I Have Gotten Myself In A Bad Situation

Hello all. I am new to the site.

From the looks of it, many confused souls come here for advice. Lol. I suppose I am following suit.

I am a 28 year old Scorpio. I am currently dating a Cancer. We have been dating for almost two years. Our relationship has become a bit boring and the passion is definitely gone. I tend to be a very passionate and intense person. A times, I wonder if we will last because he simply is not very passionate or intense. It has started to wear on the relationship and I am not really happy any longer.

I have a male friend who is a Capricorn. We have been friends for a little over a year. Not close fiends. I suppose more like associates as we attend the same school. He is engaged and has a child with his fianc?. There had been some gossip among class mates about how unhappy he is in his relationship. This was during the spring semester. I thought nothing of it at the time because I really didn't care. He started flirting with me in May. I did not engage at first.

To cut to the chase, after about a month I relented. We stated hanging out and I cheated on my boyfriend. I KNOW it was wrong. I have beat myself up over it. I have told the Cap we could no longer do this but something happens that makes me go back. SO BAD I know! There are absolutely no excuses for my actions. It was strange because last week he said that he had fantasized about me being his fianc? and asked himself what that would be like...

Yesterday, I was riddled with guilt about everything and I told him that we need to cool things off. We readdressed the issue this morning and he shared that he agreed and he needs to do what is best for his family. He shared that he loves his fianc? and his heart is with her and they need to work things out. I wished him and his family the best of luck and that was it.

I thought I would feel a sense of relief that I no longer have to hide anything and (at least now) I have officially done the right thing. But I am sad. I can't lie. I already miss him. I know its so horrible, but I am REALLY sad.

There was a very intense and distinct connection we had. More than just the intimacy. We would sit and talk for hours. Talking about our significant others, life experiences, hopes, dreams, fears??_. There have been times when he has commented on the connection as well.

As I have said earlier, I know he loves his fianc? and his family is important to him, which it should be. But I know he is not happy. He t

As I have said earlier, I know he loves his fianc? and his family is important to him, which it should be. But I know he is not happy. He told me that he does not feel heard or valued by her. A couple of days ago he shared with me that she is the most emotionally disconnected woman he has ever dated. He proposed to her three years ago and she has not set a date yet. He has begged her to but she did not set it until recently when he threatened to leave a few months ago (before I came in the picture). The date they have set is still over a year away.

I know that what is going on with them is none of my business and it is totally wrong for me to continue to care and want to be with him, but I do. I typically cannot stand home wreckers??_ And here I am??_ But I can't stop wondering if he's going to come back. To make things worse, I am going to be taking a class with him which start in a few weeks??_

UGH!!!

Posted by Curiousram
Oh wow this post pisses me off very much so, if you are unhappy with a relationship then tell your partner and work it out or break up with them. Don't go behind their back and cheat on them and expect the guy who slept with you to leave his fiance for you.

You are absolutely right! I cannot argue with anything you have said. You're right. In the past, I have listened to others in similar situations and thought to myself the same thing and have even been disgusted. And here I am??_ taking part in the exact thing that I have spoken out against.

Posted by Curiousram

Posted by itsjustme

Posted by Curiousram
Oh wow this post pisses me off very much so, if you are unhappy with a relationship then tell your partner and work it out or break up with them. Don't go behind their back and cheat on them and expect the guy who slept with you to leave his fiance for you.

You are absolutely right! I cannot argue with anything you have said. You're right. In the past, I have listened to others in similar situations and thought to myself the same thing and have even been disgusted. And here I am??_ taking part in the exact thing that I have spoken out against.

Well have you told your cancer man about it??

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No not yet...

I won't read all you wrote nor the comments by others-I just scrolled down to post my own reply.

He is with someone else. It doesn't matter if he is unhappy or not. When or if he leaves, that is when he is not with someone else and everythig he might say to you or tell you before that is pure bullshit and you should not listen!

Don't post this kinda stuff here because 1: you know the answers and 2: you will get slaughtered.

Good luck!

Also, end it with your bf or at least tell him you cheated.

wolfmoon - you're right I do know the answers??_ I should have never gotten myself in this situation. UGH!

Posted by itsjustme
wolfmoon - you're right I do know the answers??_ I should have never gotten myself in this situation. UGH!

Well, live and learn and don't beat yourself up for crying out loud!! We are all pigs. Just see it as a stepping stone to better things.

Wolfmoon - I have gone through a lot in the last couple of years. And when I was with the Cap it felt so good to FEEL. I have been existing. When I was with him I felt energy and passion. I am not referring to sex right now. This is NOT an excuse. I guess I am just pocking and talking through this??_.

Yea??_ Live and learn.

Posted by Curiousram

Posted by WolfMoon


Don't post this kinda stuff here because 1: you know the answers and 2: you will get slaughtered.

Good luck!

+10000 but seriously tell your boyfriend as soon as you can

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+1 million to both your posts..

This person has noooooo intention of telling her boyfriend. This whole sorry pathetic story will continue when they have class together soon.

Honey, you have come to the wrong forum, coz its not advice that you seek as you suggest in your very first line, it is attention.

Thats what the validation forum is for..

*smdh*

Posted by aurora
This scenario happened bilions times in this world. The price of not been confindent enough and brave to stop when it is over with someone is much higher than people think. But you know what, if you were bold enough to leave your cancer, i bet the cap wouldn't be so attractive to you. But now he is, cause you now have another thing in common, you are both in a mess.
The smartest thing you can do, leave the cancer, distance yourself from the cap and start over.

+1

Great advice.

Posted by WolfMoon

Don't post this kinda stuff here because 1: you know the answers and 2: you will get slaughtered.

+1 You are on a forum with a lot of women who will slaughter a woman for cheating, and even worse for cheating with a man who already has someone.

You don't know the answer.

It's not that you shouldn't have done this in the first place (you shouldn't but that is besides the point) but that you should tell him right now before you see the Cap again in class.

Anything else is just static and is just being used to divert the attention to the painful part that is you.

Posted by itsjustme
As I have said earlier, I know he loves his fianc? and his family is important to him, which it should be. But I know he is not happy. He told me that he does not feel heard or valued by her. A couple of days ago he shared with me that she is the most emotionally disconnected woman he has ever dated. He proposed to her three years ago and she has not set a date yet. He has begged her to but she did not set it until recently when he threatened to leave a few months ago (before I came in the picture). The date they have set is still over a year away.

I know that what is going on with them is none of my business and it is totally wrong for me to continue to care and want to be with him, but I do. I typically cannot stand home wreckers??_ And here I am??_ But I can't stop wondering if he's going to come back. To make things worse, I am going to be taking a class with him which start in a few weeks??_

UGH!!!

I have to take up for the fiance here. It is very difficult to value and appreciate a man who is not 100% into the relationship or a man she expects as being a cheater, makes a woman distance herself to observe his actions for a while. I don't blame her for not setting a date - there's a reason for that. It means she's not sure HE's going to give HER what she needs. Perhaps if he valued HER and listened to HER, she would be a much warmer, more appreciative partner to him.

I don't know what you see in him. He's obviously not a responsible, dependable partner. Has a baby with a woman and isn't doing the right thing by her. Remember, hun, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. He's already shown his character and lack of loyalty. For a scorpio, you sure don't know how to read someone's true character.

I hope the Cancer finds someone who will appreciate him for who he is - and that's not you.

He's probably just telling YOU he's not happy, so he can get a little side action. He probably really does love the fiance and treats her a lot better than you know.

Married men, engaged men, men in relationships will lie to you to get in your pants if you're stupid enough to let them.












I tried so hard not to be judgmental on this one, but it pushes a button of mine. Cheaters need to be displayed out on the courthouse lawn for all to see and mocked at by their community.

Posted by truecap

Posted by itsjustme
As I have said earlier, I know he loves his fianc? and his family is important to him, which it should be. But I know he is not happy. He told me that he does not feel heard or valued by her. A couple of days ago he shared with me that she is the most emotionally disconnected woman he has ever dated. He proposed to her three years ago and she has not set a date yet. He has begged her to but she did not set it until recently when he threatened to leave a few months ago (before I came in the picture). The date they have set is still over a year away.

I know that what is going on with them is none of my business and it is totally wrong for me to continue to care and want to be with him, but I do. I typically cannot stand home wreckers??_ And here I am??_ But I can't stop wondering if he's going to come back. To make things worse, I am going to be taking a class with him which start in a few weeks??_

UGH!!!

I have to take up for the fiance here. It is very difficult to value and appreciate a man who is not 100% into the relationship or a man she expects as being a cheater, makes a woman distance herself to observe his actions for a while. I don't blame her for not setting a date - there's a reason for that. It means she's not sure HE's going to give HER what she needs. Perhaps if he valued HER and listened to HER, she would be a much warmer, more appreciative partner to him.

I don't know what you see in him. He's obviously not a responsible, dependable partner. Has a baby with a woman and isn't doing the right thing by her. Remember, hun, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. He's already shown his character and lack of loyalty. For a scorpio, you sure don't know how to read someone's true character.

I hope the Cancer finds someone who will appreciate him for who he is - and that's not you.

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Yes ^^^^

OP,

Don't tell your boyfriend about your affair...at least not to alleviate any guilt on your behalf. If you are unhappy then you should end things &
set him free.
Part of the allure with cap guy is that he is new meat and you don't have to experience day-to-day issues w/him that riddles a real relationship.

Good Luck & Peace.