Please help me sort out my thinking.

Hi, I’ve been reading this forum for quite a while and been getting quite a lot of useful info regarding a cancer man. I’ve decided to make a post today because I’m facing a dilemma and this is driving me crazy each day.

First of all, please I would like to seek advice and opinion, please do not blast at me.

We are both cancer, I’m 38 and he is 40. I’m never married but he is a married man when I know him. I tried to walk away (he left me alone for 8 days but eventually came back) when I knew it but he assures me that he is working on a divorce right now with his wife. This happened even before I appear so I’m sure that I’m not the cause of his marriage breakdown. To cut a long story short, the divorce is due to his wife infidelity 9 years ago and she got pregnant. He accepted the child and 5 yrs later they had another child. He said he stay because of the child because she is innocent. He tried to forgive and forget but somehow it keep haunt him. Anyway, that’s none of my business, I’ve repeatedly reminding myself not to get involve till he clear what he needs to. So we take thing easy, one step at a time, no sex. I’ve made it very clear to him that I’ll not have sex till he is cleared and he totally understand and did not press me for it. He is a loving guy, will text and call me everyday. We even talk about the future, he keep assure me that he is working on it and once everything is clear, he will intro me to his family. I completely trust him because I do not see why he needs to lie, if all he want is sex, he will be gone by now.

He is asking me to give him some time to sort things with his wife, as children involved so he needs to carefully plan it, also because he wants to protect the elder child (no one knows the status, only me and him and his wife). He wants to keep it from his family. In April 2015, he lost his job. He did not initiate any contact with me, I’ve texted him once a week to ask how he is, no pressure nothing, just genuinely concern how is he doing or has he found a job. Each time I texted him, he will reply. As days, weeks and months gone by, being a Cancer my insecurities kicks in, so I sent text telling him my concern, whether has he found a job and where do I stand now because I need to know, it has been 3 months and I’ve not heard anything from him. He did not reply me, it has been a month since my last text to him, and he did read the texts and completely ignores it.

I’m lost and confuse, I do not know what to do, should I wait on? I do not think I want to text him again, I hate the feeling of being ignored, being a Cancer I try to understand him. But somehow, put sign aside, men and women will react and think differently. I’ve done a lot of thinking, if he come back will things back to normal, I’m not sure of my feelings now. But I definitely do not want to go thru all these again, being ignore and left wonder. Sorry for my bad English. Any advice and opinions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

You are taking a huge emotional risk because he is still married.

From a male point of view, the job is extremely important it represents identity and ego in a way. To a cancerian male it also means security and as you know this is extremely important. Even cancer females are heavily affected at a job loss so double or triple the feeling for a cancer male. For another perspective observe a capricorn male when he loses a job, the cool collected exterior crumbles.

He had a lot to sort out and has even moreso now. I would move on. The amount of effort and heartache is too great for what you are getting and there are others who can give more without the baggage. I know it feels difficult when you are older but that is what this situation is presenting you with.

Posted by rabidtalker
You are taking a huge emotional risk because he is still married.

From a male point of view, the job is extremely important it represents identity and ego in a way. To a cancerian male it also means security and as you know this is extremely important. Even cancer females are heavily affected at a job loss so double or triple the feeling for a cancer male. For another perspective observe a capricorn male when he loses a job, the cool collected exterior crumbles.

He had a lot to sort out and has even moreso now. I would move on. The amount of effort and heartache is too great for what you are getting and there are others who can give more without the baggage. I know it feels difficult when you are older but that is what this situation is presenting you with.

Hi rabidtalker,

Thank you for your input. I truly appreciate it. I totally agree with you that the amount of heartache is too great. One thing I do not understand the disappearance. As a cancer myself, I rather talk it out than to hide, especially to someone i care and love. He disappeared on me once, I told him how he affected me, he promised not to do it. And now after losing his job, the same thing happens. Guess I've to have the closure myself and move on.

Let's cut the long story short. The dude is married. Yes he is getting a divorce as far as YOU know. I would say "Ok honey if you REALLY love me then contact me when the divorce papers are signed."

Love yourself before you wreck yourself. -This is to all the signs out there. Every group has that creepy uncle hitting on the cousins at the funeral. Am I right—??

Posted by kissmygrits
Let's cut the long story short. The dude is married. Yes he is getting a divorce as far as YOU know. I would say "Ok honey if you REALLY love me then contact me when the divorce papers are signed."

Love yourself before you wreck yourself. -This is to all the signs out there. Every group has that creepy uncle hitting on the cousins at the funeral. Am I right—??

Yes, you are right. It's been months that he going ghost on me. It's the disappearing act that's I hate most. As a cancer myself, I find it hard to even understand myself, how am I to understand others. I'll walk away with my dignity, will not wait around for him anymore. I am done with him.

Move on!! Kissmygrits had it right in saying "contact me when the divorce papers are signed." I feel this will be nothing but an emotional roller coaster if you continue to wait for a response or actions from him.

Posted by chocomint

Posted by kissmygrits
Let's cut the long story short. The dude is married. Yes he is getting a divorce as far as YOU know. I would say "Ok honey if you REALLY love me then contact me when the divorce papers are signed."

Love yourself before you wreck yourself. -This is to all the signs out there. Every group has that creepy uncle hitting on the cousins at the funeral. Am I right—??

Yes, you are right. It's been months that he going ghost on me. It's the disappearing act that's I hate most. As a cancer myself, I find it hard to even understand myself, how am I to understand others. I'll walk away with my dignity, will not wait around for him anymore. I am done with him.

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Right on.

Too bad, I want to know more about cancer-cancer pairings.

Cancer - Cancer pairings is like almost impossible. I'm having a hard time understanding myself. I can get emotional for no reason, so does my ex-bf. For myself, I take hours to back to normal, but for him, it can take months or even years. Very emotional drained relationship.