Need help with a cap female

Long story short, I was with a cap for 5 years. Absolutely brilliant relationship for both of us. Incredible understanding, good balance of space, out of this world chemistry, just pure bliss.

But she left mid-January because I wouldn't commit to her. I've always wanted to and was getting very close. But it didn't happen on her schedule. Such is life unfortunately.

The breakup really started around 1/12 and we spent the next week talking.

We've had hours of discussions and conversations where we understand one another post-breakup but they lead to nothing.

She's hurt, I get it, I've acknowledged my mistakes and have started actively working on and fixing them. She says she's heartbroken, has never loved anyone as much as me but reached a limit. I didn't listen when I needed to. I acknowledge my mistake.

She says that she needs "space to grow and be at peace" and I've tried everything to fix it but there's no fixing it. She knows exactly how I feel and it was important for me to let her know that.

We saw each other a few days ago, had an amazing time, laughter, happiness, joy, amazing sex. It was such an amazing few hours together. It was joyous and blissful. The chemistry never went anymore, we had such a strong bond 100% But nothing changed. She needs her space.

I have to give it to her even though it's the hardest thing in the world.

She's knows I'm a good man and have always been loyal, there for her, understanding and everything else positive. It was truly magical and this is why it hurts so much. We had such a great future coming up.

Just wanted to share this to see what other cap women would say. I'm shattered. Truly.

I know talking to her is not the solution right now and it kills me. She's sad, and 100 other emotions. I obviously hope that we can be together one day for life. I missed the mark and timing and for that I'm regretful.



Ps - wanted to add the following. This woman always loved me for my boldness, my courage my no BS attitude. And in the past three weeks I became weak and overrun with emotion, begging and pleading and explaining. I should never have done this. I wonder if at this point, I simply need to man up, write an honest and truthful letter without the BS and leave it at that.

Pps - then again, giving her 1+ week of time on her own to reflect might be best. Perhaps after this period off I can re-engage.

Dude, relax.....if she's sexing you she obviously isn't done.

The "need space to grow" is you being punished for being a dumbass.....

#edit: not a cap woman. :>

Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Dude, relax.....if she's sexing you she obviously isn't done.

The "need space to grow" is you being punished for being a dumbass.....

#edit: not a cap woman. :>

Not easy to relax. I'm a problem solver, I'm tired of the BS and want to move forward. But I can't reach out given the circumstances. Patience is hard.

Most like the need space to grow is me being punished. Perhaps this is true.

Posted by UnicornSag
in what way were you not committed to her? Said you don't want marriage or something like that? Cause what you wrote here sounds pretty much committed. I don't know what is she so much heart broken for if she really knows how you feel and that you both love each other and want to be together...what's there to be heart broken about? I'm sorry but some people are such drama queens...this coming only from what is been written here. It's basically I want my way or no way and when I don't get it I'll punish you for it even if I punish myself in the process as well. Ridiculous, immature and completely childish. Grown up people should know better and make wiser decisions.

Edit: Also not a Cap woman, clearly...

Actually, we've been talking about marriage and starting a family for 6-8 months. Dead serious, no games, honesty.

It seems to me that she didn't get her way or rather, didn't get it when she wanted it. So decided to end the relationship and pull away with claims of being broken hearted.

I believe there's also outside influence, parents probably saying "forget this guy, he won't marry you, move on" and siblings getting engaged recently.

I agree that it's drama and I've told her like a man, point blank with full honesty the truth: I made some mistakes, I'm sorry, I absolutely want to marry you, etc.

Thursday was a great night, the energy was there, chemistry, feelings, laughter, all of it. And then the I need space to grow text.

I feel like I've been channeling a lot of feminine energy in the past three weeks, pleading and explaining and what not. While this past Thursday, I laid down the reality of the situation.

Posted by Johnsteam


Not easy to relax. I'm a problem solver, I'm tired of the BS and want to move forward. But I can't reach out given the circumstances. Patience is hard.

Okay problem solver, sorry.

From what you wrote.....mid January is 3 weeks ago. That's no time to get over a 5 year meaningful relationship. She is punishing you with this, but so that you don't stray with your blue balls and make matters worse she is willing to come have some sex, so you remain hers.

The level of selfimportance and selfcenteredness in this post, given the 5 year period in which you did nothing is off-putting. Like dude, you have no patience to stand still? Fuckkkkkk, where were you last year?

Don't answer this, i'm not interested, just an example of what i mean with selfcenteredness.

5 years no commit sheesh

Its like you're still playing games

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

Posted by Johnsteam


Not easy to relax. I'm a problem solver, I'm tired of the BS and want to move forward. But I can't reach out given the circumstances. Patience is hard.

Okay problem solver, sorry.

From what you wrote.....mid January is 3 weeks ago. That's no time to get over a 5 year meaningful relationship. She is punishing you with this, but so that you don't stray with your blue balls and make matters worse she is willing to come have some sex, so you remain hers.

The level of selfimportance and selfcenteredness in this post, given the 5 year period in which you did nothing is off-putting. Like dude, you have no patience to stand still? Fuckkkkkk, where were you last year?

Don't answer this, i'm not interested, just an example of what i mean with selfcenteredness.

click to expand

I've owned up to my BS. I missed the mark and was being a donkey. No doubt.

I just have to sit around and hope now? Not easy is it...

I feel you are leaving out some significant details. What type of MISTAKES did you make? Why is she so heart broken If you are willing to commit to her and marry her?

Posted by CreativeCap
I feel you are leaving out some significant details. What type of MISTAKES did you make? Why is she so heart broken If you are willing to commit to her and marry her?

My mistakes were that we had maybe 5-6 arguments in the past 3-4 months. Generally, these arguments were me initiating because of stress, pressure outside of our relationship. I had a potty month a few times and she's hyper sensitive so this got to her.

To be totally honest, that's it. We've never argued.

I also want to mention that she has some issues that she's been dealing with internally that I never even learned about until AFTER the fact. Deep, long childhood issues of depression, abuse and other things. So she's complex and my words effected her differently than others. Keep in mind, I've never changed and have always been the same. She loved that about me. But I admit the fault of the verbal potty mouth.

Sometimes people make mistakes. I've owned up to them. I know she's disappointed. I'm not trying to salvage anything. Obviously our relationship is over. One can only hope she sees the truth because it never changed. It just didn't happen on her schedule unfortunately for me. This was a very special relationship.

Posted by Johnsteam

Posted by CreativeCap
I feel you are leaving out some significant details. What type of MISTAKES did you make? Why is she so heart broken If you are willing to commit to her and marry her?

My mistakes were that we had maybe 5-6 arguments in the past 3-4 months. Generally, these arguments were me initiating because of stress, pressure outside of our relationship. I had a potty month a few times and she's hyper sensitive so this got to her.

To be totally honest, that's it. We've never argued.

I also want to mention that she has some issues that she's been dealing with internally that I never even learned about until AFTER the fact. Deep, long childhood issues of depression, abuse and other things. So she's complex and my words effected her differently than others. Keep in mind, I've never changed and have always been the same. She loved that about me. But I admit the fault of the verbal potty mouth.

click to expand

If she is asking for space, give it to her. She is still having sex with you so she is not over you. She will need a lot of time and space to move on. As for getting back with her, once I make a decision to end a relationship, it is nearly impossible to change my mind. She may love you for years to come but still choose to be with or marry someone else. Caps don’t fall in love often but when we do, it’s for life.

It's killing me. The space thing. Just killing me.

Posted by Johnsteam
It's killing me. The space thing. Just killing me.

What’s your sign?

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by Johnsteam
It's killing me. The space thing. Just killing me.

What’s your sign?

click to expand

Aries 🙂

Look, I get that I didn't commit to her on her schedule. But we had one amazing relationship. We just got each other every time, compatible, insane energy, even when I saw her 3 days ago it was present. We have incredibly chemistry, it just worked. I don't know what to do. Space is killing me.

Posted by Johnsteam

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by Johnsteam
It's killing me. The space thing. Just killing me.

What’s your sign?

Aries 🙂

Look, I get that I didn't commit to her on her schedule. But we had one amazing relationship. We just got each other every time, compatible, insane energy, even when I saw her 3 days ago it was present. We have incredibly chemistry, it just worked. I don't know what to do. Space is killing me.

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The way you describe your relationship, it seems like you’re both very much in love with each other. If the space is hurting you and you really want to be with her forever, propose and be willing to set a date to get married.

You said you were serious about wanting to spend your life with her, and she with you. If she says no, well then, you know she isn’t serious and giving you a hard time over minor things and you should move on. After five years, you two should try to figure out what you both really want and not be doubting yourselves and each other.

That's crazy I'm Aries and I wanted my cap to commit within the first year and he even though I thought that was fast caps are usually slow to move.

Interesting. That she was cool with it yet you weren't. So then the problem is your aries impulsiveness makes you want to commit right now and u need to chill since you been chilling 5 years already

If you need to know anything about Caps. Commitment is everything. If you're not in it for the long run, seriously don't waste her time anymore.

I wasn't ready but started planning a few months back. I was going to do it literally in February.

We absolutely love each other. But she's filled her heart with disappointment, anger, fear, worry, stress, anxiety, etc.

She said I broker her heart. And maybe I did. I've apologized a dozen times. Genuinely.

I absolutely adore and love this woman. We have such an breakable chemistry, energy and bond.

We saw each other last Thursday and just hugged and she kept putting her head on mine and wanting kisses.

I'm absolutely broken over what I did and regret it. But I can't change the past.

The space things kills me because its inaction, its sitting idle for someone to figure their stuff out (?) and I've always been a man of action.

I'm sure she's confused and maybe so am I. Just a crappy situation.

A proposal is a leap faith. Definitely.

At this point, I don't care about being disappointed. I'm already so shattered.

But everything she says tells me not to do it. From the I'm not in love with you anymore, to you broke my heart, you disappointed me, etc.

But one unmistakable characteristic that is beyond words is simply our energy together. It hasn't gone anymore. It feels good. We feel good together.

I have to honor her space but with too much space, nothing will happen.

Posted by miriyahhh


Interesting. That she was cool with it yet you weren't. So then the problem is your aries impulsiveness makes you want to commit right now and u need to chill since you been chilling 5 years already

Maybe this is the entire thing I've been missing. I probably need to just propose.

And yes, my impulsiveness realized what I had only after I lost it and now I'm fighting to get it back. That's how we are.

I feel like I missed the whole thing. All the talking, all the therapy, all the BS is simply to get me to man up and propose.

Posted by intergalacticplanetary

Posted by Johnsteam
It's killing me. The space thing. Just killing me.

You gota ride it out..feel the burn, appreciate what you had..but I don't get if your still seeing eachother how's that space? If she needs time..give it to her, id wait for a response..no contact, live your life and if she comes back and wants to reconcile great, but let her dictate and plan your next move from there. I think your at the point where if she decides to move on youv got to bust out a proposal to be honest.

click to expand

Yeap. I'm giving her the space. If she reaches out, I'll take the leap with a proposal. But doing it now seems stupid.

Definitely agree with others that I'm being punished here.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Johnsteam

Posted by UnicornSag
in what way were you not committed to her? Said you don't want marriage or something like that? Cause what you wrote here sounds pretty much committed. I don't know what is she so much heart broken for if she really knows how you feel and that you both love each other and want to be together...what's there to be heart broken about? I'm sorry but some people are such drama queens...this coming only from what is been written here. It's basically I want my way or no way and when I don't get it I'll punish you for it even if I punish myself in the process as well. Ridiculous, immature and completely childish. Grown up people should know better and make wiser decisions.

Edit: Also not a Cap woman, clearly...

Actually, we've been talking about marriage and starting a family for 6-8 months. Dead serious, no games, honesty.

It seems to me that she didn't get her way or rather, didn't get it when she wanted it. So decided to end the relationship and pull away with claims of being broken hearted.

I believe there's also outside influence, parents probably saying "forget this guy, he won't marry you, move on" and siblings getting engaged recently.

I agree that it's drama and I've told her like a man, point blank with full honesty the truth: I made some mistakes, I'm sorry, I absolutely want to marry you, etc.

Thursday was a great night, the energy was there, chemistry, feelings, laughter, all of it. And then the I need space to grow text.

I feel like I've been channeling a lot of feminine energy in the past three weeks, pleading and explaining and what not. While this past Thursday, I laid down the reality of the situation.

Something sounds off

If you’ve been talking marriage then what s her problem

She know it’s coming

She needs to grow up

I mean for all you know your planning on the proposal for valentines

This sounds very immature

You might have bit the bullet with this one

Stop begging

And tell adult to adult it’s not fair to punish you for not being on her term

I’ve both been i agreement to marry

N now she’s made a engagement surprise spur!

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I agree that something doesn't sound right. Like I said before, she has some issues from her past that have probably affected her decision making process. Some of these are self destructive behaviors which may or may not be responsible for this crap show.

Not excusing what I did and didn't do. I'm guilty on all counts here.

She probably got tired of waiting and it's just words to her at this point. It was going to happen 100% in Februay and she went off the deep end and imploded 4 weeks before. It's insane.

@intergalacticplanetary

It's in the hands of time and fate now. Grand gesture will be in the back pocket for sure.

Gotta acknowledge my faults and flaws, fix them, and wait like a bruised and battered dog.