Capricorn Men? (Page 7)

Hi everyone, I read most of the comments here and was quite interesting to learn how many women are thinking the same way as I am with my capricorn relationship. I think capricorn men have a tendency to want to keep the relationship hanging because he wants to test their strenghts. I consider a strong woman but still battling very hard in this situation.
He has been more intense than any bf because he has treated me like Im the future wife of his but then he would be the complete opposite at another time. He would say that we are over. This happened so much that I realized it was his way. The only time that we had a long fight was when I fought back when he had a bad mood and said cold things. So he did not contact me for 8 months but then contacted me again. This second relationship started out fine and I could tell that he wanted more love from me because I was a little more flat this time because I had not forgotten the mean things he has done and he did not contact me for a long time. Then he started to do things to make me jealous on purpose. And said he was seeing another girl. Then I got really sad and for the first time I cried and told him how hurt I was. (He often asked me but I never said anything before). I thought our relationship would become closer because I thought he wanted to show my expression but after that he had become further. He started to say that it was only for sex and that is how he started to treat me. I told him I was going to see a guy and I did. And honestly I felt better. I still told him that I loved him but he rejected it always. Then I did not contact him when he came back from business trip. But then he contacted me to go to his house but treated me very bad. I dont know if he was pissed because I forgotten about him during the 8 months. But why does he cheat? To piss me off? If he wanted the love he should be straight foward. But when I say something like that he would become even more angry.
After wards I sent him long mails which I never done to him. And said all the bad things I thought about him. And when I apoplogized he would sent me long text but... All of this is making me very tired being spinned around by his ego.
I think someone has said this before but I think the smartest thing is to ignore his insecurity and just remember the good things which he has repeatedly told me.
Sometimes I wanted him to be clear and just dump me for real but he would not.
I think he just wants m

wow, I havent been on this website for a year... actually, I dont have a big problem... yet 😉 but there is a guy I like, hehe. .. funny as it sounds, Im sure hes a cappa- I can easily recognize them from their behaviour and looks, surprising ability, isnt it. Apparently I cannot be attracted to any other sign, as someone said here: they're alpha males of the zodiac 😉)). Wish me luck, girls.
For blackhairgemini: one advice- cappas can be CRUEL but only if you let them. If you adore them before they start to adore you, they'll make you feel really bad. They need to feel they have to earn this adoration, the harder it is the more eagerly they want you and respect you. You must be the center of your world, never them.
Ok, at the end Id like to add that I read through almost all the messages in this theme and I think Tiki has a very good knowledge about this guys- impressive. 🙂

wait a minute... Tiki is a guy—

Tiki is a girl hehe

u know what, when you look at us, women analysing cappas' (and generally mens) behaviour on and on, its kinda funny. Im quite positive they dont spend 1/10 of this time analysing ours. Because they have their work, friends, families and everything else we tend to forget about when they're involved, hehe. well, on one hand its hard not too, just think (for the starts) of these rugged face features, good built and stony looks, it just makes you go crazy :0. on the other, many of them are so used to adoration that they want someone who at least pretends not to be completely sweeped off their feet. arent we the same? we like challenge, not guys fainting when we just smile 😉. Hmmm... being so clever, I spent the last 3 days (since I last saw him), thinking about him ALL THE TIME. Just more day-dreaming than analysing, hehe.

Tiki- yes, I saw this playa on your profile, sorry to offend you... by taking you for one of these extremely exciting, sex-appealing and brain-teasing bastards 😉

Anyway, one is for sure: they have to make the moves, from us they can only get encouragement. God please help me remember it! Good luck to everybody in... cappa need.

And one more thing: from my experience, Cappa must have a feeling you may kick his ass goodbye anytime if he doesnt behave (in the first stages), in other words- we must be tough, girls! I want, I need, I believe... and only then think about him, meaning: how he can... help me achieve my goals! 😉

hmmm...

wagnerdr15-"guess leo's are lucky"——??


what up with this—? anyone know —??

frizkiyleo I'm not sure your being clear about what you need. What are you asking? There are a few leo women that date capricorn men on this site, you may also want to post a specific question on the cap and leo board and I'm sure someone can shed light on your question.

Dear Sag 32
Thanks for your comment!?@🙂
As you say I think it is true that you could let them to be cruel when you let them. It's my nature to say nice things and show lot's of love in the words I use with him. I'm a gemini and flirting is in my nature. And yes he gets pissed when I overly express love to him. But from my scorpio moon and rising I am quite intense at times. But this part of me only shows when I get jealous. So over all it might have been good when he did make me jealous because it was the only time I was able to show that I AM serious.
I have a few capricorn female friends and I just wonder how they could be so self centered. If they have to do something, if they want to do something they do not care of the situation of the others. And they will always start saying pissimistic things. But I know they do this because they are serious and I love that because I am too flighty and not as serious.
But I do want my Capricorn relationship to become true. And I know it would make it easier for him to lose some of his security if I were to act like a capricorn would but I think the world is not meant to be with the same kind of person. I am so attracted to him because he is different from me and if I believe (although it is hard) that if we were to be a true partner we could be so close to full versitality.
Although the last move I made was texting him that I would not comeback next time he contacts me and he is not the right guy for me.
It was the first time I said that to him. He has said it was over many times and I told him I still loved him and then he would contact me to offer a better situation and then he would bring me more into his life. But since he would become afraid at times and become cruel, I have decided to say that it is over from my side. And as I predicted he has not replied and it has been 3 weeks.

I am going to wait but ofcource I will live a normal life and if another guy enters my life I will be with him. And as I told him I wont go back. What can a woman do.. she cant wait forever
Any comments?

I'm a Gemini, and when I sent my Cap a message saying that I simply wanted to be friends... he gave me friends. And boyyy was he harsh about it. I felt like my world had been snatched from under me, and it let me know that we truly weren't "just friends". So, I took it back lol. I reworded myself and explained why I had originally asked to be friends and hoped that he'd understand that I was confused about what he wanted me to be in his life and was trying to see if that was it. When I realized that he was giving me more than he gave friends, and that him as JUST a friend wasn't so fun, I coped with this in-between phase. If you tell him you don't want him and that you won't take him back, he probably will stay away. If he knows rejection is going to come, he'll save himself the trauma UNLESS he's not convinced and he really wants you. If he really wants you, he'll be focused on winning his prize regardless of what you say... That's just my experience with my Cap. When he wants something, he gets it... He's realistic and knows what's within his grasp.

GEMuine, yep that is exactly my intention. I want to know if he really wants me or not. That is why I told him that I don't want him next time he contacts like last time. Because last time he did not really apologize. I think he did not apologize because he thought I was not sincere to him but that is just his insecurity. And it is impossible to change my nature to be so very serious like capricorns. And he was abusive to me and it is a fact. He tells me to just remember the good things but that is just to convinient for him. People don't forget the mean things that has been said and done. I have a feeling that he is just thinking that I would apologize. And if I don't contact him for a longtime he would just contact me again like nothing happened. Yes as I am a gemini I pretty much forget the past and live for the next. But I learn from experience and I know that if does not apologize for what he did he will very well do the same again. And if he really did truelly love me he would show respect. I have seen capricorn men being extremely nice to some guy he really fell for. And I saw capricorn men who married woman to treat her like a maid and took a lot of advantange. I don't want to go back to be his slave. I only want him if he really loves me. And if he does not I will go for a better guy for me. I will not contact him and just see. He is successful and will promise a stable life for sure but even so I do not want to live my life for him. I believe in equality btw men and women. I don't want to be too much nourished or being treated like a slave. I don't want to depend on him. But I have a feeling that he and many capricorn men thinks women are to be like women in antient times.. and honestly I can't cope with it.
What do you think?

Well first let me clarify that when I spoke of my experience telling a Cap that I wanted friendship, I was pointing out the fact that playing games with them will ultimately bite you in the butt. He gave me exactly what I asked for, and I didn't truly want it. So if you don't want this Cap, then you did the right thing. But, you're saying so many negative things about him and what he's done to you, why do you want him?

If you think telling him you won't come back will make him race to you, you still don't understand the Cap male. It took me a while, and I'm still learning, but everything happens on his time. If he's not ready to come back, nothing you do or say will budge him. He's a stubborn goat. But if HE wants to come back, he WILL. When I actually started to move on, instead of subliminally threatening him with us being friends, he realized I was slipping away and turned the heat up on himself. Bottom line: He is on his own clock. You can't tell him what time his clock says lol.

I've gone through a lot emotions to get where I'm still now, I can't just quit!!

Rocking u need

Patience
Confidence
Being Authentic
Self Respect

Your too INTO him, too available and STOP text'n him, ALLOW HIM TO COME TO YOU, your causing yourself grief by doing his JOB, its his place to chase you, call you first, text you first, stop putting yourself in a doubtful position and for goodness sakes GO DATE other men (you don't have to sleep with them) but your Cap can sense your desperation for him and it FEELS YUCKY and SUFFOCATING and thus he stays away, if women would date other men, men that feel and believe that she's beautiful and worth the time then it would boost self confidence and self esteem.

It just doesn't make sense to WAIT AND OBSESS over having a man thats UNAVAILABLE to you. Why do that to yourself? I'm sure he's dating, keeping his options open and enjoying his life and he's CHASING the women that he can't have, the hard to get busy type of woman.

If its friendship then treat it as such and stop sending text that indicate otherwise, thats ONE of the many reasons why your having a hard time. Stop thinking about him PERIOD. Hiding your feelings will only make matters much more complicated, be real about YOU, if you feel something well you just do but it doesn't mean you have to chase the dude, feel it, let it go and go on with your life, HE WILL BE BACK once you STOP all contact and go on with your life.

Capricorn men/men in general don't forget women that they are attracted to, if he's not contacting you then there is NO relationship and there is NOTHING you can say or do to move it forward, it has to come from him, he has to do the calling, texting, emailing, if it doesn't then he's NOT INTERESTED, HE'S NOT AN AVAILABLE OPTION right now, it sounds harsh but once a woman can ACCEPT it and let go then she will find that he eventually will come back if she can keep her cool and go on with her life.

He lost his chance, PERIOD, if he's not making an effort then he's not that into it and this means GO AND BE AROUND MEN THAT ARE AN AVAILABLE OPTION, desirable high self esteem women never allow themselves to struggle with men, she only dates men that are INTO her, that are attracted to her, she never runs behind men that are being hard to get, hard to connect with.

Men love to chase-plain and simple, they want a challenge and they need to win and this is why they are much more comfortable in the role of pursuer

When you exercise self control by NOT initiating, pursuing and leaning forward, you have the upper hand in the relationship and when good things happen such as him moving the relationship forward you can trust it because he hasn't been coaxed into doing anything he doesn't want to do

And all the while he will get to experience the thrill of the pursuit-that high he craves from chasing you-which will make him want you even more

When a woman pursues men they are either instantly turned off or momentarily flattered and intrigued but then lose interest very quickly, no matter how attractive she may be

People find opportunities more valuable when they are less available, a woman who is a little mysterious and seemingly unattainable will always be more attractive to a man than one who is ready, willing and 100% available

A woman has all the power in the relationship by acknowledging a mans need to pursue and by allowing him to do so

By allowing the man to take control of each situation, YOU gain control of the relationship

Make YOU a priority first, date yourself and do the things you love and spend time with family and friends, focus on your hobbies etc

When you hold back a little that's intriguing, you become an object of his desire and that goes beyond lust into actually desiring to get to know you better

The less you contact him the more he will want you

If a man is the one calling/texting/emailing you will always know were you stand with him, if he's initiating contact then you can be sure he's into you

Being too forward by calling too much, emailing or texting on a whim can easily devalue yourself by being too accessible and jumping right into girlfriend mode before you even discussed getting serious

To forge a healthy relationship with a man you must put you self respect first

Tiki, you're wonderful lol. I agree 100% with that. When I finally started talking to other guys after 2 years of being exclusive "friends" while he was enjoying his life, he came running back. I'm still talking to other guys though, until we're official. He can definitely tell something is up, and I guess I didn't even realize my self-esteem seemed down or something. Now that I'm talking to other men, I don't even race to answer his emails or IMs. One day I looked at his IM, sat my phone down and finished my conversation with a friend before even thinking about answering him. When I finally responded, he replied IMMEDIATELY which rarely happens. So yeah, live your life! He will know and once he's sure he's not going to be your WHOLE life, he may want to be a PART of it. Tiki is a wise woman.

Rocking HE'S DATING...simple as that and you should be too

If you were dating multiple men and enjoying your freedom you wouldn't even care about any of it

Until he turns to you and says he wants more with his actions then he's really just dating and enjoying his freedom, he's attracted to you but that doesn't mean he's ready, willing, available to be your boyfriend or anyone's boyfriend at this point in his life

If you relax, enjoy his company and just be in the moment with him when you have opportunities to be around him instead of being upset, anxious, worried because your not getting instant results..the good energy feelings you produce around him when your with him may make him feel inspired to move the relationship forward

"Then what the hell does he want from me if I ignored him a lot and still do that sometimes?"

Ignoring him compels him to chase you, he's attracted to you yet you misconstrue attraction for relationship, your taking it personal that he hasn't moved the friendship forward and your heavy emotions is a TURN OFF, he doesn't understand why your jumping into girlfriend mode when he hasn't invited you into his life as girlfriend, just because a man spends time with you, man sleeps with you, takes you out etc doesn't mean RELATIONSHIP, it means he's dating and having fun...there are 2 different understandings with how men and women approach dating and once a woman gains insight about how men function it becomes much easier and women will not throw there hearts away to the first attractive man that takes interest in her.

"We've been for one year liking each other and why can't he just date me like a regular woman? For 3-4 months and then get over me and date someone else? How can he date others like that but not me? IS he afraid of his feelings?.."

He can't date you like a regular woman because HE IS NOT INTERESTED in being in a long term relationship with you and he can sense you want more, he can sense your attraction is very high for him and he can't have FUN with you like he can with a girl that is ok with the now moment and doesn't want anything from him, you equal pressure and he would much rather be with the fun girl that is dating and enjoying her single life than be with a girl that is anxious to move the relationship into something more

he's dating, he's keeping his options open, he's not an available option as a boyfriend, this is why he behaves the way he does. He's not AFRAID, he is doing exactly what he wants to do and that is to have fun and enjoy his single life, his objective is to date as many women as he possibly can, have as much fun as he can with it and if it happens he's ready to have more with a particular women he will pursue it...he's not ready

"I'm just sick of these anxious feelings I have"

These anxious feelings is the GIRLFRIEND VIBE that he senses so yes you are sending signals that are keeping the relationship from moving forward

"He just gets close emotionally to me, by being sweet and all loving and he's just doing that on a purpose to confuse me."

No he's not jerking you around, again he's dating, he's having fun and if you had not gave your heart to him so easily and quickly and just saw him as another guy that you like being around, that you like dating then you wouldn't feel exhausted, you feel exhausted because you invested your heart in an unavailable man, if you had not done this you would not feel so torn and tired

Dating doesn't make him a jerk, people are supposed to date, not just men but women also, dating is a natural process of life, it helps people develop social skills and grow as an individual and just because people date multiple people doesn't make them players or bad people, every person is an option, you shouldn't feel offended by that...your way too emotionally involved and this is what keeps him from wanting more with you because he can't see you..he can only see your icky needy emotions

Do yourself a favor and face the fact that if you don't gain insight and understanding of men you will constantly feel slighted and used by men.If your seeking a boyfriend then keep your heart open to men that want the same things you want and not with men that are emotionally incapable of giving you what you want

WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE THIS—..PLEASE HELP!!!?
as i am writing after soo long..i am gonan sum up my situation in short..so i was kinda seeing this guy..we just met three times..but initially i felt like he was into me alot.and after a while when i started showing interest ,he backed off little. But still showed that he was interested..like tell me about his mom..expect me to wake him in the morning for classes and little things like that..we didnt kiss but he jokingly mentioned that many times and i kept refusng..as i wanted to be sure bt him first..i really felt like he was into me but i also knew he was doing a really hard course so i gave him a while and i backed off for a while coz i wanted him to make him an effort as i knew his exams were over..and i was tried of talking on msn so i wanted him to call which he had not done in a while coz i was always availible for him on msn..so i didnt go on msn alot..BUT HERE IS THE TWIST..one of his friends likes me ALOT!!!..buh he knew that before he event met me or before even i told him that..they are not super close..buh still friends and have alot of really close common friends..so when i waited for him to make an effort and when i backed off ..i start talking to his friend..which by the way is my very close friend too..as this friend was out of town..i messaged him to see how he was doing on facebook..we messaged alot on facebook..so i knew the guy i was seeing would know..buh then the guy i was seeing had to go sumwhere for sum days and it had been three weeks buh when he returned he didnt contact me or call any possible way..i saw him on msn liek many times buh he didnt message..so i tried one last time as it had been a month to it...i messaged him casually...just asking how he was doing on msn( we both had signed in teh same time so i knew he was online)..HE DID NOT REPLY!!..which is wierd coz he always replies when i message him( thats only when he doenst message first)..all of my friends think sumthing is up..coz even if he had lost interest he would not stop talking..esp when i messaged he probably would have replied in a casual way as my quesiton was pretty casual..he is still friends with all his ex..and if he was playing me( which i highly doubt as his actions didnt show that)..i still don't think he totally would stop talking and block me out of his life like that...the worst part is he is talking to his other friends and so i think he is only doing this to me...

so after crazy analysing..i came up with too closest possibilities that could have happened:
1. he is pissed at me about sumthing( im guessing coz i was talking to that friend soo much..when i chose to not message him at all or not even come on line)..im my defence i was waiting for him to make an effort and call and not just talk on msn..
2. he probably went with the saying " bros before hoes" and chose to abandon me coz he knew how much his friends liked me..buh he already knew that and he still came to meet me and showed interest ..buh i remember once him asking if that that friend who liked me knew i was seeing him and i told him teh truth that he knws that i met u once and getting to know u..and he said he ased me coz he doesnt want to spoil his friendship with this friend..
3.i dunno if he found another girl who he thought will give him what he wants presently ..buh still y would he totally abandon me and not reply to my very casual message that sent him..all he had to say was" nothin much or been great"..thats doesnt require u to be interested in me to reply that..and im sure he was sitting there on msn when i messaged as he had just signed in..

im sure he wasnt playing( as my friends say, he must have wanted to get in ur pants from start buh when he realized he can't he moved on)..coz y woudl he tell me bt his family a little and say he has never said this to any one and then ask me to wake him in the for classes and stuff like that..how can that help him get in my pants..lol..

please tell me what do u think is going on in his mind..im trying to move on and close the chapter..but its hard as i havnt fallen for any one before this much..and teh curiousity of what suddenly happened that he abandoned my like this( as the last three conversations between us before this incident happened were started by him)

its been a month we have talked..i just dunno what to do??

No offense but

Why do you care? You have no emotional ties with one another, just because people feel chemistry doesn't mean more will happen, to sum it up, NOTHING is up, he's not interested and you chasing him on msn is more than likely annoying the hell out of him.

Right now he's not open nor available and his lack of interest and ignoring is his way of saying I don't want to connect with you.

I wouldn't contact him anymore. Why give him another chance to ignore you? When a man doesn't reply the first time please ladies do not initiate anymore contact, it feels like drama, desperate, naggy, whining and complaining to a man and thus he will label you as clueless, crazy, desperate or something close to it because you can't seem to take the hint that he doesn't want to be bothered.

Men stop initiating contact, ignore a woman when he's no longer interested BUT it's not set in stone, it all depends on her REACTION to his behavior which can either inspire him to come closer or repel him away, if she can be patient he may choose to come back around

REMEMBER: if a man is ignoring, DO NOT initiate contact but once (my method is to not initiate any contact at all and allow him to live with his choice and give him space to decide if he wants to come back), this leaves an OPPORTUNTIY, a SPACE for him to come back to you, just because he stops contacting doesn't mean its going to remain that way, back off, give space and he may feel safe to initiate contact again but if she freaks out and begins excessively texting/emailing/im'n and calling he will stay away

It doesn't matter why, the fact is no amount of knowing will make him want to be around you, date other guys and forget about him for now, he's not even thinking about it, trust me, men don't sit around caring like we do

Cap men have self control, it wasn't a matter of getting in your pants, trust when I say getting panties is the LAST thing a Cap man has a problem with I think in your case he felt you were not being REAL with him, if you wanted him to call more then you would have had to find a way to say that instead of disappearing, he sensed you may be playing games and thats a turn off, Cap men like transparency, they don't want to have to guess and wonder so he may have felt you were too much work and lost interest

Piscesgal,

no offense but paragraphs and capital letters at the beginning of your sentences helps a lot. I found it difficult to read your post and had to go back a few times to understand what you where saying. It also doesn't help that you seem to have a habit of spelling but as "buh" and the as "teh" and I as "i". Took me a while to figure out that "im" meant I'm. I take it you MSN a lot? Forums are a little different y'know? 🙂

Not trying to insult you but merely offering suggestions..............

**im sure he wasnt playing( as my friends say, he must have wanted to get in ur pants from start buh when he realized he can't he moved on)..**

As Tiki said, Cap men don't have a problem getting into a woman's pants. A curious thing about these men is that they seem to have a reputation for "legendary bedroom skills" (as one woman put it 😛) but seem to go out of their way to deny themselves when it comes to sex (as Tiki said, Cap men have great self-control). It's their luck that they don't have to go after women but women are naturally drawn to them. It's also a sign that he sees you as something more than just a "conquest"


**coz y woudl he tell me bt his family a little and say he has never said this to any one and then ask me to wake him in the for classes and stuff like that..how can that help him get in my pants..lol**

As I said, it's not about getting into your pants at all. As for asking you to wake him up in the morning, could it be that your voice is the first one that he wants to hear when he wakes up? Or perhaps he wants you to be thinking about him in the morning ("Omg! It's 7.30! I've got to wake up Cappy!") What, you think he can't afford an alarm clock? His asking you to wake him up was his subtle way of getting you to get closer to him.

Tiki wrote:
**I think in your case he felt you were not being REAL with him, if you wanted him to call more then you would have had to find a way to say that instead of disappearing, he sensed you may be playing games and thats a turn off, Cap men like transparency, they don't want to have to guess and wonder so he may have felt you were too much work and lost interest**

I agree with the above. Piscesgal, did you forget? Caps are half-fish. That means he is just as intuitive as you are and can see through you. I feel that there must have been more going on than what's written on your posts . When it comes to attraction with their fellow earth signs and especially with water signs (like yourself), Caps don't give up so easily. If they do, then they must have sensed that there is a lot more going on than what was revealed to them. NEVER play games with a Cap.

I suspect that he must have found out something recently about you or someone ABOUT you. More likely one of his friends must have revealed his interest in you and your Mer-Goat friend decided to cut you off. Bros before hoes indeed. So, my conclusion for this Cap's behavior:

1. You may have done something, either consciously or sub-consciously that he didn't like

2. One of his buddies has taken a strong interest in you and he decides to be a gentleman about it and has backed off. He did not reply to your MSN message because he did not want to lead you on. He wanted you to be left alone for his friend (self-sacrifice is big with Caps). Though fully capable of it and knowing very well that they can get away with it, they don't play games and they hate leading someone on. A clean-cut is their style . He is leaving you alone out of respect for his friend.
(If this is indeed the case, you should tell him that you have absolutely no one else in mind except him. That might give him the go ahead to go after you. Reveal your feelings to him and then leave him alone. Caps will want to chase you. They enjoy it 🙂 )

I really hope that things work out with you two. At friends/family gatherings, I've seen Pisces/Cap couples together and they seem so into each other. It's like these 2 are in their own cozy cocoon that the rest of us cannot penetrate. It makes the rest of us annoyingly envious 😛

GemIInII, first let me say I love the username lol.

I'm a Gemini dealing with a Cap and yes, Tiki's advice is WONDERFUL. I want to just add my input to your situation... My Cap and I have been doing this flirtation dance since June 2006. In the beginning, I was the one who told him how I felt. He simply told me the timing was bad. He had just gotten out of a long long relationship and didn't know what he wanted, and we were in two different physical places that weren't close. But he reassured me that he was "feeling me". Okay, so I was like wtf do I do now? Am I supposed to WAIT!? Preposterous! I'm a frikkin Air sign, there's no waiting! Lol.

But, lo and behold... I waited. I didn't make him the center of my universe. I still talked to other guys. I just didn't take myself off the market. I became available, yet unavailable to everyone. I had my fun and life was good... Until he came around and started bringing his A-Game. Then I made the mistake of centering my life on him. He quickly disappeared. He'd ignore me, and respond once in a blue moon. I finally got it together, left him alone and started talking to other guys again. He returned. Same cycle, over and over. It was like I never learned my lesson. I kept making him the center. I'd send tons of emails wishing him well when he was sick, sending photos of us when we were in middle school together to jog his memory of that time when we actually were bf and gf (although we were 13 & 14!). He was very consistent with his actions as well. He'd receive it all well, the adoration-- oh he ate it up. Then he'd disappear and come back randomly, blaming his absence on his schedule.

Then, I decided I was going to stop having expectations of us. All those months, I was waiting for us to BECOME SOMETHING! I was just waiting on it, and it stressed me out. Once I decided I was gonna just live my life, I sent him an email telling him just that. I let him know that I'll always have love for him, and told him exactly how I felt, then told him the ball was in his court.

-- continued...

-- continued...

It's taken him a while, but he is starting to come around. I've noticed, with NOT expecting us to move forward, we actually do progress... and I enjoy our conversations a lot more. I can just play around with him and not send the conversation south by trying to pry into his emotions. I dance lightly on the surface of everything, and that keeps him comfortable. He offers up some depth when HE'S ready. So now, I do the same. I don't allow him to force me to open up, I just wait until I'm bursting at the seams to tell him something before I do it. Before, I would tell him whatever the SECOND it crossed my mind and that wasn't always the best idea, as my mind changed frequently.

So, you say you feel like he's WORTH "it", you feel like there's something that could come of this... I feel the same way. He balances me and has me climbing my own little mountains just because I see him climbing his. For every bad thing we've ever gone through, we've had twenty good things. I figure he's worth an attempt at learning patience, if he's obviously learned to put up with my spontaneity. And I have learned. I've become so patient because of him, and although I have my moments, I am so grateful for him teaching me such a thing.

I won't tell you to WAIT, because that's obviously not what he'd want either. But just make sure YOU are always the center of your world (unless you have children lol). Now that I'm all about ME, the Cap contacts me nearly everyday... we talk for hours and hours, and he's really forging ahead without any coaxing from me. With him, it truly is about control. In the beginning, I was the one trying to lead him by the horns and that's just not how it works. Now that I've stepped back and put everything on him, he has really impressed me and it lets me know that these past few years weren't just a figment of my imagination.

tiki..i think what you said was right..because i just contacted him once and then totally forgot about it..he messaged me two days ago!!!..just casually on msn to see how i was doing..and we had a casual 10 minute convo before he went to sleep..even today he messaged me..just casually and still kept it short for 10 minutes and then left..i just don't know what these short convos mean..like he will message but keep it casual..he mentioned how he is looking for job ..so im guessing thats why he is worked up..i just dunno what to do with him...when i decided i am gonna close his chapter completely, he starts messaging out of nowhere..sometime i dont't know what he wants..i am trying to be sweet, nice and caring..but i dont wanna over do it..as he seems so casual and cold..ive seen he doesnt play around much like i do but gets offended easily sometimes..like comes out serious sometimes..

i just don't know how to handle it any more..like why did he randomly star messaging and why does he keep it short and casual :S..i really want this guy but i don't know what he wants..please tell me how to handle this situation..and what do his action say about what he is thinking..please help!!!

tiki, to your post - No offense but Why do you care?

awesome.

thanks for the reminder...!!!

tiki..i think what you said was right..because i just contacted him once and then totally forgot about it..he messaged me two days ago!!!..just casually on msn to see how i was doing..and we had a casual 10 minute convo before he went to sleep..even today he messaged me..just casually and still kept it short for 10 minutes and then left..i just don't know what these short convos mean..like he will message but keep it casual..he mentioned how he is looking for job ..so im guessing thats why he is worked up..i just dunno what to do with him...when i decided i am gonna close his chapter completely, he starts messaging out of nowhere..sometime i dont't know what he wants..i am trying to be sweet, nice and caring..but i dont wanna over do it..as he seems so casual and cold..ive seen he doesnt play around much like i do but gets offended easily sometimes..like comes out serious sometimes..

i just don't know how to handle it any more..like why did he randomly star messaging and why does he keep it short and casual :S..i really want this guy but i don't know what he wants..please tell me how to handle this situation..and what do his action say about what he is thinking..please help!!!

so as he had messaged me twice..and it had been 5 day to it..i messaged him to see how his job search was going..he didnt reply!!..buhi hvae a feelgin he must have been drunk( as he drinks alot)..one of my friends and one of his friends told me that..so when i messaged him last night i had a feeling that he returned from a party..as he was onlin really late and wasnt online at all before that..and im guessing he might have been drunk..also everytime i talk to him all he says that he can't think coz he is soo tired..it coudl also be coz he could be studying..buhalso may be he drink lot..esp coz he lives all by himself..so now im wondering even if i wanan be with a guy that drinks soo much..coz i know habits like these don't change..guys never change!..

I'd like to jump in here for some advice...i am a cappy girl and met a cappy guy month and a half ago on business. he quietly approached me, i was talking with someone else,we hit it off, no sex, but made out like schoolkids. he sought me out the next day, but i was not available. no exchange of contact info, but i got a message to him fairly easily and he responded. i let him lead and before too long at all, we began emailing and it got more and more regular and frequent. again, it's only been a month and half but it feels like a year. Bi-coastal, i work from home and travel a lot, he the same, in his own business. we email for hours at a time day, morning noon and night. early on, he disappeared for one day and i left him alone. he emailed the next day and apologized for being out of touch. i made it no big deal. it happened again last week for two days and again, i did not make a fuss. he apologized and said he had a "couple of those days". although i reach out to him, i mostly let him run the show and when we talk, gives me another "nugget" about himself. we talk on the phone when he is traveling on business. he is very responsive and i am very intuitive, i know already when he is not at his best and casually mentioned it the other night after he was gone for a couple of days. he seems to be responding to my laid-back attitude. now the shitty part...i knew from the beginning he was married with child. i know the drill, seriously. what i really want to know is how does a person, male or female, spend literally hours via e-mail with someone? he is so smart, passionate, sexy (not in any way your typically attractive male, for me it is always what is on the inside which gets me going)says increasingly small, but telling compliments to me, how can this not play well at home?

:how can this not play well at home?:

ask his wife, she'll tell ya.

touche! lol on this one! what i meant was, how can what seem to be awesome qualities not play well at home? i am just trying to understand how/why someone does this...

boredom i would imagine.

needs not getting met.

selfishness, not willing to put in the effort.

tired of being married.

the possibilities could be endless. and none of them are good, assuming you wouldn't want him to do the same thing to you...

understood and agreed. why don't they just get out? easier said than done, i am sure, i am not married so cannot identify. really though, why not just get out?

Ha! it IS an interesting study in "man"...i guess i wonder...she's GOT to know how much e-time is going on late at night, during the day even if she is at work...why would a WOMAN put up with this?

he's got all these awesome qualities/characteristics (yes, I know - one very bad one). why aren't they being fulfilled at home? i just don't get it...how does a person lead a double-life like this when living with someone else?

i've kept this in for a month, now the floodgates are open...sorry for all the posts, but i do appreciate the responses.

why would a married man apologize in a logical, heartfelt, caring way for being "absent"? why say anything at all? i am sure he was "absent" b/c of the homefront...

"he's got all these awesome qualities/characteristics (yes, I know - one very bad one). why aren't they being fulfilled at home? i just don't get it...how does a person lead a double-life like this when living with someone else?"

You wouldn't have to ask this question if you were his wife, when you live with a person day in and day out, things get old and people take each other for granted and/or he's simply bored with the good life, bored out of his mind and thus you come along, your EASY so he's going with it (your not challenging him, your accessible, predictable and open)...he's not thinking beyond that email, your pretty much conquered and he will bore of you too pretty soon.

there is no double life, he's promised you nothing, giving you nothing but a bit of email time, he's just playing along because its fun and convienant. He's wondering why a beautiful single woman would WASTE her time with a married man...Is she desperate, lonely, lacking character? He may not feel appreciated and need a bit of ego stroking and thats were you come in but I promise you thats were it will end, now I'm not saying this to offend you but any woman that ties herself up with a married man is asking for drama and heartache...pull out while you can

He's fulfilled at home...he's GREEDY...he's having his cake and eating it too but let you step out of line ONCE and he will be gone, demand more of him and you will become the nagging other woman...be careful

Ain't NOTHING wrong with his wife nor his marriage, she's perfect or he would'nt have married her...she gives him everything he needs, he's simply bored and seeking excitement

Not offended at all. thank you, i appreciate what i know to be the truth.

sorry for sounding harsh...I realize I may have come off that way, I just feel women who play around with married men lack something in themselves or are committment phobic or maybe just curious....all I can say is analyzing him says a lot about your life, which means you may need to get one so you won't set up this pattern of drawing in emotionally unavailable single men/married men...hard pattern to break once you get on that merry go round

true again...i am a commitment phobe and normally don't look twice if they are married and/or not what i am looking for. this time was different, i cannot say why, it just was. i actually do have a life, a full one and do not need a man, just want one occasionally. i know this is wrong on so many levels...

ouch cappywench...i feel like a total effing idiot right about now...

i am ashamed to admit this is going to be tough for me to extricate myself from...jeez, how stupid.

i am human...sometimes it takes another to point out the obvious and/or what we already know...

oi vey...is it really this easy?

its easy if you understand karma...some day you will be in her shoes

Mistakes are the greatest teachers in life...you will be fine, just ween yourself off by not responding right away, just blow him off, he will understand, he's done this before so it won't be a huge issue for him, he will just replace you and keep moving

Both of you are correct and again, many thanks. Thanks for not judging and just being honest.

re: this

:He's fulfilled at home....Ain't NOTHING wrong with his wife nor his marriage, she's perfect or he would'nt have married her...she gives him everything he needs:

yeah i wouldn't generalize that much. i mean it's good to assume this if you're trying to get over a guy. realistically though - the reason i hear that most guys cheat is because of lack of appreciation. i've heard them say it myself & there's been research done to say this is the most common cause.

that's the normal guy. then there are just, the cheaters. which are gonna cheat no matter what.

if i thought every guy would be fulfilled in marraige, i wouldn't be half as scared of it as i am now. with 50% odds in making it, i'd say only 50% or less of guys are happy. the rest are just living with it, at best.

that's just my statistical 2cents worth.