My pride tells me to walk away..... (Page 2)

@East! Where areya when I need that lil voice in the back of my head—? Hehehe =)

@JustMe. You said "It's not as hard as it was for me in the beginning but its not easy either. " You are already improving, keep on doing the NC and you will see that each day you feel freer and freer from the spell. Until one day you notice that you have not spent a single minute thinking about this man. That day you would know that you had turned the page. Keep yourself busy, meet friends, renew your wardrobe, change your hair style , and indulge in things you enjoy. And of course...your friends are always here on dxpnet, if you need to vent.

By now you have done everything to prove that you are a good partner for this man-you have been patient, you have been honest and faithful, you have given him your beautiful body. Anything more than that would scream "Desperate". Do not go there, you are better than that and you deserve a man to respect you and love you the way you are.

it happens in life that sometimes we lose money, we lose a loved one, we can also lose a job or lose a marriage. But there is one thing that nobody can take away from us if we do not ALLOW it...this is our dignity. It is not worth it to lose your pride for a man, who just like everyone else goes to the toilet, farts, belches and perhaps is scared of spiders.

I'm totally loving the feed back....he called twice today and I didn't answer....I don't know what to say—He was my early morning wake up call & then called again around my lunch time....I haven't send a txt..I haven't returned the call...I haven't done anything—but wonder why??

No msg....its his way...and so his game begins! He calls so I know he calls...no msg..and I use to call him back..this time I'm thinking its a one man game...

smells suspicious

I am curious as to why now....the last time we stopped talking it had been a few mos...I called him no answer..I didn't leave a mag and he called right back...we stayed on the phone for 2 hours and went back to the same old thing..was it his turn this time...

He just called again....I was in another room missed his call and this time I called back...he didn't answer...was my calling him back his answer...that I still care...that was an hour ago..he hasn't called back...this is the exact kind of thing I spoke about...why call at all? What is the mentality behind it? This bites...😢

@pparadise...bad idea! I called him back after missing his call...he knows my number..he knows I called back..I'm not gonna go to that extreme...if he truly wanted to talk to me he would have answered or called me back...this is silly....this crab too old to be playing this game....I fell for it and called him back this time...I wonder if it makes him feel good inside about himself..I don't get it..it turns me off how he calls and calls and when I cb he don't answer or return the phone call...just goes to show..time has passed and yet still stands still...

He wants to suck you back in and do the same old push-pull game. He's playing mind hames with you. Until you continue to succumb to the temptation to reply back, he will not have to change. Why change if he can have you on his plate like before? What is his motivation to play wit hyour feelings? Power. There are emotionally insecure people out there who feel good to crash other people and even boast about it. This makes them feel powerful. The more class the victim is, the better. I wouldn't be surprised if he shows off to his friends how badly hooked you are on him. One day he may even be in a marriage or in a relationship with another girl, and he will still call you every now and then to enjoy your reaction. This is an emotional abuse and it may go on like that for years if you do not do something about it.

Come on, have some class.

Do not reply to him at all. Wait until he wants to meet in person and then with a cool expression tell him that if he does not want to become serious about you, then he'd better leave you in peace. Mean it.

@East...I'm quite positive you are right...He called 3 times yesterday, I called him back the third time and I have not heard from him nor him me....its that vicious cycle I've allowed myself to get caught up with him in the past....I'm making no contact and when he does decide to call back...I just am not ready to start all the ugly again from the beginning...😢

Posted by JusMe
@East...I'm quite positive you are right...He called 3 times yesterday, I called him back the third time and I have not heard from him nor him me....its that vicious cycle I've allowed myself to get caught up with him in the past....I'm making no contact and when he does decide to call back...I just am not ready to start all the ugly again from the beginning...😢

you guys just need to state you want from each other and if you guys cannot offer it then find someone else who can.

Well, JustMe, I see you know what to do.

He has won one more battle, becaue you called him back. The result of 3 months NC has been wasted away and now you start from zero. Your calling him back is enough for him, now he knows you still want him. He got his fix. You see if he was a normall person he would like to talk to you, to hear news from you. But he didn't call you back, because he simply doesn't care how you are and how hurt your feelings are. Only thing he cares about is to get his ego stroke. He got it and now he's punishing you by ignoring you.

There will be days you will be very tempted to call him back, it is normal. During such days you have to remember the harm he has done to your heart, and if necessary, as funny as it sounds, just sit on your hands and do not touch that Phone of yours!

Do you see the difference between the healthy guy and a non-healthy one? Look at what LeGendary says: "state what you want from each other and if you cannot offer, go find somebody else." This is a normal guy stance. If he doesn't want/cannot offer what you want, he would just leave you in peace. It may hurt you in the beginning, but you will have the chance to heal and move on. And what is this other guy doing to you? He doesn't want to have a relationship with you, but he doesn't leave you off the hook neither, because he enjoys your attention! This is unhealthy and you have to be very careful with men like this.

@East....Yes! 3 mos of NC....for nothing! He has called everyday since, left me 2 msg and I just cant bring myself to respond....I want to but it's not gonna change anything except me allow me the opportunity to get caught up in that old web.....This still kinda new to me...I've only been in 2 LTR my entire life....One for approx 14 yrs (jr high sweetheart) and the other for a little over 8.... and then this cancer came along....I am a very private person with those closest to me and from the outside looking in I can fool alot of people alot of the times. I usually work 12 hour shifts always working still always maintain a smile on my face, always networking, running my business on the side. One would think I would'nt even have time to ponder over such nonsense with my schedule.....but at the end of my long days its still only him I think of. He has left me two msg' "hey busy body, its seems we're playing phone tag...call me...Aside from a hectic schedule...I have not contacted him out of fear....the same ol' same ol. I'm not quite sure how I have managed to get here, this place I always warn people about....but yet here I am! Dead tired on a friday eve....ready to call it a nite but still missing him 😢

Well, if people always reciprocated well to good deeds, then Jesus would have been still alive 🙂 But he was crucified, despite of all the good he did. You see what I mean. There are people who have some sort of internal defects which impedes to reciprocate to good treatment. They take your kindness for stupidity and engage in manipulative games for their own advantage. Nothing to do with you, it's their own problem. Some manage to recover, some do not and the ones who do not, normally end up alone, because no body can put up with their mistreatment. Unluckily it seems you have made an encounter with one of those —damaged goods?? and you suffered, but fortunately, despite the waste of time, no further damage to your life has been done. Take it as a lesson learned and when you give your heart to somebody next time, take your time to get to know the person a little bit.

@East...Thk you for your input =) I know he was deeply hurt in his last relationship or so he said.....we talked all the time, hung out for over 8 mos prior to taking it to any other level...it felt like a bonding connection...I was wrong...lesson learned...its still him...unfortunately I just haven't let him know it..for awhile now...I still have not responded to him..he called two days ago...it bothers me that a man of his age & caliber would take the time to play with my emotions...it seems it would bother me more if I continued to let him...I've invested enough of my time of which I don't have much of....he has only proven that.I misjudged his character read too much into nothing at all....I'm done and its time...=)

@JusMe..it sounds like we're involved with the same exact guy! lol! My story is exactly like yours, and my guy is acting exactly like yours. Hmmmm...and you live in California? Hope it's not the same guy! I've read all of the advice given to you and was able to use it for myself! Could it be possible that simply all Cancer males are just alike? Or...?

@Moonchild123....Honestly this is truly my first encounty with a crab...I never ever read so much into astrology prior to meeting him...aside from my own sign & even then...just for kicks =) I've always been gifted or shall I say intuitive in regards a persons character, heart, ulterior motive if any at all. Several of my friends will tell me "I want you to meet this person & let me know what you think about them, your so good at judging someones character" and quite honestly...I am. This time I was sooo way off base. He was that good..or just that afraid?? I tend to be very loyal..to default usually. I am still and truly grasp this quality about myself...a family member involved with a cancer man for over twenty years personally vouchedfor all their praised & then instructed me to run away as fast as I can! She said they are the most stubborn of all signs...and she's a fish =)I must say I walk away with my heart broken, but my head held high...its going to take a very special person to deserve the love I have to share...I wanted it to be him....ultimately its just not meant to be...everything in life for a reason...I waited longer then I should have but don't feel silly about it in the least..its the type of woman I am....I will wait no more and walk away with a lesson in life that cannot be taught unless otherwise experienced..Lesson learned! Same guy...hmmmm! Hehehe...maybe?! Hehehe...Don't wait too long moonchild & listen to your gut more then your heart...it seems to be a wiser source to depend upon on =)

Excuse the typos...on my handheld...its not until posted for all to see that I read back and realized...sigh..anywho moonchild...I refuse to think all crabs are alike...they may very well share the same qualities and enjoy the comfort of the shell BUT! Shall I come across another crab somewhere down the road in the future that I am able to bond with...I will not judge him by this crabby crabs short comings =)

So.....The crab is now consistently calling..........Why? Im chalking it up to part of his "Game".......😢

Sounds like "Game In the Game" (reminds Dicaprio's movie: Inception 🙂)

What it feels like from your prospective? Are you fed up and want him to disappear?

Or it is better to get some calls, "innocent" hellos periodically rather than not to hear from him at all?

I am just curious how you mind games finish Or when they finish Or when that crab makes commitment.

PS Please keep updating... i am trying to learn on others' mistakes (i mean on your crab's)

@wineaux...Hi there! Let's see..So far his communication attempts have been a few voice mails that go something like this...Hey stranger, I haven't heard from you...I know he cannot be wondering why?! Or Just wanted to say hi and see how your doing,hope all is well and a few like today, where my phone rings once or twice and no msg at all. In the past this type of call would have prompted me to call him right back like I did approx. 2 weeks ago to no answer. I'm convinced they are merely half thought attempts to get in touch with me since he has not heard from me...like east mentioned the ego booster type of thing...I am convinced there is no sentiment or sincerity to his calls only curiosity for the girl that stuck around for much too long...its the hardest thing...I still love him...but love me more

@Cancer1986..."game in the game" is just too much game for me! Hahaha!I forfeit!! It gets easier as the days go by...I have replayed situations & conversations between the two of us and have come to the conclusion That I have already invested more time & effort then I should have (considering the outcome)I have no regrets & will cherish moments shared with him. I am a true believer that everything in life transpires for reasons,he crossed my path to teach me a few things & oooh has he! After being in 2 LTR I have a better idea of what game is all about and will make damn sure I don't actively participate in another one such as this anytime soon! "When the pupil is ready the teacher appears" I guess it took this pupil a little longer since I'm ALWAYS the teacher!!!!hahaha!...it don't just flow anymore....in answer to your question, this is how I'm left feeling..In all honesty, I AM fed up for settling for what little he gave me for so long..that would be a negative on my behalf..but speaks volumes of character on his. I never wanted him to disappear..quite the contrary but ultimately when I asked him to this last time he was quick to oblige...the answer to my question! =) A far as mind games...I willingly participated as a pawn on his board because my heart was 100% involved...I never mislead him but instead put it all out there for him to think about, consider and decline. It was never a game to me...from the very moment with this crab it was all for real...I speak on my behalf. I'd rather have all or nothing....in this case I'm choosing nothing...😢

JustMe, you understood it all and you are doing a great job! Now he must be really panicking that he's losing his favourite victime. Your ignoring him is quite a blow to his ego, so in a way that's an excellent revenge. As much as you were addicted to him, but an addiction for all the right reasons; equally he also grew dependent on the loving attention he got from you, unfortunately without reciprocating and for all the wrong reasons: to inflate his ego by emotionally torturing you and controlling you through confusing mixed signals. So,let him try now some of his own bitter medicine. Hopefully this can make him rethink his behaviour to others and hopefully will promote some willingness to change his cruel and manipulative ways.

By the way he's now harassing you, be careful that his behaviour does not escalate to more harmful acts. Does he know your home address,or work? I would not be suprised if he pops up "by accident" at your work place or home address. Then this would clearly be red flags of abuse, not normal behaviour in any case.

@JusMe

For you it might be the end but i think not for him...i wonder how long he is gonna act like this?! Until he replaces you...Or until he realizes that he wants only you...Or until things get so complicated that you won't want to hear from him anything...
Anyway, i believe your story is not complete yet and i am curious how it ends totally.

@East

Why do you translate love into harassment ? The guy is extremely indecisive...that's all...perhaps his actions are getting harmful..i do not know

well at least where I live, if someone calls you repetitively, where the calls are not picked up and nevetheless this person continues calling you, this is considered a harassement against you. Because obviously by not picking up the phone, you show that these calls are not welcome. After the 3-4 time with no answer, the person should stop, if not then you can file a complaint at the police.

@East...yes! For the most part, I totally get it now & the only thought I have in my mind is...Its about time!!! Not so sure he's in a panic but I'm sure he's missing as you so accurately put it..missing his favorite (most loyal victim!) Hahaha! I can honestly say...this crab had me at "hello!" Hahaha =) I truly had an addiction to him..he consumed my every thought..he was a constant on my mind...(He still can be at times,but not to that extreme)I'm so used to the tables being turned...maybe I served as an ego booster for him and quite the challenge for me? I will never know what he kept coming back for, for so long? It was not an intimate thing I know this cause on top of everything else I didn't allow him to use me in that way..but this is the hardest thing to comprehend..the why part...I've have chosen to let the "why" part go or I'd never move on. His eye contact with me in quiet times we shared together said sooo much...but I never quite understood what since he never shared..it was like he was looking or searching into my soul for something..like an answer maybe? I guess it was the wrong one...He could never know the extent of love I truly had & still do for him..there's nothing I can do but let it go, for my own sanity if nothing else. Yes hopefully the next girl or current girl?! Don't put up with all the mixed signal mumbo jumbo...its just too much work (hindsight!)He does know where I work, he knows where I live. He doesn't strike me as the type? I miss him...but its time to move on & get on with living instead of being stuck with waiting! Thx for all your input! Definitely painted a clear picture to the blurry one I held on to for much too long =)

@Cancer1986...Hi there! It HAS to be the end for me...I waited much too long...curious, coming from a male crab...why do you say you don't think he's done? Cause he is still calling? Its just part of the game, the one that's over now. I believe he will act like this as long as I let him...like a child to see what you will let them get away with until you discipline them.

@wineaux...yes! Chase,chase,chase...run,run...stop! I'm tired!I did the whole rollercoaster thing already...I'm nauseous! Hahaha! And I did "give in" two weeks ago when I called him right back & no answer...it just was soo confirming to me that this is just a game to him & quite honestly it turned me off! And I'm glad! Cause once this girl gets turned off it just the beginning of the end & its time. Its not fair to me anymore. As far as boundaries....I've set them in stone once too many times to where he is taking them for granted...its a funny story I once shared with him on one of our first many dates. I specifically told him I'm loyal to default & with my last relationship I warned the ex many,many times to meet me half way or I was calling it quits...I must have warned him for over a year..the whole time him taking it for granted cause I was still there...and one day I woke up & "knew" I was "done" and that was the end of that...a real shock to him...cried and pleaded he would change but by then it was too late..and I informed the crab of this very story..I told him, I will say it and say it to the point of someone taking my words for granted & then one day like magic...its done and there's no turning back. I've had time to think about this and I believe the whole while I'm saying these thing but doing nothing is because I am providing them the oppty to do something about it BUT EVEN MORE SO...I am mentally preparing myself to put the action into my words & once that's done....I'm done!! I know this about me...its the third time...I mean what I say and say what I mean...just takes me some time...but ultimately I take care of the business that needs to be handled....my last two relatioships honestly are still trying to reconcile..no lie! Maybe its because they know I gave them a huge window of oppty to fix things before I ended it...they just want to fix it after its too late 😢

@wineaux...Rite! I mean he totally opened up to me about thins he was going through...said he was gonna show me...actions speak louder then words...and yes he sure did....show me! Everything he said didn't mean anything...or maybe at the time he thought he could & then just couldn't...in either case honesty is the best policy and if you don't have that...you have nothing....which brings us here...to nothing!! Its sad but I just have to laugh about it! I must of had this huge neon sign on my forehead that read...I love you, I'm just a sucker for your love (RIP Teena Marie)please take advantage of my feelings for you...something to that affect! You just gotta laugh =D

@JusMe

Right! i believe it is not the end for him not because he is calling you but because he loves you because you accepted him the way he is (i hope) and thought about him 24/7. No other woman will give it to him...and he drives you nuts and tortures himself before he realizes it...just keep updated

@Cancer1986..Hmmmm....I "know" love....& this is NOT it! Actions speak louder then words...Your right about accepting him...I overlooked a few things I never would have had I not been in love...This man totally had me..and he knew it....it comes down to character...it speaks as loud as actions do

Thank you for sharing your story, JusMe. It's really scary how alike we are, in a similar situation. I'm going to try to take everyone's advice to you and also take on your attitude about things. It's the only way we will remain sane! Still wondering if it's the same guy! lol! How old is your guy, JusMe? If it's the same age, I will faint!

@moonchild,some good advice given here,food for thought at least. When things are meant to be the effort on your behalf will be met halfway. That's all you need to know! Keep on smiling. Hold-on,is your guy a man of the law too?!

@JusMe..no, he's not a man of the law. Thank God! I was getting worried that we were dating the same guy! lol! This just goes to show that Cancers seem to all act in the same ways. I'm serious, your guy sounds identical to mine! Wow! Nice to know that it's two different guys, but quite amazing how scarily accurate astrology can be! Well, perhaps if we put some of this good advice into action, we will get what we are hoping for...whatever that is.

@Moonchild123
So far based on what seem to be endless threads on the cancer man,he fits the description of at least half of them!!! I would say there are very like qualities with those crabby crabs both good and bad. If you read some of the threads on these guys all of a sudden, They sound just like the one you know! I was very interested in others experience with the crab but ultimately you gotta dance to the rhythem in your own head...it seems you always want what you can't have...and then when you have it, you just may not want it anymore!

So,Mr CrabbyCrab calls early this morning & leaves a message asking what's my agenda for the day, I'm curious now....I think he is just feeling challenged, he is not at all use to me not picking up or ignoring his attempts to reach me. I know he's working today...who does he think he is anyhow?...still turned off by him & I'm glad or else I'd be calling him right back!

Is this story finished yet? or to be continued...

@cancer1986....Hmmmm