knock knock

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Yama
@Yama
19 Years5,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 0 · Posts: 5508 · Topics: 93
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the Impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $ 33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning!"
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~mystic_fish
@~mystic_fish
19 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 37 · Posts: 4746 · Topics: 283
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account."

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.

They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $ 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"