How to get my leo guy to fall in love again?

I started a post some time ago — this is again about that leo guy.

Bottom line now is that he says he loves me but is not in love with me — that after I pushed him to tell me.

The history: He came to my city last December to start a relationship with a girl he met before, already one week after he realized he should have left and go back to his country, but he stayed to try to work it out with her. We started a friendship, then more, it took a long time.
After a time I made my point and said he should move to my place for the time he had left and make a choice between us or else I was done. He moved to my place. He told me when he left her he was through with her.

He has a seasonal job outside my country so went back there in march. Then HE stayed in touch, every two days at least, I answered but hardly initiated contact, it was always him.
He wanted me to come see him there, start from scratch with me.
I asked him if he loved me? —A little??. Ok, I said, for a little Iam not coming, also because in when he was in my town he admitted that he started to fall in love with me but didn't want to, because it didn't seem —correct?? until things were clear with the other girl, so now —a little?? was not enough for me.
Time passed. His messages continued to come regularly. He said I feel for you, come, and let things grow from there.

In april I went, for three weeks, he asked me to stay; after four weeks he asked if I could stay a bit longer, but I told him I had to put in some face time in my town and go back. He told me that now —I have to wait for you to come back??.
The time there was filled with misfortunes, bad weather, he couldn't take time off work as planned because two coworkers got sick and then I had an accident and could hardly walk for some time. I saw his behaviour in these situations and I guess his true face, he was there for me. He cooked for me, took me out, lit candles, laughed with me and the sex, well??_??_
He told me it was important to him I get to know him, understand him.
It didn't have to make any effort, things were so natural, I didn't even have to hide my sarcastic edge from him, he liked it.

Then I went back. I hardly was home when he already smiled, and I should just have paid attention, he was just smiling with bight eyes. His feelings very present. He skyped me each day, also took news about my wound. A week after he texted that his psycho ex turned up unexpected, that he was furious, she wanted to talk. Then the world went upside down:

With him having the pressure of her presence, she wanting answers and probably more, I added some more pressure and said this would probably be a good moment to tell me which place I held in his life. Got quite emotional. Called him repeatedly, didn't leave him alone when he didn't answer his mobile and called on his landline, called at work — asked him if he still wanted me to come back (—not to talk about that, he said??) all this because I had this fear of losing him. This went on for about two days, in between he answered, but briefly. Tried to busy myself but there was this panic

Contact got colder the following days. Then bit by bit I got my cool back, forced myself to keep quiet and let him come to me. And he did. Then small jokes came back in out text messages, but I could still feel him really observing me on skype, not smiling tenderly. It got slowly better.
Then I started that talk about emotions again. And that got him, he said he doesn't even know where he will be the next year, after some years he and his partner have to sell their business (I knew that) , that he loves me but is not in love with me. Bam! And he shut down — I probably added the last drops to the stress of other areas in his life??_.

Then one evening I just said: skype me when you're home and he did straight away. So tired and worn out from worrying for two days about that sentence that somehow I was my old self again, he felt that and I saw him relax. Held back from talking about any emotions, any fears and he opened up.

Now he has his friend over for a week so I don't think I??ll be hearing much from him for the next 5 days, but then?

I also asked him before quite angrily, when he said he was not in love: —Would you please be so kind as to tell me if you want me to fuck out of your life, and I will!?? No — he clearly doesn't want that. So for 6 months now he contacts me, is consistent — even from the distance when there is —nothing in it?? for him 😉

I know that before that 3 months relation with the girl he had another one, lasting for three years and despite this being really

I know that before that 3 months relation with the girl he had another one, lasting for three years and despite this being really over, he is still hurt from it, so maybe that also explains his reactions.

Now, what do I do? Answer when he contacts me and then make myself a bit rare?
Can I draw him closer again? Walk away and hope he holds me back?

I??d appreciate any feedback from you guys !!!!!

It seems he's in some sort of identity crisis, I believe you mentioned something about his life being chaotic at the moment. He's probably confused about what he really wants, especially when it comes to love and future relationships. I don't know what to make of his "I love you but I'm not in love with you". I've used that in a past relationship that got worn out, but you have hardly started yours, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Sounds to me like he really needs a friend above all... But I'm not much of an internet counselor, I don't have the stomach for it. I just thought I'd give you some pointers, maybe something will come to you.

And did I get this right, you havn't slept with eachother yet?

Yes, I get that "be a friend" feeling too, but we have also been lovers for month, sorry I was unclear there.
And even that sexual relation grew when I was at his place....I feel I found my match there.

Iam quite desperate and not very objective right now, this is why I posted the facts - to see perspectives other than my own...

I just hope he isn't using you for booty calls when he feels lonely. Or let me rephrase that, what makes you think he isn't using you?

Because he had nothing to gain to stay in contact with me for two months at a distance....made me laugh...

Then the way he took care of me while I was there, the cooking, the romtic rstaurants, presenting me to his friends...
also the way he watched me, like really wanting to get to know me.
I know he very much appreciates me for having a cool head on my shoulders (not so much at the moment, I know), so I gues he somehow leans onto me, he follows my lead.

The way he once said he doesn't want to lose me from his life

OK, seems you know what you're talking about. 🙂 I can't really figure him out though, definitely seems like hes doing some soul searching. Maybe he has some unfavourable positions in his chart, so if you know his "details" cough 'em up!

Unfortunately I have no details about his chart...from the feeling I get ha has a virgo, cancer or pisces rising, but as I said, I really have no idea.

Your pointers are good! his life is chaotic ("my life is fucked up" he said) and quite some areas are causinng him stress. So me, his 'anchor' now also stressing him makes him shut down I guess...

Still, what to do? Just be calm, be there, until things settle a bit between us and then tell him what I want and sorry if he can't give it to me and 'all the best'? Feels like throwing his efforts of keeping in touch down the drain, maybe he needs time to trust in love again, time to feel safe enough.
He once said that it had nothing to do with me but that things went a bit fast for him....

I don't know if I should just let his 'not being in love' slide and put it under the stress he now is under, or take it as a fact...

Sweet libra, I hear you and it feels about 80% right. It's to put the last doubts of my mind that I would like to ask you what you make of:

- him treating me like royalty (alle these candelights, romantic spots...)
- telling me he cares a lot
- telling me it is important for him to get to know him, to understand him
- that look when he lights up and smiles when he looks at me

Just some points that came into my mind thinking he's 'getting there', it's more

On things also comes to mind: with his ex (the 3 year realtionship) he told me it took him one month to realize he was in love with her....
Maybe a little more time could do the trick?

I definitively want him to be in love with me!
He told me he doesn't even know where he'll be next year...so it won't take 2 years to know what he wants!

And yes, he told me he doesn't want to lose me from his life.

Iam very afraid to lose him from mine (never told him) but I couldn't just accept a friendship with the feelings I have for him. I told him I didn't know if I loved him, but that I sincerely cared a lot about him....

I think when he asked me to stay longer that was good (in case he wasn't using me), he also called me "my..." once, but then I pushed him over the edge with requesting confirmation of his feelings. I regret that now and told him so, briefly.

So I just saw that he connected to skype...and I hadn't had any news in two days (was everyday lately); ok, his friend is there, but -
f...hard not to call him

News: after two days of silence he today texted "so what's up?"
I haven't answered yet - think I'll leave it till tomorrow in any case....

Should I give him a cold shoulder now? Or else, tell him how much I'm right now striving to give my best in a short job mission and enjoying it? (am a consultant), I'm lost!

So in fact I sent him a text the next day - which he didn't get and phoned to say his text reception had a pb; he phoned back and we had a short conversation.
2 Days later, first morning after his friend left he skyped me straight away, was beaming but we just stayed for a couple of minutes, I had to run to work.

So he still wants me in his life apparently, at least as a friend. So I don't know if I should back off to make him realize that he may love me - or just keep cool for a while, let him come and see what comes?

His smiles give me so much hope and I have a hard time letting this one go!
Any advise guys?

Two days after he sent an sms saying he "felt blue", hoped to catch me on skype later. We talked later via skype for about 1h30 - breezy light conversation but with lots of catching up from both sides. I asked him why he felt blue? He told me he missed me that I was everywhere...🙂
At the end I told him it was nice seeing him and that I missed that. His very quick feedback: Me too, me too, ?? lot!

Since then just a text concersation 2 days after telling each other what we did since our conversation. I let him initiate contact 😉


Is that more than he would say to a mere friend? Any hope he is just taking his time and will come around?

I pm'ed you but now I got the full picture.

For one thing, there is no such thing as a 'psycho ex'. You know what that really is? A woman (man) left hanging with a partner who doesn't reveal their true feelings. Now, he was with both of you and he never told her the truth. What makes you think he's telling you the truth? Yeah, he loves being wanted by you and this other woman but loves himself more so both of you suffer plus gawd knows who else.

You will not get his full love, attention and respect if you don't love & respect yourself first.
Wow, especially after he said he isn't in love with you. Damn girl, what else do you need to hear?
There are men where you live who can love you without all these complications. Go out & meet them without wasting
any more energy on this guy. Not every guy who is rejecting you will do it harshly, obviously it's not his modus operandi because he didn't do it with his 'psycho ex'. I'd rather get a harsh rejection then to be killed softly.

Well, I know he doesn't love his ex. She came by by a surprise visit to talk to him and he was shocked, thinking he had made things clear with her, was done with that story. I know he doesn't want her.

'Psycho' in the sense he means it rather refers to her true colours she showed in the past, all the things he told me about (overeacting about little dayly things, screaming...), he told me the details and her reactions were strange and not at all about hitm. When I met her in the past, already her thoughts seemed a bit 'off', we talked about a quite basic subject then.

He may not have been 100% clear when he left her, but her flying for 5hrs after 3 months of not seeing him just to talk?

As for the 'I'm not in love' that was the time he was stressed already and I was quite demanding and pushy to basically ask him to commit, I was completely lacking confidence then and quite whiny, completely lost my clear head. We did talk about about emotions before, and quite in detail, but I know he cannot stand overemotional talk - It's the way things are said, I guess. So with that near begging i guess I pushed him overboard, made him close up and say what he said.

I had the feeling he was including me more and more in his life, introduce me to friends etc. so I thought he was getting ''there.

Yesterday he send he text saying, "shit, now I really miss you". I guess I'll give it a month and if he doesn't come clear and if his feelings have not evolved, Ill move on. It's true that I could not stand just being a bit more than a good friend.

OMG, my last post makes me sound as if I did not listen. Well, no, I did.
I only expressed my doubts, knowing he's going through a stressfull time. But...

I asked him to call me on skype. He texted he was at work. Then I pressured him to call me a few mn when he got home. He called me on the phone when he did, since he saw I wasn't online anymore. He Had to go somewhere straight away. I said "Ok, have fun". He said, but tonight are you free, or tomorrow morning? I said I didn't know yet, was going out tonight. Then I sent" Enjoy now what you do. All the best".

Big mistake? Iam at loss now....

I did worse: in the evening I texted: "Beach time more important than a couple of mns of me on skype? You nearly sounded as if you had an appointment. Be sure of this: You'll never hurt me again"
He responded after work:"I had no appointment, I would tell you if I did; and yes, The 1h30 on the beach is more important, especially when u are not at home (I was home but not logged in). And in order to make sure I won't hurt you or whatever again, I won't bother you at all"

How do I make this right again——

Thought of sending flowers

The more I read the more I sense he's an asshole. If anything he should send you flowers. Forget about him for a while, don't write anything! He will come crawling back... but you'll have to be patient and wait 😉

Maybe then he will pull his shit together.

Sorry, what do you mean by 'marker'? English's not my native language.....

As for the laying low and wait....I wish I read your post before! I called him at home, apologized clearly and he said he'd skype me. So he did and I once more told him I was sorry for my impatience, after all nobody's perfect. Then changed the subject. Got my sarcasm and bite back during the conversation. We joked. He told me that maybe I'd not believe it but that he missed me (3rd time this week). I told him that maybe we should do something about that, but said no more. If he wants me to come, he has to say it. So i saved 40 $ for flowers and am reassured for now. Not feelingwise, still have no clue if he just needs time - having been burned in his last 3year relationship - and is slowly coming around, or ....

Sorry Amber, but your Leo guy sounds like my Leo-ex. He strung a woman along and used her when he thought we would get back together. We were separated and he started a relationship with "a family friend" and she did A LOT for him for which I'm grateful because my kids benefited from it; but he had no intentions on staying with her.

She's still around and it's 6 years later without commitment. He has a way with words and she's not the only one he's stringing along. Just something for you to think about, because you'd be the "one" and not part of his "group of others".

That definitively got my adrenalin up! I haven't contacted him in nearly two days, will try to do so for the next 5 days to come (believe me each day is hard!) and see what comes!

I could have sworn him to be lost because he will probably will have to sell his business at the end of the season and has been burned badly by his last girlfriend....so I followed his pace, thought we established a quite profound connection on a mental level -
but the idea of being strung along makes me feel nauseaous, especially if there are others.

Should I confront him next time he contact me? Or just not respond for a week or so?

I think you have to decide if being one of many is good enough for you. If "man sharing" is OK with you, then continue to see him. If that's not, then you'll have to figure out how to dissolve your feelings for him and move on. It's not easy...I know.

I actually think it is over with the 'other one' - one of his 2 best friends told me today it already was months ago and he was just correct with her when she made her surprise visit, that he was in fact upset she turned up like that.

The real question would then be what he wants. Think his life is chaos right now and that doesn't help with clearing his feelings. Since speaking two days ago he today sent a text asking how work was - he nows I much apprehended the job I started on Monday -

Haven't answered yet. Will try to see what he says next.
Hopefully I can keep my hands off the phone....

HEEEEEEEEEElp!! am so desperate now

Since the post above I texted him back the next day sending a dry text about the lifts and my new team at work, he answered straights away: "You are a character u know? U couldn't have put it in a better way??.
The next morning, last thursday, forgot to close skype, saw in the evning he had tried to reach me. Sent him a small message to explain.

The week end I cracked. Had a couple of beers with with friends on Sunday and too light a meal. Was very tipsy when I got home. Reached him at work, he couldn't talk, I insisted. Very much missed him. My emotions went overboard. Called and even later in the evning....I am so ashamed now.

"In the morning sent a a mail: I know for myself that overly emotional people rub me the wrong way so I get that you are angry.


I apologize for yesterday evening.
My emotions got the better of me; was very sensitive since not only got my period, which affects my hormones for a 3, 4 days, but also learned that my grandma is in the hospital. On top of that 'the grey place' is really stressing me. I do miss you, want to see and relax with you."

I don't know if he has read it yet. He has a good friend visiting him right now and since Sunday evening.

And this evening he texted: "I think u should try to contril drinking for your own good in the same way I told you about the smoking. You are doing bad to yourself. Now about us I can tell you that the situation has become sick, I don't like hanging up on people and to do so it means I have no choice. I don't know what your problem is and I don't want to know yours, the ones I have myself are enough. I had a problematic relation before and I don't need another, also I believe u should try to control ur emotions cos this will put you in trouble in the furture. iam sorry P."

I answered: "You are right about hte smoking - not the beer though because I do care for my health. I had some beer with friends and a very light lunch. This will not happen again, I learned my lesson! Now, you have seen me face to face over a long enough period to know I'm responsible. Don't be fooled by my rection from a distance: much simply comes from my impatience and from really missing you. I can handle a lot of stress, head straight on my shoulders, you have seen it for yourself. Always strive to give my best. Iapologize. I care fror your"

He sent:"Well, Iam sorry to say this to u but I don't want to continue this with you and when I will have the

"Well, Iam sorry to say this to u but I don't want to continue this with you and when i have the chance to talk I'll explain myself better. In any case as I said before, u have to learn to control your reactions cos this will only cause trouble in any future relation. Take care."

I think he is overwhelmed now. and angry. Talked to his best friend yesterday and know there are no other women, that he cared for me.
I don't want to lose him.

..last week he told me three times he misses me, this cannot be gone just because my emotions got the better of me?
How do I make this right again?

Well, I think the alcohol part really took his trust away.
Samia, I think he broke it off with me - I'm not even sure he will ever come back after that! So how can I give him an ultimatum now?

I opened a new topic....since the situation has clearly changed now