Help and Advice Needed :(

April 11, 2017

I am a transgender (male to female) Libra (october 6, 1979) and he is a Libra (october 27, 1991)

We've know each other for 7 years, been friends on Facebook, hooked up (sexually) every once in a while when we first met. He's asked me out a few times but nothing really came of it (I asked him "what if we were out and we bumped into someone that knew us both, or your friends somehow found out that I am a TS".....he said "oh well, they found out" - he knows i'm not open about myself to the general public and just like to blend in with society. I've never really had any issues with that anyways). Last year around spring of 2016 he started messaging more, asked me to dinner, etc. I was overseas doing an internship for my degree at the time, got back middle of July of that year and we randomly messaged each other. I was always post on FB if anyone wanted to come help me in the yard (with whatever i was doing at that time that needed an extra hand) and he would jump right up and offer to come over. Probably around the end of October/beginning of November we started fooling around again. he started texting and messaging me more frequently. Come February of this year, we were texting and messaging every day (good morning, good night, cute emojis, picture, compliments, talking about going out to a few places, etc.). I started to have butterflies in my stomach when he texted and came over. He started staying the night sometimes and my butterflies started mixing with being nervous around him. During our messaging, we were talking about something (can't remember) which led into a response from me that I get all nervous when he comes over LOL and that I get all flustered and full of butterflies when i see him, especially when we kiss. He said the same thing about me in response. One night around the middle of February he texted me and said "you know what i want? Just me and you." I replied "you mean exclusive to each other and not have sex with anyone else?" he replied "yes". I replied "I love that!"

Things stayed the same if not more intense (texting all the time, pictures, him staying the night, meaningful conversations, him saying he wants kisses & cuddles, how he loves curling up with me in bed, how he misses me and I react with the same things as well etc...) and then I realized that I had a lot more feelings for him that I thought I did. So I asked him on March 1 "I have a questions.......Like, what's going on, we just fab, etc." He said "Gonna be honest never really thought about that, as it stands now I guess that's where we are now". I said "OK". he asked if that was ok with me and I replied "I just wanted to know what was going on".....That night he messaged "i feel like I upset you earlier". I said "I dunno. I guess I would call it more disappointed mixed with a little upsetting. I dunno. Weird feeling".

him: I mean we had never really discussed anything too much

me: oh i know that. ts's are usually seen/desired more on the sexual aspect rather than anything more. So I was just curious as to what was going through your head. I know, it sounds all dumb and shit probably to you lol. But I've dealt with the whole fwb, etc my whole life basically and it gets to a point when one questions if that is all that really happens. it's mostly my fault. I let my guard down and I NEVER do that. Omg. NEVER LOL. like EVER LOL. something about you just made the guard slide right on down lol.

him: Obviously yes there is a huge sexual attraction, but if the sex was removed, I would still want to hang out and talk and everything else. As far as a relationship goes all that is on hold for me until I find out how this whole thing with ********* (job he's looking into) goes. Because with that, I could be sent to any where in the state without much say

me: I think the big part of it is that you're the only guy that has talked to me like a person (rather than a sex toy) and had normal conversations

him: And I'm sorry you've had that experience. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable or have done anything wrong.

me: no you didn't. I think i just read into things a little too deeply

him: i'm sorry you had a bad day, and that i added to it

me: it kinda started when you mentioned about just wanted me to yourself. That's when i started going "hmmmmmmmm". No one haws ever asked me that before. eh. I dealt with shitty things of the day. I was more down that I asked you what was going on between us and didn't get the response I was hoping for LOL. That life though, Right? lol

him: like i said everything is on hold until i figure out ***** (job)

me: and i completely understand that

him: so i'm guessing we pump the braked on everything? would you like me to kinda back off some>

me: we don't have to pump brakes LOL

him: just wanna make sure we are on the same page

me: ok. well i guess since we kinda cleaned the air, pumping braked don't need to happen. But i still love that fact that we don't share haha

him: me too

(that conversation was all from march 1)

*****(there was a point a little after that conversation that I got quiet because he got a little quiet. So i didn't text or message. After a little bit I messaged "hello" and he replied with "question...... did i do something wrong or piss you off somehow"? I said "no, absolutely not". He said "it just seemed like you moved on and were done". I said "no no, i could never get bored of you, you could never turn me off. You kind of got quiet so I backed off thinking I did something or you got bored with me". He said "no, just been working a lot and been extremely tired. I could never get bored with you, that's not going to happen")

From then on things went back to normal like before. Exchanging pictures almost everyday, talking everyday, lots of emojis going on, missing each other, good morning, good night, etc.....) March 9 his replies started getting shorter and shorter, fewer emoji's and shorter conversations. March 19 it was down to 1-2 word responses, almost no more emojis, barely any pics, very quiet. Last time we got together was March 30 and it was INCREDIBLE (if you get my drift). Ever since then up to today (april 11) I maybe hear from him every other day. Really don't get anymore pics, no more conversations like we had, no more missing me, etc... It's like he packed up and moved on. This morning (4am) I accidentally sent him a "thumbs up" on FB messenger" and he replied with 2 blushing and 1 kiss emoji. I replied "well good morning". Didn't hear back from him until this afternoon (which I was surprised because of how distant he's been) about just random things. I sent him a picture and got 4 heart eye emojis in reply.

I have really fallen hard for him and it is ripping me to shreds. I have cried almost every night for the past 5 nights and off and on during the day. I'm very down and don't understand what happened. I feel like i turned him off, or got bored with me, or found a replacement. I dunno! All I know is that I miss him and don't understand what happened. I don't want to ask him whats going on, or if i have done something, etc... because i don't want to make him feel smothered or upset or aggravated.

(sorry for the long post, but i'd rather give more detail to go off of than just summaries)

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me

I had also posted on Facebook when things kinda started up in February that I think I had a crush on someone. He messaged me and said "a crush huh? Who? " I said "ya. Just a guy ?" after that he became more talkative.

He is not a Libra if his bd is Oct 27. He is a Scorpio. Your post is way too long you're not considerate of others when you write that long and people just don't have the time to sit and read 17 pages to get to the point. So next time you post try to reduce the amount of space that you take so we can get to the point easily and nobody needs to know that you're transgender it's just two people in a relationship. ?