My problem is I overthink everything. I deal in full truths. Half truths or partial info does get my mind spinning. I was hoping to get some perspective here but just ran into some really angry people instead.
Should An Ex Have Your Back (Page 2)
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Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Posted by confusedlibra78What advice were you asking for ? If you should be mad at your ex for not getting you enough details on your suspect bf? "Not having your back" as you put it?Posted by brianafayHow have I reacted? I haven't done anything, lol. I am working this out internally and asked for advice.Posted by confusedlibra78If you were my ex I wouldn't say anything at all and let you get played ??♀️ - especially if I knew this is how you would reactPosted by brianafayHe basically said as much. I don't want validation, just wondering if you were in the scenario, would you say anything at all or at least get something more concrete before opening your mouth?Posted by confusedlibra78Wellp if he's "not a good guy at all" - why are you expecting things of him?? What is this post about? You wanted strangers to validate your feelings that he's a shitty person?Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be sainted
Ok ?? He's a shitty ex
??
Damned if you do
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Posted by Noni05Posted by confusedlibra78Maybe he though you should know what he saw.. then you can take matters into your own hands to clarify the situation.Posted by Noni05Then he should say nothing at all.Posted by confusedlibra78To be honest, your ex and the father of your child is doing the right thing by letting you live your life & not being too involved. He's respecting your personal life.Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Everyone's telling her this, she's not getting it
I go through this exact kind of shit with my Libra.
They're so hard-headed
Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
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Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78Granted I will say too in all fairness, he did at least tell you something was up. If it were me, I would've taken a picture or two. If this behavior became a pattern, then I'd say something pretty quick. Loyalty is super important to me and disloyalty gets under my skin.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
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Posted by Ellygant??it's not funny, but funnyPosted by brianafayI once had to talk down a libra from breaking up with her boyfriend because she was so sure he went to a family reunion to have sex with one or several of his cousins. 😐 Air signs can be as stubborn as any fixed sign lol.Posted by Noni05Posted by confusedlibra78Maybe he though you should know what he saw.. then you can take matters into your own hands to clarify the situation.Posted by Noni05Then he should say nothing at all.Posted by confusedlibra78To be honest, your ex and the father of your child is doing the right thing by letting you live your life & not being too involved. He's respecting your personal life.Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
Everyone's telling her this, she's not getting it
I go through this exact kind of shit with my Libra.
They're so hard-headed
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Posted by confusedlibra78Fair enough, but OP, you're an adult...ask the cancer. The Sags responsibility is to his child...and not you. In this instance, he told you what you needed to know for you to handle the situation and it's actually not fair to expect him to do more. Questioning his friendship/loyalty adds insult to injury.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
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Posted by ChuckcemI give him that but he has a way of telling me things without telling me everything and he knows it drives me nuts. I guess I'm more upset that he's doing the same old shit he's always done and it still bothers me. That being said, I don't tolerate disloyalty in any way. And I don't feel particularly secure in this relationship because he NEVER compliments me and makes it a point to drop comments every so often about how much he loves big, fake boobs which I don't have.Posted by confusedlibra78Granted I will say too in all fairness, he did at least tell you something was up. If it were me, I would've taken a picture or two. If this behavior became a pattern, then I'd say something pretty quick. Loyalty is super important to me and disloyalty gets under my skin.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
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Posted by confusedlibra78Your too focused on your ex's behavior instead of your bf's. If I was you I'd be grateful for the heads up and want to find out the truth of what's going on immediately!Posted by ChuckcemI give him that but he has a way of telling me things without telling me everything and he knows it drives me nuts. I guess I'm more upset that he's doing the same old shit he's always done and it still bothers me. That being said, I don't tolerate disloyalty in any way. And I don't feel particularly secure in this relationship because he NEVER compliments me and makes it a point to drop comments every so often about how much he loves big, fake boobs which I don't have.Posted by confusedlibra78Granted I will say too in all fairness, he did at least tell you something was up. If it were me, I would've taken a picture or two. If this behavior became a pattern, then I'd say something pretty quick. Loyalty is super important to me and disloyalty gets under my skin.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
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Posted by AfternoonDelights22— what's funny is I'm super relaxed and normal. My bf has no idea what's going on in my mind.
Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
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Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78They are really expressive with their feels though. And it sounds like that's something your missing rn.Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm terrible with the feels. I have super deep, intense feelings but I have a hard time expressing themPosted by confusedlibra78They are really expressive with their feels though. And it sounds like that's something your missing rn.Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeDunno, maybe, lol. I can't remember what I was complaining about at the time that would make you think he wasPosted by confusedlibra78Didn't I tell your ass this guy is probably cheating and to dump him like months agoPosted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
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Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
click to expand
He's looking for that from you.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI have a hard time admitting when things are over, even when I'm hurting, I try to make it work. That's why I stayed with a narcissistic emotional abuser for 18 years. It was miserable and I'm afraid I'm going down that path again
You're really stringing this relationship along. Why. Why. Why.
You're so unhappy. It's so sad.
Lol "Do I look fat in this dress?
No babe your perfect.
No babe your perfect.
Posted by brianafayThe real life lsd tripPosted by AfternoonDelights22
?
It's something everyone should experience
Highly recommendclick to expand
Tho could be worse. Could be the scorpio acid trip
Posted by LadyNeptuneI replied that I was very worried but it's so hard for me to be emotional about it.Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
He's looking for that from you.click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI need an emotional laxativePosted by confusedlibra78So you're both constipatedPosted by LadyNeptuneI'm terrible with the feels. I have super deep, intense feelings but I have a hard time expressing themPosted by confusedlibra78They are really expressive with their feels though. And it sounds like that's something your missing rn.Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAh yes, that. I should have dumped him then. He wasn't cheating then, though. The guy he went with posted pics. Unless he's gay, which might explain the zero sex drive and not being able to keep it up. Or it could be the weed and alcoholPosted by confusedlibra78He left you to go to a game and didn't keep his word to youPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeDunno, maybe, lol. I can't remember what I was complaining about at the time that would make you think he wasPosted by confusedlibra78Didn't I tell your ass this guy is probably cheating and to dump him like months agoPosted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeYeah, it does. I hate it but somewhere deep down it's comforting and familiarPosted by confusedlibra78Misery sucks dudePosted by CaramelizedCoffeeI have a hard time admitting when things are over, even when I'm hurting, I try to make it work. That's why I stayed with a narcissistic emotional abuser for 18 years. It was miserable and I'm afraid I'm going down that path again
You're really stringing this relationship along. Why. Why. Why.
You're so unhappy. It's so sad.click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeThanks for that. I spend so much time trying to caretake others that I neglect myself. I've had men who want to love me for me but it's hard for me to put any focus on myself at all.Posted by confusedlibra78No you need someone who will bring it out of you.. Love you so hard that you can't help gushingPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeI need an emotional laxativePosted by confusedlibra78So you're both constipatedPosted by LadyNeptuneI'm terrible with the feels. I have super deep, intense feelings but I have a hard time expressing themPosted by confusedlibra78They are really expressive with their feels though. And it sounds like that's something your missing rn.Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
You're with a joke of a crab! A man.
I hope you can find someone more open to loveclick to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI've fallen into a routine, I've become close with some of his friends and I'd lose that, he cooks for me and takes me back home to New York (this has nothing to do with trips or money) and understands how much I love it there, he's easy going which is polar opposite from my ex who was very demanding and rigid and he loves to cuddle. Sounds silly but my ex would push me off after 15 min. But it's not enough. I don't need roses every day but to hear he thinks I'm beautiful or sexy once in a blue moon would mean a lot. Or that he enjoys my company, something. Instead he tells me what he tells other people about me...that I'm not controlling, I'm easy going, we never fight, etc. It's like I'm waiting for that magic moment that will never happen. I don't need a lot but I need more than nothing.Posted by confusedlibra78Making excuses for not being happy.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAh yes, that. I should have dumped him then. He wasn't cheating then, though. The guy he went with posted pics. Unless he's gay, which might explain the zero sex drive and not being able to keep it up. Or it could be the weed and alcoholPosted by confusedlibra78He left you to go to a game and didn't keep his word to youPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeDunno, maybe, lol. I can't remember what I was complaining about at the time that would make you think he wasPosted by confusedlibra78Didn't I tell your ass this guy is probably cheating and to dump him like months agoPosted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
What does he provide for you? Why are you still with himclick to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78Why should you have to be emotionally giving when he doesn't help you feel safe and secure to open up? Talk to him so you can decide whether you want to continue on or call it.Posted by LadyNeptuneI replied that I was very worried but it's so hard for me to be emotional about it.Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
He's looking for that from you.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
click to expand
Hmph. That's your problem. Those ride or die placements will keep you stuck in a relationship that don't make you happy. Try to find some happiness elsewhere.
Posted by confusedlibra78It's not only about him cheating though. It's also about how he handled the situation. How he treats you is a direct link to how much he values you.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAh yes, that. I should have dumped him then. He wasn't cheating then, though. The guy he went with posted pics. Unless he's gay, which might explain the zero sex drive and not being able to keep it up. Or it could be the weed and alcoholPosted by confusedlibra78He left you to go to a game and didn't keep his word to youPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeDunno, maybe, lol. I can't remember what I was complaining about at the time that would make you think he wasPosted by confusedlibra78Didn't I tell your ass this guy is probably cheating and to dump him like months agoPosted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI agree. I should feel like I can tell him anything but he's so damn judgemental and when I've tried to talk to him in the past I either get the "I'm going to change to make it work", the "am I in trouble?", or the "I'm going to deflect and not pay attention to the real problem and insist that you're upset about something else". It's hard to know where his mood is.Posted by confusedlibra78Why should you have to be emotionally giving when he doesn't help you feel safe and secure to open up. Talk to him so you can decide whether you want to continue on or call it.Posted by LadyNeptuneI replied that I was very worried but it's so hard for me to be emotional about it.Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
He's looking for that from you.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneTotally agree. I think I've been too easy going so he just walks all over me. I stood up to him this weekend but I did it passive aggressively, which is how he rolls, and it didn't feel goodPosted by confusedlibra78It's not only about him cheating though. It's also about how he handled the situation. How he treats you is a direct link to how much he values you.Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAh yes, that. I should have dumped him then. He wasn't cheating then, though. The guy he went with posted pics. Unless he's gay, which might explain the zero sex drive and not being able to keep it up. Or it could be the weed and alcoholPosted by confusedlibra78He left you to go to a game and didn't keep his word to youPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeDunno, maybe, lol. I can't remember what I was complaining about at the time that would make you think he wasPosted by confusedlibra78Didn't I tell your ass this guy is probably cheating and to dump him like months agoPosted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78What's his Mercury and yours?Posted by LadyNeptuneI agree. I should feel like I can tell him anything but he's so damn judgemental and when I've tried to talk to him in the past I either get the "I'm going to change to make it work", the "am I in trouble?", or the "I'm going to deflect and not pay attention to the real problem and insist that you're upset about something else". It's hard to know where his mood is.Posted by confusedlibra78Why should you have to be emotionally giving when he doesn't help you feel safe and secure to open up. Talk to him so you can decide whether you want to continue on or call it.Posted by LadyNeptuneI replied that I was very worried but it's so hard for me to be emotional about it.Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
He's looking for that from you.click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingIs that what those placements mean? I'm not as educated on the other planets as I should be. I'm a Libra, but I'm also loyal to a fault and don't give up.Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
Hmph. That's your problem. Those ride or die placements will keep you stuck in a relationship that don't make you happy. Try to find some happiness elsewhere.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneHim - Leo, me - Libra. What does that mean?Posted by confusedlibra78What's his Mercury and yours?Posted by LadyNeptuneI agree. I should feel like I can tell him anything but he's so damn judgemental and when I've tried to talk to him in the past I either get the "I'm going to change to make it work", the "am I in trouble?", or the "I'm going to deflect and not pay attention to the real problem and insist that you're upset about something else". It's hard to know where his mood is.Posted by confusedlibra78Why should you have to be emotionally giving when he doesn't help you feel safe and secure to open up. Talk to him so you can decide whether you want to continue on or call it.Posted by LadyNeptuneI replied that I was very worried but it's so hard for me to be emotional about it.Posted by confusedlibra78Yeah the ones I know need that assurance. And if he's probing you with a set up like that, "I heard from someone else that you were worried bout me..."Posted by LadyNeptuneUgh...I don't fawn. For me, taking all that time and basically staying by him the entire time is how I show I care. I'm guessing with a Cancer I need to be more fawning?Posted by confusedlibra78He was probably wanting to hear you confirm it. He wanted to hear you tell him how worried you were and fawn all over him.Posted by LadyNeptuneHe won't talk about anything. He's the most closed person I've ever met. I gave up two days to take him to the hospital, I missed work, had to pay extra money for my son to be watched, missed an important meeting and all he said to me at the time was...sorry you had to take me here. Last night he came over and said that his best friend had told him how concerned I was about his health (they work together and I had asked the friend to watch over him) and that's all he said. I don't know what the purpose of him saying that was.Posted by confusedlibra78So let's say your ex is being an asshole and instigating shit. Still doesn't explain why the cancer won't talk. People who refuse to talk usually are hiding something and are afraid it's gonna slip out.Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.
He's looking for that from you.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78OK OP, this is about the third or fourth time you've mentioned half truths and this Sag. I'm going to break this down for you and I'm not being condescending...just giving you the truth 🙂Posted by ChuckcemI give him that but he has a way of telling me things without telling me everything and he knows it drives me nuts. I guess I'm more upset that he's doing the same old shit he's always done and it still bothers me. That being said, I don't tolerate disloyalty in any way. And I don't feel particularly secure in this relationship because he NEVER compliments me and makes it a point to drop comments every so often about how much he loves big, fake boobs which I don't have.Posted by confusedlibra78Granted I will say too in all fairness, he did at least tell you something was up. If it were me, I would've taken a picture or two. If this behavior became a pattern, then I'd say something pretty quick. Loyalty is super important to me and disloyalty gets under my skin.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
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The real issue here with the Sag is that by only giving what you deem is the "half truth" your ego deems that as being controlling subconsciously...that's hard for a cardinal sign. But it is correct. It is a form of manipulation...guidance to be specific. But think about it, exactly what purpose would it serve to give you the salacious details other than to leave you over thinking(as you admitted) when the outcome is going to be the same regardless? So we tell you what you need to know. He knows you probably better than you know yourself and by doing what he does, he's trying to teach you to take direct action without going through unnecessary steps and wasting energy thinking and thinking and thinking again. Trying to get you to break a habit that doesn't serve you...like sitting there like some judge needing all the "facts" before you "make a judgement" when the simple truth(not half) is smacking you on the face...a you get mad at him because he strolls right in and gives it to you 🙂 What's sad is the Sag has given you more information about your boyfriend and you're dating this guy...for 10 months...and can't even get him to talk and it's the fact that the Sag has indirectly made you face that fact by interjecting the simple truth is what's upsetting you because it takes you out of the fantasy land you're in and face the real person in front of you and actually have to make a decision instead of trying to avoid conflict and stay in a situation that doesn't serve your highest good.
Posted by beautifulsoul74Well said and I agreePosted by confusedlibra78OK OP, this is about the third or fourth time you've mentioned half truths and this Sag. I'm going to break this down for you and I'm not being condescending...just giving you the truth 🙂Posted by ChuckcemI give him that but he has a way of telling me things without telling me everything and he knows it drives me nuts. I guess I'm more upset that he's doing the same old shit he's always done and it still bothers me. That being said, I don't tolerate disloyalty in any way. And I don't feel particularly secure in this relationship because he NEVER compliments me and makes it a point to drop comments every so often about how much he loves big, fake boobs which I don't have.Posted by confusedlibra78Granted I will say too in all fairness, he did at least tell you something was up. If it were me, I would've taken a picture or two. If this behavior became a pattern, then I'd say something pretty quick. Loyalty is super important to me and disloyalty gets under my skin.Posted by beautifulsoul74He knows very well who my boyfriend is. He's friends with several people and they gossip about everything and since we're friends, he knows because we've talked about it. It's my boyfriend who may not know who my ex is. For the record, I've never brought my son around anyone I've dated.Posted by PhoenixRisingBingo...especially since she never bothered to tell him the cancer that's the bartender is her boyfriend(the Sag probably knew but didn't say anything) and may be coming around his child...but then expects the Sag to have her back. Smh
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
The real issue here with the Sag is that by only giving what you deem is the "half truth" your ego deems that as being controlling subconsciously...that's hard for a cardinal sign. But it is correct. It is a form of manipulation...guidance to be specific. But think about it, exactly what purpose would it serve to give you the salacious details other than to leave you over thinking(as you admitted) when the outcome is going to be the same regardless? So we tell you what you need to know. He knows you probably better than you know yourself and by doing what he does, he's trying to teach you to take direct action without going through unnecessary steps and wasting energy thinking and thinking and thinking again. Trying to get you to break a habit that doesn't serve you...like sitting there like some judge needing all the "facts" before you "make a judgement" when the simple truth(not half) is smacking you on the face...a you get mad at him because he strolls right in and gives it to you 🙂 What's sad is the Sag has given you more information about your boyfriend and you're dating this guy...for 10 months...and can't even get him to talk and it's the fact that the Sag has indirectly made you face that fact by interjecting the simple truth is what's upsetting you because it takes you out of the fantasy land you're in and face the real person in front of you and actually have to make a decision instead of trying to avoid conflict and stay in a situation that doesn't serve your highest good.
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Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by PhoenixRisingIs that what those placements mean? I'm not as educated on the other planets as I should be. I'm a Libra, but I'm also loyal to a fault and don't give up.Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
Hmph. That's your problem. Those ride or die placements will keep you stuck in a relationship that don't make you happy. Try to find some happiness elsewhere.
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I wouldn't goes as far as to state that is what those placements mean, that's just how I experience/observe them. I can relate to the loyalty piece. Sadly, loyalty is very big for me and I show it to people that don't deserve it, not for their sake, but my own. It's like an unspoken code and with it comes some unrealistic expectations when involved in relationships. Platonic and romantic. I've had to learn to check myself to not apply these expectations to others.
Your expectations of your ex makes a bit more sense now. I still think you took it a bit too far, but I understand it. Also, your ex was safer to focus on than your situation with your boyfriend.
Focus on either getting to a better place with your boyfriend or find a way to move on for your own sake. It doesn't sound like the relationship brings you much joy. It's pleasant, but is that enough?
Moving on to find happiness =/= failure of any kind.
Posted by PhoenixRisingYou're so right. I'm focusing on my ex, who I admittedly still have unresolved issues with, instead of focusing on the boyfriend. We have a trip planned in 3 weeks, tickets bought and everything so I'm loathe to say or do anything right now, but I worry that if I wait til we get back, I'll just get complacent again or he'll say just enough to keep me around. Not asking for advice on that one since that's my own problem to solve, just talking out loudPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by PhoenixRisingIs that what those placements mean? I'm not as educated on the other planets as I should be. I'm a Libra, but I'm also loyal to a fault and don't give up.Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm a Virgo moon, Scorp Venus and Mars. Fire signs don't mesh well with me.Posted by confusedlibra78You need to get with another fire sign. Or an earth sign with a fire Venus and Mars.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I'm really into non-communicative, selfish guys. Trying to break that cycle and not doing a good jobPosted by confusedlibra78You have bigger problems than whether or not what your ex saw went down the way he says. Your bf is refusing to talk! If the lines of communication go the relationship isn't long for this world...Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
Hmph. That's your problem. Those ride or die placements will keep you stuck in a relationship that don't make you happy. Try to find some happiness elsewhere.
I wouldn't goes as far as to state that is what those placements mean, that's just how I experience/observe them. I can relate to the loyalty piece. Sadly, loyalty is very big for me and I show it to people that don't deserve it, not for their sake, but my own. It's like an unspoken code and with it comes some unrealistic expectations when involved in relationships. Platonic and romantic. I've had to learn to check myself to not apply these expectations to others.
Your expectations of your ex makes a bit more sense now. I still think you took it a bit too far, but I understand it. Also, your ex was safer to focus on than your situation with your boyfriend.
Focus on either getting to a better place with your boyfriend or find a way to move on for your own sake. It doesn't sound like the relationship brings you much joy. It's pleasant, but is that enough?
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Sounds to me like you're still in love with him 🙂
Posted by beautifulsoul74With my ex? I'll always love him. We were together for 18 years and he was my best friend. But he's also got a lot of problems and he made me miserable.
Sounds to me like you're still in love with him 🙂
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