Deciphering this gem

Hi! So I met this Gemini man at work 3 years ago. He’s 43yo and I’m 33, Libra and in an 8 year open relationship (he knows my status).

I felt attracted to him from the beginning but we were awkward around each other and didn't talk much during the first year. We then started finding excuses to chat a bit and one day I blurted that I felt a strong attraction towards him and that I just wanted him to acknowledge how nervous I was when he was close.

One time after work he joined me for a drink, we talked for 6 or 7 hours, got drunk and he commented on “the obvious connection between us”. We parted after a long hug. From that day, one year and a half ago, we've been communicating by text every 1-2 weeks and seen each other over dinner every 1-2 months. Our relationship is like an oasis, very disconnected from the rest of our worlds. When we meet we have deep conversations and sex is also a frequent topic, in a very rational way.

I’m not judgmental with him, I leave him space, we joke a lot when together... He has expressed a couple of times that he's holding back with me but I never asked why or in what way because it seemed temporary. I always thought he was emotionally unavailable so I treat him as friend. He always looks at me in a weird way (deep smiley gaze), supports my aspirations and believes a lot in me. He says I’m a very complete woman. He also introduced me once to his best friend and shares fears and traumas with me.

The thing is, something feels forced and unnatural. Communication is not always fluid, I sense he’s not completely open or at least relaxed with me most of the time. When I mention that, he says I got expectations. Anyhow, he keeps connected to me. The last weeks he’s been texting me to ask me stuff and once I reply he doesn’t add anything else. I feel as if he just wants to know I’m there.

The curiosity of the mystery between us keeps me hooked but also leaves me empty because it is what it is and never explodes into something more ecstatic. We don’t contact each other on hard times and it doesn’t look like we’ll ever have a crazy night. I like intense honest relationships. I'd love to know your opinion on what's going on here with this cryptic gem before I start declining invitations to meet.

Thank you so much!

Posted by Lust
Blah, blah, blah..´ You are complecated yourself.
What do you want? Just keep it simple.

I’m just curious. Thanks!

Posted by GemStoned
At your age, this is unacceptable.. he's probably not pushing it further because he wants mutual connection.. He reaches out to you, here and there.. You even notice that and you come with one word answers or short sentences.. Geminis like a challenge but not that much of a challenge, where you prolonged it to over a year and no sex, no drama, no Nothing!? Boring Much. Most likely why it hasn't got more exciting then just that.. who's fault is it? Yours to be honest and I am sure he feels it is yours too.. Us gems will reach out to you in subtle ways to see the mutual attraction.. we will try more then once.. but once we see the Same Boring Effect, each and every time we reach out to you.. Well then...There goes your hope of wanting more from us.. we simply just let it be and move on because we don't find it exciting anymore. If you want to try to see if something more can happen, invite him over your damn place for wine and appetizers and Make IT EXCITING! It's simple.. all your doing is answering to him, every time he reaches out to you? Your doing it all wrong missy. Get things Going or he will just Flee, as if nothing happened in the first place.

I didn’t prolong anything unilaterally and I don’t just respond to messages :-) I invited him to my place several times, he simply leaves right before things could get interesting. But well, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a sex and dramaless relationship, I simply got bored of it and was wondering why it came to be like this. You’re right it sure has something to do with me too. Thaaanks!

Posted by littlegigabyte
I don't see what there is to decipher here - this seems very obvious to me. He likes you, or at least did at one point, but he was RESPECTFUL and a gentleman based on your open relationship. He's probably waited it out in order to see what happens. You're a complete stranger to me, but I'm actually kind of disappointed in your acting like he is "cryptic" and for not being able to see your own fault in this situation. And calling something "forced and unnatural" — What move can he make on you when you're clearly invested in another man??

He wanted to pursue you. I don't know your story or what could possibly be any reason to justify having an 8 year long open relationship, but that is a huge red flag attached to you. To all men. This gem must really like you to see past that.

"It leaves me empty because it doesn't explode into something more ecstatic"

You don't get to have two men, that's not really how life works. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't expect something from this Gemini man when you're in another romantic/sexual relationship with a different man.

Just from what you've written here... I don't like it. Something is rubbing me the complete wrong way here, and I don't trust it.

I think you should set him free and leave him alone.

He’s the type of guy who laughs at commitment so I thought he’d be up to an unlabeled relationship with me, friends with benefits, no drama no future plans. I know being in an open relationship is a huge red flag for many but it’s also a huge green flag for those who don’t want to be pinned down. Also, I don't care how life works, this is how I understand love and it's also respectable. I’ll leave him alone, thanks for your time to reply to me and for making me think.