I will NEVER understand

My ex an I got into this morning and I will admit I still have anger towards this guy for not appreciating me better and then moving on like i didnt matter. I'm still working on letting that go. Anywho i'm expressing how im feeling and how he let me down and the response he kept giving was I did alot and im sorry. I dont know why but him responding like that was getting me angrier and angerier.

The more angry I got the more he was like it's not my intention to get you mad but i really did try. Why I asked what did you do and how did you try he kept skipping the subject. ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!! I kept trying to get him to see how I always been there for him even though he lies and hids shit and selfish as hell. I told him i carried the relationship and he did NOTHING in return. so I said I wish i never met you and you're a fucking time waster. i got Im sorry I wish I could have done better and you deserve better than me because im a nobody.

and this fool gonna say do you want me back?

I say all of this and i get do you want me back. I said NO because you wont change for me.

Response: OK


SMH.

Posted by Aesma

Posted by MIZUNDERSTOOD

and this fool gonna say do you want me back?

I say all of this and i get do you want me back. I said NO because you wont change for me.

Response: OK


SMH.

Funniest thing I've heard today! I'm sorry! I know you're upset but he's hilarious!

click to expand

LOL No it's fine. I guess it is kinda funny, im confused as hell. WTF was that!!!!

Posted by MIZUNDERSTOOD
My ex an I got into this morning and I will admit I still have anger towards this guy for not appreciating me better and then moving on like i didnt matter. I'm still working on letting that go. Anywho i'm expressing how im feeling and how he let me down and the response he kept giving was I did alot and im sorry. I dont know why but him responding like that was getting me angrier and angerier.

The more angry I got the more he was like it's not my intention to get you mad but i really did try. Why I asked what did you do and how did you try he kept skipping the subject. ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!! I kept trying to get him to see how I always been there for him even though he lies and hids shit and selfish as hell. I told him i carried the relationship and he did NOTHING in return. so I said I wish i never met you and you're a fucking time waster. i got Im sorry I wish I could have done better and you deserve better than me because im a nobody.

and this fool gonna say do you want me back?

I say all of this and i get do you want me back. I said NO because you wont change for me.

Response: OK


SMH.

I'm so sorry that things are going this way between you two but all jokes aside, you can't make a man change whatsoever. He has to want to change on his own. How long have you two been together?

A Year. Actually our Anniversary would have been Friday 😢 It sucks I just want this week and next week to hurry and pass already because its making it worse.

I know I cant make him change and that's why I told him no, I can deal with us not working but walking around feeling like he did his best is a slap in the face to me. Because this asshole really feels like he was this super great bf and he wasnt! Telling someone you tried and in reality you did nothing! That's whats hard for me to let go! because if he telling himself that imagine what he's telling other people. SMH

Posted by Aesma
I found it! No, he's just trying to be 'nice' because he thinks the truth would hurt you. I thought he had the same issues as me but no, this is completely different. He's not willing to change but he doesn't have the balls to say it to you bluntly. In a way, he IS telling the truth when he said you deserve better but he omitted the part where he's supposed to say he won't change for you.

Yeah as sad as it is i know he wont change for me. I wish i could move on past the anger of it all.

Posted by tiziani
He asked you that so you could feel like it's your decision to move on.

That makes sense...

I think he's fine with being the "bad guy" either. Because he's doing too much of the fault taking and he dont normally EVER do that. I know he's moved on in some way. I just got to deal with the hurt and anger the best way I can.

@ told him i carried the relationship and he did NOTHING in return

No disrespect to you okay, if you carried the relationship and you are a grown woman, let's be clear, you're grown and no one forced you to carry the relationship.

If you carry a relationship you encourage and promote narcissistic behavior in a man. He will never truly see what you did as worth anything when he's only thinking about himself.

It's not that he's a bad guy, it's most likely you encouraged bad behavior by not having boundaries and strong standards for him to reach and when a man is not reaching a certain level of standards he's not investing and if he's not investing in you and the relationship he doesn't truly understand that he lost something good because he wasn't invested in it to begin with.

Next time you meet a nice guy, DON'T CARRY HIM, don't carry the relationship or you'll end up feeling the same way you feel now with this guy.

It takes 2 people to carry one relationship or it won't work and it won't feel balanced.

He may be a time waster but you CHOSE him anyway. You chose him even when you could see him not changing nor investing his time and energy and you chose to love him anyway.

I'm not coming at you side ways or anything, but you should feel more hurt that you allowed him to do whatever he did repeatedly, you're most likely angry at yourself for carrying some guy that never cared to begin with, projecting that anger onto him.

Take a step back and look at how you contributed to the situation. Did you set a standard and stick with that standard? Did you create strong boundaries to protect yourself when you needed to protect yourself? Did you give him a pass when you really needed to dump him somewhere along the way?

Look at how your inability to stop carrying him contributed to the situation..

@tiki33 I agree. However im not without fault and im also not perfect. Looking back could i have done things differently YES, but I believe in chances, I feel like people make mistakes in the process of knowing people. He didnt start off like this, the first 6 months I didnt have issues with him and once things started going back everything just went bad. I loved him and was hoping it would have gotten better and hoped he realized I was a good woman to him.

So whatever mistakes I made I take, but I dont regret atleast trying. Im not making excuses for him nor am I justifying why i stayed as long as I did. He sold me on dreams. Sad part it that most females dont admit is when you had horrible people in your past and you run into someone even a little better than the last you feel like maybe this is it. I will confess to that, but I rather realize and move past it than to hold on to shit for years and years.

You are partly at fault if you carried the relationship only to receive nothing in return.

Think about it, when you FIRST noticed he wasn't reciprocating from what he was receiving from you why didn't you leave? What happened to the 3 strike rule? My point being is this...You chose to continue even when you saw with your very own eyes he was not going to measure up.

The first 6 months in any relationship are almost always wonderful but when you noticed he no longer was into it with you that was your queue to leave but you stayed and you continued on giving 100% even when you noticed he wasn't giving you half of that back.

You want to be mad at him okay but truly you have to be mad at yourself for not doing what was in your own best interest first.

You put a man first above you and he will assume you like being put last and he will put you last each and every time.

He'll perceive your carrying as desperation and utilize that desperation to benefit himself (well in your case this is what he did).

Carrying a relationship can translate over as being in desperate need to control him and to control the direction of the relationship b/c what woman in her right mind would stay in a relationship that she has to carry all by herself so you see in his point of view you must be desperate to carry the whole relationship which devalues your worth, he doesn't see a good woman, he sees a desperate woman.

I'm saying this to you because going forward you have to have some kind of inner awareness in regards to how your behavior (no matter how good) can translate into something bad. Carrying the whole entire relationship is bad, it translates over as bad to a man which is why he broke it off with you.

You didn't help your situation by carrying it you actually hurt your situation by carrying it. The best thing a woman can do is take a couple of steps back and see if he'll meet you there and begin to do his part.

He was the only one who received a pay off/benefited from your behavior, you got nothing in return and yeah that can and will piss off any woman.

You chose to give too much to a relationship that wasn't giving you anything in return, the lesson is, don't do that anymore, if it's not working it's not working and unless he's willing to do his part to ensure it works it's pretty much a dead relationship, it's over.

Unless you take some semblance of responsibility in this you'll repeat this behavior again and remain on the hamster wheel

He's giving you those bs answers because he's doing it in hopes to appease your anger.

I got the same response from a Libra when I called him out on his shit. If someone can't truly see what they've done or are just giving answers to appease you because they don't care, be done with that shit. It's maddening and will piss you off, but if you stop and think about how ridiculous the responses are, it's like omg, eff this. He's a lost cause.

Too many men out there behave like little boys with women. They do not deserve the energy, yet women waste so much time on them because somewhere in their dipshit, estrogen riddled brains, they think he's just being some poor, wounded soul that needs chance after chance. All you're doing is encouraging bad behavior.

As tiki said, consider this a lesson and be done with it. You're allowed to go through the mourning process, but no more of this contact. You asked in the other thread how to move on. You were told not to contact him, yet here you are, admitting you got into it with him. wtf with the contact?

You're just going to drag this out, knowing you stuck around and tolerated his crap. Being gullible and giving an asshat a second chance is just asking for it. :/ It's like constantly sticking your hand in the fire and asking why it burns.

I read your other post, and you asked do they regret and try to come back or do they just move on.(something of this nature) and I don't know about your libra, but most libra??s will just tuck their tail in and move along, thinking you deserve better. Especially if we KNOW we are wrong. He took a chance asking you if you wanted him back, and you shut him down. I doubt he??ll ever ask again after that. We hate rejection; don't care what we did to deserve it, if we can dodge it we will.
If he does ask you to take him back again, then I will have to insist that's his other placement coming into play because a Libra will almost never ask an ex that dumped them to take them back, they??ll dance around it and hope you get the hint. If I wanted an ex back (which is very rare), I may flirt with him heavy, I may even casually show up to places I know he would be, I would play the friend role and support him, but I??ll NEVER, EVER ask him to take me back, I will leave that part up to him.

Now about your libra feeling guilty, he might actually feel bad. However, I don't know what you want him to say. First of all, texting is never a good idea when you??re in a heated argument or talking about serious feelings because the other person can't hear or sense the sincerity in your voice. When someone is mad at me, and I know they have a right to be, I will apologize and truly mean it, BUT I'm not about to take them constantly reminding me if I said I was sorry and I know I meant it. If my apology is not enough, I will start to think —what the hell do you want me to say!— I may even go silent and start ignoring their text until they calm the hell down. I hate to be yelled at or cursed out even when I'm wrong, so a person??s best bet is to talk to me like they got some sense or hell just don't talk to me at all, I'm not just like that in relationships I'm like that with people period. The more you fuss, the more I can't wait to get away.

continued...

If you truly believe in your heart that this guy was so horrible to you, and you don't think that he will change, then you need to let it go. You are second guessing yourself because honestly, I believe you still love him and deep down your still hoping he will change, otherwise you wouldn't bother writing TWO post about him. You wouldn't give a flying shit if you were honestly done. You wouldn't give him an ounce of energy. So, I'm not sure who your trying to convince, us or yourself but if you??re done then I think it's time you start acting on it. Women who are done, don't get this upset, the man has ran out of chances, and she's ran out of energy to even get pissed at him anymore. It's like —Oh boy please. Goodbye.??

People get away with what others allow. If you weren't happy and continued to put up with everything that dissatisfied you, that was your choice. You have to state your needs, and the person you love will either meet them or no, but if they don't, go find someone who will. Choose to be happy, choose to see your self-worth. Choose to reach for a better life and someone who will make an effort for you. Don't post-mortem the dead relationship; over is over. The future can't arrive if you're still looking to the past.