Birthday

Question.. I've been dating a leo for 3.5 years.. we recently broke up (3weeks) she sent me a txt message today, saying "no matter what she will always care for me wellbeing" wtf! I take it as,I don't want you to care for me, i didnt respond back to her txt. . Btw she broke up with me.. she said that we both don't communicate well.. anyways.. my question is... her birthday is tomorrow. Should I send her a txt wishing her a happy birthday or just leave it alone... we had a blast together.. we just fought over stupid small things that ended up being big. And when the big one came that,just did it for her.. so any advise would be helpful. Thanks

Posted by cancerboy0705
Question.. I've been dating a leo for 3.5 years.. we recently broke up (3weeks) she sent me a txt message today, saying "no matter what she will always care for me wellbeing" wtf! I take it as,I don't want you to care for me, i didnt respond back to her txt. . Btw she broke up with me.. she said that we both don't communicate well.. anyways.. my question is... her birthday is tomorrow. Should I send her a txt wishing her a happy birthday or just leave it alone... we had a blast together.. we just fought over stupid small things that ended up being big. And when the big one came that,just did it for her.. so any advise would be helpful. Thanks

I would send her a birthday text. It would mean a lot to her. My current gf of 5 yrs is a leo - they love feeling remembered and special. If she doesn't reply back, just ignore - she'll think about it later anyway.

I'm not quite understanding the text she sent you. Did she mean that no matter what she would always care about HER own wellbeing, or no matter what, she will always care about YOUR wellbeing? The later sounds more like what a leo would say (always care about YOUR wellbeing) - unless ofcourse she's immature or hurt, then she may be trying to hurt back.

Communication between leos and cancers are difficult. I know. Depending on her and your maturity level, this can be worked out over time. It takes patience on both sides. The key is to know that each other means well when the communication breaks down. Their egos get bruised easily and our feelings get hurt easily, so their are potential for many misunderstandings.

Once you BOTH cool down, that's when it's time to talk about how you each feel. When one or the other is not ready to talk, it's best to leave it alone because defenses/walls come up and only build hurt upon hurt.

Posted by crabbycrab76

Posted by cancerboy0705
Question.. I've been dating a leo for 3.5 years.. we recently broke up (3weeks) she sent me a txt message today, saying "no matter what she will always care for me wellbeing" wtf! I take it as,I don't want you to care for me, i didnt respond back to her txt. . Btw she broke up with me.. she said that we both don't communicate well.. anyways.. my question is... her birthday is tomorrow. Should I send her a txt wishing her a happy birthday or just leave it alone... we had a blast together.. we just fought over stupid small things that ended up being big. And when the big one came that,just did it for her.. so any advise would be helpful. Thanks

I would send her a birthday text. It would mean a lot to her. My current gf of 5 yrs is a leo - they love feeling remembered and special. If she doesn't reply back, just ignore - she'll think about it later anyway.

I'm not quite understanding the text she sent you. Did she mean that no matter what she would always care about HER own wellbeing, or no matter what, she will always care about YOUR wellbeing? The later sounds more like what a leo would say (always care about YOUR wellbeing) - unless ofcourse she's immature or hurt, then she may be trying to hurt back.

Communication between leos and cancers are difficult. I know. Depending on her and your maturity level, this can be worked out over time. It takes patience on both sides. The key is to know that each other means well when the communication breaks down. Their egos get bruised easily and our feelings get hurt easily, so their are potential for many misunderstandings.

Once you BOTH cool down, that's when it's time to talk about how you each feel. When one or the other is not ready to talk, it's best to leave it alone because defenses/walls come up and only build hurt upon hurt.

click to expand

*there* are potentials for many misunderstandings

She said "No matter what it doesn't change the fact that she will always care for my wellbeing" it was a bad break up and to this day I am still trying to figure out "the communication problem we had" I keep telling myself to not even think about it because it's over.. The last day we saw each other "the breakup day " she told me she loves me but shes not in love with me,and that I am not the one for her. I felt really hurt and betrayed because of all that time, and effort of 3.5 years you only now tell me this. We saw each other everyday, did everything together, it was almost like we were married, but we never lived with each other. I pushed her to do things to basically be independent and to take care of herself. She did the same by telling me to be the best person I can be like kicking out bad habbits.. (drinking, going out to bars etc) I am 31, I know what I want in life and I am ready to settle.. she knows that ,I don't think that scared her because we talked about getting married, and also starting a family. I think that she just doesn't want to be with anymore.. our first fight was about communication and it ended with the same thing, she saying that it's a vicious cycle.. (our fights) none of our fights was vicious. We both wasn't communicating, kinda like she pointed everything to me how it was my fault. I am,not a,mind reader. I was willing to work things out but I can't do it if I don't understand what she means, I needed help from her. So yes today is her birthday, and I decided not to txt her. I have to move on. Yes I do think about her everyday, it's hard not to when you've seen each other everyday, and got to know her family etc. I just hope one day she will look back and take a look at the whole relationship and tell herself that,maybe she also wasn't communicating properly and wish she stuck it out. i am a good guy, a very rare and hard to find person. When I am in, I am in till the end, she'll never find another guy like me. Hope she realizes one day. But I was reading about (Leo's ) it says "when Leo's breakup they're done for good" btw I forgot to mention that I bought a ring , she knows about it to. Thanks for listening .

Ok lets give this a shot :

Cancerboy : did you ever ask her what the communication issues were? When she would say that did you attempt to understand and really listen or did you just close your mind presuming that she was living in her own head? Did you ignore hoping that the issue would just resolve itself? Did you disappear rather than try to clarify?

I presume you guys broke up before your birthday in which case did she still wish you?

How old is she?

Leos fall pretty hard when they fall in love. So if they walk away, they don't tend to do it lightly. What made the breakup *bad*?

But Cheeseburger - it does not imply that you should send one simple birthday message! They did have a history together. Its common courtesy to wish someone and not expect anything in return. Just a case of "i wish you well on your special day!" Beyond that he does not need to stay in touch unless and until she makes any effort.

Posted by Starry22
But Cheeseburger - it does not imply that you should send one simple birthday message! They did have a history together. Its common courtesy to wish someone and not expect anything in return. Just a case of "i wish you well on your special day!" Beyond that he does not need to stay in touch unless and until she makes any effort.

^^^^THIS!!
Which is why I encouraged him to send the bd text. Their history is worth that much based on how they encouraged one another to be their best. He doesn't have to and probably shouldn't do much more than that inorder to heal from the breakup. To not text a Leo on their bd is a very hurtful thing to do to them. I was trying to keep him from making that mistake.

Starry22- yes I did. But her answer would be "I can't explain you'll have to figure it out" it's a very complicated relationship that we had. Everything was awesome.. We only had arguments when it came to communication, and it would eventually turn into something big, or she would be upset about communication, then turn something other then communication into an argument.. almost like a way to start a fight and I guess call it quits. There's more that I am not mentioning, I can write a whole book about it. The hurtful part about it is that she told me she loves me but shes not in love with me. Hearing that's after three years of dating hurts. I gave but I feel like it wasn't good enough. It takes two to make a relationship work. If I can't figure,it out I need you to make,me understand, help me. I am slowly trying to move on, having no contact with her, change my phone number, move, delete my fb page etc.. I just don't want to see her or even remember anything. I am hurt ,mad, just flushed with tons of emotions and it's draining.. keeping busy with work and also selling my house. And yes we fought on July 4th of this year over some stupid little issue that she didn't like me doing. She came,by my house to decorate my front door of my garage with goodies that I like, but did not come,in and give me a hug. She,did wish me a,happy birthday. But on my birthday my parents were,inn town and we,invited her to come out for lunch and she,said,no . Reason - she said that,she planed for us to do something for my birthday thus coming weekend. Understandable .. but you're apart of my life and I want you yhere with me. So I did not see her at all,on my birthday . She,said that I should spend my birthday with my parents becsuse she had plans for us,on,the weekend. I really wanted to see,her or be with me on my birthday, but it never happend. She knows,and she apologized but she,still was trying to drill in my head that she,had plans for the weekend. I don't want to hurt her, I really wanted to send her a,txt and to wish her a,happy birthday but she was the one wh broke up with me. I thank you guys for responding and giving me your thoughts on this. As for the wellbeing part. I've lived on my own since the age of 15 , I have a,great job, house etc and so,her wellbeing concerns I don't need them. I can handel just fine one my own. What,do,you,guys,think of that ? Her saying she will care,for my wellbeing? As a friend? Or like a way for her to have me on the backburn

Burner,if things won't work out for her in the future? I don't know about Leo's and how they deal,with their ex's. But i,am,not going to sit here and wait. Life is to short, and I am,going to enjoy it. I don't know if I can even be friends,with,her, or even send her a txt or she,sending me,a txt... any thoughts?

Yeah, all this sucks. You never said her age, but she sounds immature.

It's likely she will regret throwing away the relationship so flippantly and frankly it sounds to me it was better that it ended.
, but it seems like she just got frustrated and gave up. You will find someone who can appreciate your willingness to work on issues and discuss them like adults should do.

And telling you to figure it out - is a sign of frustration and someone who doesn't understand what communication is all about.

I doubt she sent the text to have you on the back burner - her text seemed to want to have you in her life as friends, but if that is not something you feel you can do right now, then don't. The only problem with this approach is if you decide to be friends later, her ego may kick in due to hurt feelings and she will ice you to make you feel just as ignored like you are ignoring her right now.

It hurts to invest so much in a relationship to have it go poof-up in smokes, but it only makes room to find someone who can appreciate you.

Crabbycrab76, she just turned 28 yesterday. I agree with you on the frustration part, but why drag it out.. it hurts and it sucks to invest and at the end you just get $ ht on. Every relationship is different we had a blast! How can you make a relationship work if the other person won't help. Either they don't love you and are in it for the ride because they don't want to feel lonely and they want other people to see that he/she is dating a guy. Takes two to make it work .. stick it out no matter how bad it gets. There's more to learn and understand about each other .. just don't give up and run .. I don't know if she'll ever regret our relationship, shes a leo!

Posted by cancerboy0705
Crabbycrab76, she just turned 28 yesterday. I agree with you on the frustration part, but why drag it out.. it hurts and it sucks to invest and at the end you just get $ ht on. Every relationship is different we had a blast! How can you make a relationship work if the other person won't help. Either they don't love you and are in it for the ride because they don't want to feel lonely and they want other people to see that he/she is dating a guy. Takes two to make it work .. stick it out no matter how bad it gets. There's more to learn and understand about each other .. just don't give up and run .. I don't know if she'll ever regret our relationship, shes a leo!

Couldn't agree with you more about sticking it out no matter what. Maybe she regrets it, maybe not. Leo's are deep thinkers. If things go awry, she'll think about how much you did love her and worked on your relationship. Doesn't matter. There are a lot of shitty men out there, and given her poor communication skills, she may run into a few bad ones before she realize what a big mistake she made. Regardless, you don't want to marry someone who clearly says they are not in love with you.

There are women out there who know how to stick it out, work with you till the very end. I know. I fucked up really bad in my current relationship and it means so much to me that she was willing to give us another chance. I'm only hearing your side, but from the sound of things, it looks like she maybe always had one foot out the door. Things may have been great from your point of view, but not necessarily from hers.

Next time don't invest your love feelings on someone who seem to have one foot out the door. If everything was wonderful( you have fun, great sex, etc.), but you both can't work together to figure out how to properly communicate, then really, it a relationship that will crumble anyway, because communication is so very important in any relationship. A relationship that can't take a fight is not one worth holding onto anyway IMHO. Chalk it up as a lesson learned. But you don't have to hate her for not knowing what she wanted.

Posted by cancerboy0705
Crabbycrab76, she just turned 28 yesterday. I agree with you on the frustration part, but why drag it out.. it hurts and it sucks to invest and at the end you just get $ ht on. Every relationship is different we had a blast! How can you make a relationship work if the other person won't help. Either they don't love you and are in it for the ride because they don't want to feel lonely and they want other people to see that he/she is dating a guy. Takes two to make it work .. stick it out no matter how bad it gets. There's more to learn and understand about each other .. just don't give up and run .. I don't know if she'll ever regret our relationship, shes a leo!

You can't. It takes two!

I don't know her reasons for staying so long if she didn't love you, but she chose to walk away from the relationship. Sucks, because you got no say in it, but ask yourself, did you really want to be married to someone where you're doing ALL the work to make thing better?

Did you really want to continue in a relationship with someone whose not equally invested, emotionally, love-wise in the relationship?

Take this time to figure out what you would like to have in your next relationship and what, if anything, you would do different.

Try to avoid jumping too quickly into a new relationship. Give yourself time to truly get over this breakup, so you won't go into your next relationship a hurt, overly guarded person.

Cancerboy, thanks for responding with such detail. From this I gather that you dont appear to lack in the ability to communicate effectively! It could be possible that she wanted much more and was hoping that you could read her mind! You seem to have given it your best shot and much more!

I agree with crabbycrab - take this as an opportunity to do some healing especially since 3 and a half years is a long period of time! Do not jump into any new relationship without giving yourself all the help you need. Time will bring you the best partner in due course but do not compare her to your leo.

Wish you all the very best to get over this! (Hugs)

Posted by Starry22
Cancerboy, thanks for responding with such detail. From this I gather that you dont appear to lack in the ability to communicate effectively! It could be possible that she wanted much more and was hoping that you could read her mind! You seem to have given it your best shot and much more!

I agree with crabbycrab - take this as an opportunity to do some healing especially since 3 and a half years is a long period of time! Do not jump into any new relationship without giving yourself all the help you need. Time will bring you the best partner in due course but do not compare her to your leo.

Wish you all the very best to get over this! (Hugs)

^^^^couldn't agree more!

Thanks for the love and support! I have no one to actually vent to and the last thing I wanted to do is go on social media.. it honestly sucks. I hate going through this. And I have no idea why I can't be stronger and just tell myself,I'll be ok or time will heal,you will move on find someone better etc.. I don't think I'll ever put myself out there ever again to just get Sht on. This relationship impacted me on a,level where I believe it's going to take a very very long time for me to get over... even if she finds someone else or is happy. . I'll be happy for her because she found what she is looking for. It's just going to take a,long time for me ... I told her while we,had,our first argument that if we ever break up .. that I won't ever date again ... that was,like 1 year into the relationship. . Anyways I just want to say thank you again, all of you for your advice on my life. 🙂

Posted by cancerboy0705
Thanks for the love and support! I have no one to actually vent to and the last thing I wanted to do is go on social media.. it honestly sucks. I hate going through this. And I have no idea why I can't be stronger and just tell myself,I'll be ok or time will heal,you will move on find someone better etc.. I don't think I'll ever put myself out there ever again to just get Sht on. This relationship impacted me on a,level where I believe it's going to take a very very long time for me to get over... even if she finds someone else or is happy. . I'll be happy for her because she found what she is looking for. It's just going to take a,long time for me ... I told her while we,had,our first argument that if we ever break up .. that I won't ever date again ... that was,like 1 year into the relationship. . Anyways I just want to say thank you again, all of you for your advice on my life. 🙂

Just take it one day at a time. We cancers knows how deeply the hurt goes. But remember we also have the amazing ability to heal ourselves. Sometimes it helps just to be able to vent and get it out. So vent whenever you need to.

Posted by Starry22
Ok lets give this a shot :

Cancerboy : did you ever ask her what the communication issues were? When she would say that did you attempt to understand and really listen or did you just close your mind presuming that she was living in her own head? Did you ignore hoping that the issue would just resolve itself? Did you disappear rather than try to clarify?

I presume you guys broke up before your birthday in which case did she still wish you?

*Thinking the EXACT same thing"

Most Leos I know are direct and straight-to-the-point.

Posted by cancerboy0705
Question.. I've been dating a leo for 3.5 years.. we recently broke up (3weeks) she sent me a txt message today, saying "no matter what she will always care for me wellbeing" wtf! I take it as,I don't want you to care for me, i didnt respond back to her txt. .

This is the dilemma.
The Leo makes a statement.
The OP translates it as something else.

...and then romanticizes the relationship for being absolutely perfect with minor communication problems.

Starry nailed it!

Posted by TaurusBull1977
Most Leos I know are direct and straight-to-the-point.

True. So when they tell you they love but not in love with you, it's best to believe them!

Also, from what I gather, and from my own experience, Leos fall hard when they fall in love, that's why they don't walk away easily. So, to walk away is a very decisive thing for them - how much more when marriage is on the horizon.

Also this is not a relationship just starting out - they both have a good idea what they're dealing with when it comes to each other.

I do hope when he is over the shock and hurt of the breakup that he will reach out to her and try to maintain some kind of friendship because there seems to be genuine concern from both of them concerning one another, but only he knows what he can and can not do and when.

Posted by TaurusBull1977

Posted by cancerboy0705
Question.. I've been dating a leo for 3.5 years.. we recently broke up (3weeks) she sent me a txt message today, saying "no matter what she will always care for me wellbeing" wtf! I take it as,I don't want you to care for me, i didnt respond back to her txt. .

This is the dilemma.
The Leo makes a statement.
The OP translates it as something else.

...and then romanticizes the relationship for being absolutely perfect with minor communication problems.

Starry nailed it!

click to expand

But he's asking her to help him understand and she's like - idk, you figure it out! Yeah, direct, but not very useful in helping with the communication.

I just get the feeling she's done trying, don't wanna try, don't want it to work out anymore. His continuing to beg her to help him understand is only going to frustrate her more in the long run. If you person doesn't want to work out the problems, you can't force them to do so. So instead of it being 3.5 yrs before she breaks up with him, it'll be 4,5,6 yrs into it - after marriage - when it's much worse. Maybe her breakup with him was a knee-jerk reaction and she will rethink it - maybe not.

I believe the OP, although clearly a sweetheart, has issues with communication.

Communication plays a very important role in a relationship.

A lack of communication can lead to a demise, bitter resentment and exasperation between partners who do deeply love each other.

My guess, her sudden lack of interest to be more diligent to navigate through the relationship dilemma was no longer a priority.

She may have communicated those issues to him several times throughout the duration of their relationship.

...But something tells me, the OP's 'unique' form of communication fell on deaf ears.

The Leo is fed up.

I could be wrong.

Just a hunch.

When I broke up with my Scorpio Ex years ago, he hinted at the prospect of marriage.
I knew in my heart that marriage was never going to solve the 'pre-existing' issues that we had in our relationship.

So I ended it.

Love and marriage doesn't always cure everything.

Just offers a false sense of security to pre-existing issues.

I strongly believe that the OP's decision was more of a practical decision than an emotional-based decision.

There seems to be a special fondness and deep love between the both of them.

Posted by TaurusBull1977
...But something tells me, the OP's 'unique' form of communication fell on deaf ears.

The Leo is fed up.

I could be wrong.

Just a hunch.

He clearly seems to be able communicate clearly and perfectly here. I get the impression she just gets frustrated easily.

I can attest to the fact that communication between these signs is NOT easy by any means, but it gets easier with practice! Lioness and I learned to let things cool down and then we start asking each other's questions -
- here is what I'm hearing you say. Is that what you mean?
- If the answer is no, the other will clarify what their trying to say.

Now that doesn't mean we don't still have some pretty heated and emotional arguments. But we have learned to slow things down so we can be on the same page as far what is being discussed. But that takes work, and some people just don't want to work that hard. But it's so worth it in the end because the misunderstanding doesn't become the argument. Most people instead get huffy and puffy, throw up their hands and just say - forget it.

I wish the OP had come here sooner - maybe some of the people on dxp could have helped them figure out how to communicate effectively.

But since she said she's not in-love with him, communication has far as their relationship goes was the least of their problems. Imho.