Is Cancer dude stalling or just doesn't care?

Hi Guys!
Me again.

Back story, met Cancer guy in Jan, fell in love like that *snap* and moved in together to my place after 2 months.
The last few months, I was getting fed up with his selfishness, moodiness, general emotional abuse and let him know (in the opposite of my current calm nature ), he in turn wanted a break.
On top of that, he said he can't commit, wants to figure out what he wants, says he always runs, thinks about other girls, I hurt his feelings, yada yada.
We spent a horrendous month of October living together because he didn't want to leave, but didn't want to be with me... putting me thru the most painful month ever, having to watch this guy emotionally/mentally shut down and be a disrespectful monster even more so.

He said he would move whenever he felt like it, but I came home 2 fridays ago and he had moved out with 2 car trips back home. He also purposefully left the most erroneous items, and then also items he really forgot to take, like some work stuff in a closet, kitchen stuff, and now chairs he decided he wants back. Also my keys. Yes he has my keys!

Now I asked him to please get the rest of his stuff, no dice. 2 Saturdays ago, I asked him, he said traffic was bad, said he was busy. Then he said he needed his dad's van. Then he said he could come during the week cus he might not be working. Never happened. Last Monday, he apologized and said he would be working and would be able to get his things, also hopes I have a good day... I thought things were looking up, then he said crazy inappropriate things which made me call out how disrespectful he was being. He apologized. Now a week later, I contacted him today to ask when he can pick his things and return my key. He said he has been working everyday and will get it his first day off... (Well, he really can take any day off if he chooses to), I said, It doesnt seem to be a priority for him to get his stuff but please tie up loose ends ASAP. and he said "Yes, of course", And i asked him to please give me a heads up when he would be coming so I could stop having nightmares of him coming in and flossing (he is OCD about his teeth). So now he keeps making jokes with me. I have stopped responding to him.

What is going on. He left me, I told him twice now to not drag this out, and he said OK. Is it a control thing? I love him but now I cant trust him. He's the one who said, I will find another guy, that break ups get easier the more you have them, why drag?

I would just leave his stuff outside.

Yeah... that.makes sense the.Ultra....... Weaning.
But how to tell if it's now n how to tell if its later?
Damn these cancers that can tap into your emotions
And use them to their advantage. Grr..rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Posted by Theultra79
It's not as easy for him to leave as he pretends it is. Seems Iike he's just not in a hurry to completely FINALIZE the split. Not saying he won't eventually. Many of the cancers I know have to kind of wean themselves off of people. (pardon the expression)

This way there stilll a reason to have contact with you.

He was talking about how easy it is. He was acting so cold and insensitive. He was beyond disrespectful at me, like beyond.
I really just want to move on right now.
I want a stable man in my life, and he is a basket case. Not just that, but I can't trust him anymore, not just cus he's a dog, but to trust him to not pull this shit whenever he feels like it, all he has are on and off relationships. That will not be my life.

I'm not going to throw his stuff out, because I am not that girl, so that's not an option.
But he's gotta know I am not that dumb, working the weekends is a choice for him, he can also take any day off if he wanted to, as well, there really isn't THAT much stuff, there's a bag of clothes, a bag of misc, 2 chairs, and his work things. It doesn't take a day off to get them. It takes 15 minutes.

I want to move on but with his stuff being there, it's hard for me, is there anything I can say to him to get through to him?
Basically unless he got a brain transplant in the last few weeks I dont want him, everything has always been about him throughout our relationship, even this break up is about him.

It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. She doesnt want him to leave. Shes prob still holding onto the hope that he will change his mind and return. His leaving his belongins at her house gives her hope. If she was indeed truely done, shed pack his crap and drop it off to his peoples house. It can be hard to let go. The longer you take, the harder it is. Why give him all the power? Why is it his choice if he leaves or stays? If he does move back in, this will prob continue for the duration of the relationship. You deserve more.

Posted by coldwater
Why give him all the power? Why is it his choice if he leaves or stays?

+1

It's a control thing... and he has it

sounds passive aggressive cause he KNOWS you want his stuff gone and he's gonna take his sweet time about it. Weaning or not

I texted him today, to tell him there wasnt much stuff and he didn't need to take the day off to come get it. He said he's going to get a day off soon so he'll come by... I told him to give me a heads up because I didn't want to see him he said no problem... And I told him I wanted stability, love, trust, and happiness, that I'm a one guy kinda girl, and I hope he finds happiness, and that he finds happiness in himself first before looking for it in someone else. He said, understood, thanks...

Anyway a bit of chit chat, he said this isn't easy for him and he's trying to move on.
I told him, I'm moving on too, because If he loved me he wouldn't let me go, and if I meet someone, and he doesn't let me go, he says we can't be together "right now", but there would be no future because I'm a one guy kinda girl. He said he didn't know how to respond to that. I said, just be honest with yourself and to me. Then he didn't want to talk anymore.

Well I do want a stable man I can trust, I am 98% sure it's not him, but yeah a part of me still hopes... What we have/had, connection wise between us, is amazing, but there were problems as well... We broke up over a fight, he broke up with me, wanted a break that led to this... And he's trying to move on? When he wants to be with other women?

Ps. I don't drive so I can't drop his stuff off, which include 2 chairs and some metal work clamps that are like 4 feet tall...

oh he said he's gonna get his stuff today after work.


we had an hour text chat on his lunch break.

it was good.

FML.
he just came and picked up his stuff while i was at work
He took everything but his 2 patio chairs. and took the keys with him.
and then told me to get a hold of myself and organize my place.
I said, i wasnt his concern anymore
He said, yes you are
I said. no. im not.

————??

Posted by crabcakesandmayo
He is playing games with you and you are enabling him.

Well, I dont think that's it.
We both said we will miss each other.
I said, you know i love you very much. he said "i always knew" and didnt want to talk about it and said he didn't want to stress out.
We were joking a lot, and i told him other men were interested in me, I dont know what to do.
I'm not trying to make him jealous, but the fact is, I don't date a lot, because a date always turns into something cus guys always want to make me their girlfriend lol... I get along with people very easily. He said he wished he had my personality.
I just, want to give us another shot, it ended so abruptly, i want to move on, but don't want to have feelings for someone else because that would mean the end of this...
I said, I have to have no hope in order to move on, I cant think we will work this out.
He said, it will take time, everything is still very fresh.
completely different from things he was saying before.
He seemed very genuine and sincere, the kind of man he was before the last month and a half.

There was a lot of jokes but sadness in our convo.

I told him, if he wants me in his life, let me know, don't let me go...
he had to go back to work. he didn't say anything about it.

He said he had to come back for his chairs, i told him i would buy them from him, and he can give me the keys!

No deal!

you should be treating this as a business transaction, not a wounded relationship. it's over, he's out, it's DONE. having personal conversations about feelings is just asking for more pain and anguish. it's pointless as it's just stirring up emotions that don't need to be faced. you're letting the boundaries continue to be blurry and that's not what should be happening. be firm...and emotionless. good on you for telling him you are no longer his concern...bad on you for telling him about your personal life. remain consistent and without empathy. give him x amount of days or you will consider it your property. are these keys important? are they spare keys? are they replaceable and at what cost? he's taking advantage of you and you'll enabling it. stop it asaps!! you're a gem...i know you can harness that strength and bring on the game face.

Tell him to come drop the keys or you will call the cops, his choice.