last resort

hi firstly before i post the story i want to say i really appreciate this place cos what I'm bout to post i cannot tell anyone and will affect my life. its cos none of my friends no i am not a virgin as they will talk and gossip and I'm very scared to tell anyone. the only person i can go to for help as only he knows this about my is my cap ex but i don't want to contact him and respect he dumped me. so i am really so glad i can post on here but feel and to dump my problems on a forum but really grateful. if i tell my friends they will be in shock and if it got back to my family i would hurt my family so much and bring shame, the story i will post now:

abit bout me, Im from a family who would never ever accept a child out of wedlock, boyfriends before marriage and have outright told me never to return to the family if they found out I am not a virgin. But i had a EX cap boyfriend and we ended it in december but i am 7 week pregnant, I am going to see my doctor on monday to confirm.

The story with him is we have been on and off for 5 years, I am not hear to complain or ask questions about whether he loves me because i think he does as he told me, and i do him, from day1 a lot of issues and fights but now more UNDERSTANDING.we tried to sort things out in decemeber, had intercourse on boxing day, then a huge argument/misunderstanding and HE DUMPED ME, a few weeks prior he was telling me he loves me. On his birthday I texted him and he told me to delete his number and then accused me of using him for sex, THIS IS A JOKE BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS GOING ON AT ME TO BREAK VIRGINITY SO HOW COULD U USE HIM? and I don't even like sex that much as he always complain I am too shy but he said AS REPLY when i accused him 1ST of just wanting sex, anyway he said to end it but then put a whatsapp status up saying 'i may look strong and tough but i just hide my pain when life is tough', something along those lines. Anyway, my view is that we are both exhausted and since the last time he DUMPED me, I have got on with my life which has been so busy with work.

But now that I might be pregnant i am feeling stressed panicky and don't know whether to tell him.

Firstly he knows I would never be the type to try want this without marriage. I am distraught because if i keep it it would mean being disowned by my family, being homeless, losing my friends as they would never even think I would have lost virginity ad literally just be me and the baby.
But as a muslim I don't believe in abortion at all so I want to keep it but honestly if i can put my family to SHAME, i love my parents, they don't deserve this. BUT TO ME A BABY IS A GIFT FROM GOD but I don't know if I would cope, what I wish is that i could just talk to him for support as i have no one.

But how do i tell him this without freaking him out.
I haven't contacted him EVER again since january. I know i need to wait till monday for the doctor to confirm but I had a panic attack just now as I cant sleep, eat and my mum keeps asking me why I am so anxious.

I am terrified cos i always lived with my parents and leaving would be so hard, all my friends wear headscarves except me and this other girl and they would actually be disgusted with me if i told them I lost virginity to him. my parents trying to do arrange marriage 4 me atm too,

Me and him had sex approx 6 times in 5 years and I never even thought about pregnancy because I used to meet him on day after my period finished and he told me i cant get pregnant at that time. But the last few times we met he didn't even ask about period and it was about a week after so I think thats how it happen

he is 38 years old then me and really really clever, in our language he is this word that also describes crafty, like he very alert person. Thats why i think maybe he did think this could happen and maybe wouldn't mind?

But he is very tough and cold and i actually feel scared to contact me because if he finds out and i keep it, it will be like signing my life away. if he stays in my life then good, but if he walks away i am trapped because he is very controlling and knows EVERYONE and many contacts so he would keep an eye on me and could destroy my life.

what i want to find out from CAPRICORN men especially is do you think about what if she gets pregnant?

Are you clever and think of long term plan to make a girl yours?

Or was he just having fun and not care and will tell me to get lost?

He didn't treat me nicely in past, but i looked at myself at why this happened and its because i always had guy mates from Facebook and even though i never met up with them, he told me to not speak and i still did it. so i am not going to say he was just bad, we are two people interacting so its both of us, but i don't know how a capricorn would feel if they got an ex pregnant

Posted by GetMisted
Accept the arranged marriage, consummate the marriage, and then tell your newly wed husband he's gonna be a daddy.

No that is very wrong, could not ruin another person life.

My parents not found a definite person but are looking around, nothing is fixed as my mother is very hard to please.

She will never accept capricorn too.

Honestly, he has a right to know. I'm afraid of how he's going to react. What you've told us so far by the way he told you to lose his number doesn't suggest a very good reaction (possibly even accusatory and mean). But, this is something you will have to decide together. What are his religious views on it? Is he a stand up guy?

I'm not familiar with your religion and family/social dynamics so I don't know if a Western opinion is going to be very helpful to you.
I think there are other users here with the same or a similar background, perhaps they will chime in and provide some insight.

In the meantime, I'll be praying for you.

This is quite sad. If he is from a decent family surely he will understand and marry you and not leave you in a tight position?
How old are you also if I may ask?

Posted by GetMisted
And wear a condom FFS

i know but i think me and cap just trusted each other were clean down there and thought pregnancy would only happen around 2 weeks after period.

Posted by GetMisted
Accept the arranged marriage, consummate the marriage, and then tell your newly wed husband he's gonna be a daddy.

Deceitful, but it is an option. He'll know she's not a virgin, though.

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted
Accept the arranged marriage, consummate the marriage, and then tell your newly wed husband he's gonna be a daddy.

Deceitful, but it is an option. He'll know she's not a virgin, though.

No he won't.

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You sure about that? I thought a man could always tell - the hymen, ya know. Unless he's a virgin, too?

Posted by truecap
Honestly, he has a right to know. I'm afraid of how he's going to react. What you've told us so far by the way he told you to lose his number doesn't suggest a very good reaction (possibly even accusatory and mean). But, this is something you will have to decide together. What are his religious views on it? Is he a stand up guy?

I'm not familiar with your religion and family/social dynamics so I don't know if a Western opinion is going to be very helpful to you.
I think there are other users here with the same or a similar background, perhaps they will chime in and provide some insight.

In the meantime, I'll be praying for you.

Thank you so much, it mean a lot.

He is muslim too and a few years ago he asked me what i would do if i got pregnant and i told him keep it and if he leaves me i would raise it alone cos i love children and being a mum would be amazing.

But i don't think he sees me as good enough for him or thinks of me as good enough to have his kids.

He has previous kids and is a good dad, he loves his 2 daughters from ex wife and sacrifices a lot for them and gives them a lot of time. He also likes animal and is kind underneath is cold and mean external.

Part of me think that religion and my culture is UNIMPORTANT, because if i treat people in a kind and non judgmental way and believe in humanity as well as god, and not hurt anyone, then i can say i will leave my family, what did i do wrong? love someone so much that i gave my body to him? is love a crime? but i know i am weak, and if only i could keep reminding myself this then maybe i could survive. I don't mind working till baby and will do all hard jobs, two jobs, even night shift for money, but the guilt to hurt my mum will get to me and also the aloneness

no i don't want to marry by lying about virginity. honestly the guilt will catch up

truth is, i only ever wanted to marry cap and he even discussed marriage, but its like everytime we meet, we are both so hyper sensitive and this causes huge problem and we split again.

Posted by LibraLovesHim
This is quite sad. If he is from a decent family surely he will understand and marry you and not leave you in a tight position?
How old are you also if I may ask?

No his family are more backward then mine, his first marriage was to his cousin and it was arranged and didn't work. His family would never accept me as we are from different parts of our home country.

You need to tell him. If he finds out you got pregnant and aborted or marry another man with his child he will be pissed!!

Why does he seem so hateful towards you?

get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

sorry i mean he is 38 and i am 25, sorry not 38 years older.

Posted by Greentea
You need to tell him. If he finds out you got pregnant and aborted or marry another man with his child he will be pissed!!

Why does he seem so hateful towards you?

yeah he is hateful but i think its because he was hurt in past very badly and has tough exterior. i put up with a lot because i looked beyond is tough shell and thats reason he says he loves me, he said that i always was good to him and its cos i know why he has defence mechanisms

but in december this other guy really liked me and i told cap and i think it really really pissd him off, i admit it was my fault but i was getting impatient but i think capricorn was angry about this, i didn't end up meeting the other guy but talked on the phone but to cap he didn't like it cos he thought i moved on too quick, maybe he right, i don't know. but i accept we both are not angels, i didn't talk to a single man in first few years and thats when cap was worse so maybe in last year i got less patient and started talking to more people

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by persianafghan
get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

I have Neptune in Capricorn.

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my moon is in capricorn but don't make me a capricorn.

ur idea was to lie and call me uneducated, very uncap like. caps have good morals

You're gonna have to choose the best from the worst scenario here

There is a chance he will marry you but you're mum dosnt like Capricorns (determine if this is an option as I think it is best for you)
You abort the baby
You have it and raise it alone

Posted by persianafghan

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by persianafghan
get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

I have Neptune in Capricorn.

my moon is in capricorn but don't make me a capricorn.

ur idea was to lie and call me uneducated, very uncap like. caps have good morals

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I think he is just trying to help you, and helping you to see options. Doesn't matter if his Sun sign is Capricorn or not. Imo

I do need to tell him but so scared.

to capricorn suns: what would u do if you ex was pregnant? what would run through your head? how would u feel? would u hate her more? is this something u ever thought could happen? would u be in shock? would u tell her to have an abortion? would u ignore and change ur number?

Posted by persianafghan
get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

No, he's not.

Posted by persianafghan

Posted by Greentea
You need to tell him. If he finds out you got pregnant and aborted or marry another man with his child he will be pissed!!

Why does he seem so hateful towards you?

yeah he is hateful but i think its because he was hurt in past very badly and has tough exterior. i put up with a lot because i looked beyond is tough shell and thats reason he says he loves me, he said that i always was good to him and its cos i know why he has defence mechanisms

but in december this other guy really liked me and i told cap and i think it really really pissd him off, i admit it was my fault but i was getting impatient but i think capricorn was angry about this, i didn't end up meeting the other guy but talked on the phone but to cap he didn't like it cos he thought i moved on too quick, maybe he right, i don't know. but i accept we both are not angels, i didn't talk to a single man in first few years and thats when cap was worse so maybe in last year i got less patient and started talking to more people

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You need to tell him if you are. Go from there. I knkw he.told you to not talk to him, sometimes we say things out of hurt, not that he doesn't mean it, bcuz at the time we do. But you should not keep this from him.

Posted by babygurl
You can come stay with me for a while in you live Trinidad ok. I have an extra bed and extra room.

You're so sweet!

Posted by babygurl

Posted by persianafghan
sorry i mean he is 38 and i am 25, sorry not 38 years older.

Listen you have nothing to fear tell that FULLY ADULT GROWN MAN that you are pregnant. He's also a capricorn so I'm hoping he'll hold some merit and principle of one and do WHAT IS EXPECTED of a man who gets a young girl pregnant Is supposed to.
.ightn't allow it but he has no choice. Where you live the middle east, U.s Pakistan or Uk?

You live Trinidad..? Theres alot of muslims here in my country too but they don't marry family that is against the law here.

Op tell the bastard. that's one of the reasons I'm mot impressed with capriorn men they sound good in paper but they're pretentious as fuck!!

Tell him o.p let him take care of this It IS His Mess.

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yeah you r true, i need to tell him, we r both in the UK, i pray he isn't mean and will have to accept his response. but i want to wait till monday when i c doctor for test as the test i used is from clear blue one from chemist and want doctor to 100% confirm,.

Posted by GetMisted
A morally responsible person doesn't tell you that you can't get pregnant when you're done bleeding.. and then fuck you with out a condom.

It's an old wives tale. The rhythm method for birth control that my grandparents used. Very noneffective. It led them to have 8 kids.

Posted by babygurl
You can come stay with me for a while in you live Trinidad ok. I have an extra bed and extra room.

u have a very kind soul, thanks

How old is he? How old are you? Yall been dating for 5 years and only had sex 6 times! How far into your relationship did you start having sex with him? I have a lot to say but I need details. You are a good women and capricorn men normally will stick around a good women. Just because he stick around don't mean he don't see other women. I don't think your the only person he having sex with. Apparently yall have a big age differece between yall.

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by truecap

Posted by persianafghan
get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

No, he's not.

This have nothing to do with astrology.. and everything to do with a lack of education and accountability.

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Yeah, I know. But they don't do much about sex education where she's from.

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted
Accept the arranged marriage, consummate the marriage, and then tell your newly wed husband he's gonna be a daddy.

Deceitful, but it is an option. He'll know she's not a virgin, though.

No he won't.

You sure about that? I thought a man could always tell - the hymen, ya know. Unless he's a virgin, too?

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No. The first guy I slept with had no clue. He asked if I had gotten my period. He was not a virgin.

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted
Accept the arranged marriage, consummate the marriage, and then tell your newly wed husband he's gonna be a daddy.

Deceitful, but it is an option. He'll know she's not a virgin, though.

No he won't.

You sure about that? I thought a man could always tell - the hymen, ya know. Unless he's a virgin, too?

No. The first guy I slept with had no clue. He asked if I had gotten my period. He was not a virgin.

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I learned new stuff today.

Posted by Aggrippina66789
Hello sweetheart.

Firstly i want to say this. I am praying for you. I am sending you all my love. Whatever I say here comes from my heart.

Put aside the emotions for a moment.

Sometimes the key to life is to stop feeling and put the thinking cap on.

Take two days if you can to do nothing. Put it in your mind two days from now you are going to buy a pregnancy test. Do it in a public rest room or a hotel restroom. Don't do it at home. Tell no one. Find out the results. If it is negative. HURRAY.

It's likely negative. Women always fear pregnancy when they have had sex.

If you are pregnant you have three options. FIRST an abortion. Think about it. Tell me why it's not right for you. Pretend you are going to have one for two days. No matter what you really think just in your head. If at the end you don't want one ....ok then don't have one. But really realize how much this pregnancy is going to wreck your life in your culture. An abortion. Even if you think it's evil...would be easier.

Now the second option...you have the baby ...and put it up for adoption. This is better perhaps for yourself and the baby.

Third option...raise it yourself...i see this as the hardest.

DO NOT MARRY THE MAN.

No man will know you are not a virgin. Only a doctor after a gyno exam can tell that. Anyone else who says diff is bsing.

Firstly find out if you are pregnant. If not YES!

And get this man out of your life. And try and build a more stable position for you socially. You deserve more support.

You message made me feel emotional. thank you and i pray you get the good u do for others back to you times 10.

I am going to take your advice and call in sick tomorrow, i have never called in sick but i cant concentrate and will be too stressed. i did the pregnancy test today and it was positive, i did it on the way home and two lines came up for positive, plus i feel strange cramps and loss appetite. one thing weird is my stomach flat and not even bloated and just cannot eat, thats why doctor can confirm incase test is not right.
the options you wrote are making me think and i am trying to think with mind and not just feekings, cos i want to think long term.

your message is helping me think about it more and i do feel it would be quite upsetting if i lost everyone and then he wasn't nice either.want my baby to have a good life not an upset mother as then the baby will sense that

That's your choice to have the baby but I think you should sit down and tell him. You are of age so you need to make a decision based on you and not your parents. Capricorns men normally are responsible and he should step up to the plate with you. You having a baby don't mean yall will stay together. My capricorn friend have been using the pull out method on me for 7 years and I never got pregnant. I dont think a lot of men have controll like that so I wouldnt trust that.

he didn't pull out so i should have known better.

what i realised now is that for years i was like many women on here asking ;why did he disappear? why is cap man like this and that? i got so worried about analyszing everything that i didn't think of my own plans and what the hell i was doing with my life and what if i got pregnant and these kind of things.

do u think he knew i could get pregnant or do u think he will be shocked?

First off, praying for your situation and hope that it can be resolved without too much damage to anyone involved.

The best option seems to tell the Cap-Ex he's a father and then give serious thought on giving the baby up for adoption.
Hiding the pregnancy will be difficult, but it's possible. Going this route, you'll avoid disownment from your family and friends.
I do wish you best and hope that Cap-Ex won't let you deal with this on your own.

Posted by SirHorns
First off, praying for your situation and hope that it can be resolved without too much damage to anyone involved.

The best option seems to tell the Cap-Ex he's a father and then give serious thought on giving the baby up for adoption.
Hiding the pregnancy will be difficult, but it's possible. Going this route, you'll avoid disownment from your family and friends.
I do wish you best and hope that Cap-Ex won't let you deal with this on your own.

thank you for your reply and it really means a lot when people say they pray for u, its really kind.

adoption is something i didn't even think of but at least its not killing a baby and will feel less guilty.

i am going to tell him on monday because incase he with another person on valentines day, i don't want to look like a psycho texting him out the blue on valentines weekend, then i will look desperate and i hate that, so i hope monday he will be okay, if I'm honest in 5 years i have never turned to him for any help cos he was always busy so i don't expect him to suddenly care now, but other part of me thinks he does care a lot and hides it from me because he doesn't trust me.

what would u do if you loved a girl but angry at her and she got pregnant?
what would u do if you didn't love a girl but just said it cos you fancied her but found her annoying and she got pregnant?

Posted by Koiala
Hello sweetie,

Unfortunately, posting on this forum won't solve your problem and I'm sure you know that already, you will need to decide and act for yourself when it comes down to it. But you definitely shouldn't go through this time alone. Of course you need to talk about it all, that's only natural and if there's one thing this site is good for, let it be this. Many people here want to listen to what you have to say and some kindly souls will even offer excellent advice. So please ignore the people on here who would attempt to make you feel even worse by looking down on your culture, education and God knows what else. Think of here as a place where you can freely express all those fears and feelings you cannot share with your family and friends. Once you voice them, they won't seem so scary and overwhelming anymore.

You are a strong woman, stronger than you probably realize. There seem to be so many circumstances in your life trying to stifle your spirit, trying to stop you from experiencing things which I think should be your rights, such as loving freely and without fear. But those circumstances have not succeeded in bringing you down yet. You are still alive, truly alive inside.

I also want to say that sometimes we think we know for certain how our family and friends will react, that they simply will not accept this or that. But it's possible that they will surprise you in a good way. You won't know for sure ahead of time, but love changes people's views sometimes. The very hard moments are when people reveal themselves and sometimes surprise even themselves.

Take care of yourself okay.

*hugs*

(Only hid the previous message because I basically copy/pasted your original post in it and there was no more room left for my actual reply)

u no how people say sometimes 'this world is a cruel place' and 'no one gives a sht' and things like this, that is bs cos look at your and other messages that help me so much and helping me feel less anxious, and actually care even tho we are all in diff parts of the world, IT MEANS ALOT. i found your message empowering and i do have one thing and that is a lot of faith in life, even if worse things happens i feel i can handle it, but my ONE WEAKNESS is cappy ex lol

and i am also thinking maybe one on my friends i could turn too, I'm not sure about family but its given me something to think about

I am so sorry you are going through this. 😢

Ok first off, yes, I know it is hard to, but you need to try to relax. A lot of women have late periods because of stress, I know a woman who had no period for several months because of stress. The more you worry about being pregnant the more stressed you become. Until you have been tested, you must just take care of your emotional health. Isolate yourself in your room before bed and listen to some relaxing music, meditate, something to center your mind and keep your focus off of what is understandably distressing you.

You should also prepare for the worst possible outcome if your news is not taken well by your family. Are there women's shelters in your area? Maybe you could find counsel in a hospital or a women's clinic? I should think the UK would have things to help women in need in an emergency.

I am hoping you won't have to go to a shelter, but I would rather you have a plan you can follow than be suddenly in a situation where you are panicking even more and don't have access to a computer to talk to someone or find people in your area who can help.

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by truecap

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by truecap

Posted by persianafghan
get misted are u a capricorn? ur way of thinking doesn't sound like how a capricorn would think

i am in my 20s

No, he's not.

This have nothing to do with astrology.. and everything to do with a lack of education and accountability.

Yeah, I know. But they don't do much about sex education where she's from.

That's kind of insulting.

1. You don't know how long their families have been in the UK.
2. Many Mid East countries were progressive until our involvement there. You probably didn't mean your comment to sound haughty, but since we're indirectly responsible for the way women are treated in Afghanistan/Pakistan/etc, the comment was rather demeaning.

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I didn't mean it that way. I was thinking that when abstinence is expected before marriage then sexual education may be minimal. I suppose that's a misconception on my my part.

No offense intended.