to them. Not cold stuff. Be warm. And they will come back for more.

Yesss! 😄

Posted by starlover
to add what the others ladies say and Aries dudes......they are so self absorbed, if they want you, they will not even bother what you think....they will pester the hell out of you

i have been there, received that and found it exhausting!

I agree, I believe I was too available when he wanted. It was always on his time, I feel like he is a little selfish that way. If I had plans when he wanted to do something he would be surprised. It's just that since we saw eachother once a week I would obviously want to see him so I would work my schedule around his when really I wasn't his priority his school and work are. It's exhausting alright.

Maybe quit being a control freak and stop dating "boys," and you wouldn't have this issue.

The whole thing of refusing to initiate or refusing to contact again after no response under the guise of NOT being clingy is bs. You're just trying to control and manipulate because your ego wants him to do all the fawning. It'd be one thing if you held off to help determine his interest, but that's not what's happening here.

He doesn't seem interested, and you're playing just as many games as he is in order to get the responses you want. You're just upset that someone, who isn't into you, isn't giving you the responses you want, instead of realizing this guy isn't that into you.

Either communicate, and make yourself clear about what you want for him, or drop him. No more of this victimizing shit.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Maybe quit being a control freak and stop dating "boys," and you wouldn't have this issue.

The whole thing of refusing to initiate or refusing to contact again after no response under the guise of NOT being clingy is bs. You're just trying to control and manipulate because your ego wants him to do all the fawning. It'd be one thing if you held off to help determine his interest, but that's not what's happening here.

He doesn't seem interested, and you're playing just as many games as he is in order to get the responses you want. You're just upset that someone, who isn't into you, isn't giving you the responses you want, instead of realizing this guy isn't that into you.

Either communicate, and make yourself clear about what you want for him, or drop him. No more of this victimizing shit.

Great advice; you are like an Oracle
*bows down* 🙂

Posted by feby16aqua
I think that going days without hearing from someone is a bit much...especially for the fire that is aries. The aries men I know / have known are heavy chasers.

True! As an Aries i like daily contact. With all the numerous ways of communication now there is no excuse. Granted, not everybody feels that way.

I dunno about the guys, but as a female Aries, I can see when someone is trying some stupid, manipulative bs from a mile away. And I am immediately turned off and annoyed.

I have no problem icing out and dropping these individuals before things get started. If the ridiculous crap is already starting this early on, I could only imagine what kind of dysfunctional relationship would form from it. :/

I am not some object to be manipulated for the sake of meeting someone's selfish needs and wants.

As a female, I can't entirely fault the OP for wanting contact from him, because in dating, it helps a LOT more if the guy initiates more since it tells you where he really stands. If a female initiates, you fall prey too easily to the douchelords who zero in on that shit to get some easy ass.

That said, if a guy isn't contacting you, I think it's pretty clear where he stands. Be annoyed, miffed, whatever, that this asshat wasted your time, but move the hell on. I dunno why women proceed to pursue and cling to a guy when the signs aren't there. And even IF he happens to be interested, it's all on him to show you that. This much lack of contact should turn off any well adjusted, normal female The insecure, desperate, drama loving ones only cling on and force things to work this early on with obvious things that should be watched. :/

Btw, "busy" is the oldest excuse in the book. Everyone gets busy, but if you truly mean something to someone, they at least find the time to get in touch, even at their busiest. Like someone said, it takes a few seconds to send out a text.

Posted by AriesIntrovert16

Posted by justanothercrazysag
ohhh. :/ i have had a VERRRY similar situation but mine has gone on for 2 years. always acts like nothing could be better when we are together, goes long periods without hearing from him. i would love to hear others opinions as well. so many times i have said, come on this is is nuts! and told him i would never see him again. only to run into him or hear from him months later and somehow cave to respond and yes even sometimes hang out. i have made it clear that i am happy with a fwb situation with him as we have both been single for a long time, but it never becomes too regular and its always on his terms. i have tried to throw the tables around and demand his compliance to what i want, but its like telling a drunk baby what to do.

nevertheless, our banter is unparalleled and the chemistry is obviously intoxicating enough to make me mush. i feel there is a fire/fire connection that is incredibly strong. also were are mentally challenging to eachother in a good way and its hot. hes my kryptonite and i wish he could communicate just the eensiest bit. he has confessed his feelings for me years ago while completely smashed and routinely downplays them since. gyarrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did you respond after he confessed? Maybe he is embarrassed and thinks you don't want a serious relationship because you said you would be fine being FWBs..(?)

click to expand

well we bonded that night a bit but he went back to playing super hard to get and everything on his terms. since then, he has made remarks admitting that he doesnt want me to 'get him.' its a game, and i admit it is fun and i suppose if we ever were to truly date, all that mystery and suspense would be gone and we probably wouldnt like eachother. i have the absolute worst case of i want what i cant have. always. it really makes it hard to discern feelings when you are a dating novice such as myself and you want answers NOW! a couple of very long term relationships robbed me of all this quality dating experience that im getting now. :/

Posted by miha
one technique to apply to an aries man: kick his a s s, let him chase, enjoy the time together, kick his a s s, blah blah blah...repeat the procedure....

but only if you are a looser and don't have anything better to do

otherwise....who'll bother to waste their lives and their own sanity to play toddlers' games————??

🙂

Haha, very well put. I'm going to put him back on the shelf now