Depressed Libra

I could use some advice from Libras. My Libra is going through a rough time and has been avoiding hanging out b/c he's trying to sort it out. This is totally fine - in fact, I think healthy. He told me last night that he didn't want to talk about it b/c he didn't want to bring me down. I told him he can talk about it if he wants, I'm here anytime, but no pressure basically. So, he started getting into some things vaguely, and then stopped. The conversation would go on and he would reveal a little bit more and then clam up again.

Overall, I'm getting the impression that he DOES want to talk about stuff, but he's afraid he'll turn me off, bore me, bring me down, etc. I am happy to give him space if he needs to sort some stuff out, but I also want him to know that I'm here - I know relationships are not ALL fun and games.

So, any suggestions?

What can I do to cheer him up without being pushy or invading his space/privacy?

I personally don't believe in prying into people. People tell you what they want you to know.

Let him come to you with these problems. Make when you are together fun.

look into his eyes and ask "are you sure you dont want to share your worries with me?"

I'm with you LS, but the problem has been that he has, until last night, really been hiding it from me and I then think he's avoiding me b/c of something I've done, or he's lost interest, he met someone else, etc. and that makes me want to have the relationship talk with him b/c if that's the case, I want to know about it...and I KNOW that would just be a mess! LOL!

I'm getting to know him better and better, and I guess this is another piece of information about him. When he gets depressed, he wants to be alone. I'm ok with that, it's just that now that he has shared that basic info w/ me, I want to know if there's anything I can do just to make him feel better. Call just to say hi? Let him know I'm thinking about him? Or just leave him alone totally....

We will die with guilt if we are unable to talk. He is jus worried if u may judge him all wrong. he can talk to ur masculine side. and he will.

*We will die with guilt if we are unable to talk*

Can you say more about this? Do you mean if you are unable to talk in general or if you are unable to talk about you're going through. Why guilt?

Also, why my masculine side? The strength?

if we are unable to talk what we are going through. Primary reason why we want someone else to hear us is to get another persons pov. But we are confused if we need to talk. What will they think about us if we talk our problems to them. We will talk if we get some reassurance that you are our best friend and we wont judge you wrongly.

and remember. since he is so worried over this, it could be something explosive. whatever u hear, just tell him its ok.. take it easy... i do understand... try not to say anything negative and he may accuse u for being "unable to understand him"

***Also, why my masculine side? The strength?

u r gemini rite??

***and we wont judge you
- you wont judge us.

sorry.

Instead of trying to get him to talk about what's bothering him, why not try to take his mind off of what's bothering him? Try to get him to go hang out and have fun rather than stay at home and sulk. You'll stand out better this way.

** We will die with guilt if we are unable to talk.

heh?

I will go to my female friends with problems over a guy I am in a relationship with. I may tell him in quick terms but I tend to think men don't like emotional talks where as women relish them and all the sickly details.

I agree with HP.

If we say we don't want to talk about it then the problem is not you. He's just unbalanced and hasn't thought it through enough - sitting on it. Will find his balance and seemlessly come back.

If he pretends all is OK but does not say much, sort of sitting it out. Then you have an issue.

The fact that he does not want to bring you down is the bit where what we say does not mean that much - it is just a spin. He probably wishes to sit a bit on it until he finds an answer.

I think we are clever enough to spin a conversation such that we get air time with you to talk. So, probably does not want to talk just yet...

Yes, I'm Gemini 🙂 Just wondering why my masculine side would apply here so much.

Kennyg - I do know what his problem is about more or less. He is at a point where he is trying to make some big life decisions and nothing seems to be the right thing for him. It must be terror for a Libra to have to make huge, life altering decisions.

I'll try to convince him to get out of the house with me soon and plan some fun things. This is really the worst that he has ever 'hidden' away from me with his tail out - so it might be coming to a head...

So what is the issue if he pretends everything is ok and sits out? Losing interest, I'm guessing?

The Morocco issue...

He could possibly do with a sounding board but you will have to start that...but since you are part of the big question this is not so easy for him because he won't be able to speak freely e.g. some stuff might hurt you.

We're the deriving type - if someone else makes a decisions we can make ours. One single decision without context is very, very, VERY difficult.

YEP!

I have just gone through a major reinvention.

So, I'm taking a little bit of advice from each of you! I've casually invited him out with myself and a few of my friends this weekend (he has a lot of fun with them), I'm not prying, I will be here if he needs to talk, otherwise he can have his space, and I'm going to stick my head in the sand!

Thanks everyone...

ammorocks that's all you can do....he will take you up on your offer if he needs/wants.

I'm kinda going through the same - have problems with family but my Libran friend has offered to be there to talk to/sound things off of 24/7 which is really sweet but I haven't taken him up on it....Im sure he'd be the BEST listener and would give some great advice and I know he's been waiting for me to make that call but I haven't...I just find it hard to reach out and because I am so emotionally attached to him and he isn't....I struggle with the concept LOL......some people just find it hard to accept help that's offered...it probably has nothing to do with you, etc....its just the way he probably is *shrugs* and he might just need time to think through things himself.....just let him know you're there and wait til he does come round 🙂

Ammrock, my experience with Libra men are. They will talk if and when they are ready. If he tells you he doesn't really want to talk about it, then just tell him if you need to talk you know I am here, leave it at that and if he trusts you he will tell you eventually. They confide in people they trust and care about. But, only when they are ready.

Ammorocks

Am thinking this through again and if you know that your Libra is condering his options in terms of whether to move or stay and this decision will affect you e.g. him gone and you sad, then I cannot see why you could not influence the situation.

See if he cares for you now he will also care for you tomorrow. If he does not care for you now and is just playing games, then this is also not going to change. So in a way you have nothing to lose. Now you cannot really sit down and talk to him because that would be too direct. But you can hint and just mention what you would like - not in a direct way but in a hinty, indirect way.

You can say that you're very happy, just compliments that are light, but clearly involve him. Make it clear that you two are solid and that you are not going to leave.

Bit of witchcraft cannot harm your situation. It will help him in the sence that he then knows how you think of him and he can use that as a base for his decision. We always think for two if there is a significant other.

sense*

considering* (first line)

(there is no spell check tool, is there?

UPDATE:

He called last night and we were "chatting about the weather" - he kept hinting again about how his mind has had a heavy load and then saying "I didn't call to talk about these things." I said ok, and kept chatting. Guess what? We ran out of things to talk about. I don't know about you guys, but when there is something heavy on the line, it's hard for me to talk about trivial things. He was going to let me off the phone b/c he didn't want to take my time, so I told him it's not about him taking my time, but that I don't really have too much interesting to talk about right now, so maybe he could call me later. LONG SILENCE. He did NOT want to get off the phone - he wanted to talk about his stuff. So he asks, "when I call you, can you tell I'm stressed out?" Yes, and you say you don't want to talk about it, so I don't. He says, "I think you know why I'm stressed out." Yes, I think I do, and at the same time I don't know specifically what you're thinking. BUT, that's ok, I don't need to if you don't want me to. He then proceeded to tell me what he's thinking - right now it sounds like he's fighting hard to stay here (in this country). I let him say what he wanted to say and then changed the subject to politics and people, etc. He perked up and talked for an hour - which was great being that I haven't heard him say more than 4 words at a time for the last 6 days or so.


So, anyways, thanks for all your advice. Now I move on to witchcraft stage - I'm pretty sure he's not playing games at this point, but maybe we'll see about that.

if he was playing games, he would hv talked abt it on the first day.

When we do not care about you we are pretty direct and we don't have to resort to any hinting.

Hinting is our way of being careful...

Oh, good! I like it! The hinting itself is like a game to me - Being a direct person myself, I get to learn to read between the lines, and also to drop my own hints and see what develops. I am having the feeling that this relationship won't ever be boring, which is the # 1 relationship killer for me!

And if may add:

Show that you're happy. Then he can see what he'll be missing.

Ammorocks, you have a lovely heart. It's right on about the HINTS. Makes folks like us use our noggins quite a bit to start thinking and communicating that way. Whole new world. The Libra guy is lucky to have you in his life.

Kennyg - no you're not over the top. I always look my best when I go out with him. I know he appreciates it so it's fun for me! He did not want to commit to going, but I have the feeling I'll be seeing him at some point this weekend. He is originally from Morocco - there is not much opportunity there at all, but he gets homesick and is stuck working a job that is beneath him.

Atom - yes, it is a whole new world, and I always appreciate being introduced to new ways of thinking/doing things. Keeps things fresh for me! I guess it's fun for you too!

Libra - Thanks!! I am happy so I'm sure it will show - I'm not very good at putting on a poker face for any of my emotions, which can get me in trouble if I'm mad or sad and don't want people to know it!!!

I agree with the hinting. My libra friend always hinted, never direct... When he finally got around to saying what he wanted to say, he reminds me that he hesitated before when he tried to say what he needed to say. Almost like teaching me his ways...