Cap man holding out

I’m a Scorpio dating a Capricorn. We have been together for a little less than four years years now. I’m 26 and he is 31.. In the beginning when we did not live together for the first few years our relationship was great and our sexual chemistry was great because we would only see each other like twice a month. Then it started to die down and he said he’s being doing it longer than me so sex isn’t thrilling for him Anymore... December of 2016 we moved in together and a LOT has changed. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is we don’t have sex very often at all. First it wasn’t bad but enough to notice.. Like once a week which is crazy because I thought with moving into our own place, things would get “heated” but boy was I wrong...

Lately however, it has gotten even worst. We haven’t had sex in over a month. Like 6 weeks...Even when I’ve been away for work for a week and come back, still no sex. He says that it’s not all on him because I don’t initiate it either, but I feel like he always stays downstairs drinking until I fall asleep and I think it’s on purpose honestly. He has never been really affectionate or open unless it involves doing things that make him excited like riding bikes, so I can’t tell if he is distant emotionally or if he has a problem with me. As a Scorpio woman I can honestly say that sex is a large aspect in my relationship and makes me feel better as a woman. I’m just moody and irritable with him because I feel like I’m not being satisfied. And now everything he does gets on my nerves. Like I resent him. When I try to communicate with him about not having sex, he instantly gets defensive and says it’s not his fault but it kind of is.

Now I’m at a point where I’m thinking what man in general goes 6 weeks with no sex unless he is getting it from somewhere else... Should I be worried that he is cheating or is it just a Capricorn thing?

Ouch.. maybe do things he likes.. go out of your comfort zone. You're fixed.. he's cardinal.. your modality is different. He's grounded.. you're fluid.

You just need to do things he likes. I haven't dated a Capricorn but they tend to not show you their reserved side. So I'm sure you'll understand he might not be as open. But I think the main issue here is he is not communicating with you. Give him space to do that. There are chances that caps do cheat.

Posted by DeadInside

i feel like you were just a fantasm at the beginning and you became his wife, now he doesnt give af

Wow! Well that sucks

Posted by Goodmorning

Ouch.. maybe do things he likes.. go out of your comfort zone. You're fixed.. he's cardinal.. your modality is different. He's grounded.. you're fluid.

You just need to do things he likes. I haven't dated a Capricorn but they tend to not show you their reserved side. So I'm sure you'll understand he might not be as open. But I think the main issue here is he is not communicating with you. Give him space to do that. There are chances that caps do cheat.

That’s true. I try to do things he likes tho. We always watch videos about bikes and go riding even though I don’t know how to ride that good. I usually ask what’s wrong a couple times and when he says nothing but I know something is wrong, I don’t pry! He thinks he communicates well but he doesn’t really!

Posted by RooSagicorn

Well the way I look at relationships (or has been my experience), when they stop having sex it means there is a problem of some sort. I've been married twice, one long term. It was a ebb and flow. It always came back with the long term one, but someone needs to make effort to solve whatever the problem is. He was an Aries, but Cap moon. But, I had a one year relationship with a Cap, and the sex always disappeared when he wasn't happy about something, upset, etc. Its a signal in my mind. Especially with a Cap if there is not a lot of communication, you have to pay attention to the actions/the physical signals aka body language.

So if he says its because you're not initiating either. Initiate! See what happens. Ya know sometimes with those cap placements, they want you to show them. (I have a few too).

Yes I believe there is a problem too. I don’t know if it’s with me or something with himself because he keeps everything to himself and doesn’t show any type of emotion. I don’t know. It’s really starting to turn me off and make me feel like I need more. I compromise a lot in this relationship because there are so many things he doesn’t like or “doesn’t do”. Like talking on the phone because we live together so there’s no point, going on dates because we need to save money, not having a physical relationship: no holding hands because he doesn’t like that, etc. I don’t feel like I should have to compromise my own happiness as well. I’m a very simple woman actually but I’m not getting what I need.

I initiate tho and half the time, I have to wake him up or if I try like when we not in the actual bedroom it’s always giggles but still he tells me to stop...

Do you dress up and have girl's night with your friends?

Posted by SavageAs

Posted by Goodmorning

Ouch.. maybe do things he likes.. go out of your comfort zone. You're fixed.. he's cardinal.. your modality is different. He's grounded.. you're fluid.

You just need to do things he likes. I haven't dated a Capricorn but they tend to not show you their reserved side. So I'm sure you'll understand he might not be as open. But I think the main issue here is he is not communicating with you. Give him space to do that. There are chances that caps do cheat.

That’s true. I try to do things he likes tho. We always watch videos about bikes and go riding even though I don’t know how to ride that good. I usually ask what’s wrong a couple times and when he says nothing but I know something is wrong, I don’t pry! He thinks he communicates well but he doesn’t really!

click to expand

Don't pester him about what is wrong. I think you need to just show that you care for him. And if he thinks it's good enough he will come around. I don't think sex matters.. sometimes a hug is all you need. You need to take care of him. And the drinking definitely sounds disastrous. Maybe sit down with a cup of coffee and tell him calmly what you've been feeling lately. Don't fight or argue with him. Just tell him you've been feeling lonely and abandoned. And that you're worried about his health and the relationship between 2 of you. And tell him not being intimate with him is something that you want to change. Let him know you want to try couples counselling.

At this point I would like to add.. sometimes it's not about you.. and it could be about him. As a partner I think you've done things to make him move away from you not towards you. He's lonely too and maybe hurt or disappointed. Whatever it is he's not coming to you... which is not good. Not pointing fingers but if there is something you've done to push him away .. you need to rectify it. As a fixed sign it's hard to change your ways.. so understand you need to sometimes be a little open to things.

Let him think of things. But let him know what you've been going through as well.

He is nnnot happy. If you want to save this, you are going to have to be patient about sex for a while, there are other issues to deal with first, methinks.

Talk to him. Seriously and non-accusatory. Make it very constructive and very clear that you are doing this to make your relationship better, not to bash him.

"I feel like he always stays downstairs drinking until I fall asleep and I think it’s on purpose honestly"

Does he have a drinking problem? I mean, *always* is a lot.

If so, there's another dimension to this. He may even need outside help. Please don't underestimate this - talk to him.

Imo.

Super good luck to you!🙂

Posted by stillstillwater

Do you dress up and have girl's night with your friends?

No I don’t really dress up unless I’m going out and I have one girlfriend that I go out and have drinks with. But not too often.

Posted by HappyCapper

He is nnnot happy. If you want to save this, you are going to have to be patient about sex for a while, there are other issues to deal with first, methinks.

Talk to him. Seriously and non-accusatory. Make it very constructive and very clear that you are doing this to make your relationship better, not to bash him.

"I feel like he always stays downstairs drinking until I fall asleep and I think it’s on purpose honestly"

Does he have a drinking problem? I mean, *always* is a lot.

If so, there's another dimension to this. He may even need outside help. Please don't underestimate this - talk to him.

Imo.

Super good luck to you!🙂

I don’t believe he has a drinking problem. He started drinking at 25 I believe so I just think he found something he likes and he does it. But when he starts to see himself drinking too much he will cut back for a week or two. Thank you for the advice!

Posted by SavageAs

Posted by HappyCapper

He is nnnot happy. If you want to save this, you are going to have to be patient about sex for a while, there are other issues to deal with first, methinks.

Talk to him. Seriously and non-accusatory. Make it very constructive and very clear that you are doing this to make your relationship better, not to bash him.

"I feel like he always stays downstairs drinking until I fall asleep and I think it’s on purpose honestly"

Does he have a drinking problem? I mean, *always* is a lot.

If so, there's another dimension to this. He may even need outside help. Please don't underestimate this - talk to him.

Imo.

Super good luck to you!🙂

I don’t believe he has a drinking problem. He started drinking at 25 I believe so I just think he found something he likes and he does it. But when he starts to see himself drinking too much he will cut back for a week or two. Thank you for the advice!

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So happy to hear that! Hope you two sort this out.🙂

Posted by SavageAs

Posted by stillstillwater

Do you dress up and have girl's night with your friends?

No I don’t really dress up unless I’m going out and I have one girlfriend that I go out and have drinks with. But not too often.

click to expand

Is it possible that too much of your happiness/life style depends on him? Maybe he feels pressured...

Posted by Sagicorn

Well why don't YOU initiate? You know, guys don't like it if it's always up to them to initiate everything...even more if you don't do anything to spice it up a bit. So basically you're just there, you're available and he can feel completely unwanted cause it all falls on him to do the job....instead of complaining and arguing with him, start initiating. Guys aren't as much into discussing problems but they can join forces if you work on solving them, without too much words. So instead of asking him about it do something, dress up, tease him, get all over him...you know, just do something that isn't words!

If that doesn't help well then you have a deeper issue and he might be displeased with overall relationship that you have so lack of sex might only be a symptom.

I do initiate. However, I don't initiate every time because half the time he tells me no, or pushes me away. I admit I expect him to be the aggressor especially if when I try its a 50/50. It doesn't matter anymore any ways, I ended it. I wasn't happy due to a lot of disconnect between us, way deeper than the sex thing. Some people just don't go well together and we don't. Its fine. My loss right, lol..

Posted by Caplove

Did you two have an argument that you never really mended?

Things between us were great in the beginning, like awesome, the best boyfriend I had EVER. Then at almost a year of us being together, I caught him cheating, like actually saw him out with his ex, and he saw me and turned around and left with her and found out that he had still been dealing with her the entire time that we were dating. In her words, they weren't together but they were working on getting back together. They were in a long distance relationship when we met and so were we because I was away in college. After I find that out, I never looked at him the same, and I will admit I said some very horrible things to him. That's in my nature as a Scorpio. I would never cheat on him, so when he betrayed me it was like an instant switch. I don't think he ever got over the things I said to him because ever since then he hasn't been the same person he was when we met. Then also, last year we got into some more beef and I asked him to leave and he moved out for 6-7 months. During that three months he was back with his ex, the same girl. So in my mind deep down I think that he wants to be there and that's why he isn't fully in this relationship. Well, wasn't because there is no more relationship. I chose to end it.

Good for you. You deserve way better.

Posted by bkbella86

Good for you. You deserve way better.

Thank you, I believe so too!!!