I Got Depressed

My mom called from the hospital, talking through an oxygen mask. She had pneumonia for the second time this year. Freezing cold, turning blue with a temp of 103 (F). Just wanted to make sure no called "after she died" and didn't let me know she was in the hospital. (Argh. That put me in a foul mood).

I SELDOM get upset or depressed, but I was both at the same time (mainly for that reason, and for being so tired working so many hours---anyway----). So I called Libra Girl to let her know I wasn't in a pleasant mood and preferred not to get together that evening (Wed). So she told me she was coming right over to get me to go find a Christmas tree! (Which made me even more upset---upset Aries NOT a pleasant sight, even though short-lived most of the time). So she came over ten minutes later and we drove into the far north for her to find a Christmas tree for her dad----I was wincing and very quiet. SHE thought she was helping but I REALLY needed time to be by myself (the guy in the cave thing? I don't know). We found a tree but she thought it was too expensive so it wasn't purchased. She dropped me off an hour later. THEN she called a few hours later to get together. Sorry, but now I was even MORE upset! She kept making excuses to get together and I told her I needed some sleep----to get to bed early.

The next day I thought about it: I seem to get depressed a LOT around Libra Girl---expectations not met; excuses from her not to do things with me (like going to concerts and parties) compared to the times she WANTS to do things with me (again OTHER concerts and parties---yow---'don't understand). So the whole thing with mom didn't help, and she's out of the hospital now. But I still don't want to even talk to Libra Girl cuz I just don't want those depressed feelings around her!

She did call a few days later to ask if I was having a good day. But I haven't talked to her since---mainly, I think, because I'm tired of asking her out for things and she says, "No." It makes me feel like she's ashamed to be with me-----BUT it's like she's GLAD she's out with me at other times, other events! (Confusion is NOT good).

So I went out to coffee with my Leo friend this morning---she looks like a model, swears like sailors used to, smokes like nobody's business, LOVES to gossip---so you know I adore her. We had a great time. And, 'hate this, Libra Girl's in the back of my mind the whole time.

Anyway, there's some ketchup, er, catsup, er, er CATCH UP (!) for you!

awwww Atom Im sorry about your mum being sick again (yes we spell it M.U.M. - I have NO idea why you call it MOM!!!) *giggles*......glad she's doing better though.

Sheesh Libra girl certainly seems like Libra man - maybe they should hook up - I mean sheesh, this is the sign of love, emotions, romance, feelings, communication yet I see NONE of that lol. I guess its their way of avoiding the dramas and getting on with life...I dont know but at least she wanted to be there for you, no matter how trivial.....it was her way of being a "friend" and I honestly think that's all it will ever be.

Glad you're going out and enjoying life still though...if you could stop the Leo from swearing and smoking (re-train her) maybe she would be the better option?

Forget Libra girl - go where its easier 😛

((((((HUGS 4 U Atom))))))) I'd have to say there is the mars/venus thing going on there when it comes to being depressed. Guys want to be left alone and women clearly don't understand this because when we are depressed (normally) it is the LAST thing we want is to be left alone. We WANT someone around to comfort and console us.

In contrast to your situation, a month ago I NEEDED my Libra guy to console me and he did....for about the amount of time it takes to blink your eyes .After that,weeks went by and I didn't hear a peep from him. Every dreadful thought began filling my head with questions of why he didn't care enough to at least call and see how I was coping. It really hurt me and then....resentment set in and it really irritated me (among other things). Much the same as the way you are feeling about wanting to be left alone, I wanted him to NOT leaving me alone. I needed him and he wasn't there for me. You need to be explicit with kindly telling your Libra that it isn't that you don't want to be with her, it's just that you need time alone with your thoughts.

Just saying "I want to be left alone" implies "alone from her specifically" even though that is NOT what you meant or intended. Women often tend to take it personal so we need to be reassured it isn't US.

Depression is a really hard thing to shake when you get stuck in a cycle of bad events, conditions, and circumstances. I can certainly empathize with you to NOT want to be around a situation or a person, even if it's your girlfriend, that contributes to your depression. It's a negative energy that you need to clear from yourself and not necessarily a negative energy she's giving you intentionally. At least I hope that isn't the case!

Communication is the key to understanding one another. Try to find a way to discuss how you're feeling with your Libra. Unless she's psychic.....how will she know what you're actually feeling or thinking?

Your Leo friend sounds like a lot of fun but is that just to placate your ego while you're "in your cave"— Or are you contemplating the possibilities of something more (just curious).

Glad you mother is better !!!

kg, I think you're right. She seems very selfish to me and hasn't taken time to REALLY know me (but acts like she does most of the time—).

Chatz, thanks for relating. Leo Girl is just a pal and always will be (she and I both know that). She goes through men like water and shares her pathos with me. I've helped her through many dramas. We're just not right for each other romantically (but as you know, I lourve that Leo fire and personality).

TOJ, you kinda know me but not as well as others on this Board. I don't need anyone / anything to placate my ego---I was just catching up with a friend I hadn't seen in 4 months. I know what you mean about how "I want to be alone" can be mis-interpreted. BELIEVE ME I have tried EVERYTHING w/ communication with Libra Girl. I think kg has hit the nail on the head.

p.s. kg, (cagey), you DO make me smile w/ your posts. Thank you!

I'm very sorry about your mother , Atom but be strong for you and her !
About the Libra girl , I dont know what to say anymore but still I'm amazed at your staying power ! She must have put a spell on you! Anyway , it's your decision so all I can say is good luck 🙂

Your mom was in the hospital and you get no consolation from her!? damn

I don't know what the emptiness is between you two I can only say in a Linda Goodmanesque way that Libra Aries should ordinarily trine despite the opposition (opposite signs) compared with the closer 5-9 vibration that Libras share with Geminis. You seem to be trying to place her personality on a 'pedestal' probably an ingrained Aries trait and she seems to be plain scattered - I think its possible that the two of you will become more and more intimate soon but the personality differences might cause a lot of irritation between you two, hope things work out.

The libra girl is acting like a prima donna and she knows it!
I've seen that scenario before, not in a libra girl, but in an aries girl. She thinks she's got it made somehow. And I cringe at the men who go ahead with her whims.
We always seem to be a sucker for the people who constantly hurt us. Maybe it's because we open our heart to them. Also, people tend to like being treated mean - don't ask me why, but it's the case.

You described it very well though.. I'm sure many people have gone through this at some point. I guess it'll push you to a breaking point and you'll know it's not what you want anymore. From there things will change, but I guess we all gotta learn it the hard way - which is really the only way.

If you and her are spinning and deflecting off each other then it could be due to the same inbred cultural milieu that the two of you originate from so considering this the two of you have a lot in common already.

((((Big Hugs)))

Sorry Atom to hear about mom, glad she is doing better. You know my feelings about Libra girl.

FD, thanks for the wisdom. 'Always liked Goodman. Libra Girl is WAY too controling, but I adore her. spica, she DOES have it made! Walking away is tough for me. Thanks to all regarding mom / mum. We've had three close calls this year with her.

You sound like an Aries guy I know. Seriously, I don't think you'd look twice at Libra Girl or anyone else who catered to your whims, or had consideration for your situation and feelings 8-).

She does NOT have it made. She just thinks she does and you feed her perception. If you get together with her, you'd do this all your life? Deep inside she is very insecure and needs to control someone to feel worthy.

I tell you what she's looking for - someone who would control her and treat her the way she treats others. I've seen this scenario all too many times (because I actually grew up with one!).

Atom

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your mother. My mother pulls stunts like that as well i.e. goes to the hospital because she is having chest pain and doesn't bother to let anyone know she is okay for days. Gets admitted to the hospital or has surgery and doesn't tell us that she needs someone to stay overnight. It is very trying. You have my deepest sympathies that you are going through something similar with your mother. It is very hard when they get older. That is for sure.

Secondly, as you know ... I very much disagree with what everyone is saying about the Libra girl. She treats you like a friend, a very good friend and has in no way implied your relationship was leading anywhere or she wanted more. She has told you this in every conceivable way ... yet you refuse to hear. I see her as neither selfish or unkind but as a loving friend who is just going about her life if somewhat oblivious.

* I've helped her through many dramas. We're just not right for each other romantically (but as you know, I lourve that Leo fire and personality).

Why can you accept this of the Leo and not the Libra?

From what I have seen Atom, you don't understand the Libra girl at all. The Libra girl came over and wanted to spend time with you to cheer you up and take your mind off your worries. This is exactly what I do (and my other Libra friends do) in a time of crisis. I jokingly call it the Emergency Friend Step Up. When you friend is upset/down and out, you go over full of cheer and take their mind off their problems. Distract 'em. You just do. It seems so obvious to me.

Even stubborn old Scorps warm up and are thankful after protests and a few hours of fun distraction. lol!

* because I'm tired of asking her out for things and she says, "No." It makes me feel like she's ashamed to be with me-----BUT it's like she's GLAD she's out with me at other times, other events! (Confusion is NOT good).

Why do you think she is ashamed of you? Why would that be the first thing you reach for. She has a life full of other friends, family, obligations. I certainly can't go to everything I am invited to. She does stuff with you all the time. In fact, it sounds like you see her more than I do my boyfriend who I try desperately to make time for yet many times only get to see once or twice a week because I have so many other things I need to do.

She is treating you like a friend Atom. I wish you would accept her friendship.

***Even stubborn old Scorps warm up and are thankful after protests and a few hours of fun distraction. lol✨**

LMAO!!! True, librans definitely have this affect on us.

Atom I agree wih LS, I know, I know, we have told you this before, but damn you fire signs don't give up easily. Geeeeeezzzz!

LOL@fire signs!!! Sometimes that is a good thing because once we close the door, it remains closed 😛

I agree with LS too though....it is a beautiful f/ship and f/ship is a wonderful thing 🙂

Okay. Okay. Okay. Most guys don't like "just friends"---that's why they go away when someone finds another relationship (LS, this has happened to you). I'm supposed to just grin and bear it and say, "Gee, no matter how I feel or what I think we're just friends. Yippee!" WOMEN do this well because they know how to string a guy along as long as possible. Guys don't do this as well, simply because we CAN relate better to a woman if we are more than friends. Then there's this thing called sex that's pretty important to guys in particular. (She really is the only girl that has acted like she DOESN'T want sex with me----really weird).

Here's the thing, all the women I know want a guy to LISTEN to them; listen to their needs and wants; listen to what they say when they're making a request. Yeah, I understand LS saying she's consoling someone when they're depressed and it's this big FRIEND thing, but guess what? I didn't asked to be consoled. I asked to be left alone---so where is the listening THERE?

Bottom line: Is a guy even suppose to have input into a relationship? Doesn't seem like it from what I'm hearing. "She only wants to be a friend so that's what you need to do;" "She was only trying to console you, you have to understand." So why try?

Play by her rules only, right? So much for what I thought was consideration stuff on my part---I'm sure plenty on this Board would say I was manipulative.

BTW, LS, yeah, my mom has done this more than once. I've had to fly over to take care of her; my dad usually tells me how poor he is so I end up paying some astronimical medical bills---yeah, I love her and wouldn't want to lose her, but get caught up in that manipulation too. So I had mixed feelings with her phone call that made me depressed.

Excuse me, please, if you think I'm being overly grumpy about all this. And Leo Girl? Heck, she wants BABIES from ANYONE---so being more than friends with her could have major consequences.

LS, another thing I would like to respond to you in particular, because I truly don't understand your reasoning at times: Relationships have to go SOMEWHERE. It seems a LIMBO relationship would be just fine with you. But shouldn't relationships GROW? Become RICHER? SHOULDN'T you grow CLOSER to one you care for? Or do you let them remain in a statis state: "That's just my friend over there." Or let them die because no one cared for the relationship to be MORE?

Do you agree relationships have to go somewhere?

Wysdum, she's not close to anyone. Had two failed marriages because the guys cheated on her (but I've never heard their side of the stories). From what I can tell from what eveyone has said, yeah, she felt that was the best way to cheer me up. It wasn't but that's beside the point at this point in time.

"Do you agree relationships have to go somewhere?"

I want to respond to this one too even though it was intended for LS.

NO!

No one HAS to do anything. In your post you talked about how she was stringing you along, how men don't do just friends and some other stuff. This all goes into play as to why she doesn't want a relationship with you. You have been going along all of this time like you would LIKE to be with her, that you can be a special friend to her but all along the way there was this seething expectation of her to be more.

Friendships get richer with time, you become more on the same wavelength with the person, you learn more and more about the true inner workings and depth of that person and if it goes on long enough, you feel a oneness when you are around that person. That is what you signed up for, that is what you told her you were signing up for and basically all along your saying "Shouldn't it be obvious that she should at some point let me do her like a true friend?"

All of this nice guy stuff, all of this there for her FOR HER as a friend, all of this "I understand she doesn't wan to be with me but I want to be there for her as a friend" and you turn it all around like how could. SHE DO THIS TO YOU? You want to know why this never became a relationship? Because you never manned up, grew a pair and tried to get her. You invited her over for dinner and played nice, carring gentlemen with no sex drive in order to show her that you were deeper and more understanding than everyone else and when it comes down to it none of it is true. If she is physically and emotionally attracted to you and you stood up and pushed the issue for GENUINE reasons, were transparent in what you really wanted.....she probably would have given it a shot with you. But she saw from the beginning that you were basically trying to get her to go one way by showing her the disadvantage of the other so she did what she needed to do...and it turns out you will follow her all around while she does it. You basically fell for your very own trap.

Don't take this like I am pissed or mad, it has happened to me. Remember the trip to Cali to see a Libra girl that I liked and when I came back I was all bitter about it. I DID THAT. I DETERMINED THAT OUTCOME FROM MY ACTIONS. So I am speaking from experience, not taking the advantage to criticize over the internet.

"You invited her over for dinner and played nice, carring gentlemen with no sex drive in order to show her that you were deeper and more understanding than everyone else and when it comes down to it none of it is true" - Right on !
I love Libra gentlemen though . It's abit of a turn on ! Though they need a little bit of encouragment, otherwise , gentlement all the way even I can see they're blushing and trying to control their desires 😛

"If she is physically and emotionally attracted to you and you stood up and pushed the issue for GENUINE reasons, were transparent in what you really wanted.....she probably would have given it a shot with you. But she saw from the beginning that you were basically trying to get her to go one way by showing her the disadvantage of the other so she did what she needed to do...and it turns out you will follow her all around while she does it. You basically fell for your very own trap."
Atom , I have to agree with Nic here . I dont understand what do you want with this Libragirl! You confused me with you words(outer and inner) and your action , if I am her , I would probably treat you as a good friend but that's all , there 's no expectation of more in the future. Playing game or not , she can see clearly through you so she just acted accordingly. It takes two to tango!
So asking yourself this very question : what do you want with this girl? A friendship or something more. I dont know what the other women would act but if a man told me he want to be my friend , I'll always see him this way , even there is feeling , I'd never want to go with it because I dont want ruin this special bond we have - and it's impossible when he has become a very special friend.My head will be spinning with questions : will this work out ? If not, will I lose him— Unless he can give me certain assuarances that we can have a future together. Yes I'll go with the flow but I need security too! Speaking of security , she seemed to face so much disappointments in the matters of heart so if you want her , you need to be more direct and help her to come over her insecurity, her doubts about a future with you . If you cant , then be her friend and do what it is appropriate as her friend so you wont feel frustrated and disappointed.
I hope you dont see her withholding of sex is a challenge and in turn excite your dominant nature . Sometimes , we can not see very clearly our hidden intentions because we're blinded with our emotions.Best of luck 🙂

Actually I believe a relationship has to go somewhere, at least improve all the time - that is if both parties wanted.

Forgive my biasness, but she sounded so much like someone I knew that I spoke from my own experience.

Basically, as was said, she wasn't sensitive enough to him. I don't know, but Libras can be pretty sensitive especially to those they are intimately connected.

When she called him when she knew he was depressed, things shouldn't really be about her (Oh, buy my christmas tree!). Um yeah, and could be that she's blocked off her heart due to failed marriages. So many factors are at play here.

And she prolly knows you like her, especially if it's obvious. She likely knows. What would get it 'settled' to a higher level (since you are for growth), is to let it out, and ask her if she feels the same way. Hard I know, but do it gradually, in a comfortable pace to you, but just eventually go right out and ask.

nic', my head's spinning. KNEW your response was from your own experience. Taken that way (but need time to digest).

spice, exam, others, I asked her directly (about a month ago), "What do you think about getting married again." She said, "I can't see myself being married." So that pretty much told me she wasn't interested in that with me (at this time---and maybe never).

What do I want from this girl? I want to really KNOW how she really thinks and feels about ALL relationships. If she really sees a future for us---even as FRIENDS! IF she'd go ballistic if I found someone else (and, really nic' and others, mainly for not having as much TIME together, not so much jealousy---but really she hides so much it's hard to know).

The thing is there seems to be a consensus that this girl is a wonderful FRIEND when the events I asked her to attend were important to me and she chose not to go---NO, she doesn't have a lot of other stuff going on at that time-----I think it's a create-a-boundry issue. And I thought of all my other friends and everyone of them would have said, "Sure." Leo Girl too, except for a prior commitment. This is why it's weird---she acts like a FRIEND some time, MORE than a friend some time---at least personal, and like a could-care-less acquaintance at times. You guys help me see things from all sorts of angles and I appreciate that.

So, nic', not sure what YOU think I should do at this point.

Do you even like this person ATom?

It seems like this friendship doesn't add much to your life and your overall happiness. I think at this point it is an ego thing and you are in it to win. But win what?

Nothing in life is static. Everything waxes and wanes by momentary considerations.

And I agree wholeheartedly with Nic. It is what I said MONTHS and MONTHS ago.

There is a difference between nice guys and "Nice Guys".

BTW ... most of my male friends have reappeared and are back on track.

To be honest Atom, I think you should just end this friendship completely. Which I have said countless times because you cannot accept it for what it is.

Atom sweety, I agree with LS. It the friendship isn't even healthy at this point... 😢

Aren't Leo women so fucking cool and so down to earth? I love them! My closest friend is a leo and so is my sister who i am rediculously close to...

(going away now)

Atom, I agree with LS and others. Libra has been very clear that she is not interested in anything more than friendship. Why does it have to be on her terms? Because she knows that you worship the ground she walks on. It appears that she enjoys your company on a certain level, but is afraid that you will get the wrong idea if you see each other too often. We've all been there, unrequited love.

But we ultimately have control over how others treat us. Unfortunately, the fire signs keep hanging on to a challenge. Let her go if you can't handle being the frozen dinner when she's hungry for attention (she is a Libra, after all 😉). Or continue to emasculate yourself and miss out on other opportunities...

* Why does it have to be on her terms?

Because you can't force someone to love you and feel an attraction that they just don't.

I think that for you, so that you can have peace of mind you should tell her what you really want.

Something to the affect of "Look, I know our relationship has been a little akward at times for both of us. At one point I was persuing you, then at another I accepted the fact that you wanted to just be friends and at the time, I realized I would rather have you in my life even if it meant your feelings for me did not reciprocate than blow it by telling you I wanted a relationship or nothing. For two years I have tried to just be friends with you, but even the little things get to me because under it all, I have a desire to be more than friends with you. If I come out and tell you i want to be with you I risk losing you as a friend, if I try to fight it and be a friend I struggle with emotions stemming from at the end of the day simply wanting more. Do you understand where I am comming from."

You lay it all out and set yourself up for a back and forth conversation. You approach it like a friend seeking advice from a friend which is the way she wants it. Make it third person of sorts. You have to know going into all of this though....can you really handle being just friends? Would you be better off letting this go and allowing yourself to be ready and available for the next woman that captures you in a similar way AND reciprocates that?

The reason I put my previous post like I did was to make your head spin. It was to make you see, that from what we can see, there is a passive agressive element to the way you have been handling this. I am not interrested in calling it wright or wrong. It doesn't really matter, but if it rings true to you too then disect it, fix it, and when your left looking at it for what it really is smack it off of the table and walk away if it will IMPROVE YOUR LIFE. When ever you get into a rutt and neither of the options you come up with have an obvious objective advantage over the other you have to ask yourself....Is what I have been doing improving my life? Like really improving, like in the way a relationship should constantly improve is YOUR life improving by doing what you have been doing? When you have that answer, you have THE answer.

A slightly different take on the situation: I think you should continue being in relationship with the Libra lady, unequal thought it is. Sometimes we need to do the same thing over and over until we get sick of it....only then can we evolve out of it. It's obvious you still love her, so just keep being with her, on her terms.

I've had a number of mental affairs with good male friends who, for one reason or the other, couldn't get physical with me or I with them. All my girlfriends sighed and shook their heads, and didn't want to see these relationships as valid -- yet I knew in my Scorpio soul that they *were* indeed valid, and an important part of my growth.

Fast forward a year: I have been in two relationships that were "equal", physically intimate etc. etc. seen by society as valid relationships. People will always judge and comment, especially if you ask for advice, but really you know in your own soul why you do the things you do.

OMG how can anybody possibly walk away from:..."Look, I know our relationship has been a little akward at times for both of us. At one point I was persuing you, then at another I accepted the fact that you wanted to just be friends and at the time, I realized I would rather have you in my life even if it meant your feelings for me did not reciprocate than blow it by telling you I wanted a relationship or nothing. For two years I have tried to just be friends with you, but even the little things get to me because under it all, I have a desire to be more than friends with you. If I come out and tell you i want to be with you I risk losing you as a friend, if I try to fight it and be a friend I struggle with emotions stemming from at the end of the day simply wanting more. Do you understand where I am comming from."

Nico, even under the circumstances, that is a beautiful way of putting it forward to somebody.....Atom, I would DEFINITELY consider something like that...you have NOTHING to lose and hey, it might just take that huge weight off your shoulders that we know you're carrying.

Mwahs!!!

I think that is the hardest part about these situations, being foreward without initiating someones defenses.

She's just not that into you. Any libra girl would make the time for someone they truly were in to...sorry!

Thanks, sakesumo. It's been interesting.