Humor

The Cancer Character Portrait

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you.

Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring.
Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month.

Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific.

You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed.

You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers.

People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat.

Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer.

Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties.

Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless".

Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

well, i hope were all not too sensitive to laugh at ourselves. and if ya cant find clean underwear, do like i did, just stop wearing them.lol

ooh la la!

I don't wear underwear either, especially not with skirts or dresses. So pointless. Finally a guy who thinks like me! lol

LoL

As funny as it seems, some of that may be true. But I object to the drunken piscean friends thing. It makes cancerians seem like pisceans. I don't even like pisceans. It is me, who is usually drunk, and I angrily don't accept any escorting in those situations (especially from a fragile but sly piscean).

Anti-PisceanCwab😢

Frankly, I find most leos impossible to influence and their fixed yet sometimes discreet pompousness most unacceptable.

Anti-LeoCwab😢

Well, I reckon them geminis jump to superficial conclusions, and I find that more annoying than pomposity

AntiGeminiCwab😢

Shut Up. All of you.

NOW.

Anti-CancerCwab😢

Are you wearing any underwear Phoenix

Got any spares

I am in fact *not*, I do have a few spares, though, if you're interested in wearing them, I confess I am a bit freaked out by the thought (hehe) 😉

Would you prefer the satiny ones or the lacy ones? Could I interest you in a thong?

LoL

Sun in Cancer:

Cancer - Key words: The Heights of Heaven and the Depths of Hell, usually both at the same time.

" How dare you tell me I'm paranoid, and just so you know it, I know the bathrooms are bugged at work", says the confident Cancer. Mr. or Ms. Cancerian, do the world a favor and stop telling people you love them all of the time! God, that is annoying, once a week is more than enough! Go in the kitchen and bake if you are feeling distressed, it's the same energy, different demonstration of affection, get it?
Wanna have some fun with a Cancerian native? All you have to do is criticize them. Then stand back and watch them become unglued at the seams. Watch them head for the refrigerator or Burger King. It's Carbohydrate time! Remember to buy extra cheese or keep it on hand for such occasions. Cancerians can go through cheese by the pound, and it doesn't matter what kind!
Cancerians are the masters of misdirection and inadmissible evidence, as they have it down to a science. Everyone knows (at some point) that they have them nailed for doing something sinister now and then, they just can't prove it, or put their finger on how they got away with it, no matter what the circumstances.
Cancerians most positive attributes are: Spying and blackmailing and at the drop of a hat, they will worry about anything and everything.
Before marrying a Cancerian, check the umbilical cord to see how close to mommy they are, there may still be a direct connection no matter what the age.
Cancerians are the ones whose desks are always neat and tidy! When it comes to money however, their hands can resemble lobster claws as they reach out for what is their.
The Cancerian's greatest attribute to an employer is the ability to fire people. They just love it, especially when people have to be cleared out by high noon or face a showdown. Other positive Cancerian traits is the capacity for jealousy and possessiveness above and beyond the call of duty.
All signs have the ability to abuse things, and in the Cancerians case it is any form of dairy product (CHEESE!). Cancerians absolutely love anything that will carbohydrate themselves into a false sense of security.

Oh that's funny. lol. I just want to comfort you cancers; you're so fragile and cheese-obsessed. lol.

Oh come on. Cheese is about FAT, fat and a good chunk of protein. You can't beat a cheese feast piuzza, or Cheesy peas, or cheesy beans and/or cheesy macaroni and pasta

I'm not cheese-obsessed..

Who wants a pull of this fantastic good shyte as cwab would say? mmmmmm

I don't wear female undear, I just sniff it

lol?

lol

Cheesy😢Cwab😢

undear = underwear

the e, r, and w disappeared along with the skunk

I would gladly pull on your "good shyte", cwab 🙂

(see, that's the "nice thing" I'm giving you for letting me toke)

I'm not denying the power of cheese, but skunks have no place whatsoever in this coversation. lol.

*tosses panties into air rebelliously

lol

p.s.

I like three-cheese lasagna...and my north node is in Cancer.

Coincidence?

I think not.

🙂

i've been seduced.

Oh, I love you Phoenix

Chees-sniffing😢Cwab😢

lol, i love you back, cheese-sniffing cwab 🙂

goodnight wherever you are in the U.K.

dream of cheese and toking with a pantiless phoenix 🙂