Gemsgem
@Gemsgem
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 106 · Topics: 19
Hot and cold capricorn drives me nuts!
I feel like you could have been writing this story about me :/ Especially when I'm enduring a distressing time in my life or facing confusion. I wouldn't say he isn't necessarily interested. He keeps opening up to you at weird times. He kinda seems like he is on the fritz mentally with some private matters. If you really like the guy - go with the flow on this one. I can be jumpy, elusive, etc. when I feel like I'm emotionally on the fritz. It doesn't necessarily mean I don't like someone. In this case I will usually let the person know if they start getting frustrated that SOMETHING is going on with me. I might not even tell the truth if we aren't that close (we're guarded) but I will do my best to let someone know there's some stuff I'm dealing with. What will definitely turn me off is if the other person gets pissy, is not understanding, corners me, or makes me feel bad about it. In fact, I decide right then and there that person will never have me. I know it's not logical and kind of unfair to the other party. But you need to understand we are slow and steady climbers. We take time on things. Unless I'm hugely disinterested I will give chances - but if you corner me or try to get at me emotionally for doing what I have to do for myself- I'll drop that person fast. Play nice and go with the flow. It will be revealed in due time how he really feels about you if you keep your eye open. In writing this I kind of realize I'm a jerk lolol. Ugh. We are just guarded. We don't take steps without checking the situation fully. Hope this helps!
If you're a Gem --- my best relationship (lasted over 13 years) was with a Gem and it was wonderful for a long time! I remember my Gem wanted to move a lot faster than I did. It took me a while to come around. You two will have LOTS of fun if you take the time to create a solid and real relationship with eachother. There are no shortcuts with Caps - remember that. Also, when we really like someone we play hard to get.? Just my two cents!
Posted by hazeofpixiedustThanks so much for sharing your opinion! I know generally if someone is interested they'll show it and i do close up a bit when he seems uninterested, but he came in today and he has some issues with work and politics and he went straight to my desk to tell me all about it.
If you're a Gem --- my best relationship (lasted over 13 years) was with a Gem and it was wonderful for a long time! I remember my Gem wanted to move a lot faster than I did. It took me a while to come around. You two will have LOTS of fun if you take the time to create a solid and real relationship with eachother. There are no shortcuts with Caps - remember that. Also, when we really like someone we play hard to get.? Just my two cents!
When we talked for about 10m i suggested we do coffee and there were jokes that there are rumours him and i are hooking up and we're not and how he needs to be careful not to get a sexual harassment case etc.
He tells me about things and i am being supportive on a friends level, i try not to give him too much but be there for him as a friend/colleague. He did ask me how my dates are going as i am apparently a dating queen and i brushed it off saying no i'm not and i haven't been on many lately.
He is coming to a company event after chatting to me and changing his mind (he said he wasn't going to) so we will see how that goes.
It;s just sooo confusing when one day he's like lets do dinner and movies and you look so great in this dress to oh how are you going with dating? I wanna date you, you idiot, but it's becoming so hard!
You seem more hot and cold than him
Posted by sagaciouscorpHe said that not me
YOU ARE SENDING mixed messages
This would have any man get cold
“When we talked for about 10m i suggested we do coffee and there were jokes that there are rumours him and i are hooking up and we're not and how he needs to be careful not to get a sexual harassment case etc.”
Harrasment why are you bringing this up if you want him to act?
Posted by BiboroonOf course I will mirror his behavior. When a guy shows me affection and showers me with compliments then barely talks to me for over a week after asking me out or in earlier case moving into some other chick I'm not going to keep showing him my affection non stop.
You seem more hot and cold than him
He was the one who said work comes first but doesn't let me move on with sudden bursts of affection or complimenting me on my looks, in a sexual way. I try my best but first of all I gotta be professional not to make it uncomfortable for the both of us. I've agreed to a date I don't know how else I can show I'm keen then he asks me about my dates which I haven't had any of in months.
Posted by UnicornSagYeah very good point. It's quite scary especially because we see each other quite a bit and need to be professional more than romantic.
I agree with previous statement, you're both showing hot-cold behavior and it's clearly not working. One has to be a bigger person and step up if you want it to happen. Knowing Caps I wouldn't hold much hopes for him to step up with it tho considering you're mirroring his behavior.
You mentioned you tried to end it 2 times, how actually? May have some reasons for such behavior in that too
Re ending (and note any of these happen via text as neither of us have the balls to talk about it in person) - first time he was messaging me about team drinks and mentioned the night we nearly hooked up to which I said no regrets but I don't move that fast with guys and that's not the kind of encounter I want and he agreed to a fresh start. When he started flirting with me at the event (touching my neck, trying to pull me closer etc) I thought he was aboard going slow but is interested.
We went out for a team lunch a few days later and he was pretty reserved, almost rude at a couple of points so I started ignoring him and he then made a comment about that. We started chatting and I said something in a playful way like oh you're much easier to talk to when we're both drunk and he said yes harmless flirting is better than work talk. This put me off and later I said in light of things I think it's best the harmless flirting stops as I really like the person you are but I don't want to get involved with someone who can't offer me the same interest and he got cold. He said there's nothing he can do but accept the fact this is how things are gonna go and work comes first.
I thought that would be the end of it as I was clear and he agreed but then the flirting started again and he made a joke I hate his work rule and literally a day later it was all about me and asking me out and playful comments, but then his work situation changed and he's busy and stressed, I made a comment of him not following up on the date over a week later (I know, not wise) and him getting frustrated saying he's busy and that won't change anytime soon, so no now we're back to colleagues / dysfunctional friends mode.
At the moment I know he's stressed and I'm biting my tongue with any unsolicited advise that may make him feel incompetent as I know he's a real guy type, we will have a couple of out of office events together and might be working from the same office together for about a week... Likely just the two of us as everyone else is on the break :/ in the meantime I will go on dates and see if I have this kind of chemistry with anyone else as well.
Posted by GemsgemI guess I am old school, but I NEVER date anyone from work. If I do find my SO at work, we will be like two ships sailing in opposite directions (no lunch plans, no emails, no winks as we pass the hallway, etc, until I get home) 😈Posted by UnicornSagYeah very good point. It's quite scary especially because we see each other quite a bit and need to be professional more than romantic.
I agree with previous statement, you're both showing hot-cold behavior and it's clearly not working. One has to be a bigger person and step up if you want it to happen. Knowing Caps I wouldn't hold much hopes for him to step up with it tho considering you're mirroring his behavior.
You mentioned you tried to end it 2 times, how actually? May have some reasons for such behavior in that too
Re ending (and note any of these happen via text as neither of us have the balls to talk about it in person) - first time he was messaging me about team drinks and mentioned the night we nearly hooked up to which I said no regrets but I don't move that fast with guys and that's not the kind of encounter I want and he agreed to a fresh start. When he started flirting with me at the event (touching my neck, trying to pull me closer etc) I thought he was aboard going slow but is interested.
We went out for a team lunch a few days later and he was pretty reserved, almost rude at a couple of points so I started ignoring him and he then made a comment about that. We started chatting and I said something in a playful way like oh you're much easier to talk to when we're both drunk and he said yes harmless flirting is better than work talk. This put me off and later I said in light of things I think it's best the harmless flirting stops as I really like the person you are but I don't want to get involved with someone who can't offer me the same interest and he got cold. He said there's nothing he can do but accept the fact this is how things are gonna go and work comes first.
I thought that would be the end of it as I was clear and he agreed but then the flirting started again and he made a joke I hate his work rule and literally a day later it was all about me and asking me out and playful comments, but then his work situation changed and he's busy and stressed, I made a comment of him not following up on the date over a week later (I know, not wise) and him getting frustrated saying he's busy and that won't change anytime soon, so no now we're back to colleagues / dysfunctional friends mode.
At the moment I know he's stressed and I'm biting my tongue with any unsolicited advise that may make him feel incompetent as I know he's a real guy type, we will have a couple of out of office events together and might be working from the same office together for about a week... Likely just the two of us as everyone else is on the break :/ in the meantime I will go on dates and see if I have this kind of chemistry with anyone else as well.
click to expand
Yeah, sounds like he's not interested. Sorry 😢
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
So update here... Every time I decide to move on he feels the need to mess around again. I've stopped talking to him after this incident then he started coming into our main office from time to time and - surprise - message me.
He asked me to hang again and then had to reschedule so I was a bit upset and he felt it so said silly stuff like I vow to take you to things now and let's get food etc. We decided to go to a gallery next week after work. We had some moments when he gave a little hug and I touched his hair etc there was chemistry. In the last couple of weeks of us making plans I heard compliments about my dressing, him saying his mum didn't raise a quitter when I told him I'm busy and him constantly referring to the night we hooked up.
I randomly ran into him yesterday and walked away with my friends then he started messaging me and offered me a lift home.
I was high on emotions thinking he's really trying to get to know me now this is it.
He drove me home we had a really shallow conversation, it was hard for me to get any response and he joked that I bribed him to offer me a ride with what I'm wearing. Dropped me off and nothing, I went home. Messages me after and I said it felt like getting a ride from an uber driver (it's 2am at that point). He says oh no way I'm coming back to make it not like an uber ride.
Comes back, same shitty chat with him having a massive wall up, I put my head on his chest and then it got awkward and I got frustrated, he asked me what's wrong and I asked why he asked me to hang out and why come back if you're not gonna do anything. He said I'm reading into things and I'm just one of the people whose company he enjoys and he was clear that we work together and won't have anything.
This absolutely infuriated me, he sends me mixed signals all day long, flirts with me, touches me, then when we are alone he's like a tree trunk and tells me I'm reading into things? How about all the times I said I don't want to get involved with someone who doesn't know what they want although I like him, but the flirting has to stop? So it makes it OK for him to keep flirting with me then say I'm making things up?
I got angry and said I'm sick of his games and just went home. I didn't say much else and I didn't raise my voice at any point. I don't know what is up with this guy but I don't think it's a good idea to be anything other than colleagues with him. Sad 😢
He asked me to hang again and then had to reschedule so I was a bit upset and he felt it so said silly stuff like I vow to take you to things now and let's get food etc. We decided to go to a gallery next week after work. We had some moments when he gave a little hug and I touched his hair etc there was chemistry. In the last couple of weeks of us making plans I heard compliments about my dressing, him saying his mum didn't raise a quitter when I told him I'm busy and him constantly referring to the night we hooked up.
I randomly ran into him yesterday and walked away with my friends then he started messaging me and offered me a lift home.
I was high on emotions thinking he's really trying to get to know me now this is it.
He drove me home we had a really shallow conversation, it was hard for me to get any response and he joked that I bribed him to offer me a ride with what I'm wearing. Dropped me off and nothing, I went home. Messages me after and I said it felt like getting a ride from an uber driver (it's 2am at that point). He says oh no way I'm coming back to make it not like an uber ride.
Comes back, same shitty chat with him having a massive wall up, I put my head on his chest and then it got awkward and I got frustrated, he asked me what's wrong and I asked why he asked me to hang out and why come back if you're not gonna do anything. He said I'm reading into things and I'm just one of the people whose company he enjoys and he was clear that we work together and won't have anything.
This absolutely infuriated me, he sends me mixed signals all day long, flirts with me, touches me, then when we are alone he's like a tree trunk and tells me I'm reading into things? How about all the times I said I don't want to get involved with someone who doesn't know what they want although I like him, but the flirting has to stop? So it makes it OK for him to keep flirting with me then say I'm making things up?
I got angry and said I'm sick of his games and just went home. I didn't say much else and I didn't raise my voice at any point. I don't know what is up with this guy but I don't think it's a good idea to be anything other than colleagues with him. Sad 😢
Posted by UnicornSagI just don't get him. That's what's bothering me. He's asked me to come for dinner and I said no then he said his mum didn't raise a quitter. He said we should get a bottle of wine together although it might be a bad idea that's how good ideas happen. Then it's me making things up in my head...
well I have been saying for a while Caps don't shit where they eat...most of the times at least. Why he's ding what he's doing maybe cause he thinks it's equally fun to you as it is to him? Might be cause he thought he's been clear enough with you before and considers it mutual understanding flirt
He says one thing then he says 10 others contradicting it.
I can't have a proper conversation with him about it as he just shuts down and gets shitty.
Should I just ignore him altogether and not engage into anything or try explain to him how I feel? Thoughts? :/
Capricorns and mind games...my recent Cappy Bae. Would give me his time, great conversation, say he likes me but he doesnt want a relationship to get in the way(and he pressed this hard on me) he flat out said "wtf, um we're not together. Dont act like we are. I dont got time for that shit"
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.
Thank you everyone, I'll try to clear the air 🙂
Posted by Gemsgem
Thank you everyone, I'll try to clear the air 🙂
Keep us posted bcz I think he likes you but is just playing games. I met my cap at work and it got serious fast. I couldn't get away from him. And he somewhat played games at first.
Posted by AwakenawarnessBacked off how. My cap said the same thing so I had no choice but to believe it so I feel all the way back.
Capricorns and mind games...my recent Cappy Bae. Would give me his time, great conversation, say he likes me but he doesnt want a relationship to get in the way(and he pressed this hard on me) he flat out said "wtf, um we're not together. Dont act like we are. I dont got time for that shit"
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.
Posted by RooSagicornPosted by AwakenawarnessLol. They don’t like pressure at all. Better to back off & let them figure their shit out!
Capricorns and mind games...my recent Cappy Bae. Would give me his time, great conversation, say he likes me but he doesnt want a relationship to get in the way(and he pressed this hard on me) he flat out said "wtf, um we're not together. Dont act like we are. I dont got time for that shit"
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.click to expand
Works wonders. Haha. I have patience. Once I stopped coming to him about it that's when he was like " alright, you want to know how I really feel"
Posted by UnicornSagLmao, and their favorite word is no.Posted by miriyahhhPosted by AwakenawarnessBacked off how. My cap said the same thing so I had no choice but to believe it so I feel all the way back.
Capricorns and mind games...my recent Cappy Bae. Would give me his time, great conversation, say he likes me but he doesnt want a relationship to get in the way(and he pressed this hard on me) he flat out said "wtf, um we're not together. Dont act like we are. I dont got time for that shit"
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.
lol wtf is up with them and that sentence lol
well I didn't get "we're not together" but I did get "I don't have time for dating any men or women" when I asked did he maybe start seeing someone since we started talking (considering it's been 6 months and I didn't consider us in a relationship if we never even met so was kinda reasonable thing to ask lol)click to expand
I w yes will keep you posted! I don't want to pressure him or say anything that'll scare him off, I'll just say something in the lines of me liking him but if he's not on the same page he shouldn't be cheeky with me like that.
Posted by UnicornSagPosted by miriyahhhPosted by AwakenawarnessBacked off how. My cap said the same thing so I had no choice but to believe it so I feel all the way back.
Capricorns and mind games...my recent Cappy Bae. Would give me his time, great conversation, say he likes me but he doesnt want a relationship to get in the way(and he pressed this hard on me) he flat out said "wtf, um we're not together. Dont act like we are. I dont got time for that shit"
I said ohk and backed off(went with the flow) and now we're officially together.
I see it as what they do, don't take it personal. In their mind there's a reason for it.
lol wtf is up with them and that sentence lol
well I didn't get "we're not together" but I did get "I don't have time for dating any men or women" when I asked did he maybe start seeing someone since we started talking (considering it's been 6 months and I didn't consider us in a relationship if we never even met so was kinda reasonable thing to ask lol)click to expand
Like hello,if you tell me that. I have no choice but to believe you🙄
Wow what a prick! I already felt like shit I didn't think he could make me feel any worse!!
He's messaged me on work chat (which isn't really a work chat it's just a platform someone did so we can chat and that's where all his flirting happened) about something work wise and made a joke then I asked if I can talk to him about Saturday and if he has a few minutes.
He said he's in meetings and "really, on work chat?" To which I replied no and you're the one to talk. He goes sure we can chat another time and "all in all though, workplace is where things start and end. Best way" then said he's back to meetings and for me to have a nice day.
So he basically just told me we should end this before I could have my say and get closure!
I told him it won't be necessary and blocked him on social media. Fk this.
He's messaged me on work chat (which isn't really a work chat it's just a platform someone did so we can chat and that's where all his flirting happened) about something work wise and made a joke then I asked if I can talk to him about Saturday and if he has a few minutes.
He said he's in meetings and "really, on work chat?" To which I replied no and you're the one to talk. He goes sure we can chat another time and "all in all though, workplace is where things start and end. Best way" then said he's back to meetings and for me to have a nice day.
So he basically just told me we should end this before I could have my say and get closure!
I told him it won't be necessary and blocked him on social media. Fk this.
Thank you everyone for the support really appreciate the guidance.
Have a lovely day
Have a lovely day
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He doesn't work from the same office but is around sometimes. We nearly hooked up around 6 months ago after which there was some flirting and then me going cold as i didn't want that and i think he started seeing some else.
He resurfaced after some months and started opening up to me on facebook about his goals life etc and it looked like he was making a bit of an effort but no asking me out.
Before we had our work drinks he mentioned something about that night and i said i don't move that fast with guys and we should start fresh to which he agreed. We had a couple of moments during drinks but nothing else. He then called it harmless flirting in one of the message exchanges and i put my foot down saying flirting has to stop as i'm not looking for a fling to which he agreed and said work comes first.
A couple of weeks after he asked if i wanted to see a movie with him and i agreed so he said we'd go on the weekend or the following week. The weekend passed and it's now thursday week after. I have been nice to him and there have been chats but no mention of the hangout.
He messaged me again and complained about something at work, then he said something stupid to which i said i didn't think he was that kind of guy but then again i didn't think he was someone who flakes on a hangout with a girl he asked out.
There came the busy excuses and he was kind of a sook about it which i really disliked and i said i won't be quiet when i feel like i need to speak up and if he is busy it's fine but he should just say so.
The convo didn't end too well we moved onto work talk again and he said he will make time for friends etc and now he needs to do some work.
I honestly tried my best to "cherish the emotionally fragile cap", i have been polite and validated all his feelings about being frustrated with work etc and i really dislike the busy excuse. If you are busy don;t give someone hope.
I know it won't get any easier as he is working and studying, which i am ok with as long as he is honest and is a gentleman about it and honestly writing this i know i deserve better than settling for this bull-S but if this is a typical cap sussing me out before he invests time i am willing to wait. If not i need a strategy on how to end this CLEARLY as i have tried twice now and i don;t have the willpower to turn him down as i like him.
Help me please!