LeoGurlz
@LeoGurlz
12 Years
Comments: 1 · Posts: 141 · Topics: 7
(Leo ice cold)Unexpected insight on being rejected and friend zoned
Did he know about his ED before he slept with you?
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
I know that sucks. But try to be in his shoes. He had a secret that could exposed him to ridicule.
He never learned how to handle that kind communication.
Many of us have secrets ourselves.
He never learned how to handle that kind communication.
Many of us have secrets ourselves.
"I had no idea; even though during sex it wouldn’t erect"
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.
While the guy didn't handle himself maturely, it's pretty obvious he was too ashamed to talk about his issue with you. MOST men will never open up with anyone about this problem, especially not to a woman. So it is silly to think that this guy should be different. Should he have been honest with you about his ED? Yes. Is that realistic expectation? No.
Additionally unless he flat out said that he was not attracted to you, it is not his fault that you assumed he was not attracted you. That is your own ego messing with your head. If a guy is not attracted to you, he is not going to willingly get in bed with you in the first place. I am not saying that you should have known what was going on with him, but that should have been a clue that his issue had nothing to do with you. That would be like a guy getting upset with you because you were not want able to have sex, then blaming you for making him feel insecure.
Leo to Leo, from now on understand that if someone cuts you off with no explanation, it speaks more to their own issue than your own. Yes we Leos like honesty and have high expectations of people, but understand that is not reality. Most people will not operate how you think they should. It is up to you to mitigate your expectations and to not let it affect you emotionally.
Additionally unless he flat out said that he was not attracted to you, it is not his fault that you assumed he was not attracted you. That is your own ego messing with your head. If a guy is not attracted to you, he is not going to willingly get in bed with you in the first place. I am not saying that you should have known what was going on with him, but that should have been a clue that his issue had nothing to do with you. That would be like a guy getting upset with you because you were not want able to have sex, then blaming you for making him feel insecure.
Leo to Leo, from now on understand that if someone cuts you off with no explanation, it speaks more to their own issue than your own. Yes we Leos like honesty and have high expectations of people, but understand that is not reality. Most people will not operate how you think they should. It is up to you to mitigate your expectations and to not let it affect you emotionally.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by Undine "I had no idea; even though during sex it wouldn’t erect"
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.
Ya like does she just show up and expect it to just work when she wanted it to work?
I don’t get this thinking.
Men need mental stimulation as well. He probably has stressors and shit and then having a chick getting upset at him for “making her feel inadequate” just puts more pressure cuz now has to deal with her feelings.
No support. All just about how she needs him to make her feel desired.click to expand
Exactly!
To make future encounters less awkward, the dude told her that he was sorry about the problem he/they had. She reacted like he told her a secret, that suddenly gave everything sense, and most importantly, abolished her of any responsibility.
He didn't! He just stated the obvious! ED it's just another term for "it wouldn’t erect" in his case. The fact that he used a medical term doesn't mean that he knows what caused or aggravated his problem. It could have been her attitude, as you said. She actually had the feeling that it was her (but projected it onto him), so maybe her gut was right. Or it could have been something completely unrelated.
Her new reaction, however (aka contempt towards him and accusations that he hid something important from her) was uncalled for. He just stated the obvious and said he was sorry!
Some other reactions on this thread.........Jesus, lol
He came into the situation knowing his condition and how he coped with it. He knew that he rejected other women prior to me due to his circumstances. He could care less about my disappointment in him. He intended to do exactly what he did and only cared about himself.
I certainly have some more healing to do but it won’t come from sharing my disappointments with someone that would do the same thing again if the opportunity allows.
Thank you for your well wishes.
I certainly have some more healing to do but it won’t come from sharing my disappointments with someone that would do the same thing again if the opportunity allows.
Thank you for your well wishes.
Posted by sweetpea2977
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
I can only imagine how tough that is for him but he came into it knowing this. I think it goes back to, don’t toy with people’s feelings - treat people how you want them to treat you. I didn’t deserve the treatment I got.
Posted by DMV
I know that sucks. But try to be in his shoes. He had a secret that could exposed him to ridicule.
He never learned how to handle that kind communication.
Many of us have secrets ourselves.
Apparently he found out 3 years prior to meeting me. Once he found out he started icing the ex, abandoned her and she apparently got married soon after. I’m not sure if she knew why she was being iced.
We would initiate sex and he’d always stop and say something like “I can’t do this with you” or “we aren’t working” or “I’m exhausted”. It was a really confusing sexual relationship, that I struggled to understand because sometimes we made it through. it was the biggest mid fuck ever knowing what I know now.; almost cruel. I really felt unwanted.
We would initiate sex and he’d always stop and say something like “I can’t do this with you” or “we aren’t working” or “I’m exhausted”. It was a really confusing sexual relationship, that I struggled to understand because sometimes we made it through. it was the biggest mid fuck ever knowing what I know now.; almost cruel. I really felt unwanted.
Posted by Undine Did he know about his ED before he slept with you?
I don’t have experience with it. When I think of it I think of older men not a young guy. I knew there was a problem and it always pointed back to him not wanting to do it. Neither impotence or ED were words I used .. I’m now very familiar with them. Not everyone is versed in all things sexuality or it’s dysfunctions .., it comes with life experiences for some of us.
It seems my post triggered you and I’m sorry for that. It wasn't self validating at all. So many ppl search threads to try and understand things they’re going through in relationships and often times they’re left with no answers. My point was to share that ppl can be going through things and be in a relationship with you and never share it. The treatment you’re receiving as a result, may be affecting you but may not have anything to do with you.
The tone of your comment was very cruel but if anything, I’ve learned that hurt people, hurt people. I hope that you find peace and healing in whatever you’re going through.
It seems my post triggered you and I’m sorry for that. It wasn't self validating at all. So many ppl search threads to try and understand things they’re going through in relationships and often times they’re left with no answers. My point was to share that ppl can be going through things and be in a relationship with you and never share it. The treatment you’re receiving as a result, may be affecting you but may not have anything to do with you.
The tone of your comment was very cruel but if anything, I’ve learned that hurt people, hurt people. I hope that you find peace and healing in whatever you’re going through.
Posted by Undine "I had no idea; even though during sex it wouldn’t erect"
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.
💯
Posted by Chuckcem
While the guy didn't handle himself maturely, it's pretty obvious he was too ashamed to talk about his issue with you. MOST men will never open up with anyone about this problem, especially not to a woman. So it is silly to think that this guy should be different. Should he have been honest with you about his ED? Yes. Is that realistic expectation? No.
Additionally unless he flat out said that he was not attracted to you, it is not his fault that you assumed he was not attracted you. That is your own ego messing with your head. If a guy is not attracted to you, he is not going to willingly get in bed with you in the first place. I am not saying that you should have known what was going on with him, but that should have been a clue that his issue had nothing to do with you. That would be like a guy getting upset with you because you were not want able to have sex, then blaming you for making him feel insecure.
Leo to Leo, from now on understand that if someone cuts you off with no explanation, it speaks more to their own issue than your own. Yes we Leos like honesty and have high expectations of people, but understand that is not reality. Most people will not operate how you think they should. It is up to you to mitigate your expectations and to not let it affect you emotionally.
Posted by SlipperySlopePosted by sweetpea2977
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
That's a bit harsh, considering he had a pretty embarassing and frightening physical/mental health condition.
The guys got a completely emasculating condition meanwhile he's the one who robbed her of her pride and ego?
Pull your head in.click to expand
You're delusional. 🙁
This dude COMPLETELY left her in the DARK. He robbed her. This isn't about his condition. This is about his way of dealing with his condition WHILE in a relationship! The shit was selfish. Period. He could've handled it much better. An emasculating condition yet STILL in a relationship, holding out information NEEDED to move forward, to find options, to give the person he's with a chance to make a decision for herself. It wasn't fair. No way around it. He should've stayed single. Now, the only person who loved him and was there for him is GONE. You know what? Now that I think of it a little more, he not only robbed his girl but himself as well 😔 Wow.
Posted by LeoGurlz
I don’t have experience with it. When I think of it I think of older men not a young guy. I knew there was a problem and it always pointed back to him not wanting to do it. Neither impotence or ED were words I used .. I’m now very familiar with them. Not everyone is versed in all things sexuality or it’s dysfunctions .., it comes with life experiences for some of us.
It seems my post triggered you and I’m sorry for that. It wasn't self validating at all. So many ppl search threads to try and understand things they’re going through in relationships and often times they’re left with no answers. My point was to share that ppl can be going through things and be in a relationship with you and never share it. The treatment you’re receiving as a result, may be affecting you but may not have anything to do with you.
The tone of your comment was very cruel but if anything, I’ve learned that hurt people, hurt people. I hope that you find peace and healing in whatever you’re going through.Posted by Undine "I had no idea; even though during sex it wouldn’t erect"
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.click to expand
I've been harsh with you on purpose, since you seemed more naive than most people I encountered. It's called tough love.
Your statement "My point was to share that ppl can be going through things and be in a relationship with you and never share it" is a good point, but not factually correct in your case, since you two SHARED the sexual experience and its shortcomings.
This one is a good lesson you've learned: "The treatment you’re receiving as a result, may be affecting you but may not have anything to do with you."
Exactly! If you did nothing wrong, think twice before taking the blame. Don't be a doormat!
I understand that you were naive and most likely very young. Next time don't wait for several years to clarify a problem: ask your mum, your friends, a social or specialized forum, your GP and most importantly, "ask" Google. You don't need to know medical terms. You could have googled "he can't get his dick up" or "boyfriend's penis not hard" for example. Or any issue you encountered.
Educate yourself! ASK! You have no excuse not to!
Posted by sweetpea2977Posted by SlipperySlopePosted by sweetpea2977
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
That's a bit harsh, considering he had a pretty embarassing and frightening physical/mental health condition.
The guys got a completely emasculating condition meanwhile he's the one who robbed her of her pride and ego?
Pull your head in.
You're delusional. 🙁
This dude COMPLETELY left her in the DARK. He robbed her. This isn't about his condition. This is about his way of dealing with his condition WHILE in a relationship! The shit was selfish. Period. He could've handled it much better. An emasculating condition yet STILL in a relationship, holding out information NEEDED to move forward, to find options, to give the person he's with a chance to make a decision for herself. It wasn't fair. No way around it. He should've stayed single. Now, the only person who loved him and was there for him is GONE. You know what? Now that I think of it a little more, he not only robbed his girl but himself as well 😔 Wow.click to expand
Honey, you concentrate too much on him. Yes, he was in denial and treated her poorly. The moron! But he's not here to take the blame.
She is here! She could have responded to things differently. She learned something from her mistakes, but it took YEARS. She could have learned it in days! She needs to be wiser in the future. Concentrate on her!
Posted by UndinePosted by sweetpea2977Posted by SlipperySlopePosted by sweetpea2977
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Nevertheless.....
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
That's a bit harsh, considering he had a pretty embarassing and frightening physical/mental health condition.
The guys got a completely emasculating condition meanwhile he's the one who robbed her of her pride and ego?
Pull your head in.
You're delusional. 🙁
This dude COMPLETELY left her in the DARK. He robbed her. This isn't about his condition. This is about his way of dealing with his condition WHILE in a relationship! The shit was selfish. Period. He could've handled it much better. An emasculating condition yet STILL in a relationship, holding out information NEEDED to move forward, to find options, to give the person he's with a chance to make a decision for herself. It wasn't fair. No way around it. He should've stayed single. Now, the only person who loved him and was there for him is GONE. You know what? Now that I think of it a little more, he not only robbed his girl but himself as well 😔 Wow.
Honey, you concentrate too much on him. Yes, he was in denial and treated her poorly. The moron! But he's not here to take the blame.
She is here! She could have responded to things differently. She learned something from her mistakes, but it took YEARS. She could have learned it in days! She needs to be wiser in the future. Concentrate on her!click to expand
Who the hell is "concentrating" over this? Certainly NOT me. If you reread my initial response with true understanding, you will SEE that I was trying to help her to MOVE forward. No matter how foolish it was for her to stay, SECRETS are never any good. But he's no longer in the picture thankfully, so now it's ALL about her and her healing. Period.
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