Closure

Hi Girls & Guys,

Let me ask you....Is closure at the end of a relationship important to you? It is to me. Very, very much so. I'm in a situation where I fear I may not get the closure that I need. It's with this Scorp guy that I went silly over. He's somewhat flaky and I like consistency. So, the next time he calls, I plan on not answering his call. I hate to take this approach but I don't have a choice. I've tried to talk to him but that hasn't worked.

So how do I get closure where there is none?

HOw is not answering his call getting closure? Fill me in...

Well, we are going through this push-pull type of dance. He blows hot & cold and it is maddening. So, I have to take the reigns now and put a stop to it thus cutting him off by ignoring his calls. I've done the grown-up thing hoping that we could come to a mutually satifying place - no deal. I've told him that we should stop interacting all together and he says that's not what he wants and to not leave. However, his actions don't match his words - red flag to me. I don't know what else to do but I do know that I am not really to give him anymore power. I'm the boss not him.

"I've told him that we should stop interacting all together and he says that's not what he wants and to not leave. However, his actions don't match his words - red flag to me."

Yeah, same thing happened to me. Has he also turned things around? Meaning have you asked him a question (Where do you see this going? for example) and he's turned it around and put the pressure back on you and asked "Let me ask you this, where do you want this to go?"

When I attempt to talk to him he clams up except just to say that he doesn't want us to stop talking(He claims that he isn't good at talking). He'll do all the right things (to appease me) for a spurt but then he's back at his push-pull dance again. He wants to call all the shots and move to his own drum and I can't allow that. It's all my fault for the state of the relationship b/c the simple fact is that he's not doing anything that I haven't allowed him to do. Sometimes I just wish people would not do things just b/c they can...ya know? So, I can't get no damn satisfaction and not answering the phone is the only closure I can get.

I say to just nip it in the bud and just tell him that you're walking away and this time he can't say anything his mind....you owe it to both of you to provide closure and by not answering your phone is not the solution.

Yeah, this doesn't sound like a good deal to me. Sounds like he might have control issues which can be dangerous. I think that if you have to just cut him out of your life to get the message through to him, you might just have to do it that way. I've been in relationships before where this is the way I had to end it. It sucks royally, but sometimes the other person leaves you with no choice.

* he can't say anythign to change YOUR mind...
sorry, brain thinking faster than i can type.

Hey 1012, What would be wrong with just cutting him off? Scorpios will just keep coming at you if you let them. He's very much a controling guy. I've known many Scorpios in my life. They can get really mean / nasty. With Libra's gentle nature, I don't know how you've handled it so far!

Hey guys,

I guess I just (so badly) wanted the perfect ending...if that makes sense. Something like: It's been a worldwind - I've had a hot and lovely time. You really rocked my world and I'll always remember you for it. Let's be amicable and be friends. Yada, yada, yada and more yada.

As opposed to the just drop the ax method...let the pieces fall where they may...I hate it.

Atom,
I do have a very gentle nature until I erupt and then I say/do things that makes me wonder what place in me did it come from! Like on this past Monday I called his phone & exploded - I know his ears were ringing. I had a garbage-can mouth for sure. However, he did come over that night! I thought you got more bees with honey...but with this Scorp he doesn't seem to like my niceness and let's me know it - I've warned him not to mistake my kindness for weakness but I think it fell on deaf ears. I think I am transitioning to my opposite sign- Aries b/c much to my displeasure I am becoming very hot-headed/blunt/vocal. I don't know about this one coming back and coming back again; he has an i-could-care-less-disposition,a who-needs-you attitude. I just have to serve it back is all- but just once- don't wanna play stupid games. He doesn't seem to understand words (although just when I think he isn't listening he recites my words to me verbatim) he only understands actions.

A female Scorpio talking about a Scorpio man... Scorp women are subtly controlling. Scorp men are outright controlling, they need to feel they have the power and once they lose it they can't handle it. Scorp woman are a little more clever when it comes to control issues. We know how to make the man "think" he has control and we are doing the controlling all along... If you want to be with any scorp guy - control issues are part of it along with jealousy.

Lady Libra, tell him it is over and you are tired of the drama and leave you alone!!! That should do it.

Hi QS,

This particular dude has double-standards as well as blowing hot & cold - maddening combination. Yeah, I've done the "leave me alone" bit. However, in both instances the request were made from different places within me: 1- I was trying to end it b/c logically it was the right thing to do for my heart; I was mad more than I was happy in the relationship. 2-Out of anger/frustration. I wasn't REALLY done in both these instances b/c HOPE was really still alive that he would get on the good foot. Not!
I can't hold on to this guy b/c what happens when you hold on? He will drag me - I don't want that. All I want now is to reach that place of indifference within me b/c the good Lord above knows that when I get to that point - It's all she wrote. My Give-A-Damn-Button-Will-Be-Busted! You see I am the type that loves very strong & very hard BUT when I let go, it will be as if you were a figment of my imagination. In this mode my detachment will be VERY real and not deduced from logic or frustration. So real that even I can't turn it on again.

*** You see I am the type that loves very strong & very hard BUT when I let go, it will be as if you were a figment of my imagination. In this mode my detachment will be VERY real and not deduced from logic or frustration. So real that even I can't turn it on again

That is Libra for you. 🙂

Honey, do what you have to do. I personally would contact him and say I no longer want him in my life but I wish him the best. THEN do answer the phone for a few months. (regardless of who calls.)

That way I won't be thinking why isn't he calling? He should be calling me! and getting myself more upset. If I tell him not to contact me, I know the reason he isn't contacting me is because I said that is what I want. Less rejection that way.

But if not answering the phone is the way to end this, do it.

BTW I think Scorp men drive us bananas. The last Scorp I was seeing made me crazy to the point of tears and yelling. He kept saying "you really want ...." which is what I didn't want! I kept saying it over and over and he wouldn't listen. It made me crazy.

I hate when people tell me what I am feeling especially when it isn't what I am feeling. Crazy making.

LS,
I love reading your post - really, I do.

Yes, this Scorp man drives me nuts (to be honest I think I drive myself nuts for letting him do things to me). In good and bad ways...the bad just outweighs the good. I did'nt shed a tear but I cried plenty on the inside and I did have an episode of yelling/cursing this past Monday.

You know, this courtship/fling, whatever, was so new. I thought it was supposed to be all good in the beginning? Who knew?

Stick a fork in me.....

PS- I take that back: I want to give it a try with another Scorp though. I am addicted to the intensity...to me it's way better than sex. Call me crazy.

Reminds me of that song, "I'm Bringing Sexy Back"

Crazy!

just kidding.

I tried and tried with Scorps. It does not work for me.

I still get mad about the last Scorp. I hate the way I feel after a fight. Sick to my stomach and shakey. After my curse/yell match with the Scorp, I think I had to take the next day off I was so upset.

LOL!

Hey, LS, you sound like me...I, too, suffer physically after an argument. As a matter of fact the day that I had a touch of Tourrette's Sydrome LOL, I had to leave work b/c I was going to pop. What gives?

I'm not through trying yet...I just have to keep touching the stove until I'm crispy LOL! Oooooh those Scorps!

Hi there HP,
How are you doing?

Reminds me of that song, "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" - Who sings this...please don't say that Justin dude.

heehee...ok, i won't

I'm doing great, 1012. how are ya?

Not me. You set me up to fail. You made me feel bad. You keep insisting things are a certain way when I flat out told you otherwise. I'm outta there.

Plus, I was really much more attracted on all levels to the Leo who I was seeing around the same time. Which is what pissed me off so much about the Scorp. He thought I wanted a serious committed relationship with him ... I wanted a relationship alright ... with another guy. Idiot. You guessed wrong.

Sorry for the rant. lol!

I could use a bit of advice. I met an aquarius guy the other week. He called me. I called him back last night but kept getting a weird cell phone message like his phone wasn't working and couldn't leave a message.

How many more times should I try?

I have no desire to chase this guy down.

you tried to call...your effort was put forth.

does he have your phone number? let him call you now. Or send him a text message to his cell phone...most phones have that now.

are you in the US? You can send a text message to any US cell phone via online:
http://smseverywhere.com/send.htm<BR>

Crazy for sure, but so what. I have had and still have some great libra relationships but it takes a certain maturity for us to really appreciate each others gifts.

So before you start chasing the dragon again get rid of the one one your tail. Part of the problem is you already bluffed him a couple times but didn't follow through. You have to be strong to shake a scorp off. You have to DECIDE once and for all he's either really not for you or to take him for what he is - no matter how much pain it involves. Get a tatoo to remind yourself.

Take all the calls you want and chat all you want but if you're dumping him don't go out and don't sleep together. Once you start to believe he will too. And probably best to forget the can we be friends idea for 10 years or so.

*** Or send him a text message to his cell phone

I don't have a cellphone. I am in Canada.

It was like the message you get when you are out of range in certain areas: "This wireless costumer is not available at this time. Try again later. (then in French)"

I don't think my number even showed up. At this point, he has no idea that I tried to call.

But you think I should just let it go? Here not calling back is standard for "yeah ... I was drunk so I gave you my number but now that I am sober I'm not interested."

Is his number a Canadian number also? Hold on...I will be super-slueth.

Here, http://www.page-me.com/<BR>
Go here to send him a text message to his cell phone. You don't need a cell phone yourself; just internet connection

but how would I get a message back? Wouldn't he assume I had a cellphone from that point and send a message back?

😢

thanks for the link

I'll check it out now.

🙂

tell him in the message that you've tried to reach him and give him an email address

Well, I talked to the Aqua. He is kind of cute. He wanted to get together tonight and may show up where I will be. Even though he dislikes that bar. We shall see. I think he wants to get together soon.

Also the Virgo ... like him, great guy, don't want to shag him called. We are going to catch an art show.

It must be boy check in week. I like boy check in week.

😄

😛

I spent quite a bit of time with Aquadude today. I am cautiously optimistic. He has a lot of the same qualities and characteristics of the leo (I think they would be fast friends) but without all the intense energy the leo and I have. He seems like a nice, decent guy. He gets my jokes and plays a long with me. Cautiously optimistic.

I just got sortof dumped by an aqua...Ive been on the aqua forum trying to find out something that would give me closure. I really before this year always read horoscopes you know just for fun...but after this and reading about the aquarine males..Im beginning to believe more in basic personality traits. That closure your searching for I totally understand. I have ended this relationship of mine on such a friendly tone that Im not satisfied with the closure either... I often have to just tune out for a few days- anaylize whether I feel I did everything I could have- decide if I gave it a 150 percent and then go out nice. In my head ignoring a person or telling them off lets them know that they effected and changed who I am. I think we just have to give ourselfs approval and allow people to be stupid and not make sense..by making our own closure. I have to read further back to see if you explained the ending of your relationship- if they were the fault and a jerk to you then you have to give them the right to be who they are...Does that sound stupid— I cant seem to explain what I mean.. clearly..

No it doesn't seem stupid. I have always needed closure bad after anything with emotional investment ended. Recently I realized that the closure really comes from just forgiving the other person for whatever they did to hurt you, and then in turn admitting to them the things that you did wrong.

This last week spontaniously went and saw the Libra girl I have been talking to. I bought a plane ticked to Ca. and went and saw her on my days off. It turns out she has A LOT of problems, and when I got back my head was so messed up I couldn't even move. I realized a lot about myself just watching her because we are so similar in a lot of ways. Her going through so much and operating in extremes was kind of a catalyst for realizing all of my faults in a relaitonship. I actually called my scorop ex of five years last night and just told her I was sorry. Sorry for never truely letting her in. That, that brought a lot of closure.