Cancer daughter

How do you talk to someone that is the opposite to you? My glass is always half full but my daughters is always half empty. She’s a cancer, I’m libra. I only realised this now thinking about the last conversation we had in which I wished her well for her new job, her reply.. thanks but I have to cross the border which the last time I did that it took an hour and a half so I’ll have to get up earlier. Then it dawn on me that she always thinks of the negatives.

Our relationship has been very trying for years, in the last couple months she has moved in with her father and his wife and we are only just now enjoying each other’s company and building a nice relationship. She’s 25 now and until recently, I was always to blame for different things in her life, I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. There has been so much ill blood between us but that is NOT the focus here, I’m not interested in rehashing it as she’s turning a new leaf and now I need to learn how to talk with her again.

So the question is and this probably needs to be answered by people that don’t always see the positives in situations. Do I need to acknowledge her negatives or let them slide because she has told me I expect too much of her, and I’ve never felt that I have verbally expressed that. I think that she looks at me and in her own mind thinks that she’s not doing enough. And Yes, she suffers depression and anxiety and we are completely opposite in every way.

You see when you say acknowledge her feelings, MT automatic would say, yes, it might be a long wait at the border but at least you have a job. There are so many people out there that haven’t got work anymore.

^^^ that’s the way I think, is it the wrong thing to say to someone like her?

Posted by Marai

Just listen what she has to say, give her a hug and say things will be ok ans that you're proud of her what she's doing.

Cancers are a pain in the ass. Yes, when we're young we tend blame our parents for this and that. When you're a child you can get away with it, but she's an adult now so that excuse is off the table and your responsibe for your own happiness. If she's dealing with a depression, isn't it better to make things easier and find a job that doesn't give her extra stress due commute?

Find positive solutions if she's asking for any.

Is she talking to a professional?

She lives 10 mins over the border in NSW and here in Qld we have closed the border between NSW and Qld due to their virus cases, we have 1. So it’s just the circumstances atm. I’ve had her in counseling on and off since she was 16, she won’t go anymore or talk to them so that Avenue has been exhausted.

My cancer daughter just turnt 7 so I don't have to worry about that just yet. Therefore I can't help until that time comes.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by sweethearts

You see when you say acknowledge her feelings, MT automatic would say, yes, it might be a long wait at the border but at least you have a job. There are so many people out there that haven’t got work anymore.

^^^ that’s the way I think, is it the wrong thing to say to someone like her?

You’re not validating her. You’re always comparing her to something she isn’t. The tone of your whole op and verbal reaction to her is YOU telling her she isn’t right/good/normal.

You compare yourself in your OP, and it’s almost like she’s a burden to you because you believe you’re so “positive”? And “positive” people see themselves usually as “good” people. Whereas, from your “positive” perspective, she should be “positive” too.

The fact you believe she should change, or try to be more like you, is erasing what she is feeling and you aren’t listening.

“ I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. ”

Expected too much - you don’t like her perspective, you try to alter it

Didn’t care enough - you aren’t empathizing

I never asked how she was - would you not want to hear she had a bad day because it dampens your opposite and positive outlook?

Then you say “I’ll be damned if I do, damned if I don’t” - you just made it about you and it’s like: “why bother trying if you, yourself, aren’t validated for your effort?“

“I just left her be” - you didn’t try to understand her and left her to deal with you kinda rejecting her feelings.

You saying “at least you have a job”, when she was just discussing her preparation plans and maybe a bit of anxiety about the trip, but you came across like “shut up quit whining”.

It didn’t sound negative, that mental preplanning is because she doesn’t want to make a mistake. It’s just a vent. She wasn’t asking for your help.

It just comes across like you have a strained relationship because you aren’t caring about her differences and realizing everyone can’t be the same.

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Thanks, I can’t see this, what you’ve said makes sense but that is how my mind works. I never said I was perfect or expect her to be perfect, we are just different. I want her to be happy and I don’t know how to help. So I will work on my responses to her. It’s just takes a lot of thinking before saying anything. I never said anything more about the job, I let it ride because I’ve learned that I tend to say the wrong thing so now, I just listen.

We, her 2 sisters, father and I are all at a loss as to how we can help and we all talk to her differently but all have similar results. My oldest girl has also previously experienced depression and today she said, she doesn’t know how to help.

And those statements are what she has said to me.

Well I’m trying to learn to talk with her, so yes I acknowledge that I’m as much to blame for the breakdown in communication. We’ve been through a lot.

Now, I feel our relationship can change for the better so this is where I’m asking how. Arielle has some great points. Hearing what she says is what I can see my daughter has felt but of course she hasn’t had the energy to explain that. It’s just resulted in fights where I’ve said something and her reaction was to yell at me leaving me dumbfounded not knowing what I said was so wrong.

I am listening, I’m huge on analysing, but as I said. I couldn’t see. I’ve also spoken to my friends, who have witnessed it themselves and they couldn’t see.

I’m the First to admit that I struggle to understand depression. I feel the way I was bought up was so much harder than today but then my parents also felt the same, so there isn’t any comparison, I know that.

“Everything she says it’s probably exactly how she feels”

^^^ this I will pay more attention to.

Posted by Pulsy

Posted by sweethearts

How do you talk to someone that is the opposite to you? My glass is always half full but my daughters is always half empty. She’s a cancer, I’m libra. I only realised this now thinking about the last conversation we had in which I wished her well for her new job, her reply.. thanks but I have to cross the border which the last time I did that it took an hour and a half so I’ll have to get up earlier. Then it dawn on me that she always thinks of the negatives.

Our relationship has been very trying for years, in the last couple months she has moved in with her father and his wife and we are only just now enjoying each other’s company and building a nice relationship. She’s 25 now and until recently, I was always to blame for different things in her life, I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. There has been so much ill blood between us but that is NOT the focus here, I’m not interested in rehashing it as she’s turning a new leaf and now I need to learn how to talk with her again.

So the question is and this probably needs to be answered by people that don’t always see the positives in situations. Do I need to acknowledge her negatives or let them slide because she has told me I expect too much of her, and I’ve never felt that I have verbally expressed that. I think that she looks at me and in her own mind thinks that she’s not doing enough. And Yes, she suffers depression and anxiety and we are completely opposite in every way.

Positive nancy’s or actually reality. She is telling you the reality of her day. Maybe she doesn’t need to her you about don’t focus on the negative but really she is the one having to wait an hour and half in traffic. So if you have voiced out how negative she sees the world you are dismissing her reality.

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I never voiced it, just the way I think

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Also, just a note on Libra moms...yall often come across as overly critical and seem to place a lot of emphasis on being composed and put together at all times...and for more emotionally expressive people this is not only annoying but hurtful

Posted by brianafay

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Thanks Bri, this is my language too and with co-workers/friends I can easily take it like this but my heart breaks having such a tortured relationship with my youngest daughter. It’s been hell for almost half her life now and with this “new her” I hope it stays, I want to get to know and love again the baby I bought up.

Posted by Pulsy

That tension is because she is not feeling accepted as she is , understood, and validated. Try a new approach. When internal change happens u see it externally. Example in same scenario instead of when hearing statement and think why she so negative energy of judgement) you shift to ( empathy) imagine urself in her place. say your right this sucks hopefully thing will get back to normal soon. How can i help make things easier.

It’s hard being a mom it really make one grow

Empathy, this is something I need to work on too. I have it for lots of things but I struggle to empathise with depression, Moreso because I don’t understand it.

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by brianafay

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Thanks Bri, this is my language too and with co-workers/friends I can easily take it like this but my heart breaks having such a tortured relationship with my youngest daughter. It’s been hell for almost half her life now and with this “new her” I hope it stays, I want to get to know and love again the baby I bought up.

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I know 😩it would kill me too.

The good thing is you seem open to hearing things you might not like or want to accept about yourself in order to learn how to approach her differently so that you can get to a better place. Hopefully you get some really helpful insight out of these replies

Maybe you could try talking with her and just telling her you love and miss her, she’s important to you...you worry you might have made mistakes with her and you want to do better. Ask her to help you with that- point out what you do and say that hinders you having a closer relationship ?

Posted by Pulsy

Posted by brianafay

Also, just a note on Libra moms...yall often come across as overly critical and seem to place a lot of emphasis on being composed and put together at all times...and for more emotionally expressive people this is not only annoying but hurtful

Idk you have a Scorpio daughter. Brace yourself lol

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I hope she doesn’t end up hating me 😩

Posted by brianafay

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by brianafay

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Thanks Bri, this is my language too and with co-workers/friends I can easily take it like this but my heart breaks having such a tortured relationship with my youngest daughter. It’s been hell for almost half her life now and with this “new her” I hope it stays, I want to get to know and love again the baby I bought up.

I know 😩it would kill me too.

The good thing is you seem open to hearing things you might not like or want to accept about yourself in order to learn how to approach her differently so that you can get to a better place. Hopefully you get some really helpful insight out of these replies

Maybe you could try talking with her and just telling her you love and miss her, she’s important to you...you worry you might have made mistakes with her and you want to do better. Ask her to help you with that- point out what you do and say that hinders you having a closer relationship ?

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We have had heart to hearts many a times but we speak different languages. She doesn’t hear me and I don’t hear her.

First I think we need to get a real relationship back, then we can both be open enough to actually listen to each other.

This, her new way of life is the opening I’ve been waiting and hoping for. The drugs and her old way of life were part of what has kept us so far apart

She's 25 and shes an adult who no longer resides under your roof.

Unless she asks for your advice and input I'd try to keep the unsolicited commentary to a minimum.

A lot of the time once you move out from under your parents roof the relationship improves by leaps and bounds. It did with my mom. I love her to death but our personalities clash and living together was always a bit of a struggle.

Now our relationship is stronger. But still, after a long weekend visit its like... lemme get outta here and I'll see you in a few. Breather needed.

Your gonna need to navigate the change of going from parent to a child, to parent to an adult.

When you fight or disagree which will still happen from time to time, just make sure to remind her that you love her and will always love her. The distance and not living together will be a healing salve to the relationship.

1st of all, given she's a Cancer, she's probably smarter than any Libra.

2nd of all, Cancer's are relatively negative when immature, and they take a long time to see the world from a more pragmatic and objective point of view.

You will need a lot of patience.

Posted by LadyNeptune

She's 25 and shes an adult who no longer resides under your roof.

Unless she asks for your advice and input I'd try to keep the unsolicited commentary to a minimum.

A lot of the time once you move out from under your parents roof the relationship improves by leaps and bounds. It did with my mom. I love her to death but our personalities clash and living together was always a bit of a struggle.

Now our relationship is stronger. But still, after a long weekend visit its like... lemme get outta here and I'll see you in a few. Breather needed.

Your gonna need to navigate the change of going from parent to a child, to parent to an adult.

When you fight or disagree which will still happen from time to time, just make sure to remind her that you love her and will always love her. The distance and not living together will be a healing salve to the relationship.

This is why I can now see we can work on our relationship. I had previously kicked her out on numerous occasions (No judgement because you don’t know the full stories) taken her back only to go through the same things and at times, worse. Her father is finally stepping up and she is in a good place to change. They are having problems too but when she talks to me about it, I don’t comment, it’s between her and them and she needs to respect whoever she is living with and their rules.

It’s hard, at some point it’ll get easier but when she comes to stay at first I’m tense thinking she’s not going to go again. (She’s broken into my place before and squatted till I’ve given in!) I have to think hard and I’m careful of what I say because my normal reaction is say the first thing that Comes to mind and I can be very blunt, no filter!

She’ll normally come for 2-3 nights and I can see little changes everytime 🙂 I’ve always known one day we’ll be good again like when she was younger, when we both looked at each other with admiration and love instead of the hatred that has escalated in the past 10 years.

Posted by Logger

1st of all, given she's a Cancer, she's probably smarter than any Libra.

2nd of all, Cancer's are relatively negative when immature, and they take a long time to see the world from a more pragmatic and objective point of view.

You will need a lot of patience.

1st of all, lol that’s debatable 🙂

2nd if all, yes I can see that. She’s very different to my Taurus daughter and my Leo daughter whom I have easier relationships with. We also had our struggles but communication was different.

My cancer and I can have the most hurtful arguments, say horrible things to each other, it can escalate quickly into a yelling match, then STOP! We separate for 10 minutes or so... I come back into the main room still hurt and upset and she’ll walk in and ask what’s for dinner like nothings happened?!?!?!? I mean wtf!

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Logger

1st of all, given she's a Cancer, she's probably smarter than any Libra.

2nd of all, Cancer's are relatively negative when immature, and they take a long time to see the world from a more pragmatic and objective point of view.

You will need a lot of patience.

1st of all, lol that’s debatable 🙂

2nd if all, yes I can see that. She’s very different to my Taurus daughter and my Leo daughter whom I have easier relationships with. We also had our struggles but communication was different.

My cancer and I can have the most hurtful arguments, say horrible things to each other, it can escalate quickly into a yelling match, then STOP! We separate for 10 minutes or so... I come back into the main room still hurt and upset and she’ll walk in and ask what’s for dinner like nothings happened?!?!?!? I mean wtf!

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I have never met a Libra woman that's smarter than a Cancer guy....(me). They're nice people, but not the deepest sign of the zodiac. They aren't deep thinkers - they aren't chess players.

I've known quite a few Libra women, and several Cancer women. I'd take the Cancer women in a battle of intellectual discussion any day of the week.

Posted by Wildd_Flo

Posted by brianafay

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Wow..

If only friends were more like this but I get called negative because I see it for what it is instead of rainbows and puppies.

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This ^

The reality is not always positive, and Libran women try too hard to make everything perfect. It’s exhausting

Posted by Wildd_Flo

Posted by Isolde

Posted by Wildd_Flo

Posted by brianafay

I’m not a cancer but I still wanted to offer a different perspective as someone who also generally tries not to fixate on negative things and tries to be positive/ lead with gratitude.

From the jump I totally understood you because I have cancer friends and family members that are exactly like your daughter. (Also, non-cancers that are this way as well)

It seems almost every convo I have with them takes a negative turn at some point. I used to try to steer us back to a more positive place, but as others have already pointed out, I think that just feels dismissive to them.

Like you, I felt I was always coming from a good place. It’s not that I wanted to change the topic because it was dampening my mood or I didn’t want to hear their problems or anything like that...it’s more I just wanted to prevent what I saw was them fixating on negative thoughts which imo is not healthy for them, and I just wanted to help. But really, this is just them. We are just different people. They don’t need my “help.”

I have a Pisces coworker like this. She’s literally the personification of Eeyore. I stopped trying to steer convos positive with her anymore because it honestly just makes her harp on things more. My input in most our convos now is basically “I know/understand” or “sorry about that.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s all you can do. You cannot change how your daughter views the world. It’s her perspective. It’s not that she doesn’t see the positive, she just doesn’t acknowledge it as much. It doesn’t elicit as strong as a reaction as the negative I guess.

Wow..

If only friends were more like this but I get called negative because I see it for what it is instead of rainbows and puppies.

This ^

The reality is not always positive, and Libran women try too hard to make everything perfect. It’s exhausting

I just dealt with this.. and they weren’t even a Libra 😒

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I don’t understand why people can’t shift gears. The ones that portray happiness all the time... they freak me out. I always think one day they will explode at the wrong person. But I have seen this with a Libra where she shouted so badly at a colleague, the girl cried and walked out the company 😬

Naturally the Aqua manager had to do damage control

Posted by sweethearts

How do you talk to someone that is the opposite to you? My glass is always half full but my daughters is always half empty. She’s a cancer, I’m libra. I only realised this now thinking about the last conversation we had in which I wished her well for her new job, her reply.. thanks but I have to cross the border which the last time I did that it took an hour and a half so I’ll have to get up earlier. Then it dawn on me that she always thinks of the negatives.

Our relationship has been very trying for years, in the last couple months she has moved in with her father and his wife and we are only just now enjoying each other’s company and building a nice relationship. She’s 25 now and until recently, I was always to blame for different things in her life, I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. There has been so much ill blood between us but that is NOT the focus here, I’m not interested in rehashing it as she’s turning a new leaf and now I need to learn how to talk with her again.

So the question is and this probably needs to be answered by people that don’t always see the positives in situations. Do I need to acknowledge her negatives or let them slide because she has told me I expect too much of her, and I’ve never felt that I have verbally expressed that. I think that she looks at me and in her own mind thinks that she’s not doing enough. And Yes, she suffers depression and anxiety and we are completely opposite in every way.

It’s good that you’re trying to connect but you’re both Cardinals so you will butt-heads, I would suggest you take a leaf out of Libran men. As much as they weigh out options in their head they are not exhaustive like the women, and you don’t have to say anything Cancers can pick up on the smallest of nuances. Although you haven’t verbally mentioned your expectation, you are clearly somehow giving out that signal to her.

People that always try too hard to be positive are seen as phoney and fake, this doesn’t fly with any water signs. Libran women come from a head space and mostly lack depth (of course not all... but all my Libran female friends are like this).

As for your daughter she needs to find her own way, you can’t hold her hand forever. Her struggles will make her stronger later on. It’s good that she has space for now, let her grow up. If you always come to her rescue, she’ll remain a brat. You don’t need to understand depression but do you understand emotions?

If you have any Aquarian friends that knows you both, you should ask for advice. They are really good with Cancer/Libra dynamic and have solid outlook and would be able to advise from a unique perspective.

On a personal note: my glass is always half full, there is always option, something better, free will and wanting more but that doesn’t mean I’m a yes man, people pleaser or require validation from anyone.

Posted by Logger

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Logger

1st of all, given she's a Cancer, she's probably smarter than any Libra.

2nd of all, Cancer's are relatively negative when immature, and they take a long time to see the world from a more pragmatic and objective point of view.

You will need a lot of patience.

1st of all, lol that’s debatable 🙂

2nd if all, yes I can see that. She’s very different to my Taurus daughter and my Leo daughter whom I have easier relationships with. We also had our struggles but communication was different.

My cancer and I can have the most hurtful arguments, say horrible things to each other, it can escalate quickly into a yelling match, then STOP! We separate for 10 minutes or so... I come back into the main room still hurt and upset and she’ll walk in and ask what’s for dinner like nothings happened?!?!?!? I mean wtf!

I have never met a Libra woman that's smarter than a Cancer guy....(me). They're nice people, but not the deepest sign of the zodiac. They aren't deep thinkers - they aren't chess players.

I've known quite a few Libra women, and several Cancer women. I'd take the Cancer women in a battle of intellectual discussion any day of the week.

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Probably because you’re trying to prove your smarter, prettier better than someone else. Doesn’t mean a thing to me as a libra. Not worth the shit fight on words. There’s bigger fish to fry! I prefer using my brains making money and living my life to the full, not arguing with someone that I’m better. But each to their own. Appreciate your, 2nd if all comment.

Posted by Isolde

Posted by sweethearts

How do you talk to someone that is the opposite to you? My glass is always half full but my daughters is always half empty. She’s a cancer, I’m libra. I only realised this now thinking about the last conversation we had in which I wished her well for her new job, her reply.. thanks but I have to cross the border which the last time I did that it took an hour and a half so I’ll have to get up earlier. Then it dawn on me that she always thinks of the negatives.

Our relationship has been very trying for years, in the last couple months she has moved in with her father and his wife and we are only just now enjoying each other’s company and building a nice relationship. She’s 25 now and until recently, I was always to blame for different things in her life, I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. There has been so much ill blood between us but that is NOT the focus here, I’m not interested in rehashing it as she’s turning a new leaf and now I need to learn how to talk with her again.

So the question is and this probably needs to be answered by people that don’t always see the positives in situations. Do I need to acknowledge her negatives or let them slide because she has told me I expect too much of her, and I’ve never felt that I have verbally expressed that. I think that she looks at me and in her own mind thinks that she’s not doing enough. And Yes, she suffers depression and anxiety and we are completely opposite in every way.

It’s good that you’re trying to connect but you’re both Cardinals so you will butt-heads, I would suggest you take a leaf out of Libran men. As much as they weigh out options in their head they are not exhaustive like the women, and you don’t have to say anything Cancers can pick up on the smallest of nuances. Although you haven’t verbally mentioned your expectation, you are clearly somehow giving out that signal to her.

People that always try too hard to be positive are seen as phoney and fake, this doesn’t fly with any water signs. Libran women come from a head space and mostly lack depth (of course not all... but all my Libran female friends are like this).

As for your daughter she needs to find her own way, you can’t hold her hand forever. Her struggles will make her stronger later on. It’s good that she has space for now, let her grow up. If you always come to her rescue, she’ll remain a brat. You don’t need to understand depression but do you understand emotions?

If you have any Aquarian friends that knows you both, you should ask for advice. They are really good with Cancer/Libra dynamic and have solid outlook and would be able to advise from a unique perspective.

On a personal note: my glass is always half full, there is always option, something better, free will and wanting more but that doesn’t mean I’m a yes man, people pleaser or require validation from anyone.

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Yes, I believe she is picking up signals on certain things. For instance, I have always tried to take good care of my diet and eating and training and I’ve been told that her body issues come from me? That’s just an example. I definitely would never say anything about weight to my daughters because my own father did that to me, which is why I am conscious of my body image.

I don’t try to be positive, when I feel down about something I simply tell myself to stop being stupid, there is always someone worse off and generally I’ll know someone that is going through something much harder. I’ve had many friends that have died of cancer and see people suffer all over the world so I’m thankful for my lot in life. I won’t apologise for that! And I don’t consider it to be fake!

Love your personal note 👏

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Isolde

Posted by sweethearts

How do you talk to someone that is the opposite to you? My glass is always half full but my daughters is always half empty. She’s a cancer, I’m libra. I only realised this now thinking about the last conversation we had in which I wished her well for her new job, her reply.. thanks but I have to cross the border which the last time I did that it took an hour and a half so I’ll have to get up earlier. Then it dawn on me that she always thinks of the negatives.

Our relationship has been very trying for years, in the last couple months she has moved in with her father and his wife and we are only just now enjoying each other’s company and building a nice relationship. She’s 25 now and until recently, I was always to blame for different things in her life, I expected way too much from her. I didn’t care enough, I never asked how she was.. the list goes on and honestly I felt I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so instead of a screaming match, I just left her be. There has been so much ill blood between us but that is NOT the focus here, I’m not interested in rehashing it as she’s turning a new leaf and now I need to learn how to talk with her again.

So the question is and this probably needs to be answered by people that don’t always see the positives in situations. Do I need to acknowledge her negatives or let them slide because she has told me I expect too much of her, and I’ve never felt that I have verbally expressed that. I think that she looks at me and in her own mind thinks that she’s not doing enough. And Yes, she suffers depression and anxiety and we are completely opposite in every way.

It’s good that you’re trying to connect but you’re both Cardinals so you will butt-heads, I would suggest you take a leaf out of Libran men. As much as they weigh out options in their head they are not exhaustive like the women, and you don’t have to say anything Cancers can pick up on the smallest of nuances. Although you haven’t verbally mentioned your expectation, you are clearly somehow giving out that signal to her.

People that always try too hard to be positive are seen as phoney and fake, this doesn’t fly with any water signs. Libran women come from a head space and mostly lack depth (of course not all... but all my Libran female friends are like this).

As for your daughter she needs to find her own way, you can’t hold her hand forever. Her struggles will make her stronger later on. It’s good that she has space for now, let her grow up. If you always come to her rescue, she’ll remain a brat. You don’t need to understand depression but do you understand emotions?

If you have any Aquarian friends that knows you both, you should ask for advice. They are really good with Cancer/Libra dynamic and have solid outlook and would be able to advise from a unique perspective.

On a personal note: my glass is always half full, there is always option, something better, free will and wanting more but that doesn’t mean I’m a yes man, people pleaser or require validation from anyone.

Yes, I believe she is picking up signals on certain things. For instance, I have always tried to take good care of my diet and eating and training and I’ve been told that her body issues come from me? That’s just an example. I definitely would never say anything about weight to my daughters because my own father did that to me, which is why I am conscious of my body image.

I don’t try to be positive, when I feel down about something I simply tell myself to stop being stupid, there is always someone worse off and generally I’ll know someone that is going through something much harder. I’ve had many friends that have died of cancer and see people suffer all over the world so I’m thankful for my lot in life. I won’t apologise for that! And I don’t consider it to be fake!

Love your personal note 👏

click to expand

You will aways have a bond with her no matter what. Now the dynamic has changed, it should improve and you can get to know her again. At least now you can observe from a distance and she can too. Cancers can be immature but don’t enable her and give her the platform of an audience. If she does come to you with issues ask her does she want a listening ear or does she actually want feedback.

As for other things she’s picking up on is obviously on her, she’s seeing slights where there is none but doesn’t mean something else hasn’t set her off.

Like I said you should ask someone who knows you both, and give you objective and constructive point of view. We’re only getting you’re side here.

Libran women are the only ones I have fights with yet strangely they are also some of my closest friends, they always seek me out... knowing I won’t go easy on them. We’re the same but different, so I guess they want to bounce off someone.

What I’ve seen from my friends is that they intellectualise everything when there’s no need, this doesn’t happen with the other air signs. Everything is so easy breezy with Gemini’s and Aquarian’s.

Thanks for that advice, will take that onboard.

I’m a mature libra that has done a lot of work on myself for the last decade. In saying that I have a lot of Leo in my chart. I’m only now learning what that means. I thought my difference was the Taurus rising but it’s definitely the Leo moon and Mars.

My closest friends are all Taurus but they haven’t been able to give advice, except to back me. Even my brother and sis in law are cancers and they haven’t been able to offer much insight. Could be the age too. Older people expect respect first because we were bought up to respect our elders.

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

My kids didn't like me until they were about 27-28.....lol.

Let her be, she will come back around.

I’ve always known she would and I’ve been waiting. I want my baby back ❤️ I just need to get it right.

You can replace friends but not your own children

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

My kids didn't like me until they were about 27-28.....lol.

Let her be, she will come back around.

I’ve always known she would and I’ve been waiting. I want my baby back ❤️ I just need to get it right.

You can replace friends but not your own children

It is really hard for moms but she is trying to find her own way. Early to mid 20's are really hard. This is actually a good thing and a symbol that you raised her properly. My oldest son will be 30 in August and we've had this talk recently because he was also extremely defensive with me in his twenties. They need to feel independent and that they can adult on their own....and if you think back, we were pissed about it too at that age....lol

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Yeah my two oldest were different and easier. This one, as horrible as it sounds the hate was there for me too 😢 for so long it’s been a volatile relationship even my friends just couldn’t believe some of the stuff that went down and I would then say, but I know her and one day she’ll change. I honestly thought that day was still so far off.

Last night she was texting me, hating the job she had just started and saying her dad pushed her into it. They are clients of his and she wants to drop her CV off at a cafe. I just said, go do that but don’t leave the first job until you have secure the other. She was worried that her father would be upset with her so I kept reassuring her he’d be fine as long as she replaced the job first. **The norm, she would dump the job and then wouldn’t get the other one and be out of work for a couple months, depression would sneak back in and she’d stay In her room ** <<< that when she lives with me, she wore me down over the years and I eventually took the easy path... With her dad, he holds her more accountable.