Too much thinking about this Leo? What to do....

Hi all.. i have issues that i need help in dealing with.. it's a slightly long post so I hope you'll take the time to read it..

Last year.. around, august and september, M and I went on four dates. I've been in the dating scene for awhile and he has been the only guy I can say, that I have a REALLY good time with. He's nice.. and he's funny.. but he had gotten out of a 7 year relationship at the beginning of that year.. and has been upfront in telling me that hes taking things slow, and that he's not very open about emotions and that we are taking it as it comes and just seeing where it goes. He seems to be very careful because he is a relationship guy and being at his age of 34 (i'm 26), he doesn't want to play games and wants to keep himself in check before going into something again. We both knew that we were talking to other people as well.

After those great dates, I started getting nervous about where things were going and placed unrealistic expectations on him because i wanted more. and instead of being understanding and get to know him better by taking it slow, my impatience drove me to writing him this long email about how i felt strongly for him and that he doesn't and i am mad and sad.. and yes, what I admit, a slightly obsessed girl would do. I was mad that I couldn't see him more often and that i wasn't a priority and such. Needless to say.. he had told me where he stood so i shouldn't have expected so much.. but i was pressuring him into a direction he wasn't comfortable in. I thought that after that email, we would certainly not talk again.

After about three months.. and in december, he text messaged me to say merry christmas and such. Somehow we started talking again.. and then decided to go out for dinner. our dinner... was FANTASTIC. there was no stress.. and i guess time had kinda flown by for me to be less mad and hung up about things. We talked about dating for a bit, saying that it was just okay... and he basically told me that I had cut him off and I told him it was because I really liked him and didn't know how to control my feelings. ANyways, we had such a good time.. and then after that, we went back to my place to watch a movie. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together, actually, for the FIRST time. We had pillow talk after about it saying that we're taking it as it comes and just enjoying things for what it is. I'm pretty sure from the last time... he knows what I want and he knows how I feel.

We are both busy people, especially with work, friends and family.. and so we saw each other again about 2-3 weeks later. We hung out at my place and again, had fantastic sex and talked to the wee hours of the morning about everything. he was telling me how I'm not just a **** buddy of some sort.. and that we'll see where it goes. I love our pillow talks!

A couple of busy weeks passed by and we finally found time again to hang out. THis time, we were going clubbing but his friends bailed and he ended up coming out with me and my friends instead. I must say.. I was a little nervous because he hasn't met my friends and to me, its a big thing because my friends are my family. so he came out and he was an instant click with all of them. No one I've dated, ever made such effort to know my friends and to get along with them.. but he did.. and he took care of my girls when they were drunk and took the initiative to just meet everyone. we had a GREAT time and then he stayed the night at my place. What kinda shocked me too was that he asked me after whether my friends approved of him. I told him that they did.. and he said good, because it's important for the girl that her friends like the guy too. And that was nice..

recently, my friends at work decided to set up a beach vball team for the summer. I decided to ask him but didn't expect a yes because well, from the last time, he was careful in not being TOO involved with me. But he did say yes! and he's joined my team and i added him to the teams mailing list. he introduced himself with my friends through email and my friends, being the crazy people that they are, poked fun at him about me. I was nervous when that happened because I wasn't sure how he would take it but he took the jokes really well. I was setting up another team.. and he's agreed to join it too.. meaning 8 weeks of volleyball and twice a week of seeing him!

So far.. it seems to be coming along fine. I am keeping my emotions in check and trying to be realistic and taking things for what it is. It might become something great.. or it might not. I have to take it as it comes and see how things ride. But my problem is, I'm not good with that. I am impatient.. and one of my long term ex's cheated on me in the past, leaving a bunch of insecurities i'm trying to overcome. For instance, i can't help but be afraid of men's motives and that they are just cheaters and liars.. and the fact that i can't stand feeling that I have to compete with other girls because one had managed to take a bf of mine in the past. I want to be in control all the time because i don't want to get hurt. But i've thought about it.. and I've realized that if I wanted to try to be happy with someone again, I ought to give it a shot with someone who's a good person.
I take things personally, like if he doesn't return a call of mine one night, or answer my message and I get really worked up thinking of doom.

I really like this guy . Can someone advise me on how to be less workedup, stressed, and to stop obsessing so much— I hate overthinking and overanalyzing...! I keep on wondering if our gray zone is a good thing... because we still are in it.. and I don't think it's really appropriate to ask anything yet perhaps?

It's been about three times that we've been together since we started talking again.. and perhaps I need to hold my horses!
I am a capricorn btw.. and Some advice would be great. Thanks for reading!

Thanks for reading!

well i think he came back because he probably thought things over and still wanted you in his life, if you guys had a good chemistry before and whatnot, since he got out of a 7 year relationship he wanted some time to heal and move past all that, get rid of all the excess bagage stuff. it sounds like he likes you and is being cautious taking things slow...you sound exactly like me...i am also impatient and i overanalyze things until i realize i'm blowing it out of proportions, i agree with leokitten, you have every right to know where this is going, you guys slept together and he met your friends which takes things on a different level. leos are good with being upfront with you and letting you know where they stand, that's one thing i love about them.

and about the whole control thing...i'm exactly like you, i have my rising in capricorn and i have a lot of those traits...thing is control in a relationship can only take you so far, it's an indication of fear, fear of letting people in and getting hurt... it won't work, you just have to take a breather and understand that not everything has to be on your terms, and that there are men out there who are geunine and going with the flow makes life a lot easier.

good luck to you.

Thanks all... well.. here's more info to your questions..

We don't talk everyday.. we talk maybe once every two days. Either online or the phone.
I'm busy with work AND school and it's hard to juggle sometimes.. and well.. the one thing I do notice.. is that he is 34.. and 8 years older. Unlike the late 20s men i date.. He's got his life set and his habits formed. He is who he is.. and looking for someone to fit with his life. Me being 26, seem to have a bit more flexibility.

The next time we hang out.. I will casually ask. I don't want to pressure him or anything and I do give him freedom because heck, I like my freedom too. I don't like the talks very much because being a cappy.. it's a SERIOUS thing and I hate being so serious because as you know, we think alot and have a depressive side sometimes. I've kept things light hearted this time around with him, and it seems to go much better. Hes more susceptible to doing things with me, meeting my friends..!

I am afraid of getting hurt.. I have a lot of walls and alot of expectations and I need to change that habit. I like this Leo.. and I want to maintain this without going all crazy..

any more insight to Leo?

Hi cap girl!

well, hes not making me insecure. I think i just am in general because.. i've encountered alot of horrible dating and relationship situations. The love of my life (or so I thought), ended up cheating on me.. and the last guy I dated was not living with a roommate but his GF! So ever since then.. it's been hard for me to trust and to be okay when things are in the grey area. I like things in black and white.

I did introduce him to my friends, but it was HIS suggestion to go clubbing with him and his friends and me and my friends. But his friends bailed, so he came alone.
I am making sure I am not pressuring him to anything uncomfortable.

I might ask when i see him next. i am just careful with what i say...

I feel you on this savagetai, I'm a cusp baby, Cap/Aqua born 1/20th, dating a Leo.

The cappy side makes it so hard to not obsess about stuff, honestly reading your post made me realize that I'm in the same place you are, the trying not to push, or think everything is doomed mindset.

I need so much reassurance its ridiculous but on the outside i seem so self assured and independent, I find that the Cappy part of me has to control the situation to prevent hurt and upset, the only thing it does is push him away and make him put up walls.

I have never been in a full out relationship and so I don't have that emotional baggage that some carry but I do have this need to control the situation to prevent the worst from happening which now that I read this, is a ridiculous thing to think and do, it causes more problems.

Reading your post helps me to see that Cappy side of myself which I haven't fully embraced because that side of myself has been a thorn in my side and i mean that literally, it prevents me from truly being in the moment, makes me impatient and then I brewed and over analyze, over talk, over think things...ugh!! Maybe he showed up in my life to help me embrace that part of myself...I dunno

My mind set is so serious right now and I just wanna lighten the hell up, I'm in that dark place right now and I can't stand it. So the Aqua in me is going to retreat and fast to cleanse out my Aura and change up my energy levels so I can be at peace.

I'm just venting sorry...your post brought up some emotions

good luck with your relationship...

Capgirlinlustwithleo said: You also sound as though he is making you insecure. That's never a good thing for any woman, never mind a cappygirl who always seem very independent but deep down need the reassurance that they have captured their man's heart. Leo men (never mind how much they like you) are never very good at spending all their time with you like some guys would. They always have a hundred other things going on in their lives and are easily distracted.

Your dead on honey, very much the truth.

Its official...I will be picking your brain when I have questions Capgirlinlustwithleo lmao! You seem to have some skillz with these leo creatures and you make very valid points.

Your wrote: u are obviously both attracted to each other but he also makes you restless and anxious rather than blissfully satisfied :

This totally sounds like me lol!! Sorry savagetai...hope you don't mind me chiming in on your thread.

your said: I guess I also find it scary if someone doesn't have a life to the point that he will always be there if I phone and will return my calls immediately or stop eating their dinner and let it go cold because I've phoned and then say it doesn't matter because they prefer talking to me. Rather than feeling flattered by such behaviour I feel as if I am responsible for someone else's happiness and that makes me feel guilty and upset for some reason. I guess it just means someone is really into me but

I don't think my Leo intentionally does things to make me feel insecure per say, I think its a matter of me not having that life style that fits with his...meaning I don't always have somewhere to go or people to see and i'm going to be honest, my life is kinda revolving around him at the moment...all my fault....blah (i feel icky admitting this) but i take it he might be totally turned off right now, especially me gushing yesterday about us... i could be wrong but I don't think so.

You totally made me realize that what I thought was an indepth conversation with him was really me nagging, whining and making him feel responsible for my happiness...TOTAL TURN OFF...also showed me that I have to get up and create a more fulfulling life in conjunction with a relationship...dayum this is so hard for me right now...i guess i'm not in a good place, i thought i was up until my opposite showed up....maybe he showed up to mirror the things that haunt me....got some spiritual work to do...back to the drawing board lol!!!

girl you got skillz..thanks!

oops wasn't meaning to aim that at your behaviour. Just that I keep having bad experiences with overly clingy men.

actually I know you didn't push that towards me but you opened up that can of worms...can't close the can now lmao!!

Its all good...gotta call a spade a spade...i'm not one to dance around situations...it is what it is...he's into himself and i don't think theres any way around that, so why even try to be with him...if its never gonna be about me.

Yeah find someone who deserves and appreciates you. Plenty of them around, just not as easy to spot as sexy leos....

lol!! Exactly!