Many Thanks for happy ending

I owe a great deal of thanks to all the people who have contributed to this board in one way or another. Some good advise and some bad advise. But mostly for the insight that gave me those "aha" moments.

Upon finding this forum I struggled with trying to understand my Libra man and his aggravating disappearances for great lengths of time.

We broke up but recently got back together, as I had written in previous posts, only to have him disappear again but for one of the longest disappearing acts of all time in your relationship/friendship. (over a month).

When I wrote about it and got everyone's advise "to call or not to call" I weighed the responses and finally called only to get voicemail and then opted to write. That letter advised him that although I love him dearly the situation wasn't going to work for me. It took him a week to respond to the email and when he did respond he didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was no longer interested romantically and that he had been dumped. He made a lengthy apology and addressed all the things he felt bad about (the absence) and made more apologies and promised to call so we could talk about it. Over a week went by and no call came. Then when he did call I was on a date and didn't answer. He said he'd try calling again. I chose not to return the call. Another week went by and again he called when I was out and left a message. Playing phone tag I called him back and also got voicemail.

It has now been 2 months. We haven't talked. During the Thanksgiving holidays I sent everyone I knew an email with particular moments throughout the year a note of thanks for why that moment or their friendship means so much to me. (Libra man included).

5 days later........I got one of the most amazing apologies and epic love letters I could ever imagine along with an enormous detailed explanation about why he disappeared. It was beyond Libra charm. It was brutally honest. Open. And wonderfully written. ( disappearing could've been the reason it took so long to write it.LOL)

Anyway, I could not, and would not, have been able to completely understand or be open to his nature and his behavior issues that led up to receiving such a great outcome with him if it hadn't been for all the great input that came from reading thru this forum.

So Thank YOU to everyone Particularly QS: YOU REALLY ARE THE QUEEN in knowledge about Libra's

But it's all of you collectively that made the difference. THANK YOU !!!!!

In a final update. I got another email back from him reiterating the depths of his love and how am his only love and the one he wants for life. That he'll not disappear so long and he'll keep in touch with me regularly if it means not losing me.

He even called last night to say he needs to see me and the time away has been painfully too long to be apart. (DUH)

I am approaching this situation with a "let's wait and see" attitude before I give over my heart completely. Our relationship has always had this issue as a sore spot. But I am really impressed that my overall understanding of the nature of my Libra came from what I learned here from this forum. Many thanks again and I will continue to learn and grow and share as well. Particular as my own situation continues to evolve.

Yay!!! You are being smart. You are so welcomed. I am just happy to share my various experiences with the libra man. I still think they are one of the most likeable people. My past relationships, envolvements and marriage taught me a lot about them. I understand them on so many levels. I also understand that though I might think they are good men, they might not be ideal for me in a relationship. Again, you can base everything on zodiac signs. However, they are always admired by myself. I have recently found the same admiration for libra females. It is weird. I have made a couple of libra female friends over the past couple months (something I have never had before.).

Good luck with your libra TJ. They need a partner to know when they are sincere and one to tell them when they hurt you without torturous blame or drama. I am happy. (((Hugs)))

Again, you can base everything on zodiac signs.

You CANNOT base everything on zodiac signs!!!

Congrats! He sounds like a great guy with alot of courage - because you took the first step to break the status quo. Happy romancing, he sounds like a keeper!

clap, clap, clap. :-)

congrats

templeofjaguar, I have been following your posts. I admire your strength. My situation is similar in the sense that it is approaching 2 months n/c for me and my ex libra. QS's posts have helped me alot also.

So...QS? Seeing as you are so knowledgable about libra men, can you tell me if mine will ever call again? hehehe....J/K

Emily, nothing is gauranteed. However what happened? circumstances count. Depending on wwhat the break up was about, he might. Need more info hehehe.. Rubs my crystal ball. 🙂

Show me the love!!!

Just watch his actions, don't listen to his words. If he drops the ball again, give it up. It probably isn't personal just a timing thing.

Timing counts for everything in affairs of the heart.

You betcha LS !!! He called last night and.......he called this morning on his way to work. (hehhe) PLUS....for an added encore of extra surprises he asked me to go to OUT for dinner tonight! Yippeee !! I'm totally having dessert too.

This is a side of him I have NEVER had with him before. I'm sooooo lovin it!!! (while it lasts anyway) I'm not trying to be pessimistic just "realistic". I hope and pray he will continue to give me all this great attention and I'll reward him (hehehe) as long as he does. But come on girls.......we all know guys just do this long enough to play along and then they go back to being themselves. BUT just in case this is the NEW and IMPROVED Libra that doesn't come with a 1 week warranty set to expire....I'm going to enjoy every second of it!!

Emily, It was one of the hardest things I ever FORCED myself to do BTW. To be the one to tell him it was over and NOT going to work for me anymore. It was the opposite of everything that I felt in my heart. It was very very painful to do but....I did it!

If you don't believe in you and how great YOU are and stand up for yourself........why should he believe in you? That's pretty much what it boiled down to for me.

Temple, remind me why you broke up with him and why you did it via email?

TJ, when they wholeheartedly decide they want to be in a relationship with you the disappearing ends. Communication intensifies. Good luck!!!

I'm happy for her, but I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if she did the broke up thing to light a fire under him to force him to make a decision about the two of them.

Enjoy this definitely. But I think it's a pattern with this guy.

How long have you accumulatively been dating this guy...including the two other times he disappeared?

*break up* thing, not broke up thing.

Sometimes it takes the thought of someone leaving them, to make them realize they want them. I have seen this happen. Only time will tell.

The first time we dated was about 3 years ago. We dated for a year but we both had bad schedules and we lived 4 hours apart. So seeing each other and being in communication was always tough for both of us. He is a professional guitarist and performs with some big name stars. He was contracted to play with a latin group that got a recording contract with Sony records and they went on tour. We both agreed it was not going to work out not seeing each other that long (tour was 9 or 10 months)and if we were meant to be together when the tour end well.........time would tell.

A year went by and I wrote to him usually only on holidays and he wrote back even less. But it wasn't that big of a deal because we were "just friends". Then around Nov. of last year he wrote a really open letter about how he really valued the friendship because in the music industry people just aren't loyal. And he was really learning a lot and re-discovering the REAL values of friendship thru the one we had. Anyway, I didn't answer the email and I'm not sure why. But Valentines came around (2007)and I had no intentions of sending him anything, he wasn't my "valentine", but...... he sent me an email that had a link to a website. It was a Valentines website he made just for me about all the things he liked about me and missed. (awwwwwwww, I totally melted). So, of course I wrote him back and told him "congratulations he was the first guy to ever make me cry over something really nice and not because of something really bad."

We tried to get together over the next couple of months and it didn't work out. He stood me up actually. He got called to work the first time and the 2nd time he got side tracked and forgot. I called him up and told him he "suuuuuucked" and told him I was leaving for a few months and would return in Sept.

Sept came and he called me and wanted to meet again. I told him he better make it up to me for standing me up twice (jokingly) and he showed up with flowers (cheezy but the gesture was very nice). That's when he said he wanted to date again. I thought about it and said ok. I half jokingly told him he ever stands me up again he'll not need to call for another date. Our first date he told me he didn't want to date. He wanted to pick up where we left off and loved me. Wow, so I said ok. A month after we started dating my friend killed herself and he came by to console me the next day and then vanished for 4 weeks.

I posted most of this in the "to call or not to call" thread. But it really got to me that he didn't once concern himself with how I was coping during all of that time after the loss of my friend. My resentment turned to anger and I wrote an email dumping him and telling him this vanishing crap wasn't going to work for me in any kind of a relationship and I would rather be with a man who did want to spend time with me. Then LS & QS pointed out that maybe something happened to him or something was going on with him and that maybe I should call and see if he was alright. So....I called & got voicemail and asked if he got my email and if he'd please just let me know he was alright.

Finally a call came saying he was alright but hadn't read the email. then another week passed. A call left on my voicemail "read your email, I'm having a lot of problems. I'll call and we can talk." 2 more weeks pass. I've already moved on. But when he did call the 2nd time I called him back and he said he'd been very buy with lawyers, healthcare people and that caring for his mother full time since his father passed, plus working, just got too much for him. when he read my letter he said he fell apart because he knew he screwed up but understood why I chose to let go. He then wrote an email that was really very blatantly honest and open about what he felt, what he was going through, and just a really deep deep letter. So I wrote back and told him thanks for writing it. He's been calling now in the mornings on his way to work and then we had dinner last night that was soooooooo romantic. A huge gesture from the way things had been in the past.(dessert was good too BTW hhehehheh)

QS if any of the things you have stated about Libras never saying the L word unless they mean it and if they really walk the walk and talk the talk when they really mean it are true then I hope my Libra shows that side of himself now. Because up until now he's just been so inconsistant with backing up his words with the appropriate actions. That's why he's still on probation with me until I can see it's not just BS this time around.

Sorry HP that got kinda long winded. I had no choice but to write because he wouldn't answer his phone or return his calls during his vanishing stage. so I just wrote everything I wanted to say in the email and proceeded to move on.

TJ, if he means what he says he will show it. They always do.

***Sometimes it takes the thought of someone leaving them, to make them realize they want them***if he means what he says he will show it***I soooooo hope you are right about these things QS because he was NEVER this open and honest until I told him I wasn't willing to continue the relationship the way that it was. It just wasn't going to work for me. I just never in a million years thought I would get the kind of response from him that I did. It made it easier to empathize with him and his situation when he was more communicative about what was going on his life and why he didn't tell me and consequently had become distant for longer then he intended.

COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION. This was a ground breaking experience for him think. Yet, I've read posts how Libra's are supposed to be great at communicating and my libra......uhmmm...not so good. (until now)But it's the same-old-same-old with guys in general. They won't tell you what they feel. They expect US to be psychic. Then they freak out when you want to have the dreaded "talk" with them and turn the whole thing around on women like we're the freaks. I wasn't even going to bother going there with him. My new philosophy on that stuff is : if you're not showing me AND telling me how you feel....I'll tell him what's NOT working for ME and that I'm not about to change him. Instead, I'll advise him that I need to think about the relationship and if I want to continue with it or not, the way that it is, and if I can adjust to it or not. In this case, the long disappearances were NOT something I was going to tolerate and it was certainly a deal breaker for me.

TJ, my ex husan and I (libra) started as FWB, then I told him my feelings changed for him and I wanted more, didn't want to do the FWB thing. He agreed. I still didn't believe him for awhile then a few months later he asked me to move in with him. I did (since my lease was up at that time) year later engaged, following year married.... Who knows....

Oh, I failed to mention, he didn't say "lets do it" When i initially told him, he said. "I thought you didn't want a relationship", I said " I didn't at the time, now I do with you, my feelings are getting serious." Then I didn't call for a couple days. He paniced I guess, called and said he wanted to talk and if I could come by and that is when the rest happened.

It is nice to see success stories like that 🙂

Panic calling from a Libra. Nothing else like it.

What do you mean Atom? He reacted out of panic and all the things he's saying and doing are under the duress of a panic attack?

TJ, I think he is referring to what I posted about my ex panic calling me.

Oh,OK, that's interesting. Fascinating actually that your Libra & mine share the same birth date and they are programmed, as you say, much the same way. It's a weird feeling knowing that the threat of me leaving can trigger a panic attack in him. Weird because it indicates he cares enough to not want to lose me and yet sad that it takes something like leaving him to get him to take me seriously.

I'm realistically prepared for that kind of thing happening, but certainly NOT to the degree of him disappearing for a month or more in the kind of relationship that HE came to ME asking for. I appreciate that you brought that potential scenario to my attention.

Oh,OK, that's interesting. Fascinating actually that your Libra & mine share the same birth date and they are programmed, as you say, much the same way. It's a weird feeling knowing that the threat of me leaving can trigger a panic attack in him. Weird because it indicates he cares enough to not want to lose me and yet sad that it takes something like leaving him to get him to take me seriously.

I'm realistically prepared for that kind of thing happening, but certainly NOT to the degree of him disappearing for a month or more in the kind of relationship that HE came to ME asking for. I appreciate that you brought that potential scenario to my attention.

oops, sorry ! Don't know how that got posted twice!

Thnx, I appreciate the well wishes and the insight of the things yet to come. I'm still really amazed over how this all turned around literally over night. It's so unbelievable it doesn't seem real to me in some ways. Mostly shock I guess. I keep reading the loooong email that he wrote and all the things he said because a lot of it is still just sinking in now. It was overwhelming (but in a very good way).

Wow Wysdom!!! I have never had that problem out of any Libra I was in a relationship with/married to. Once we were in it they were always calling and we were always together. Even with fWB. Until we both got confused and afraid about how serious it was seeming to get and neither of us was ready at the time.