cancer male - sex

i am involved with a cancer male who says he is not ready for a serious relationship. i am not ready for a serious relationship either; but i have fallen for him. we have been together now for 6 months. sex with him is so wonderful. and he admitted that i have been the best sex partner he ever had. i love giving him massage which he enjoys thoroughly.
i care for him so much that i would do anything for him.
in october of last year, he told me that it is best that we don't see each other anymore. so we went our own way. but then he called me after a month when a tragedy struck across from his place. he said he needed someone to be with and he thought of me.
he keeps telling me that he does not have any feelings for me - that all he wants from me is massage and sex.
in january, i asked him to say good bye if he did not care at all for me - and if that was what he really wanted. he said good bye on a monday, but called me back on thursday the same week.
i don't know what the future brings, but i would like to know from other cancer male if i have any chance of developing a good relationship with him. i really care for him and want to stay with him as long as he wants/needs me. if this is the only way i can be with him, i am willing to do anything - just to be with him.
i tell him how much i care for him. my actions - everything i do - is to show him how much i care.
is there even a slightest chance that he does care for me - even though he tries his best to show me that he doesn't?

It sounds like he has some issues...

Maybe he thinks you are a mixed-up woman with not much self-esteem and that he can use you for sex whenever he wants it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Or maybe you are both weirdos

Are you willing to give me a ******b if it means you could be with him?

And a massage too, if it helps seal the deal

Lose him!

he wants his cake and eat it too - lose him!
I am a cancer male, and don't act this way. if I really care about someone - I want to be with them in everyway.
Tell him good bye -

Honestly you should never let anyone use you like that. Say good bye and DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!! Even if he begs. You have to really force him to decide here what's important to him, and from the sound of it, he's just a loser looking for sex. And if he's not, make him prove it.

to cwab😢
does it mean i do not have much self-esteem just because i care so much for him? he is a poet, a songwriter, a councilman and is going through a major change in his life at the moment. he just recently made a major decision of opening his own practice and left the firm he was working for.
our communication has been always honest and to the point. i am the kind of person who tells a man exactly what's on my mind. if i want to see him, i'll ask to see him. if i want something - i'll ask. i don't expect man to read my mind - because they never will. so i say exactly what is on my mind. i am strong willed - i go and ask for what i want. tell me that something can't be done, i'll prove to myself that there has to be another way. sometimes i prove them right.
he told me that he will not have much time to spend with me at this time and he'll only use me.
i told him i did not care. i chose to stay not because i have a low self-esteem but because i want to be there for him when he needed me. i too need him.
we do not always engage in sex - our time together has not been just sexual. but that is how he said it - that all he wants from me is sex and massage. it has not been all that. he does not tell me that he loves me nor that he cares for me. but his actions tell me that he does have 'some' feelings for me - he's just not saying it- nor is admitting to it.

i just want to know if in all these chaos - as male crabs - do you ever test the waters? to find out if she really is true and honest with you - that she really cares for you - that she is not only after the sex?

i do really enjoy giving him a massage. it relaxes me because i channel all my stress energy towards him. and yes, i love giving him a ******b - if that is what i think you mean AND top it off with the greatest massage he ever had in his life. massage before and after sex.

i love sex as much as he does. i can go all night - does that mean i am weak? i only know what i want - to me, sex is the greatest expression of one's love to another. that is why i do it so well - and i want to think that that is why he does it so well.

i am a one man woman. once i've given myself to a man i will not go stray just because somebody else is giving me all the attention.

maybe I AM a weirdo.

to floater1

no, he does not verbally tell me he cares for me. i do. i tell him exactly how i feel, how i want to be loved - i tell him everything that is on my mind. although he said he only wants sex and massage from me, it has not been that way. there is where i'm wanting - hoping that maybe there is a chance for a future relationship. he does not say it, but the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, or just the way we sometimes just sit or lay down beside each other and not say a word - just hold each other.

no, we do not have the luxury of seeing each other as much as i want because he just opened his own firm. maybe I AM blind. they say "love IS blind".

if you guys still think that i should lose him and tell him good bye, could you suggest HOW. it is easier said - at least for you guys - you probably change partners like changing shells. unfortunately, i am not that kind of woman.

Tell him how much he relies upon you and the price he has to pay for you... Lay it out nice and simple, tell him what you want, how you feel and just how much you love him, what you fear, and then walk away and wait for him to respond, and don't let him escape the subject. If he tries to ignore it, bring it up again until you get an answer from him.

and anyway you said you told him that you don't care that he's using you, but it seems that you really do care and maybe you should just tell him that.

Everybody is different, I do not change partners like you accused general male population of doing. Although, I know some do as women.
Sex and massage, well, isn't that great. You can go to any massage shop and get the same thing. He just doesn't have to pay for it with you. Sounds to me, if that was cut out- so would you be gone. Have respect for yourself- you want and deserve more, and are depriving someone else that will treat you better (and yourself) the chance to be really loved. REALLY loved, but more so - respected!
This guy sounds like a trip. If he can't give you what you need. Tell him what you need from him, (besides sedx and stuff like that), and cut that off - and see what happens. That should tell you alot, and then you will know what to do. Good luck!

I am not a cancer male, but I've never known a cancer male to act this way. I must say I'm confused though. I'm confused about why you are confused, if that makes sense. Why would he blatantly tell you goodbye, and refrain from making any declaration, however small, of his possible feelings for you, if he had any? And if you're okay with the idea of him using you for sex, where is the problem? I don't mean to be too blunt about things, but these are just my opinions. It's been pretty clearly established that he wants no romantic intimacy with you, he's pretty clearly shown his lack of desire to form any bond with you other than physical, so I would say that if you do respect yourself, you will not continue to be his penile receptacle and realize that you have loads more to offer to someone else who wants all you can offer. And one other thing...from what you've said, it does come across that your self esteem is low, because you said, "if this is the only way i can be with him, i am willing to do anything - just to be with him."

The thing is, you shouldn't have to be put in the position of having to "do anything just to be with him". You should not allow yourself to be put in that position. That sounds like desperation more than love. I would show him that you're not desperate for him, just interested in him. Maybe your "willing to do anything" vibe is freaking him out. Regardless, you're both sending mixed signals and until you both get honest with each other, neither of you are going to know where you stand.

duh said "maybe I AM a weirdo"

well, duh

Cwab😢

also, does "a one man woman" mean you have a penis (which you massage, of course)

lol Cwab😢

You are so funny.

Cwab😢'sNo.1Fan

No, he's just a pr*ck

Concerned Friend.

thanks to all of you guys. i think i understand what you are saying. the thing is i DO TELL him everything that i want - a relationship - marriage one day. am i being too honest and open with my feelings to him? i don't keep anything from him. he knows exactly what i want from him.

i have not dated for over 10 years after my divorce - that is by choice. my priorities were taking care of my son. now that he is in college, i decided to start going out again. i never really had any experience with the dating world because my first and only true date (relationship) - was with my ex-husband. and then this is my second. there were guy 'friends' - but never really dates. just acquaintances. and i am trying to understand and learn the 'dance'.

it never occured to me that giving of oneself is a form of low self esteem. the way you pointed it out, i do sound weak - do anything just to be with him. i don't know how to express what i really meant because i do not do what he wanted all the time. i don't jump to go to him when he calls. there were times when he got upset because i had other things than be with him - i chose to do other things. BUT, i would do anything for him because i care so much for him. does that make sense?

i came from a very different culture - where women served man hand and foot. maybe women from my culture was geared to have low self esteem as it is ingrained in us that we are to serve the man we love and, care for him in every way. i lived a very sheltered life - moving back in with my mom in order to survive single parenthood after my divorce.

i am doing exactly what i feel comfortable doing. it never occurred to me that serving him well - meant i had no respect for myself. to me, it showed how much i care for him. now, i am really confused.

this is truly a learning experience for me. i wanted to understand how men think. it never occurred to me that i was coming across the way you guys describe it.

i will be liberated yet as a woman. would you all be patient and teach me the ways? then maybe there will still be hope for me.

and maybe learn your ways.

someone - a female acquaintance once told me. do what ever it is you want to do. do not be intimidated by what others think. it is your choice. as long as you are happy.

maybe, i took women's liberation and enjoying my freedom to chose - to the extreme without thinking of the consequence. all of a sudden, i'm out in the twentyfirst century of women's lib. and i am trying to ' fit in '.

that does not change that fact that i feel love for him and care so much for him. and i feel content when we are together. and i will do anything for him.

but all that sounds so wrong. i guess the way i am going about it - the only way i know how.

cwab - please be gentle - i am not all that experienced. i do have the natural ability and talent in giving pleasure to the person i love and care for. my first was my ex-husband. he (the guy i am talking about now) is my second.

There is a big difference in what you are wanting (hoping for someday) and what he is telling you he is willing to give you.
It is very possible that this relationship will never progress beyond what it is now...
You must decide if that is OK with you. It sounds like it is definitely OK with him.

I tried to stay in a relationship that was going nowhere (but, he had plans for us...there was just always something in the way!)...anyway, I didn't start out with low self-esteem...at least I didn't think I did...but, eventually, I felt very low. One day I realized that he was happy with the relationship as it was and had no reason to try to change anything about it, because I made it sooo easy for him to leave things as they were, because I was so willing to please him. Yes, I loved him. I finally left him though...because I love myelf more!
I do not believe that there is only one match for a person...I believe that there are better matches and worse matches...
Good Luck! Focus on you and your needs.

Oops! I do love myelf!! But, that was a typo and should read 'myself'!

thank you star.

i am in my late 40's and very much wanting to see where this will lead me. yes, it is possible that this relationship may not progress beyond this, but then i will never know unless i stay, will i? see, people see something empty, i see something half full. i always see the bright side of things and i could not help myself.

i have been thinking about it a lot and i have another year or so before my annullment is even granted - hopefully it will be granted and i have given myself at least 6 months with him after my annullment - that would be close to two years. if nothing happens between us then, i will go on.

i am very sexual and so is he. he is 5 years younger than i but i consider myself very fit - of the two i am in better shape than he - i am running a 1/2 marathon and is in training for that. 10 minutes per mile is not bad is it? i intent to increase that.

i also would like to inform the group that i am not sulking here waiting for him. i am very much active in the singles world - i am a member of our diocese singles committee - where we plan group activities such as retreats etc.... i teach 9th grade religion class at church, i am involved with the youth group and small church community. so i do not have much time to look for someone who will fit into my schedule. and there he is.

i wrote to ask how men in this time of age think. i want the opinion of those who have been out there. i have not been out in the dating world much and i just want to understand their way of thinking. and how i may be percieved by the world. afte more than 10 years of not being out there, i want to know what i am up against.

there is nothing wrong with a very sexual female is there? i did not realize how much i enjoyed sex until i met this guy. he could go on for hours, and to his shock, so could i, and longer. is it lack of self respect to enjoy your sexuality? to enjoy the passion of two people alone? i don't believe that. to me it is an expression of my love to another. and i tell him so. are men afraid of women who are very passionate? if so, why?

my first note was confusing, i know, but i did not know exactly how to ask my questions. thank goodness for all your answers everyone. i wish you'all give me more feedback.

You are quite right...you will not know unless you stay. Definitely, you must do what is right for you!
I have been with younger guys twice in relationships...also each was 5 years younger...sexually we were quite compatible!
There is everything RIGHT with a sexual female! If men find it imtimidating...then they have a problem...
Yes, it is an expression of love...

The only thing is...mystery is also fun and is something that men crave...
I don't know why...I just know they do...
Work on being just a bit mysterious...
Don't tell him absolutely everything...

At least that is what I would do...

I have been in the same relationship with a wonderful man who did not want a 'serious relationship' for 2 years now by occasionally being mysterious...(as well as extremely sensual and sexual)...we are doing great! I wish the same for you!

(I am 45 btw)
Take Care! Star

duh,

Just wanted to say that I am very impressed with your open-mindedness about everything; you are not one of those people who is stuck in a rut and unwilling to move up and out of it. So that is the first step on this new journey of self awareness you're embarking on. I think it is great that you have a desire to improve and expand on your usual systems of thought.

Now, I think you should listen to Star more than me, because 1) I feel like I am too young and inexperienced to give you the advice you need, and 2) Star is young, you are young, of course, but you are both closer in age, and 3) Star is a brilliant woman from whom we can all learn a lot. So, while I am absolutely here for you on an emotional level throughout this situation, I feel I must turn over the advice side of things to Star.

Does that make sense? lol. Good luck and keep us all updated. 🙂

Phoenix!
You silly girl! I don't deserve as much credit as you are giving me!!
I just remember vividly how I thought I was being a 'strong woman' and expressing my needs and how the 'guy-that-I-gave-up-on' looked at me and said, 'there isn't ANY guy who wants a desperate woman!' I didn't think I was desperate...goes to show how different a perception can be!

If there is anything I have learned, it is that men and women do think differently! The only males who even come close to thinking like a woman are gay...that is why I have some good male friends in this category...

That's cos all women think like boringin' gay men.

Regards,

BitterCwab.

Or maybe all men are pricks.

Affectionately,

BitterPhoenix

p.s., yes you do deserve it star! 🙂

Cwab!

LOL! Women do not think like gay men! Gay men think like women! (Which came first? Women or Gay Men?...they had to learn from somewhere!)

And another thing, my beautiful Cwab friend, some women surprise men with their logistic thinking and their wit...then, of course, once we see this happening, we entwine a trap of sorts!! LOL! j/k!

i like reading your notes to each other - you guys are like brothers and sisters teasing each other. i've read one posting - cancer men or something like that. that is why i registered and posted to find out your opinions. thank you for giving your time. 🙂

did you all ever think about meeting - for instance vacationing somewhere? that would be wild. i'd love to be in the middle of all your conversations - i'd be embarrassed. as long as i've been in the good u s of a, there are words used that i still have need of elaboration - especially those with sexual connotations.

guys at work change the subject everytime i come around because i always ask them to elaborate - and they get embarrassed - i get embarrassed. majority of people i work with are men. it's nice though - they are so protective of me.

Welcome Duh!

Welcome to 'the family'!! I am in charge here!! (LOL! My own fantasy is overtaking my senses!! Ay-Yi-Yi!)

I am in favor af a party! Should it be in UK or Australia?

phoenix,

your opinion matters even though you are much younger. it gives me a different perspective. and that is very good

and you are right, star has the wisdom and experience that i lack even though i am 47 and she is 45. just because i have not been out for quite some time.

star,

thanks for the pointer about being mysterious. i'll keep that in mind. how can one be mysterious though? can you give me an example?

i too have gay men friends. they are very good listeners and compassionate.

thank you. it feels good to belong now.

i vote AUSTRALIA! i have an uncle that lives in the suburbs of Sidney. we could bunk there and have the greatest time.

won't that be something?

here i am new and i am already suggesting things to do. that's the 'community service' in me, i suppose. i enjoy life - don't you? i jog early in the morning and watch the sunrise - sometimes the moon setting - beautiful especially if it's a fool moon. butterflies and wild flowes in the spring. louie armstrongs "what a wonderful world - oh yeah!" the ultimate.

Oh Duh...I already love you!
Dream away, Chica!
Perhaps we shall have our time together...
Time will tell!

Duh - no I am not particularly scared of women such as yourself - I just prefer a bit of class and a little less of the exterior-whore vibe some people love to give out - but that's just me - I'm not one to commend such acts as being a "strong woman" etc.

Cwab😢

p.s. I think your story is fake and that you are too

cwab

thank you for your insight. would you please explain why all of a sudden, you talk about not being scared of women such as myself? i was not trying to scare anyone - so why are you talking about being scared or not being scared?

we all have our own opinions - i gather you are not happy with yourself for some reason. because i noticed that you love to put people down. people who are not happy tend to try to pull others down as well. but i have a bit of a news for you. i am not that easy to pull or push down. 🙂

if that is your personality, i suppose you just can not help yourself.

anyway, thank you for making me feel like one of the others. now i feel that i have been initiated and really belong to the gang.

i wish you were a happier person.

i know the kind of person i am - and that is all that matters to me. you can call me all the names you want, but the truth still lies within me. no one can take that away from me. and no one can make me feel bad except myself. i alone control my feelings. if i get offended by your remarks, it is because i allow myself to be offended - but why should i? there is no truth in it - and it is after all just your opinion.

may i ask, do you like yourself when you put people down? do you feel proud?

i wouldn't.

Listen. You come on here talking like a slut. Then you expect sympathy - you got it from a couple of people - I hope they solved your problem..

Take your preaching to the Christian Institute of Preaching or something, maybe tell 'em about your fantastic bj's and massages too you dappy cow. Yes I enjoy putting people down - though with you, I simply followed your lead..

oh - almost forgot the 🙂

Cwab😢

Oh and I only judged you as a messed-up slut cos you are one..I'm very insightful

Perhaps your insights need some work though - but that goes for a few others too.

Dear duh and All,

Hello. I am not a Cwab, but I do know an awful lot about them.

Hello Mr. Cwab! Other than myself, I dont see many others here to jump in and defend of you, not that you need any help. But I do think that most people here don't appreciate your genius, and that it a shame.
You are one of the reason I read this board! I think you are very interesting. You have a style and a uniqueness all YOUR own, and I appreciate your originality!

I bet if you are anything like the crabs I know, you are very soft on the inside and that is why you need that hard shell. Good combo to have. I know I sound stupid like I am reading out of a astrology book, but it's true. If I had to repeat one line about cancers, I would use that.

Ok enough with the kissing up! I am getting ill. Not use to giving out so many kudos in one morning, and that is going to have to last you awhile, ok! 🙂

duh, I didn't read much of your posts; I will admit to it. The reason is...if you cannot take the time to use capital letters in your sentences and correct punctuation, I have no desire to read your post. How hard can it be for someone to push down on the shift key and make capital letters? It makes it very hard to read. This shows alot about the character.

duh, I did see where you asked for male opinions about your situation. I think Cwab gave you what you were seeking. My only suggestion for you is that... if you don't want to hear the honest truth, don't ask a Cancer man, because they are going to tell you and not sugar coat it. It may hurt, but did you not ask for it? Sounds to me like Cwab gave you a pretty good and honest answer, from a 'male cancerian perspective'. You should take it and learn from it. Why do you jump on him for doing what you asked of him? You may not like it, but I think he was being honest.
That is a good thing.

LD

"anyway, thank you for making me feel like one of the others. now i feel that i have been initiated and really belong to the gang."

Cwab,
Does this quote give you some insight? It reveals alot to me! I must agree and go with my natural instincts(so handy); she is a fake and so is her story!

Some people will do ANYTHING to feel they belong to the 'gang'. I think that says so much. LOL!

I know exactly who I am dealing with. I am one-step ahead of you!

Sincerely,
LD

ugh, this place is overflowing with stupidity

p.s.--duh, if you are interested in solving your dilemmas, I suggest you pay absolutely no attention to people like cwab and lonesome, they seem to get off on being insulting and they don't have your best interests in mind at all. But, being smarter than them, I'm sure you already knew that.

Lately there's been a surge of azzholes around here--highly suspicious, and really quite sickening.

Oh and LD, it is obvious that you know zero about cancer men, because the vast majority of them are nothing like cwab. All you're doing is trying to buddy up to cwab so he doesn't insult you...it probably won't work, but have at it 🙂

Or maybe you are just a pompous, suspicious biatch.

You're a bully, but don't think I'll ever let you get away with it on me.

hehehe

now will you let me have the last word or will you continue on the war-path?

ScaredyCwab😢

Maybe you could get a dxpnet resolution against me, using evidence your scorpio biatchiness has tallied up?

lol

StillScaredyCwab😢

Maybe your quality Tate ally could stand up and give some evidence? He's real smart...but being smarter than me, lonesome, and duh (even smart enough to help her realise that she is smarter than all of us and even you) - you already knew that.

Cwab😢