Falling in love vs growing to love

I know both Aries and Leo are prone to jumping in head first and they fall in love quickly.... But they can both also fall out of love just as quickly.
I'm Aries, and I've been seeing this Leo guy casually for the last two months or so...

There was a definite pull toward each other when we bumped into each other and we got alon so well and enjoyed each other so much. We still do, however, the initial excitement is gone and although neither of us wants a full blown relationship right now as we are both living our lives and enjoying the lives we live. We have however already established honesty, loyalty, open communication and friendship aside from the awesome sex. He confides in me and opens up to me about how he feeling (i have been a bit more reserved because i dont want to let him in too muh to protect myself) We definitely have more than one connection and we have bonded quickly and easily. We are both quietly supportive of what the other is doing. It has great potential for something real and good. But!!!! He keeps telling me that 'this is just for fun' and he can't give me anything else right now. I'm fine with this right now and I tell him I don't want to have to have this conversation every time I see him because it's going to drain all the fun out of us enjoying each other in the present.

My question is: do you guys think I should listen to when he tells me his is just for fun and not have any hope for the future or do you think -- as Leo's -- there is a chance he will see how good we are together and how easy things are between us and grow to love me, which could have a longer lasting effect than the flash in the pan falling head over heals in love at first sight?

I try and take it with a pinch of salt when he says I am the first person besides his kids he made time for when he got back from a work trip and that I have to be ok with him it wanting other women in his life (sexually) even if I am not ready to close out other males in my life at this point. He's also said to me and one of his friends while we were at his house that we are two of the most important people in his life right now. I try not take these things to heart because he has told me we are just for fun.

What do you guys think?

Not wanting other women sexually ****

I think you misunderstood. He told me I need to be okay with him not wanting to have sexual relations with other women even tho I'm not ready to close out other men. Just because I have told him I don't want to close out the idea of other men, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with anyone and everyone. Our main thing is that we go to each other because we want to, not because we have to. So, if he feels the need to go and be with someone then he must do that ( responsibly) because I know they won't satisfy him like I can (sexually and otherwise) and he will come back to me. I also tell him
I would rather know there is another woman instead of being lied to and made a fool of, and he feels the same way. We have both even honest about what has happened with other people.

Posted by lotuslily
Just because I have told him I don't want to close out the idea of other men, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with anyone and everyone. Our main thing is that we go to each other because we want to, not because we have to.

As a fellow Aries, I can totally relate. Always having a choice is part of my freedom and freedom is definitely something I can never do without in a relationship. Then there's also the issue of your self-confidence and trust in the relationship. If you know he is with you because he WANTS to, not because he doesn't have a choice, of course you'll be more happy and satisfied. With yourself, with him, with the relationship.
I tend to have the same approach in my relationships. Let's be together, grow together, allow ourselves to fall in love if it eventually gets to that, but the moment one of us is no longer happy with the relationship, we'll first try to work it out, and if that's not possible, hell, I'm perfectly capable of landing on my feet and I'm going to assume that you, my partner, are too.
That being said, it still hurts like crap if/when the relationship ends, regardless of the reasons. Which is why it's wise to play it safe, at least in the beginning, instead of just rushing in. ESPECIALLY given the cautionary lines he's giving you. They might be nothing more than lines... or they might be a symptom of his commitment-phobia and a red flag in case you see himself falling for him and wanting more any time soon...

I can see myself growing to love him because as time goes on, he proves himself
Worthy of getting a little bit more of me and we do trust each other to be honest with each other. He's told me he doesn't want me
Lying to him. Which I haven't done, and I don't want him lying to me. I think we both appreciate the way in which we deal with each other. It's just a question of if there's a chance he will grow to love me as he sees more of me through time.

That's why I think only Aries or Leo should have any part in this thread. Life
Isn't black or white to us, it's a wonderful array of colours.

Rebecca: I'm so glad you understand the freedom part of it. And the other aspects too. That's exactly
What it is.... Couldn't have explained it any better.

I'm well aware it might go nowhere, but it could also revolve into something deeper and stronger. I'm willing to go with flow and see where life takes me.

I've been purposefully single for the last six years, and I know a player when I see one. This guy is painting the first decent portrait of a man than anyone else has in the past 6 years and so I feel it is possjbly worth investing in, even if it is a risk. Since when does an Aries cower from risks?

So do you guys not see any grow to love potential from his side?

He has said to me before that he doesn't believe in 'falling in love'. He said its a quick and short lasting sensation. He believes people grow to love each other.
From my point of view anyway, the person I'm getting to know might be worth growin to love.

When this thing of ours started up we promised each other we wouldn't get heavy and intense on each other and that we would be sources of joy for each other and keep it light. I didn't think that was a bad thing. I thought it was a good thing.

Wounded Leo, I think out of all the answers I've received in this thread, yours is the most reassuring. I have nobody I intend on sleeping with in the foreseeable future, but I still don't like the idea of boundaries -- on either of us. I don't want to be someone who tries to change him or make him into something he's not. I'm very secure within myself and my happiness is provided by me. I don't leave my happiness to other people to provide. And I want him to be happy too and do what makes him happy. I think every person on earth deserves to do the things in their lives that make them happy and not try and have someone stop them.
I don't want to tell him i will put other guys aside for now to see where things go with him because I know I have told him that if he wants me to be around he shouldn't talk about the future because I'm so commitment phobic I can't even sign a contract for a year long mobile phone! I just want to live in today. Today is where I handle life best. There's too much pressure on the future and things don't always go according to plan, so I'd rather go with the flow day by day. Though I don't love him now (I don't know him well enough....) we did have he kind of intense attraction and chemistry when we first started up and I think it scared us both (due to being hurt by previous relationships) and we both kinda took a step back and both didn't want to get lost in each other as we very well might have because of how much we enjoy spending time together. We can spend hours in deep conversation about all sorts of things. There is never a quiet moment between the two of us! We're always talking! The person I'm getting to know seems like a good person who may well deserve the best of me. And I'm hoping he thinks the same.... That I'm a good person and there may be more to me than just 'the girl who has sex for fun'.
I also don't sleep with everyone I meet! I have standards too... And I'm not just any girl either.... Or a commoner as someone else put it.... He's told me he thinks I'm awesome and absolutely cool. He's also told me that he really enjoys talking to me too.... As well as the sex part of it.

I didn't mean it to come out like you has said it like I was a commoner. I also kind of meant it in the way you used it, just in reference to me. I'm not just another one on the very long list of girls he's hooked up with in his life... The one nighters... Type thing.
I don't have my mind made up, if I did I wouldn't have asked. I just know that sometimes I read things wrong and interpret things to be there where aren't.
I did feel like I was kinda being judged a lot for being someone who openly enjoys sex and has found someone I want to enjoy and have fun with. It's the first time in 6 years I've wanted to see someone or be romantically involved at all! I don't just go out with anyone either, despite being sexually liberated. Wounded Leo didn't come across as she was passing judgement on me for being easy fun.
Sorry if I hurt your ego by not praising all the input you took the time to write out. It is appreciated though 🙂
I know he's not *mine* either. Neither one of us tries to own the other. He is his own person, I am my own person.

I have a Leo moon... And Scorpio rising! Double fire and double mars.... I think that's what makes me so sexual. And feisty! Haha

Basically what I wanted to know was if there was a chance he'd look behind the fun at the person I really am as he gets to know me more and more and grow to love me, just like I'm looking past the fun front and seeing this man for the person he is and how great we are together. I do think we are compatible. I just don't think it's the right time in either of our lives for either one of us to commit properly. I have hope for the future, but I don't know if it's false hope...

Posted by lotuslily

Basically what I wanted to know was if there was a chance he'd look behind the fun at the person I really am as he gets to know me more and more and grow to love me, just like I'm looking past the fun front and seeing this man for the person he is and how great we are together.

There is always a chance of that happening. How BIG of a chance... now, that, I can't tell you. I think no one can, to be honest. Way too many variables and things we don't know about you, him, and your relationship. Now, does it mean that, just because you can't be SURE he'll end up loving you, you should give this up altogether? Definitely no. Like you said, us Aries are not exactly known for cowering from risks, lol. And even if it wasn't an Aries thing... it's simply how most things in life work. You have to take a risk in order to get to what you want. In this specific situation, the risk is of breaking your heart, but if things do work out, it's likely the benefits will be huge too 🙂

Posted by lotuslily
I do think we are compatible. I just don't think it's the right time in either of our lives for either one of us to commit properly.

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That's important. It's also important, in my opinion, to find out whether he feels/thinks the same about you two being compatible. And, if you start discussing that, you might also want to discuss about what "proper" commitment means to both of you, just to make sure you're on the same page.
Personally, I think there's a lot of potential of this progressing into a beautiful love story. But I'm a romantic at heart so... not the most unbiased of people in this regard 😛
Good luck

Thanks Michael.
So how can I go about getting him to notice there's a real, supportive, warm, good person behind all the fun? I really don't want to be the kind of girl who nags and bitches and have unrealistic expectations. That's why I thought showing him that I can be a source of joy in his life and not get heavy on his ass would be appealing. I would rather be with someone who is chilled and cool and lets me be myself and not change me in anyway than someone who is high maintenance and hard to be with. It's not that I was trying to show him I'm easy fun, I was trying to show him it would be an easy and harmonious unison... 😢

Like, wouldn't you rather come home to someone who brightens up your day and cheers you up after you've worked your ass off all day than someone unhappy and bitching about how if you could just change this, then she would be happy? That's the kind of woman I want to be for a man. Supportive and there for him in a good way.

I cant believe how my good intentions have landed me on such a not good footing regarding a future with this guy.

Why did you hide ur post Still water?

Posted by lotuslily
I have a Leo moon... And Scorpio rising! Double fire and double mars.... I think that's what makes me so sexual. And feisty! Haha

Basically what I wanted to know was if there was a chance he'd look behind the fun at the person I really am as he gets to know me more and more and grow to love me, just like I'm looking past the fun front and seeing this man for the person he is and how great we are together. I do think we are compatible. I just don't think it's the right time in either of our lives for either one of us to commit properly. I have hope for the future, but I don't know if it's false hope...

He can only look beyone the fun if you allow him to see the person you really are and not the persona you have created for him.

Posted by lotuslily
Thanks Michael.
So how can I go about getting him to notice there's a real, supportive, warm, good person behind all the fun? I really don't want to be the kind of girl who nags and bitches and have unrealistic expectations. That's why I thought showing him that I can be a source of joy in his life and not get heavy on his ass would be appealing. I would rather be with someone who is chilled and cool and lets me be myself and not change me in anyway than someone who is high maintenance and hard to be with. It's not that I was trying to show him I'm easy fun, I was trying to show him it would be an easy and harmonious unison... 😢

Stop trying to show him anything, and just be yourself, if you really are a supportive, warm and good person then that is what will shine, if you are high maintenance and hard to be with well then that is what will shine, either way you will be showing him you yourself and he will either choose to be with you or not, but at least he will be making an informed choice and you will feel secure in the fact that his choice was based on your real self and not a person you are trying to portray to him, temporary changes to your personality will only last so long before you drop any facade you have created and its better that the person we want to be with doesn't have to wait until that comes out and a relationship has already started.

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by lotuslily
Thanks Michael.
So how can I go about getting him to notice there's a real, supportive, warm, good person behind all the fun? I really don't want to be the kind of girl who nags and bitches and have unrealistic expectations. That's why I thought showing him that I can be a source of joy in his life and not get heavy on his ass would be appealing. I would rather be with someone who is chilled and cool and lets me be myself and not change me in anyway than someone who is high maintenance and hard to be with. It's not that I was trying to show him I'm easy fun, I was trying to show him it would be an easy and harmonious unison... 😢

Stop trying to show him anything, and just be yourself, if you really are a supportive, warm and good person then that is what will shine, if you are high maintenance and hard to be with well then that is what will shine, either way you will be showing him you yourself and he will either choose to be with you or not, but at least he will be making an informed choice and you will feel secure in the fact that his choice was based on your real self and not a person you are trying to portray to him, temporary changes to your personality will only last so long before you drop any facade you have created and its better that the person we want to be with doesn't have to wait until that comes out and a relationship has already started.

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You are right and I do show him the real me. But like I told you in that other thread, today he made himself clear. I need to keep my feelings out of it. End of story. At least I know where I stand now.