Help Dating Cap Man...am I just being impatient

I met this Capricorn guy online about 4 months ago. We hit it off from the first moment we spoke and we saw each other the next day. He made it clear that he was extremely sexually attracted, as was I, so we did the deed that night. He’s 42 and said that he wanted to make sure we had sexual chemistry because he didn’t want to invest in someone and the sex was horrible. I'm a Libra, so I WANTED to. It was great and we've been consistently seeing each other ever since. We hangout and have sex about once or twice a week and we go out platonically once a week, because he brings his daughter. The problem is I'm think I'm falling in love and he is sooooo guarded. He texts me everyday and I know he likes me but he says he just wants to take it slow. He only texts though, never wants to talk on the phone. I can feel his feelings towards me in person, he touches me, he looks at me intensely, he verbally tells me how much he likes me. But he’s been hurt many times and he’s messed up with good women, probably cheating…he’s very secretive, but I can’t judge him on that. He said he’s definitely investing in me for a future together…he’s thrown around marriage talk casually. I’m completely enamored with this man, despite his flaws...he’s an alcoholic, he never calls me (only text), he doesn’t make much money (but he works hard every day, never misses a day), and he’s extremely secretive (I feel like there’s other women right now but I’m #1). I’ve read that you need patience for these men to open up. When we’re face to face, the chemistry and connection is unbelievable…we never want to leave each other, we cuddle all night. But when we’re not face to face it’s like he can do without me. Like he doesn’t care at all. Yes he texts me but it feels like a chore or something. Do I just need to calm down and be patient? I complained that I feel used because he’s so distant, you know is this just sex...and he yelled at me saying that he needs time, that he’s not gonna jump into a relationship after 4 months or even 8 months. I know he’s been hurt…should I just be patient with him and not give up? Somedays I cry because I want him to be really into me, calling and wanting to know where I am and what I’m doing…but then I think I’m being ridiculous. Any advice would help!!!

Sent you a PM.

Firstly My advice would be STOP giving him sex. He will use you as a doormat if you will allow him to. stand for yourself and get some respect if you really want a long term relationship. By saying that, I didn't mean that you are doing something wrong but a Capricorn must respect you first then he'd be able to think about love or long term relationship. Sex isn't the only element that shows whether both of you are compatible or not.

Secondly speak up, tell him directly about your feeling towards him but don't be pushy. Again: stop giving him easy access to sex let him do some effort to get it. Holding out on sex will tell you whether he wants you in his future or not, If He Walks Away? then you know where you stand with him and if he put forth some effort to keep you in his life..? well and good then you can give him time and hold on patiently until he is ready. Let him see something more than just sex in you and let him hunt that.

Do you really want to become permanently involved with an Alcoholic?
Only asking because that's a giant ice berg. What you see on the surface is like 0.01% of what ever is going on in private...
It's frikken tough dealing with an addiction in a relationship, and if he's sober it's still going to put the brakes on what ever he deals with.

Jesus Christ. You can't be serious asking about this situation?

He's using you and you're settling for some stupid reason. Is your self esteem THAT bad?

...nvm your username says it all.

He yells at you, he never calls, he's an alcoholic. He has issues, and he needs to figure himself out before even thinking about a relationship, imo.

And he has a daughter. The fact that he brings her to your meetings is a good sign...or an extreemly bad sign. I would personally not bring a person to a parent - child meetings unless I was exclusive and very serious about this person, meaning that I am questioning his judgement. It could also be seen as a good sign, because he wants you to get to know his daughter and possibly means well. I do wonder if he has a lot of other time with his daughter - how often do they meet? If these meetings are the only times he sees her, then RUN! But if they are living together and see each other all the time, then I think it's fine...from that perspective. But seriously: I would probably back off.

I've been with my cap about 6 months. We moved in together at 5 months. He still has his ex in his house he has for sale but she will be moving Sept. I completely get that when he's not with you on how you feel. Mine does the same. I'm a libra as well. I tormented myself with self doubt the 1st few months but he is finally coming around. He too is a drinker. I like my beer tho. Lol

I new when I met him we would end up together. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man physically, work ethic, just not quite there with my emotional needs. I'm not sure he ever will be and I'm trying to be more independent and except that.

I do have low self esteem. But I'm constantly trying to improve that part of myself. I don't show that part to him tho. Us woman and always in our heads and we drive ourselves crazy.

I know it takes a while for caps to open up, but how long should one wait?

First of all, 4 months is WAY too soon to be talking marriage. Sounds like a dangling carrot.

So is he really an alcoholi?, or is that just your opinion? Can he go days without a drink? Or does he have to have it to function? Does he get sloppy drunk or can he keep it to only one drink?

Perhaps you're so desperate for love you'd pressure someone to jump in it faster than they're ready (even your user name reaks of desperation). Like I said, at 4 months, you really don't know them. It's just infatuation.

So cool your heels, give it time and answer some serious questions.

Going days without a drink doesn't necessarily clear of him of not being an alcoholic. People see it as someone who drinks daily, but alcoholics can also be those who binge every weekend but don't drink during the week.

Regardless, there are just so many freaking red flags in this story that the OP's sanity/self esteem is up for questioning.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Going days without a drink doesn't necessarily clear of him of not being an alcoholic. People see it as someone who drinks daily, but alcoholics can also be those who binge every weekend but don't drink during the week.

Regardless, there are just so many freaking red flags in this story that the OP's sanity/self esteem is up for questioning.

This is true. It could even be a longer period thing - they can binge for a month and then drink nothing the following month, and then go again, all according to the definition.

Red flags in OP? Oh yes. Plenty!

Thanks everyone for your comments. Well the situation has gotten worse in the last few days. He really has hurt me because I thought this was really going to be something. I was willing to look past his flaws (he's the one claiming to be an alcoholic) and truly look at his heart. But since I wrote my post he has really been treating me bad. He doesn't want to hang out and keeps flaking on me. I guess he found someone else he's interested in. I don't mean to come off as desperate but I guess I did. I'm just ready to fully love someone, and I thought that was going to be him. Please don't shoot me for just wanting to be loved. By all of your comments I see I made a huge mistake and have caused all this heartache on myself. He yelled at me yesterday because I didn't understand why he didn't want to hang out with me. He kept telling me to go on dates, hang out with friends and don't count on seeing him all of the time. That he'll only move on his pace. He says he's not leaving me but then at the same time, now he doesn't want to see me. Yes I blew up on him emotionally, and I know you shouldn't do that with caps. But maybe it's just not meant to be. I literally did everything he wanted and was there for him emotionally and financially and he only gave me crumbs.

I guess he just wanted sex and I made everything too easy for him. I'm going to ignore his texts and try to move on with my life. I'm sure eventually he'll get the hint and stop texting. I don't know how you can treat someone like they don't mean anything to you when they've been there for you on so many levels. I was nothing but fun when we saw each other...and he told me over and over how much he liked me. I guess he wasn't genuine.

Thank you all for the harsh words. I had to hear it. I'm a good person and I treat people with respect and kindness, so I know I don't deserve to be treated like crap. It's just hard to let go when you really liked someone. There has to be someone out there who will eventually love me for me. Sorry that sounds bad...but I'm super emotional right now...I'm going through a heartbreak.

@truecap @tiki33 @happycapper...I would love to hear from you. I've seen you on other boards, giving the best advice!!