What would you do?

I've been seeing my ex again and it's been going great. Well, I thought. He "left" town to go visit a friend but told me he lied because things got complicated and he needed time. He told me he still wanted to be with me, loved me and it was just timing. The told me he wanted a week to figure things out and then we could start over. I just feel really hurt by this and I feel like it's extremely selfish of him. He won't tell me what things he needed to figure out. What do I do? I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should just walk away with dignity.

Hm yeah what brandy said. Girl I like you but damn it to hell, you tried and it just didn't seem to match your happiness level that you need for you. Hell that should make anyone detach.

Did anything happen with his family or friends or is this an act of trust or betrayal. Idk.

Posted by brandyp
He should have just been honest with you from the start about needing time. But he is only asking for a week, so just give him the space he thinks he needs. When he returns there should be a conversation that is had about his thoughts/ feelings/ needs whatever so you are not totally in the dark. Give him time to imitate but if he doesn't, say that you need an explaination.

It's repetitive. It's always been about his wants and needs. His thoughts his feelings. He never takes the time to realize how his actions affect me. Anytime I discuss my feelings it's labeled as nagging. I wait around because I want what we once had in the beginning before I hurt him. I support his goals and dreams but it's like a one way street and I feel like he doesn't listen.

That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

Posted by libralotus

Posted by brandyp
He should have just been honest with you from the start about needing time. But he is only asking for a week, so just give him the space he thinks he needs. When he returns there should be a conversation that is had about his thoughts/ feelings/ needs whatever so you are not totally in the dark. Give him time to imitate but if he doesn't, say that you need an explaination.

It's repetitive. It's always been about his wants and needs. His thoughts his feelings. He never takes the time to realize how his actions affect me. Anytime I discuss my feelings it's labeled as nagging. I wait around because I want what we once had in the beginning before I hurt him. I support his goals and dreams but it's like a one way street and I feel like he doesn't listen.

click to expand

sorry but he sounds familiar to me - emotionally not able to attach - maybe what you thought you had in the beginning was you wearing rose colored glasses - then when you say "you hurt him" you began to see it for what it really was - and I would be that had you not hurt him, things would be the same so why punish yourself ... I'm not sure but it sounds pretty one-sided to me and then you have to ask yourself - will it ever work - will I ever be satisfied in this type of relationship - not easy I know; I'm right there right now ...

Posted by libralotus

Posted by brandyp
He should have just been honest with you from the start about needing time. But he is only asking for a week, so just give him the space he thinks he needs. When he returns there should be a conversation that is had about his thoughts/ feelings/ needs whatever so you are not totally in the dark. Give him time to imitate but if he doesn't, say that you need an explaination.

It's repetitive. It's always been about his wants and needs. His thoughts his feelings. He never takes the time to realize how his actions affect me. Anytime I discuss my feelings it's labeled as nagging. I wait around because I want what we once had in the beginning before I hurt him. I support his goals and dreams but it's like a one way street and I feel like he doesn't listen.

click to expand

I take that back.

Run.

This behavior will not change. He's a selfish manchild and continues not to take you into consideration. I don't care if you hurt him or how you hurt him. It does not give him free reign to treat you with total disregard. You're just making up excuses to dismiss his shitty behavior.

Keep in mind, his attitude is very chauvinistic and sexist and something entitled guys do. It's all about them and if she speaks up, she's nagging or a bitch. You need to run very far away from dudes like this. If all they can do is point fingers when they're in the wrong, or deflect, they will not be changing their self absorbed asshole mindset any time soon.

I also believe the term "fuckboy" applies to this guy.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

I was told that he wasn't making me pause my life because he's been steady and talking to me every day.

He said he lied because he has to have some reason to want space and figure his life out or I make a big deal about it.

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream
That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

I was told that he wasn't making me pause my life because he's been steady and talking to me every day.

He said he lied because he has to have some reason to want space and figure his life out or I make a big deal about it.

click to expand

I don't care. His behavior is still shit.

I just realized this is in the Cancer forum.

...RUN.

Posted by brandyp

Posted by libralotus

Posted by brandyp
He should have just been honest with you from the start about needing time. But he is only asking for a week, so just give him the space he thinks he needs. When he returns there should be a conversation that is had about his thoughts/ feelings/ needs whatever so you are not totally in the dark. Give him time to imitate but if he doesn't, say that you need an explaination.

It's repetitive. It's always been about his wants and needs. His thoughts his feelings. He never takes the time to realize how his actions affect me. Anytime I discuss my feelings it's labeled as nagging. I wait around because I want what we once had in the beginning before I hurt him. I support his goals and dreams but it's like a one way street and I feel like he doesn't listen.

What did you do to hurt him?

click to expand

We rushed into a relationship fast and I didn't drop my ex right away and he found out. Betrayal I guess.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream
That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

I was told that he wasn't making me pause my life because he's been steady and talking to me every day.

He said he lied because he has to have some reason to want space and figure his life out or I make a big deal about it.

I don't care. His behavior is still shit.

click to expand

Hey, thank you for this. It was mind opening and really showed me what it is.

I completely agree with @rockyroadicecream

Run...

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream
That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

I was told that he wasn't making me pause my life because he's been steady and talking to me every day.

He said he lied because he has to have some reason to want space and figure his life out or I make a big deal about it.

I don't care. His behavior is still shit.

Hey, thank you for this. It was mind opening and really showed me what it is.

click to expand

...Sarcasm? :/

I may get annoyed with Libras and the like, but I won't sit idly by as they fuck themselves over because they're so attached to the idea of love. You're entitled to love- GOOD love. This guy will not be the only one out there and you do NOT have to settle because he's right here and right now. Clinging on to who he was in the beginning is just torment to yourself. When dudes change, you're seeing the REAL them. My mom (Libra) always told me that you give a guy 3 months and he'll show you who he really is. It has always been the case in my experience, and from what I've seen in others' cases, the same for them. The behavior you see in the beginning is the "best" behavior and their true selves will come out later on. When it's for the worst, clinging on to the illusion in the beginning is just foolish and wishful thinking. All it does is benefit them and destroy you in the long run. YOU are responsible for your best interests.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by libralotus

Posted by rockyroadicecream
That's some bullshit right there.

He was an ex for a reason. Sounds like he's an immature manchild.

I'd wait to see what his bs story is after this requested week of time to mull things over. I suggest you do the same and figure out what you want to do with someone who can just ditch you like this.

He lied and has self imposed leaving you so he can "think." I dunno about you, but I'd be rethinking even bothering with this douche. Someone who can act so carelessly with your emotions isn't someone I'd want to be with.

I was told that he wasn't making me pause my life because he's been steady and talking to me every day.

He said he lied because he has to have some reason to want space and figure his life out or I make a big deal about it.

I don't care. His behavior is still shit.

Hey, thank you for this. It was mind opening and really showed me what it is.

...Sarcasm? :/

I may get annoyed with Libras and the like, but I won't sit idly by as they fuck themselves over because they're so attached to the idea of love. You're entitled to love- GOOD love. This guy will not be the only one out there and you do NOT have to settle because he's right here and right now. Clinging on to who he was in the beginning is just torment to yourself. When dudes change, you're seeing the REAL them. My mom (Libra) always told me that you give a guy 3 months and he'll show you who he really is. It has always been the case in my experience, and from what I've seen in others' cases, the same for them. The behavior you see in the beginning is the "best" behavior and their true selves will come out later on. When it's for the worst, clinging on to the illusion in the beginning is just foolish and wishful thinking. All it does is benefit them and destroy you in the long run. YOU are responsible for your best interests.

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No, not sarcasm at all. Really, I sent a text paraphrasing what you told me and it felt really good. It's the first time anyone ever gave me solid advice or didn't sway me to be patient with him. I really do appreciate it. I'm not wasting my time with him and I told him that he could have his fucking week. I told him he was a narcissist and when he was ready to treat me with the same consideration he could convince me otherwise. His response was "Okay sorry. I know I'm stupid." In my opinion it doesn't deserve a response.

Posted by libralotus
I've been seeing my ex again and it's been going great. Well, I thought. He "left" town to go visit a friend but told me he lied because things got complicated and he needed time. He told me he still wanted to be with me, loved me and it was just timing. The told me he wanted a week to figure things out and then we could start over. I just feel really hurt by this and I feel like it's extremely selfish of him. He won't tell me what things he needed to figure out. What do I do? I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should just walk away with dignity.

He had an ex contact him and tell him he has a kid he never knew about. He's gone to meet the lil bastard and figure it all out.

Posted by libralotus

Posted by brandyp
He should have just been honest with you from the start about needing time. But he is only asking for a week, so just give him the space he thinks he needs. When he returns there should be a conversation that is had about his thoughts/ feelings/ needs whatever so you are not totally in the dark. Give him time to imitate but if he doesn't, say that you need an explaination.

It's repetitive. It's always been about his wants and needs. His thoughts his feelings. He never takes the time to realize how his actions affect me. Anytime I discuss my feelings it's labeled as nagging. I wait around because I want what we once had in the beginning before I hurt him. I support his goals and dreams but it's like a one way street and I feel like he doesn't listen.

click to expand

He's a virgo?

What i would suggest is leave him. He wasn't honest and he shouldn't have lied, relationship should have a strong ground under your feet while it seems he's not honest, ground build on lies isn't going to hold, he might be going through something, but he seems imature and he decided it's his own battle and he should fight it, leave with dignity, he's not worth it, you shouldn't have to ask him 100times what's the reason or anything like that, if he would care about you or your relationship, he would tell you, as sad as it is, people always find time for the things they care about, rather leave with dignity, don't walk on yourself and don't lower yourself , your value doesn't decrease just because of his inability to see your value, have a nice and positive day! 🙂

Posted by 2Moon

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I just realized this is in the Cancer forum.

...RUN.

LOLOLOLOLO

LOOOOOOOL! LOLOLOLOL

high five

LOLOLOOOOL! im dead

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Haha. Well shit, I just clicked the topic from the front page, not really paying attention. When I realized she was dealing with a Cancer, it's like Jesus Christ, run away.



Once those guys get all butthurt and "damaged," it's just emotional torment forever. Considering his treatment of her doesn't seem to be changing, it's time to call it quits. Not dismissing her part in this, but this clearly isn't going to work. When trust is broken, things are done. That violation is a big, jagged scar that never really heals. ESPECIALLY with a sensitive sign like Cancer.

She wasn't right for how she hurt him, but he's equally wrong in this psychological abuse of his. And yes, he is a narcissist. He's gaslighting her like whoa. I don't give a shit who hurt who first. That's just disgusting behavior.