I'm breaking up (Page 2)

Thanks Krobe...of course u helped me. And of course I know all these things already. But my head is all cloudy u know so u make me think about these things with holding my own.

I'm just sexually deprived....lol....might have to go to the "store" which I've never had to do before and I can't believe that I supposedly have a boyfriend and Im having to do this.....hmph

Oh, LS
It happens 2 the best of us. Think of it this way. He is a temporary man, he will make U feel REAL good, U won't get no STD's, have 2 take any BS and he will B ALL yours LOL!

LMAO...Krobe

Thats really good Tiki!!! Its important for us women to do our own thing and its so easy to not do that when we are in relationships cuz we tend to focus on these guys.

I realized a long time ago that I don't NEED this guy in my life, but I do WANT him in my life. We did things on our own and things together. I really found a companion to share different things with and an added bonus is that he loved and accepted me. I really think we had a healthy relationship, as far not really being dependent on the other for anything.

I look at my situation like I'm dealing with someone along the lines of depression or some other sort of mental illness. I never ever had to deal with anyone in my life that suffered from depression, alcholism, drugs, or anything like that so its hard for me to cope. Its like u don't know what to do. When someone suffers with these things, it affects everyone around them. And its hard when someone says this is my problem, because in reality they hurt all they people that love them. I know it is not their intent to hurt the loved ones, so I guess I can now see what Krobe meant by me being selfish. I guess this will only make me a stronger person. I am just happy that I had the brains to talk about this to my friends and to u guys here.

I haven't called and will not call. I have told him plenty of times that I'm always here for him if he needs me. I just want him to get better. Gosh, here I am tearing up at work typing this. Awww....I love my cancer guy.

I noticed LS that my wants were causing me a lot of pain, I don't want anything from my leo anymore, I don't expect him to be or act a certain way anymore, if you step on my toes I'ma hafta spank dat ass but if your not in my space then I'm cool, you wanna be selfish okay do you, I'm still happy and living my life, you wanna make me jealous or be depressed and isolate yourself, okay have all the helpings you can bite because I'm going to do me, I'm not missing out on another ray of sunshine because your being self absorbent and selfish, I'm not missing another moment of beauty b/c your being a douche...have that but I'ma have this over here LOL and when your done being all those negative things holla at me.

This is very hard to accomplish, I even cringe when he does something foul but I realize its not about me so I keep smiling, I keep myself universally centered and I keep loving me through all of it. About to take some ballet classes or maybe piano, then I wanna learn Spanish so why he's being an ass I'm elevating my mind and my life, I enjoy companionship but I enjoy me more so if I have it or if its taken away suddenly for some unforseen reason I'm still fine, I'm still feeling loved...know what I mean.

I love my leo but I love me more (:

Yeah...my heart is just tired. It needs to rest. It will just be interesting to see how all of our situations turn out....hmph....who knows. One thing I do know is that we will be better and stronger women in the end because of the way we are choosing to handle our situations.

Hey girls!
LS, let's get this clear, and again I use blunt ways of pointing this out, not 2 offend U that is just how I am direct. Now, it is a difference with giving a man space and simple just ignoring him. Ignoring him will run him right out of your life. Remember, you love this man. U want 2 B here 4 him with interest. Show some interest, call periodically just 2 check up on him. Don't pressure him with the fact that U know I am here if U need me line. Just let him know U R not ignoring him. U R giving him space and yourself space because I see what he is trying 2 do here. He is trying 2 fix U. He wants U 2 focus on what U need 2 do or what U want out of this. He stated that he liked where things was. So, If U want them 2 remain this way. U need 2 focus more on U, then on him and you guys relationship. However, just don't get all wrapped up in his emotional drama. Let him sort that out himself. He is a man and this will make him stronger with himself and U, because U allowed him the space 2 fix himself.

I haven't called and will not call. I have told him plenty of times that I'm always here for him if he needs me. I just want him to get better. Gosh, here I am tearing up at work typing this. Awww....I love my cancer guy.

Krobe,

I will most definately periodically call to say hey. But thats about it. He needs his space and he's gonna get it. There's no way I can flat out ignore him, thats just childish and shows signs that I'm mad at him. I'm not mad at him.

But I'm not going to call now because I don't want to intrude on his space. So when he's ready he'll give me a ring and I'll take it from there and assess the situation.

Krobe,

What do u mean when u say "he's trying to fix u"? In what way? I see it as he's trying to fix himself and sort thru the thoughts in his mind and the only way he knows how is to do it alone with lots of space.

What do u mean when u say "he's trying to fix u"? In what way? I see it as he's trying to fix himself and sort thru the thoughts in his mind and the only way he knows how is to do it alone with lots of space.

Men distance themselves from U, when they C U have a weakness 2 fix. Like for instance not the exact words. But, U stated that 1 week, he liked everything going on with yall and the next week, it was I need some space. He has good game. I sure wish U would let me deal with him. I would have him so sprong out. LOL!. Good mans game. New York style huh? LOL! However, I am not saying what it is I have pointed out what I thought was weak in your msgs. Maybe he has 2. But, he is trying 2 fix U by distancing himself. He knows that he is hurting U. And truthfully look at it like this. If U were doing other things with your life, you would not even notice the pain that he is causing U. U have 2 work on U. Doing things that make U happy. Once U R happy, you yourself can allow someone else in your life under your terms. Not his. So God, must have sent U 2 this site because he would have taken U 4 a ride on this 1. But, U have me. Ok, men do this 2 distract U. What I mean if he said everything was fine, and U did not do anything wrong, then its not your fault. However, he is trying 2 make U do things 2 fix the relationship back like it was. The more U try 2 fix, the more he is going 2 show U this resist behavior. The more U do, the more expense U will pay 2 get things 2 B back the way they were. So, 2 beat him out of this. Don't do anything 2 cause him 2 resist. Do nothing. Let him go if he wants. It's like so, bye see ya, take your a-- on, U R not the first man that has walked out my life and once U leave U will not B the last. He will pick up that U have confidence and run back once he sees that sh-- ain't gonna work. LOL! U have got 2 love them.

LS you have to be about yourself, some selfish behavior is good behavior, he wants to help you not be dependent on him to BE a certain way all the time, you have to strengthen your weaknesses by not obsessing over him or the relationship, you have done well by letting him breathe in his time of needing to be alone but he wants you to be able to pick this up while you are together, he needs a woman that can intuitively know when he needs space without her getting offended and making it about YOU. Once you know his ebbs and his flows you will know when to back off and give space and still pick up keep doing you. This takes trust because your going to feel like your making mistakes or that he's going to leave you but you mustn't fall into that mindset, a simple are we okay is enough and then you can pick up and keep doing your thing and let him work his stuff out without the worries because honestly he needs a positive force in his life and if your worried and full anxiety too, then thats no good.

He needs to know your strong enough to deal, not when its good but when its bad, if you make it through this bought, he may start to let you in more once he realizes you can be depended upon...hell your a scorpio, right? That says it all, hang in there girl (:

krobe will add much more to that, I ramble too much LOL!!

Oh and I didn't even get to read krobes post before I posted mine LOL!!

And she's right, he wants you to do counterproductive stuff, he wants you to chase and give and give to make him feel good, he wants a return on all that attention and good loving he's been giving, he wants you to make he FEEL GOOD, this is childs play!! A man who is sure of himself will tell you what he needs but unfortunatley this isn't the case with you or me LOL!!!

never you mind that....stand still, don't you budge, don't do one dayum thang. Once he sees your not afraid to lose him or to lose anything he will come off that BS game, yep they play games even in the midst of depression. Don't ignore him but don't call him either, let him come to you and he will.

sorry 4 the typos, at work...ugh (:

I see what you are saying Krobe, but I don't think that this is my situation at all.

Because I think the sitaution is that he got a job offer in another state(and doesnt know what to do about me as far as maybe trying to take me along or not), he's not happy with his current job, he feels he may have a drinking problem, and overall just feels like he should be doing more with his life. Has nothing to do with me and my "weakness". (My weakness I think is the desire to share love and intimacy with someone.) I think he's faced with a dilemma of wanting to be with me but also having the opportunity to do what he really wants to do but would require him to leave everyone (me and his family and friends) behind. Thats hard to do and definately a tough decision to make. I'm thankful I never had to face that decision cuz I would be so torn.

I think ur advice is great Krobe, unfortunately I don't think it fully applies in my current situation. But trust me, I'm listening. More of it applied in the beginning of our dating when he "assumed" i was clingy and didnt have my own life. Boy was he wrong and when he realized that he wouldnt stop calling me...lol. Where are u from btw?

actually I retort on that man will tell you what he needs part...actually men expect you to KNOW what he needs and when he doesn't get it, well they do what they do, hide or find ways to fill the need without you knowing about it.

never you mind that....stand still, don't you budge, don't do one dayum thang. Once he sees your not afraid to lose him or to lose anything he will come off that BS game, yep they play games even in the midst of depression. Don't ignore him but don't call him either, let him come to you and he will.

I say don't ignore him. U R leaving the door open remember? I would not call either. I would not even let him hear no voice. I don't let men hear my voice much anyways. How can he miss U if he talks 2 U? I would send him a text every once in a while. Like go 2 walmart and look at some emotional cards. Take some of the words and form them into your own and send them 2 him. 1 time. Don't pressure him back 4 a answer. Just give him time 2 answer. He will. Not right then, but he will appreciate the emotional support. However 2 get that again. Oh, brother. U gone have 2 come 2 momma! LOL! Dangle his ass!

LS,
I gave U advice. However, I am going 2 give U time 2 get it! I don't think U R picking up here. Tikki 94.5% just don't "get it" so leave it alone.

Yeah I guess he can somewhat think I am weak. I am not weak! Just was confused by this damn mess so I freaked out a lil bit. He does want me to SENSE when he needs space, geez, i gotta be pyschic too lol. I will say thought that being a scorpio i am very intuitive and i do know all these things. Just didnt know his reasons for the space. But now I do so I'm ok.

My last contact with him was Friday night, I was in his neighborhood and dropped by to see how he was doing with his bronchitis...sunday I called to say hey....monday I texted and told him he was more than welcome to join me for sushi dinner that night. He did not respond to the text. and thats the last contact. Haha...i dont even have any urges to call him. I'm more focused on making calls to plan my memorial day weekend! Its going to be beautiful outside here in New york. This entire week no rain and the weather is wonderful. I hope he gets out this weekend to enjoy it and doesnt sit around and mope!!!

Who knows, I may even see him this weekend because his mother told me when i called her on mother's day that her sister was having a bbq. So maybe he will invite me if he goes. I hope so because they cook sooo good and mmmmmm....the dessert!!! And I havent seen his family in about 3 months so that would be nice to see everyone and have a good time.

LS your a scorpio, girl you can handle this, no more contact, texting, nothing, relax, enjoy your weekend and fill your time up with things that you enjoy doing, use this time to your advantage and when things pick up again, continue to have stuff to do and places and people to see, this will make you much more attractive and mysterious, aren't scorpio's known for being a mystery? lol!

I know you will be fine (:

oh and when he finally calls, don't answer, send a cute text back, hey baby thanks for calling, missed you, talk to you soon and then let him initiate contact again, you will not come off as desperate hehehehehe, oh the games we weave LOL!

Haha Krobe and Tiki.....I do "get it". If I didnt "get it" I never woulda gotten him a year and a half ago and kept him.

But whatever, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that. The reason why I say that this does not apply to me is because he is not doing it only to me! His friends are being neglected and even his own mother! He didnt even want to visit her on mothers day, his dad had to drive 45 mins to go get him.

So I see why u guys give this advice, because of course u dont know every detail. It is GOOD advice, dont get me wrong. But I am not the reason for his behavior. When I was the reason for the distance 1 time when he got mad at me, he was out with his friends and doing him. Right now he's neglecting EVERYONE in his life and sitting at home.

Do u guys get what I'm saying?

if you truly feel your not part of the problem then thats all good but while he's down, focus on you and do things that you enjoy doing, pick up a new language, find great books to read, find ways to fill the void that you let him fill because honestly no man should have that kinda hold on a woman...fill yourself up so when things happen like this with him or with other future relationships you can keep your stride without missing a beat LS.

fyi

if a man doesn't want to talk to you, theirs nothing you can do or say to make him open up and when you do contact him without an open invitation, you will be seen as pushy and an annoyance, so stay clear until he says its okay and if for some reason he chooses to move on, give him the space to do that, LET GO...in the mean time pay attention to your emotional well being.

"Tikki 94.5% just don't "get it" so leave it alone."

Krobe, i hope u dont think ur beating a dead horse here because ur not. I think this issue here is deeper than "i don't know how to deal with a cancer guy". its more like "im having some trouble dealing with a person that is going thru mild depression". I admit at first i thought that was the issue, but by posting here and talking about it i realize the issue is much more serious.

this reminds me of a tv program I saw how this mom wasn't getting any sleep with her newborn because the baby was used to his mother rocking him to sleep every night or during nap time, whenever she tried to make him sleep him alone without her rocking him would keep her up all day and night crying until she picked him up, this was driving her absolutely nutz because she had to go back to work soon so she found a website that taught self soothing, the baby resisted for about a week, the mother would lay him in his crib and he would wail like someone was stabbing him, he would cry for hours and after a week of this he finally learned to fall asleep on his own, now of course they had to learn to differentiate a cry of distress from a regular cry for mama, once he learned to self soothe himself to sleep she had no problems getting a good nights rest.

I learned to self soothe, I don't need you to hug me, kiss me, be nice to me, pay attention to me, I can give that to myself, I'ma be fine without that so go and do you, holla at me when you get done being depressed or whatever your doing....Don't get me wrong its nice to be loved and to be held but I never wanna fall back into being dependent and the funny thing is alot of us are dependent and don't even know it...its jus not healthy.

Lol...tiki, i was wondering where the hell u were going with that story. he most definately is a self soother, he told me that himself. I'm different, I like friends and family around, not to make decisions for me, but rather for me to say what I'm feeling and just get it out of my head. I'm a talker and a firm believer in support groups. that just doesnt work for everyone though. I can be a lil stubborn sometimes and not understand that ppl do things differently than me. I always tell myself "i'm not supposed to understand everything, but rather just accept the way ppl are and not question it and choose whether that is something i want to deal with"

I just take it one day at a time. I don't even cry or get upset about it anymore. He can be down all he friggin wants, but I sure as hell am not going to be down with him. That takes too much energy and I'm already tired to begin with from regular life, who the hell has the energy? Not me.

Oh thank goodness I think they are letting us out of work at 3pm today because of the holiday. Woohooo!!!! Early start on Happy Hour!!!!

I initially hid my message but what the hell, let the fangs and claws fly LOL!!

tiki i think that is good insight. one thing i will say is that we cancers can come on strong with the emotions, charm hehe, and compliments early on when we are getting to know a woman to lure them in. i think after we start feeling secure with one we kind of start getting back to normal and might not seem all into you but that is what we do when we feel secure. i think a lot of people might take that as us not caring anymore or that something might be wrong with the relationship because we aren't going all out like we did before but the truth is we are just starting to feel comfortable. so yes take things slow and patiently. believe me you will know when we are not intersted in you or the relationship anymore. but one thing i want to say is that there is a difference between being patient and being ignored. never take any negative behavior from anyone. remember you are in control and teach people how to treat you 🙂

but one thing i want to say is that there is a difference between being patient and being ignored. never take any negative behavior from anyone. remember you are in control and teach people how to treat you.

I agree

if I haven't learned anything else, if a person reacts to being ignored in a negative way it doesn't make the other party change and sometimes men aren't going to give the woman the answers she needs, so the woman has to be emotionally dependent on herself and love herself enough not to take it personally and keep living her life, no one likes being disappointed but cansir I honestly can say I looked at my life, looked at how I felt and decided I wasn't losing another ounce of joy, I wasn't missing another beautiful day or losing another precious opportunity to smile and laugh because a guy or people don't deem me important enough to treat me a certain way, I learned that love starts from within and even when life is sh*tty you have yourself and thats enough. I love to be held and hugged and fawned over who doesn't but I don't have to have it that way inorder to feel good.

"but one thing i want to say is that there is a difference between being patient and being ignored."

Cansir, that is true and at this point im not sure if i'm being ignored. But, if I am then thats ok, I will live. I'm happier than a pig in shit right now because I just got a call and I have an interview set up at a job where I'll be making atleast 10k more than I am now, which I desparately need!!!

I'm happier than a pig in shit right now because I just got a call and I have an interview set up at a job where I'll be making atleast 10k more than I am now, which I desparately need!!!

oooooooooh your going to be rolling in the dough! Make sure to let us know how things work out for you...good luck!

tiki i so agree with what you said about loving yourself. it does come from within. how can you love anyone else when you don't love yourself. i too have learned never to let anyone steal your joy or happiness from you. you have the power to let them or not and i choose not to. i learned a lot from my exvirgo even though she didn't know it. i learned that if someone doesn't want to be with you then they aren't worth your time. you need to surround yourself with positive people and give your time to someone who wants to be with you. like i said before life is full of lessons so don't let any pass you buy be it positive or negative.

lady scorp who cares if you are being ignored or not. do not let anyone take your power from you. if he is ignoring you then he is missing out on YOU so just live your life to the fullest. also, if you are being ignored then he isn't worth your time and you will find someone who will want to spend every moment of their life making you happy while you do the same for them. a relationship to me is being part of a team. you have to compromise but at the end of the day each persons goals are the same and in line with each other. it is all about win-win. oh, and congrats on the interview. i am sure you will nail it..you will have to take us all out for drinks when you get that big raise :-)

krobe03 again i agree with almost everything you said. we do love challenges but we also like to win..lol...i guess i taught you well 😉

cansir your the only guy on here that be feeling us girls ::blowing kisses:: your truly a piece of heaven.

I hate being ignored (feeling my blood pressure rise LOL) but I used that to my advantage, instead of dwelling and sulking about it, I asked myself how can I use this energy, how can I turn it around? Krobe also pointed out hey you need to check XYZ and first I was resistant because I didn't even know were to start but me being spiritual and having a spiritual guide to help me think things through and get myself together.

I simply found ways to strengthen my self confidence, found a second job, got into music and arts, getting ready to learn a new language, found things that make me smile and make me feel good about me and all the love I have for myself carries over into my daily personal relationships, of course I'm human and sometimes I have those moments were I'm not feeling this or that so I'm not going to pretend I don't waver but I'm mindful that I only hurt myself and kill my own joy if I let someone or something take away my joy and peace of mind out of my own inability to love me and nurture me when times are tough....I just can't live that depressive state of mind anymore.

I agree with Krobe inregards to some leos, sometimes its best to let the leo THINK he or she has gained the upper hand because everyone wins and the big ole kitty will be purring in no time.

oh krobe you should totally look into being a spiritual advisor, like Iyanla Vanzant, do it on the side, hell I'll pay for your services LOL!

Thanks guys for the good luck wishes. I know I'm going to get this job because I'm going to bust my butt preparing for this interview!!

And Cansir, definately drinks on me when I get it!!!!

tiki thanks for the kind words (blowing kisses back) :-) i am just here to share some of my limited life knowledge. of course my advice might not always be right but i hope it helps. i am just glad i can help yall out and i am sure i will be posing questions back to you ladies when i do decide to get back in a serious relationship. i have no doubt yall will be there for me as well.

ok, everyone heard lady scorp say drinks on her. book your tickets cause we are all flying to ny to celebrate. i hope you know us cancers can be frugal but we also have great taste. seriously i have no doubt you will land this job and will breeze through that interview, best of luck and we will all be praying for you.

again krobe03 my love, i taught you well 😉

Lady Scorp, any news from the cancer guy yet? my cancer ex bf dumped me coz he wanted to "concentrate on his career" but 3 months later he calling me again asking for another chance. By then it was too late.. I had gotten over him completely. Hope you find your soulmate soon!

*started calling

my cancer ex bf dumped me coz he wanted to "concentrate on his career" but 3 months later he calling me again asking for another chance. By then it was too late.. I had gotten over him completely. Hope you find your soulmate soon!

If U would have dumped him first. He would B crazy 4 U right now.

maybe it's just part of being a teen.. lots of cancerians I know are pretty secure emotionally. are u the second born?