Can a commitment phobe (Gemini man) REALLY be conflicted and truly want commitment at some points

Hi,
I just wanted to ask about a gemini man - he displays EVERY sign of commitment phobia and being a player (i.e. if you google "signs he's a commitment phobe" or "signs he's a player", blog posts with various signs and symptoms (lol) come up and he ticks almost every one of them) e.g. being overly flirty, charming, attentive, doesn't tell his family/friends about us, has had 10+ previous girlfriends (he is mid-twenties), has one night stands, often late when meeting, quite direct in asking for physical intimacy, doesn't spend a lot of effort into planning dates, makes last minute plans for dates, etc.

BUT there is one behaviour he displays that goes against his commitment-phobic/player persona..:
He says he wants someone for the long term (yes, I know he could say that to appear like a nice person BUT when asked if he wanted children, marriage, he would say yes and when he asked me back the same question - I said I wasn't too keen on either marriage or children.. he thought I was joking and when I told him I was being serious, he would say I'm basically suggesting a dead-end relationship, that he doesn't want that and if I don't hold the view that marriage and children are important, like he does, there's no point us being together, we should end things, etc.

PLUS he knows he won't be getting the "full" physical for another 1.5 years with me and he said that would be fine

AND when I offered he possibility of an open relationship to him, he said he didn't want that and I was the only one he wanted...

So, aside from these THREE points, everything else about him strongly suggests he's a player/commitment phobe so what can this all mean?

I'm not asking regarding this relationship but more from a psychological perspective to understand someone's behaviour.

What do you all think?

Thank you

I personally don't think any man is a commitment phobe because every woman that I know that used that as an excuse to why the guy wouldn't marry her ended up getting married just not to her. My Libra ex probably assumed he was a commitment phobe too as they were together 4 years, however he met me and proposed a yr later.

If a man wants to commit he will with who he wants to commit too. However there are guys that don't want marriage like Simon Cowell but I wouldn't deem him a commitment phobe just someone who has no interest in being married. He's always said his career is his primary focus so he can't give what is required in a marriage but he never said he opposed commitment.

Whether he is a commitment phobe or not is irrelevant to your situation. He can't and won't commit to you because you are both looking for different things in a relationship.

Posted by aj123
BUT when asked if he wanted children, marriage, he would say yes and when he asked me back the same question - I said I wasn't too keen on either marriage or children.. he thought I was joking and when I told him I was being serious, he would say I'm basically suggesting a dead-end relationship, that he doesn't want that and if I don't hold the view that marriage and children are important, like he does, there's no point us being together, we should end things, etc.

He told you what his endgame is, marriage and kids. You told him it's not gonna be with you.

He's already put in the footwork so most likely he'll stick around long enough to get his dick wet, all the while looking for Mrs. Right.

Cut your loses before your more emotionally invested with this one.

Posted by LadyNeptune
Whether he is a commitment phobe or not is irrelevant to your situation. He can't and won't commit to you because you are both looking for different things in a relationship.

Posted by aj123
BUT when asked if he wanted children, marriage, he would say yes and when he asked me back the same question - I said I wasn't too keen on either marriage or children.. he thought I was joking and when I told him I was being serious, he would say I'm basically suggesting a dead-end relationship, that he doesn't want that and if I don't hold the view that marriage and children are important, like he does, there's no point us being together, we should end things, etc.

He told you what his endgame is, marriage and kids. You told him it's not gonna be with you.

He's already put in the footwork so most likely he'll stick around long enough to get his dick wet, all the while looking for Mrs. Right.

Cut your loses before your more emotionally invested with this one.

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Thank you for the replies. I didn't tell him with certainty that I didn't want all of that - once I knew how he felt, I did say I meant that I didn't want a child right now, etc. and he then warmed up again in his conversation and was even mentioning stuff about weddings, etc. in a convo a few days later (so that would indicate he did believe me).

Any more insight from people would be very appreciated.

When I do a google search on "desperate game playing females" on you, just about every box was checked.

Men are commitphobes until they find the girl they want to commit to. When they find her, there is no question on either end. He will commit easy peasey.