I think I messed up :(

Hi. I am new to this forum. I don't know much about astrology but maybe this will be helpful.

I am 35 yr old pisces female. Two weeks ago my friend introduced me to her friend, a cancer male, aged 38. He is twice divorced and currently a grad student working on his master's degree. It was not instant attraction for me but he grew on me very quickly and for the past week and a half we had a very intense, fast-moving relationship. We saw each other every day pretty much. He was always a gentleman and he courted me hard. He called me every day like clockwork after getting out of work, also sent me a text during work to let me know he was thinking about me. He would ask me where I was and what I was doing and after I would tell him, he would say "See you in 5 minutes!" and would race over to see me. His days since he met me was work and me. I tried to play hard to get and not be so available to the phone sometimes. He initiated most of the calling and hated it when I would respond to him with a text. Also he did not like when I would be texting friends in his presence and always wanted to know who I was talking to. None of that really bothered me because I was really into him as well and when we were together, I always gave him warmth and affection. We fit well together, very close, open and comfortable. I was going through a hard time as well and even though I tried not to involve him, he was always there to help. I felt like he really cared about me and although I was coy at times and held back a little bit, I think he knows I cared too. Everything felt great.

Then I think I messed up...

One day he tells me his friend is back in town and they were going to meet for dinner. I thought we would have the night off but he wanted me to go and insisted on picking me up. When he did, his friend called and I heard him say to his friend "I am with a friend right now." For some stupid reason something snapped in my head and I thought "FRIEND??". So after he got off the phone, I told him that I wanted to know what we were doing. He said we were dating. I told him I just wanted to communicate with him and get it out in the open so there were no misunderstandings...that I've seen too many people hurt when they don't talk and one is more serious minded than the other. He said "I am not seeing anyone else. My days have been work and you. I have time for nothing else." I said that I had no interest in seeing anyone else. We both stated that

we liked and respected each other. He said "are you asking me for a serious relationship?" and I said I wasn't necessarily asking anything, I just wanted to know how he felt. I told him that I am a relationship girl and that I don't sleep around and that I just wanted to ensure that I don't get hurt and there were no misunderstandings. He said "Well I am not sure if I am ready for a serious relationship or not. I have not put much thought into this. I just went with my feelings. I do not date around. I only date one at a time. Do you feel as if I've treated you disrespectfully?" I said no, everything was fine. He asked "Are you wanting me to tell people you are my girlfriend?" I said well I am sure that I wanted to be with him and I told him if he wasn't so sure about me then maybe he should think about it and when he is ready, to let me know and if I was still available we can see about a relationship. I don't know why I said it, it just came out of my mouth. He said "Are you giving me an ultimatum? How much time do I have to think about this?" I said "No timeframe and not really an ultimatum. I am just telling you what kind of person I am and what I desire. That is all." He said "What should we do? Should we take a 2 or 3 day break to see how we feel? What if I don't miss you or you don't miss me?" We both said "I don't know." We had nervous laughter the entire conversation but I still felt a little bad inside for even saying anything.

Anyway the night progressed. I was friendly and warm to all but I withheld the affection a bit. He kept moving closer to me at the dinner table, always making sure that his leg touched mine. When we left, he put his arm around me and kissed me tenderly. He asked me if I wanted to come home with him like usual and I told him "No, I have to do something around the house tonight." He kissed me tenderly and I have not heard from him since. That was 3 days ago. Finally I called him tonight (saturday) at 9pm. He did not answer my call or respond to the text message I sent after that. Did I ruin things? What do I do?

if i were you, i wouldnt call anymore and let him contact you first.

i'm seeing a cancer at the moment and in the beginning he did refer to me as "friend" too (eventho his family and friends called me his gf) but i didn't care much about label so it wasnt an issue for me as long as we're having fun getting to know each other. cancer (guys, that i know anyway) is a very very slow creature so might take a while for them to at least acknowledge the bf-gf thing. i learnt to value cancer from their actions....well, maybe some of their words too, but i wont just take it all in. so based on action, if he still likes you he'd call and all, i've been letting my cancer doing all the major work and so far so good

good luck and dont worry too much !

Thanks to the both of you 🙂

He ended up calling me and we've been seeing and/or talking to each other every day since. I was prepared never to bring up the relationship thing again but he brought it up the other night. He says he doesn't want to lose me but he's nervous about the relationship thing cuz he's been hurt in the past. So we are moving slooooowwww but he does call me every day. I dunno about this guy but I'll hang in there and see how things go.

I do kinda felt like I did the right thing by bringing up the relationship thing. In my last relationship, we did not communicate clearly about what we both wanted and we tried to keep it casual. Signals got mixed and we both ended up hurting each other. Also I've been hearing nothing but horror stories from my girl friends lately and it seems like everyone is miserable and lonely so even if it may scare a guy, I'm going to be up front about what I want and if he doesn't like it...oh well, see ya!

hmmm....2 weeks is awfully fast for "girlfriend."

3 weeks, maybe 4, of dating my cancer...i told him "i date solo...or not at all." but see, i framed it as dating...so i told him you date me and no one else...or i dash. he went with that. but if never framed it "am i your girlfriend?" it was more like, dude, if you are going to sleep with me...know this...it is me and only me until we break up. a few weeksafter that he introduced me to his family and he called me gf of his own accord. i also held out on the i love you for MONTHS....(he is also divorced and 35) and i think toward the end of month 4...we went home one night and he said it...told me later he had waited for me to say it and when i did not he just kidn of burst with it...LOL. (oh and 2 yrs later...he can still be an indecisive contrarian ass...who cooks awesome (making pear and goat cheese with balsamic on homemade french bread RIGHT NOW)....and drives me insane with his contant cleaning....but you know....the good and the bad🙂)

leokitten i agree with you. unfortunately I was suffering from "foot in mouth" disease that night 😢 I prefer to think I was possessed by a ghost or something. As for the L word, I will hold onto that word for dear life and if I say it before he does, I'm gonna buy the first plane ticket to a deserted island.

Pear and goat cheese with balsamic on bread— That is my fave snack. I am drooling!

OK...I can only offer comments based on my experience...still I've dated MANY Cancer men. What you've done is unintentionally pushed a big button of most crabs by pushing for the GF status. This common threat to a Cancer is a combination of factors.

1) Discretion is of the utmost importance to a Crab. Maybe he'll show off a little in public by meeting you, but my guess is your guy shows off most of his moves in the privacy of his abode. If you ask him to break that discretion by promoting you to girlfriend, he's taking a big risk at his own expense if he gets hurt...which brings me to point 2!

2) Security is of equal importance. They want to not just feel secure to be in the relationship, have your attention and heart, have your promises and time, etc. They want to feel secure in the early stages (and maybe later stages) to bolt. Many Cancer men aren't willing to commit FULLY until they know you're the one. (Most, for example, resent the idea of living together and fight hard to have their own bed/place.) So you may get the "I love you"s, cuddles, gifts, surprises, and more, but try to get the status of "girlfriend" or a ring on your finger and you'll be waiting a while.

3) Lastly, Cancer men are traditional, stubborn, and naturally moody. This will make him want to chase you at his own pace in his own way. They need a partner to step back until there is a mind, body, and soul connection that is undeniable.
This isn't to say you can't ever call him. You can- but you can't predict how he'll respond to it. (Note that, for example, he wants to feel for you when you have your guard up (i.e. busy, at work etc). Try the same trick on him and it won't work.) The point is, Cancer is unpredictable. When he comes to you, be open and honest. If he shies away, let him work it out. When he does call you, he'll let you know what he needs.

Also, I think that this guy may not be ready for a relationship (though this is total conjecture based on the history of divorce and his comment to his friend on the phone). Sounds like he's still hurting from whoever the last girl was and is jumpy about getting into it with you. My advice is, if you want something lasting, let him off the hook for a while and see if he comes back. Stay independent, focus on your needs, and I am positive you will make the right decision concerning this guy...and thanx for having the guts to stick up for your needs, a lot of women don't and it drives me crazy

Thanks for the info Generald. Yeah, for me it should feel right or not be at all and right now, I feel like I've been open and honest with him and letting him get to know me and I need him to want to be with me, I don't want to force the issue. I have not brought up the relationship thing since that one time and I won't again. He's a great guy and I dont want to lose him but I can't make him want a relationship. The ball is in his court now. I'll see what he does with it.

Fruit, cheese and vinegar sandwich—— UGH!!! 😄

I am a sag female, and my ex was a cancer. Strangely it was he who called me girlfriend from the start; I just wanted friends with benefits (though I was madly in love with him). I spent the first part of our relationship trying to peruade him to have an open relationship out of fear that he would leave me for something morte adventurous, but he had none of that.
Well, now we are no longer together, but I will say that Generald is right. They are moody bastards, and if you do all the chasing, they will run out of habit / fear / princaple? If you stay still and let them come to you, they will do so with a passion. Or at least, mine did!

Good luck (you might need it) 🙂

"I just wanted to ensure that I don't get hurt and there were no misunderstandings."

Sadly, there are no guarantees.