Is this a normal Cancer thing?

I find that when I love somebody I feel scared a lot :/..because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
Is it normal for a cancer to be scared to love

This is something you need to learn to control or it will push a lot of people away... where as some people thrive on it. I've yet to meet those who thrive on it. -_-

It's a normal person thing, but it's much more magnified in cancerians.

It's terrifying yet so much fun. Like bungee jumping. 🙂

Posted by Arielle83
I was always just scared someone would waste my time.

I think that's basically what it all comes down to. A cancer needs encouragement to care about someone else, so if I like you, I'm preparing to step out of one realm into another. I'm just scared it won't be worth it.

yes this is EXACTLY the case for me!

Posted by jasmin0626
I find that when I love somebody I feel scared a lot :/..because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
Is it normal for a cancer to be scared to love

Yes. Over time, you will figure out whose worth the effort and whose not.

Thanks for posting all of this. ^^^^

Confirms my suspicions of my Cancer.

Anything we non-Cancers can do to reassure? Or is it just showing up, and time?

Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Thanks for posting all of this. ^^^^

Confirms my suspicions of my Cancer.

Anything we non-Cancers can do to reassure? Or is it just showing up, and time?

Attention, affection, time and support!!

I would say this is definitely the case for my cancer man...he constantly gets scared and retreats...and it hurts a lot when he does it but I try and understand it isn't about me and be caring and supportive...sometimes I'm not sure the right thing to do...

So is the reason that you crabs say all these nice things and then disappear and ignore us?? Fear? We think it's going well and then yr gone...?

well I personally don't do dissapearing acts or anything like that....yet I'm only 18 but yes I do feel afraid to love sometimes but I wouldn't let go as far as endangering my relationship. All you can do is reassure him and talk to him about.

how long have you two been together?

Yes I don't want my time and emotion wasted on someone who doesn't deserve it nor do I like being wrong in my choices & decision making. So I get pretty pissed after I've put my time and emotion into someone and it doesn't workout and I try to do what I can to keep that from happening. Which is holding back until I am sure the person is giving and the giving is genuine and not just because they want me but they actually have my best interest at heart.

I disappear because I want to see if you will go away or will you actively try to stay in my life. I want to know if you'll leave if/when things get tough and not just be happy and down for me when things are good. That is how my Libra got me was because he stayed persistent. He didn't just let me run and hide,when I tried he would do whatever he could to pull me out my shell until I came out and things were good again. He didn't just sit back and let me push him to the side but instead showed me no matter how hard I try to push him away, he isn't going anywhere.

However this was able to work for him because he is someone I wanted to be with but I was testing him to see if he'd be able to be just as emotionally invested as I would be in the relationship. But if you are someone we are not really feeling like that, it doesn't matter what you do or how hard you try all your efforts will mean nothing at the end of the day because the feelings aren't mutual and nothing you do will change that.

So you have to figure out where you stand with us emotionally because you could either need to show us and prove to us you want to be in our lives for the long haul or you could be wasting your time with us.

^^^ I think that's what most of us are trying to figure out is how to tell which category we fall under. My Cancer boyfriend has been going through a rough time and has been very distant and in his own little world. But he always comes back in contact even just to say hi and that he misses me after disappearing. But I'm having a hard time figuring out if it's because he too does love me or for some other unknown reason. Because I told him before I'm fiercly loyal and give myself openly to one person and I have great patience. But I too don't want my time wasted and don't want to invest all this time and devotion if he doesn't feel the same way. You feel me? @ Cancer Lady

Yes lots of great insight but exactly....how the hell do we know if you don't tell us?? I dont want to waste my time either! I dont want to invest a lot for no reason just to have someone test me and leave me....sooooo....what are we supposed to do? I'd love to be non stop supportive if I knew where the eff I stood. I love the guy but I'm not stupid! And I hate being ignored.

Suddenly I recall my friend (cancer woman) telling me about that time when she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and he was like "nah..no you're not. we're not breaking up" and still stood around and next year they're getting married 😄

Aww that's cute.

It can be hard to know exactly where you stand with us however I will say if we have made things official with you *boyfriend/girlfriend* then things are in your favor and its up to you whether or not you mess things up. When we disappear as long as we're still coming back and checking in and we're responding to you then things are fine.

If you are being ignored for long periods of time and we're not responding to you or checking in, then we're investing time in someone else and don't have time to be bothered with you. If you're only connecting through sex, we're not all in. Being physical is an easy way to keep you at an emotional distance and you'll stay in that physical box with us but if we attract someone who taps into us emotionally, that's who we're going to gravitate too and want to pursue something with because the emotional connection is what we really want and need. We like and enjoy sex so we'll enjoy a sexually based relationship but the person who pulls us in emotionally is going to be the one we try to make things work with.

Posted by Cancer Lady
It can be hard to know exactly where you stand with us however I will say if we have made things official with you *boyfriend/girlfriend* then things are in your favor and its up to you whether or not you mess things up. When we disappear as long as we're still coming back and checking in and we're responding to you then things are fine.

If you are being ignored for long periods of time and we're not responding to you or checking in, then we're investing time in someone else and don't have time to be bothered with you. If you're only connecting through sex, we're not all in. Being physical is an easy way to keep you at an emotional distance and you'll stay in that physical box with us but if we attract someone who taps into us emotionally, that's who we're going to gravitate too and want to pursue something with because the emotional connection is what we really want and need. We like and enjoy sex so we'll enjoy a sexually based relationship but the person who pulls us in emotionally is going to be the one we try to make things work with.

If only this was true for me. 😢

I had an extremely strong emotional connection with my gf and tried to push her away still the same because of that very reason! Don't ask - it's complicated and I'm tired. Let it suffice life experience can bring unpredictable results.

Posted by goligold
How does one get closer emotionally when they keep testing the waters and pulling back?

I think it would be to just know if these "waters" are to be trusted, if there are real feeling at the middle. If it's really worth fighting for.

Posted by Cancer Lady
Yes I don't want my time and emotion wasted on someone who doesn't deserve it nor do I like being wrong in my choices & decision making. So I get pretty pissed after I've put my time and emotion into someone and it doesn't workout and I try to do what I can to keep that from happening. Which is holding back until I am sure the person is giving and the giving is genuine and not just because they want me but they actually have my best interest at heart.

I disappear because I want to see if you will go away or will you actively try to stay in my life. I want to know if you'll leave if/when things get tough and not just be happy and down for me when things are good. That is how my Libra got me was because he stayed persistent. He didn't just let me run and hide,when I tried he would do whatever he could to pull me out my shell until I came out and things were good again. He didn't just sit back and let me push him to the side but instead showed me no matter how hard I try to push him away, he isn't going anywhere.

However this was able to work for him because he is someone I wanted to be with but I was testing him to see if he'd be able to be just as emotionally invested as I would be in the relationship. But if you are someone we are not really feeling like that, it doesn't matter what you do or how hard you try all your efforts will mean nothing at the end of the day because the feelings aren't mutual and nothing you do will change that.

So you have to figure out where you stand with us emotionally because you could either need to show us and prove to us you want to be in our lives for the long haul or you could be wasting your time with us.

I just came back from my "disappearing" and your absolutely right - if someone values your relationship - whether its platonic or romantic they will be persistent and stick around. If they don't ... keep it moving!

I agree^^ if someone ignores you it is because they are not interested in you that much. If a cancer likes you they will become consistent and will not confuse you THAT MUCH!.. I don't think that this cancer is very interested. Or probably has something else going on, causing him not to give you as much attention.

If I can add my two cents, this is what through me off about you guys, you are fully aware of what you want and what you don't, but sometime you have a disconnection from empathy specially coming from "one of the most empathetic signs" is the fact that you don't think for a second about the other party... '

No one wants to spend time and emotion on other people specially if is going to waste, but relationships are like that, most people have ups and downs in life, with the exception of those who are systematically bad people, and yes is annoying that after all the time and emotion invested, some bastards just turn around and give three fucks about you... but isnt it what life is about?? live and learn...

Most cancers here repeat and repeat want reassurance, affection, time, security, but some of you don't reciprocate with a bit consideration and communicating at minimum, if you need to assess yourself and need time fine, but don't disappear, you are confused, fine at least tell me, but no... simply go hide and thing about your own heart while in many cases the other party is hurt too, when they ask them they don't care or didn't even think about it, how can you be so disconnected when you claim you are too connected.

Meanwhile the other person if it really cares keeps torturing themselves questioning if it was something they say or do, and the more they inquire the most closed you became, because you are being protective. The key is always been need to be aware that even if you are private and closed people notice what you do or not do and intentionally or intentionally is selfish.

In most cases is insecurity or maybe that person say or did something wrong, or did the right thing wrong or did nothing, is always a black and white unilateral decision, disappearing. and Then get pissed because the person is not giving you space by being persistent but also get pissed when the person gives up after trying and trying... thinking they didn't even care enough to wait, just so you know there is so much rejection a person will take.

is like in some cancers mind time freezes and the world stops while you go and sit your butt on the shell, no one regardless the sing likes to be hurt or wasting time, but the only way to know which one will be is by trying... idk my motto is it takes two to tango.

That's a pretty apt description of the other person pov. Wish they could see that.

Posted by jasmin0626
I agree^^ if someone ignores you it is because they are not interested in you that much. If a cancer likes you they will become consistent and will not confuse you THAT MUCH!.. I don't think that this cancer is very interested. Or probably has something else going on, causing him not to give you as much attention.

True. But some people don't invest a lot of emotions because they are afraid to get hurt. In my own opinion when a man distant himself a wise woman knows what to do her time.
Get extra curricular activities. Enjoy life. Let him come around. My man at this time goes mia - before he did that he let me know that he is very sick and don't want to bother me and cause burden. So I replied ok, get well soon. I don't have time to keep on contacting him because I know he always come back. What if he is not, oh well it's not mean to be. lol.

I have less worries when he goes mia.. he kept doing it. So I just let him be and I disappear too. double. hahaha

My moon in cancer pretty annoying. I kept calculating by natal chart and even changing time and tried many ways how to adjust date and time, lol. because I cannot accept I have a ***cancer moon***. My older sister and younger brother, 2 nephews and 1 niece and my father are all born under zodiac sign of cancer.. 😆 😆

Most of the time we let you know why we are disappearing before we disappear. If you did something to piss us off and we disappear then yes we want you to suffer and we'll decide while we're away if you're worth us coming back too or not. However during that time if you know you have phucked up then you better be trying to write your wrongs and let us know you are sorry for your actions and you take full responsibility in hurting us. DO NOT TRY TO JUSITY YOUR ACTIONS! That really pisses us off and makes us do whatever he can to make you suffer. If you have upset us, own that whether you think our hurt is justified or not. Bottom line you hurt us and you need to correct it if you ever want us to make amends with you and even if we forgive, we're going to be still holding on because now you have showed us you're capable of hurting us and you have to earn that trust back and its not going to happen over night. If you keep adding to the hurt bank then eventionally you're going to go bankrupt with us and we're done with no explanation. We tried to warn you time and time again that your actions were hurting us and if you don't get that and understand it then we have no choice but to cut you out our lives once and for all. However like I stated we don't just disappear without giving you some kind of indication of what's about to happen and why. It's up to you to pay attention to the signs.

I just disappeared from a Cap guy friend and we won't be friends anymore. I told him I was serious about my Libra and I was going to have to fall back. So I was basically telling him and letting him know that we wouldn't be in contact for awhile and for him to give me space. Well he didn't do that, he started calling me more and when I didn't reply sent me a message asking where the phuck am I? Ummm excuse me? I told him before hand that things were getting serious with my guy and my Libra was my priority. He didn't respect what I told him or my Libra or my relationship. When the cap gets in relationships and disappear, I never say anything to him about it because he need to be focused on his relationship and I respect that. However he doesn't give me that same courtesy. So I had to block him because he wouldn't stop calling and he was even calling in the middle of the night, like really? You just don't give a phuck that I have a man, luckily my Libra was not around whenever cap called but cap probably thinks it's messed up that I have disappeared on him when in reality he deserves it! We could have still kept in touch but he forced me to have to disconnect myself from him because he insisted on being disrespectful.

We do not disappear for nothing. Either you did something and you are fully aware and just don't care and going to do what you want with no regard to our feelings. Or we're going through something that doesn't involve you and we need the mental and emotional energy to work that out without any outside distractions.

We don't like to burden people with our emotional butter but if we trust you we'll let you in for the most part but there's always times when we're not going to involve you and we want to handle things on our own. How can we show you we can be there for you if we're constantly showing you our weaknesses. We think about you and consider needs we just have a different approach in doing so. However when you have crossed or hurt us then we become cold and couldn't care less how our actions make you feel because you didn't care about our feelings when you was doing the hurtful things to us. You just didn't know we would attack how and when we did, cancer's revenge is always a slow death. You won't ever see it coming or be prepared for it, we make sure of that.

Posted by Cancer Lady
We don't like to burden people with our emotional butter but if we trust you we'll let you in for the most part but there's always times when we're not going to involve you and we want to handle things on our own. How can we show you we can be there for you if we're constantly showing you our weaknesses. We think about you and consider needs we just have a different approach in doing so. However when you have crossed or hurt us then we become cold and couldn't care less how our actions make you feel because you didn't care about our feelings when you was doing the hurtful things to us. You just didn't know we would attack how and when we did, cancer's revenge is always a slow death. You won't ever see it coming or be prepared for it, we make sure of that.

Last part - terrifying lol

Posted by Cancer Lady
We don't like to burden people with our emotional butter but if we trust you we'll let you in for the most part but there's always times when we're not going to involve you and we want to handle things on our own. How can we show you we can be there for you if we're constantly showing you our weaknesses. We think about you and consider needs we just have a different approach in doing so. However when you have crossed or hurt us then we become cold and couldn't care less how our actions make you feel because you didn't care about our feelings when you was doing the hurtful things to us. You just didn't know we would attack how and when we did, cancer's revenge is always a slow death. You won't ever see it coming or be prepared for it, we make sure of that.

True indeed before he goes mia He let me know his sooo sick and can't be around and I should forgive his negativity - it made me smile of course I will always forgive him and I let him know my friend who had the same illness he have took her 2 weeks to recover. so I am aware and he is aware. I am fine and not hurting him. He told me he is hurt and feel pain.

***sad***

It takes a matured person to understand their partner. No need to make drama.

Mine never tells me til.after....soooo....also what about when you hurt us? That seems like something you're not equipped to deal with at all....im fine making amends or apologizing..but you guys...?

If your hurt is a reaction to our actions from you hurting us then no, you deserve what you get period. Don't try to play the victim when you started the hurt fest, you will only encourage us to continue to treat you like butter because you're not owning your butter toward us. However I don't have a problem admitting when I'm wrong or taking responsibility when I've hurt someone unintentionally but what I'm not going to do is take the responsibility for what you did to me and clear your conscious. That's the whole point in disappearing so you are forced to have to think and replay everything in your head and not knowing if you've lost us or not. You won't learn from your mistakes if I continue to allow you to smile in my face when you have hurt me. You are forced to look your actions in the face instead of trying to redirect them and justify them to us which in turn means you really don't think you've done ish wrong. We don't want to hear excuses, you did what you did now either make things right with us or we can start the hurt fest and guarantee you in the end you will loose. We don't purposely try to hurt you but we're not above playing games if you push us to that point which then you're only hanging on by a thread and you better hope you're able to redeem yourself before we come across someone who shows us the grass is greener on the other side.

Don't hurt me and I won't hurt you and if you keep it up it becomes a game and amusement for us and at that point you've lost us. We're just in it for entertainment until we gain emotional control again and now we have the emotional bank back full and can invest in someone else who actually deserves a chance to win our heart. That's when we disappear from you forever without warning or notice but in reality you should have already seen it coming. Nobody told you to continue to hold on when it was clear we had already checked out a long time ago. You chose to stick around and allow us to mistreat you so we're not going to take accountability for that and you actually prove why you're someone we don't need to be with. My cap exfriend probably has been holding on to hope that we would some day be together when I have continued to date other guys and show no interest in wanting to be in a romantic relationship with him. He chose to stick around hoping my feelings would change and they didn't, now I'm serious with a guy and put him on the back burner and he refused to be rejected when in reality he was rejected a long time ago because he didn't ever have a chance and that's what he refused to see and accept. I'm not responsible for your attachment to me when it's not something I asked of you so don't blame me when you end up hurt in the end.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Mine never tells me til.after....soooo....also what about when you hurt us? That seems like something you're not equipped to deal with at all....im fine making amends or apologizing..but you guys...?

You mean he just disappear? If so, tell him when he get back with you what he did. I'd rather get a rejection than waiting my man to come back in his own terms.
we deserve a better and serious man. Not a man who is just fooling around.

CancerLady I must say it's always a pleasure to read your posts, just wanted to let this out here

Posted by Cancer Lady
If your hurt is a reaction to our actions from you hurting us then no, you deserve what you get period. Don't try to play the victim when you started the hurt fest, you will only encourage us to continue to treat you like butter because you're not owning your butter toward us. However I don't have a problem admitting when I'm wrong or taking responsibility when I've hurt someone unintentionally but what I'm not going to do is take the responsibility for what you did to me and clear your conscious.

hahaha. My man told me that when we had a break up before. The funny thing is that..when I am hurt I friendzoned him and wish him well. But I noticed everytime I withdraw my feelings
He pulled me in. Saying I cannot leave him and not now. lol. We always work things out.

Oh well, My man is in the hospital at this time But he kept on sending me msgs today.He disappear 3 days because he was confined the day we were chatting prior he disappear.

We are now watching movies. He send me a clip to watch it. hahaha. He is very sentimental and funny at this time.

I must say.. I am lucky. But at the very beginning gosh it was like typhoon. fighting over and over and I don't allow him to win. 😆

MISSGEMINI The Cap and I have been friends for many years, he's had relationship hec he's juggling like 3 girls right now and I've had relationships. We've both distanced ourselves from each other when we were in relationships but would contact each other from time to time to catch up. I do know he has feelings for me which is why I told him I would be falling back because I felt it would be disrespectful to my Libra engaging with a man I know has feelings for me. Both of us use each other for emotional support, he comes to me about he lady issues and I talk to him about whatever is going on with me. So it's equal in that regard, I just don't emotionally feel about him the way he feels about me and that's not my problem. So he shouldn't have a problem with me telling him I have to fall back, when he has fell back I didn't question him about it because its' not my place to do so. I'm sure he doesn't want to loose me but at some point he had to know it would happen but then again maybe he thought it never would. That's the risk you take when you continue to stay in someone's life that doesn't return the feelings and attraction you have toward them. Don't stay and wait around for them to choose you because its' more than likely not going to happen. When we want you we want you and you know it and if we label you a friend or things turn to friendship, thats' exactly what it is for us and what it will continue to be moving forward. Just because you continue to hold onto hope of things becoming more doesnt' mean I thinking and feeling the same and again I'm not responsible for the lie you build up in your head.

Cancer lady - i loved yoyr input! Unfortunately im sorry that your relationship with the Cap sounds rather odd. It appears like it was only for gaining some emotional benefit. Both of you were fully aware of the same. This is not a friendship. Did you stop to think that its possible that he does not want anything from you either and its shocking for him to break off a friendship. Are you reading too much into this by any chance. Sorry, you can blame this analysis on my Libra sun - lol

^that would be very helpful..i don't hurt my cancer, he hurts me. Glad things worked out m143!!

You could not be more off base Arielle. I'm a Pisces I soak up other peoples pain like a sponge...and my compassion is infinite....I wouldn't know how to play the victim if I tried...too busy helping others...

Posted by boxcarmirnta
^i don't hurt my cancer, he hurts me.

Shit like this.

The "I'm a zodiac sign so I'm this way" crap has to stop. I know some self absorbed cold ass fish.

Anyyyyywaaaay...totally missing the point as per usual...this is an astrology forum! This is what we talk about!! I could've eliminated Pisces and still made my point very clear. Yawn to the insults...snoozefest..

Actually it's just proving my point that you're psycho.

Posted by Arielle83
You ppl probably don't even know if your hurting a cancer. You're all wrapped up in your own heads.

That in itself is enough to make cancer vanish. No one likes a victim.

That is true, but how to know?

Cancerlady: You are right and true about your statements, but it takes two to tango for everything... to be fairly honest and talking on my own experience as example, The cancer in question (my ex BFF) at some point she said why she was going away, yet I was also tried to be clear to understand it wasn't the typical astronaut excuse "I need some time and space" which is not such an unreasonable need, although I've asked her at that time "is that the end of our friendship" and she said no multiple times, otherwise she wouldn't be taking to me... hahahahaha is been a year since then... I guess she made her decision... I had no saying...

That's why I'm was resentful on the fact that cowardly ask for something reasonable to instead just disappear leaving me with a lot of questions, most likely out of all our exchanges all were so childish, to be thrown down the curb, specially after claiming we where like family and shit like that... she might be to hurt to realize she caused me too much pain too, but more likely what causes more pain in the long run in every relationship (not just romantic) is the inability and willingness to fix things... is like a kid tantrum " I don't care you are hurt, you hurt me, so go and burn in hell" is DXP is my witnesses I was like an old record with the same ol' same ol', that I've try too many ways to show that I made a mistake I took responsibility for my part without justifying my reactions where caused in many occasions for her actions even if they were, and I was willing to make things right to the day, until the point of her rejection, start damaging my soul, I've give up... let her go for my own sake.

And for so long (even not being a cancer) I hide from the world in my little shell (home), lick my wounds, close from meeting new people, even from those I know for long, I didn't want to give anyone else the trust and openness that I put on our friendship... no more... While little by little I've been recovering my life, but for now I'm rather being by myself than letting anyone get that close again... (its a process eventually will allow people to get close but never that close enough).. that the kind of damage a cancer can make with disappearing acts because they have no time frame.

Posted by fullwaterpisces
Most cancers here repeat and repeat want reassurance, affection, time, security, but some of you don't reciprocate with a bit consideration and communicating at minimum, if you need to assess yourself and need time fine, but don't disappear, you are confused, fine at least tell me, but no... simply go hide and thing about your own heart while in many cases the other party is hurt too, when they ask them they don't care or didn't even think about it, how can you be so disconnected when you claim you are too connected.

This is very well stated.
On the Taurus board, I see why there are more successful Taurus/Pisces unions than Taurus/Cancer unions.

Open Communication is the key in strengthening bonds.

Game-playing produces chaos, discrepancies, hidden motives, confusion, and potential loss for the right candidate.

No offense to the Crabs on this board.

^agreed.