FWB with cancer guy

I'm a pisces girl who recently met a cancer guy.. we instantly connected and started seeing each other more often. I have got venus in aquarius and his venus is in leo.

He treats me like a proper lady.. he's always a gentleman with me, like opens doors, carry bags. We had sex a couple of times and it's usually so intimate and warm. We always spend time cuddling each other after sex that it makes me feel that there might be something more than just sex between us.He usually calls/texts to tell me that he misses me. But recently he told me not to fall for him and he wants just a casual relationship though he says he's going to be seeing only me. I don't know if i should go forward with it and maybe give him some time or tell him bye. To be honest, FWB relationships don't always work well for me, coz i end up feeling hurt in the end.

What do you think?

Im also a Fish dating a Crab.
Dont listen to him. Go on with him, dont listen to what he says, but see what he does for you and how he treats you...
He may be fretting at the possibility of getting too intimate and they fear too much too soon..its just that.
He doesnt want to be vulnerable so he has kind of built a wall to proctect himself..
He is falling for you, give him time and patience to open up and you will see that he doesnt want to be FWB but more than that at his own rhythm..

Okay i will try that and see how it goes.

Since he told me about the FWB thing, i've kinda gone cold on him.. so surprisingly, he's the one now who initiates the conversation.. So maybe it might work.. i hope..

Thanks for your reply Pisces Argie 🙂

I could never respect someone who's only a piece of ass but maybe he's different.

Yes, recently, I had a row with my Crab bc it was me doing a heavy load of the calling and initiating. The moment I stopped doing it,he suddenly initates ALL. Its not bad to grow a bit cold but dont grow too cold, because they need attention and affection (genuine, of course!)

Crabby why do you say that— I dont think it is just sex...as you said you wouldnt respect a piece of ass, but he does .
Dont be negative!!!! some of us trust and believe in the others'good intentions.... 😉 (love ya!)(Yeah, we fishies love allllll !)

Then if he is seeing only you then why not be your girlfriend. Please.....if you settle for friends with benefits then thats what you will be.

I tell men upfront what I want, if they like it or don't thats their problem. I wouldn't settle for that, seems like he is stringing you along for all the benefits of a girlfriend but as soon as he thinks he finds someone better or want to stop fucking you and you are emotionally invested. BOOM!! he's gonna say "well we were friends with benefits, and I told you that"

You have no choice but to accept that bc he did.

You can settle for his selfishness all you want but I say you grow a pair, and get what you want out of life and out of a partner or he will get what he wants and walk all over you.

The best thing you can do for yourself is LISTEN to what the man is telling you! GET WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF. Never settle.

Posted by PiscesArgie
Im also a Fish dating a Crab.
Dont listen to him. Go on with him, dont listen to what he says, but see what he does for you and how he treats you...
He may be fretting at the possibility of getting too intimate and they fear too much too soon....

I agree with PiscesArgie completely ! That is what happened personally with me. When i just started dating my pisces my
"plan" was 2 weeks 🙂 i am still with her now more that a year🙂


But i do not like the foundation of your relationship sombody if definitely gonna get hurt at the end !!!

My advice is get in that relationship and let him get attached to you then BOOM: dump him. I am decently sure he will come back to you with more offer that just FWB ! But be careful not to lose yourself =))))

He's testing you plain and simple, it's exactly what I would do. He is still afraid to give himself up to you emotionally, maybe he was recently hurt, but right now he is a little shelled up. He is treating you like a proper lady cause he wants to impress you, some guys do it by showing off their looks or their cars, cancers do it by showing you that they can be romantic and affectionate cause it is what we want so badly. Growing cold towards him, he is a bit unsure about you growing cold will remind him how much it sucks to miss you but he might also feel betrayed and that you lost interest in him. Its tricky....

sounds like he's just being cautious to me too.
as a Crab, i do NOT like any type of labels or expectations placed on a relationship, especially in the beginning. My actions will let you know how I'm feeling.

imo... texting/phoning/emailing are relationship KILLERS! i read post after post on here about how he/she hasn't replied to my... sent me a... blah, blah, blah! When did telecommunication become the barometer of a relationship? I thought it was sex?

Sex is better... if i'm sleeping with you, i like you. the question is... will you still be cool AFTER i sleep with you? or is that when you want to label/text/phone/email all the time?

rant over

Posted by mr.crabby
I could never respect someone who's only a piece of ass but maybe he's different.

I totally agree with Mr.Crabby and why don't women LISTEN to men, it seems like many women are just making stuff up, not listening to what men say about what they want and don't want and proceed to do her agenda, put herself in a powerless position/low value position and end up gravely disappointed and hurt.

"But recently he told me not to fall for him and he wants just a casual relationship though he says he's going to be seeing only me."

Listen to him when he says not to fall for him but yet here's the HOOK that makes you feel if you go along he will change his mind (it's called being being passive aggressive) passively running away from you by not allowing you the freedom to feel and fall in love but throwing you a HOOK to keep you hooked so he can have you sexually.

Basically if you want a chance to have a REAL relationship don't ACCEPT his offer, don't accept less in hopes of getting more. It's like anything in the world, you want the best, you want the best offer and most people don't want strings attached to that offer either such as this.


"I don't know if i should go forward with it and maybe give him some time or tell him bye. "

Tell him bye...He will come up with a better more fair proper offer, right now it's one sided, his side and if you go along with what he wants and opt out of having your own wants to be considered then you place yourself in a bad position and you will end up on the begging end of the relationship...

What do you want? That's the most important question that can lead you in a positive place or a negative one...

If you want a "real" relationship, one were he's claiming you not only sexually but emotionally then why take less from a man.

His words and actions are not matching up...that's part of passive aggressive behavior and it confuses many women, his words and his actions must match for it to be real, so now you can't rely on him to lead you down the right path...You have to figure out what you want, what your going to get out this relationship if you decide to take it on and most importantly can you be happy with a man that can't give you a proper relationship and yet has full access to your mind/body/soul yet you lack the same access to him which means he's not OPEN to being completely available to you.

Listen to him when he says not to fall for him but yet here's the HOOK that makes you feel if you go along he will change his mind (it's called being being passive aggressive) passively running away from you by not allowing you the freedom to feel and fall in love but throwing you a HOOK to keep you hooked so he can have you sexually.

hook being I will only sleep with you.....so what /:

@tiki33

that all makes perfect sense. if i was of another sign involved with cancer i would fully agree.

unfortunately, i don't operate this way and that's probably why i'm a nightmare to be with. 😢

at least in the beginning. once the other has weathered my storm they will know in every way how i feel about them.

i wouldn't want to go into a relationship with an ultimatum. if someone told me they wouldn't see me if i didn't commit to them in someway before i really get a chance to them... i'd walk because that's them trying to start the relationship on their terms and reach their own agenda.

what is wrong with someone agreeing to take it slow in a sexual relationship?

i meant *before i really get a chance to know them*

I totally get were your coming from but he's giving her an ultimatum, he seems mostly interested in his needs which are sexual and just were does she (her needs) come into the equation?

His ultimatum is take what I give, be with me on my terms as though she doesn't have any terms of her own...

I see your point, I am so not disagreeing with you b/c you as a man have a right to feel what you feel but that doesn't mean she should go along with it, most women do go along with it out of her own desperation

I'm suggesting she take into consideration what she wants, find her own REASONS for going into this kind of situation besides I'm desperate to keep him around, take her wants, desires, needs into consideration, what if her needs is to be in something a little more proper, less open ended (his end), maybe she wants to share herself with someone that doesn't mind giving her a title, maybe sharing her love with someone which includes sex what she desires (that's one of the reasons why I suggested she think about what she wants first) so were is the medium, the compromise, she's just supposed to go along and HOPE for a real relationship after he's used and test drove her around for awhile? That's interesting.

Her giving herself permission to WANT what she wants is important and not making apologies or exceptions for not going into something that clearly is an disadvantage to her is part of being an adult, being a woman...I can pull up 100x's more post on the cancer board were women are stuck, moaning, anxious, deeply sad, confused and 95% of those post started out casual, him keeping his foot out of the relationship.

He can ask for sex, it's okay for him/you to want what he/you wants but are you saying it's not okay for her to say no thanks, I really want more than that so really were is the compromise...Whose really giving the ultimatum if it's only about how he wants to do things? Seems like he's giving her the ultimatum, she's just trying to figure out what's best for her.

She's going to do what she wants to do, I'm suggesting she "Think" about her decision and find her own reasons to go into something so one sided.

He can go into the relationship wanting sex with her not falling in love mind you not really KNOWING her but if she says no that's not enough then she's the one giving the ultimatum?? That's interesting

i am not disagreeing with you either, as i said you make some very strong, valid points.

i am assuming she has not asked for any specifics or a label in this relationship. The OP can chime in and give more details... until then i'll assume. if she has already slept with him a few times without asking for anything in the way of title/commitment.. why would she now EXPECT more... because she has slept with him?

no... she went into this as a FWB. she already knew enough about herself that '"they don't work out for her because she gets hurt" yet she still entered this relationship and is now expecting something more.

I think it is OK that she would like something more. He may to... in time. She is already in this semi-relationship. Does she want him more now because he has told her not to fall in love with him? What is motivating her change of heart? Has she already started having feelings for him? What is HER motivation?

all things a crab would consider

Excellent point@ if she has already slept with him a few times without asking for anything in the way of title/commitment.. why would she now EXPECT more... because she has slept with him?

That's definitely something she should take into consideration...Why was she sleeping with him w/o actually establishing a boundary first.

Good point@ Does she want him more now because he has told her not to fall in love with him? What is motivating her change of heart? Has she already started having feelings for him? What is HER motivation?

And something she should really think about.

Posted by cancersunleomoon123
i think you should ask yourself what do you honestly want.

ya... this is it.

find out what you want first, then go about getting it. but you're a pisces... i bet what you want changes on a very regular basis 😉

Hehe thanks for all the response...

So, about the boundary thing.. i think we didn't really have time to ponder over it.. and sex just happened in the spur of the moment.. Well he keeps giving me mixed signals.. I wonder why would someone who only wants to get laid with me, will walk me upto my door. He acts like a perfect affectionate/romantic guy and this i guess messes my poor lil piscean heart/mind up.

This week, he's planned to go trekking and he wants to take me along. So i guess we're just gonna hang out in a non sexual way. I'll see how it goes. @Shellshocker.. yeah i think i should first make up my mind on what i want :p

creating come here go away confusion keeps a womans legs open....

stop the sex, think about what you want first, just b/c you have sex with a man doesn't mean your obligated to keep doing it.

Posted by tiki33
creating come here go away confusion keeps a womans legs open....

stop the sex, think about what you want first, just b/c you have sex with a man doesn't mean your obligated to keep doing it.

this i disagree with...

that would be using, or holding off on sex to get the 'relationship' you want.

This is manipulation... I think a cancer would see right through this but it might work on an idiot.
Plenty of cancer idiots out there...

I can understand why you think it's manipulation...

I said that as to not gesture any kind of manipulation, no sex gives her an opportunity to figure things out for herself and for a woman sex equals BOND, a very strong bond that is hard to break once our hormones take over, it can be really hard to think in terms of what she wants w/o emotional bond fogging the brain, we are not men, the more sex we participate with one man the more we emotionally bond and this is not something we can control unless PRACTICED, not having sex slows down the process tremendously for her and gives her an opportunity to figure it all out for herself.

I know were your coming from but my suggestion was not a suggestion of manipulation it was more of a suggestion of slowing down the emotional bond process as to not fall into believing and/or assuming if she continues to have sex something will magically manifest say like a real relationship in the next few weeks/months. It's just to put things into perspective not to manipulate nor punish.

I mean seriously, if she wants to have some fun, be his fuck buddy, I say go for it, she's a big girl but if she want a man to take her seriously giving him sex FIRST before he's formed some kind of emotional bond is not going to get her there but this would be interesting to come back to 6 months from now to hear how things progress, most likely she won't be any further than she was from today. Take the good with the bad.

Too many women not thinking and using her heart at the same time....were either thinking too much and shutting our hearts or leading with our hearts and never hardly thinking....really has to be a balance of both.

@ Let*It*Be

I'm not trying to pull of the " poor me, i'm a good girl now". My point is, ideally i would have preferred that he tells me that let's just see what happens and where this thing goes.. but since he mentioned about just being casual.. so it's like he's pre defining the outcome of this all. I'm not expecting a serious relationship right away but i would rather go along the flow..

I just think that words are just that, WORDS.
In my own experience, I remember when I started dating my ex boyfriend, I told him the second date, where we had had sex and all, that I wanted something casual and nothing serious (as I had just come out of a relationship). And then as we spent mmore time together and shared things, I realized I was falling in love and we ended up dating for years....

I think all people, men and women, are not certain what they are facing at the beginning of a relationship, you really cant know, if things will get serious or not. TIME can tell that. So what can you demand?? being serious Bf AND gf— what if then YOU dont like him—
it is not a question of respecting yourself if you ar having fun and getting to know a person.
Sex, we BOTH enjoy it..it is not some sort of booty you give or dont give to punish a guy, it is a healthy natural act we both enjoy.

So, go ahead with the sex, go ahead with his plans to spend time with you, and then TIME will tell what happens between you two guys....all the best!!!!

I can totally relate to PiscesArgie's views. I guess i'll leave it to time 🙂

@Let*It*Be, I don't feel she's desperate, especially if she's taking the time to figure out what she wants and how what he wants will impact her, if she's true to herself then whatever she decides will feel right for her and not cause those ugly feelings of desperation b/c she's doing what she wants to do for her own reasons, my point being about the desperation comment is that many women go along with the FWB in hopes of securing a real relationship later and that's not the rule it's the exception and that puts a woman in a very desperate place, I'm not saying this is what she is doing but for the most part her taking time to reflect is a smart move. She has a date with him so I'm sure she will know soon what direction she wants to move in. For the record I never called the guy bad or a snake, not every man is bad when he proposes what he wants within the dynamics of a relationship, it's more about is it acceptable to her, something she feels comfortable with doing.

BINGO@so it's like he's pre defining the outcome of this all....She's smart, she understands what he's proposing is casual and not that great for her and she's bonded to him and it's making it hard for her knowing that when a man proposes something casual it hardly ever shifts into anything more. Most women know what you allow is what you get through out the whole entire relationship, it never gets better so if you don't want to deal with it a year from now don't allow it start out that way. Her dilemma is do I start this way and hope it shifts into a real relationship b/c that's what I would prefer to experience with him but him pre-defining the relationship doesn't give me much room to maneuver.

As far as holding sex back, I don't see that as a manipulation on her part, it's her body, she can do what she wants, He has his terms and yet it's not okay for her to have hers, why can't he go with the flow and define how she should feel and allow her the space to fall in love, to be in love and vice versa, it's okay for him to say don't fall in love and give me sex while your trying not to do that which is very hard for a woman to do...This is a new concept for me, it's interesting.

Totally agree! Go ahead with his plans, his wants, his needs and see were that takes you...I can guarantee you won't be happy with the outcome but hey what's life w/o a little risk involved.

Were all pretty much saying the same thing in different ways, be patient, slow down, think about what you want.

As far as holding sex back, I don't see that as a manipulation on her part, it's her body, she can do what she wants, He has his terms and yet it's not okay for her to have hers, why can't he go with the flow and define how she should feel and allow her the space to fall in love, to be in love and vice versa, it's okay for him to say don't fall in love and give me sex while your trying not to do that which is very hard for a woman to do...This is a new concept for me, it's interesting.

Meant to say NOT define how she feels and allow her the space to fall in love...

I think WORDS are very powerful and you should listen to what people say until their actions start agreeing with what they are saying.

I am not a mind reader so I can't say if a man is telling me he wants FWB or something casual. I will take it for that.

Why be caught up with what I "want" to hear. LISTEN to him until he says other wise.

My brother who is a cancer once told me that men can have sex with a woman and have no feelings attached to it at all....and the same for some women.

Don't manipulate anyone into a relationship but you know what you want and yopu heard what he said.

Nobody wants to be in a relationship overnight, you have to get to know thw person but this guy said "I want something casual" could be that he is scared. I say take it day by day and maybe he does fall in love but don't dedicate your life to him or pressure him. I say do you and weigh your options but don't ever in my opinion not listen to what he is saying to you.

The worst thing someone can do is say screw what shes saying I am gonna do what I THINK she really wants.

Posted by justSophs
I think WORDS are very powerful and you should listen to what people say until their actions start agreeing with what they are saying.

I am not a mind reader so I can't say if a man is telling me he wants FWB or something casual. I will take it for that.

Why be caught up with what I "want" to hear. LISTEN to him until he says other wise.

My brother who is a cancer once told me that men can have sex with a woman and have no feelings attached to it at all....and the same for some women.

Don't manipulate anyone into a relationship but you know what you want and yopu heard what he said.

Nobody wants to be in a relationship overnight, you have to get to know thw person but this guy said "I want something casual" could be that he is scared. I say take it day by day and maybe he does fall in love but don't dedicate your life to him or pressure him. I say do you and weigh your options but don't ever in my opinion not listen to what he is saying to you.

The worst thing someone can do is say screw what shes saying I am gonna do what I THINK she really wants.

Great advice, I totally agree....

Suggestion, don't close down your options if he wants casual then you should definitely keep dating until he or someone else steps up and locks it down, which can help you from putting all your eggs in his basket. Men don't really do a ton of talking like women so it's pertinent you understand him, understand what he means when he does communicate what he wants.

@ Tiki right!

Like if a guy told me he wanted something casual, I would never say, he is lying, let me hear what I want. LOL.

He is doing what he's supposed to do by opening doors and being a gentleman? Are you serious? THATS HOW MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HONEY!

Especially if he is trying to get in your pants. If I go on a date and I guy doesnt even attempt to those things, he gets a NO GO.

Why confuse the way a guy supposed to act as love? Its all to impress you and get what he got in the end. The goodies. You just fell for it.

I say plz hear what he is saying, even if his actions prove different. Until he willing changes his tune and ask to be exclusive with you, then he wants a FWB, casual thing like he said. WORDS ARE VERY POWERFUL.

The worst thing you can do is not listen to a person. Let him want you organically, not bc you manipulated him, or bend to his rules. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do You bc he is.

Let me be clear.....I DID NOT SAY SHE WAS DESPERATE, I WAS NOT IMPLYING SHE WAS/IS DESPERATE....

He's treating her casually, clearly he feels she's a likable person just not someone he wants to define anything with beyond casual.

If things were to happen naturally on it's own there would have been no need to PREDEFINE things with her, she's having an issue with (the whole casual sexual relationship) she herself stated she wasn't sure if she wanted to go into another FWB situation and that is what most of us here are discussing.

Her issue is more on the lines is what he's pre defining good enough for me, do I want that.

I don't care if he's still casually calling and asking her out, men can casually take us out on dates 2x's a week, passionately kiss us, fuck us till sun up to sun down and not feel a thing, he's DEFINED how things will be and to OVER LOOK that is naive. I can't tell you how many women come to me devastated b/c she thought him doing all that meant RELATIONSHIP, meant something real.

Someone said keep sleeping with him and then dump him, someone said slow down the sex, someone said don't stop sleeping with him and let things flow, I said stop the sex, are we really going to go tit for tat and let me ask you. Do you have to devalue my advice for your advice to make sense or to be true? I have not once said your advice on any level is wrong or is harsh or dumb and for the record this is not about me and my advice, this is about her.

If women nit picked at men's words and actions as much as they do with other women's words, actions, advice most women wouldn't have so many relationship problems.

Everybody is entitled to give an opinion, and the Pisces girl will benefit from some and ignore other opinions, just let us not get so complicated ...give it a break...🙂

Heh keep the good vibes flowing ladies and let's chuck the bad ones away!

OMG.......we can debate in a kind and non demeaning way.