Libra ex

So I'm at a local dance club/pub on the weekend with my gf's and waiting at the bar to be served when I look to the right and see the ex glaring at me. I look at him casually (I've already had a few drinks) Blank stare and then look away. He disappears. It Gave me a little jolt but I knew at some stage he would show up there.

During the night, after a few hours his best mate comes up to me and gives me a kiss and cuddle. He said they were in the other bar but he wasn't suppose to come talk with me but doesn't care because he likes me and considers us friends. He stays with his little brother and talks and dances for near an hour. He's interested in a job and I can help him with that. (Purely a friendly catchup) Of course if I help him out it isn't going to go down well with the ex...not sure I care now because....

I am baffled as to why he appears to hate me so much. It certainly doesn't sit well with me as I know I bent over backwards to help him move out and on, even setting him up with nearly everything he needed for his own place and I was a reference for him to get into it. He's moved on with new gf, although the friend said that they had split the day before.

I just hate feeling uncomfortable and the way he was glaring at me was like he was pissed off that I was at the club...but I wasn't going to go anywhere whether he stayed or not!

Libra

Posted by djbuck1
You probably represent a major life failure to him-- at least part of which is his failure. Whether he realizes that or not, I can't say.

Not all men are mindless knuckle draggers, perpetually in rut-- though many are. If a man has any substance, no matter how much he may try to hide it, a divorce is not just a bump in the road.

The marriage failed. Many guys are not terribly adept at processing emotions. He may be defaulting to hatred because that's far easier than getting into "messy" feelings and taking a hard look at what happened-- and the fact that he might have had a hand in it.

Even if he is willing to accept some responsibility, it's still easy to hate you for causing him to have to face that.

Bottom line, it's HIS problem.

I gotta love your insight. It's straightforward and not naive or biased. When seeking advice from some guys, it's much nicer to hear this than the usual one sided male beneficial advice some guys are prone to giving. It's not always intentional because they just don't stop to see how dating is for the other side and what everything is in the big picture- your insight usually does that.

Posted by djbuck1
You probably represent a major life failure to him-- at least part of which is his failure. Whether he realizes that or not, I can't say.

Not all men are mindless knuckle draggers, perpetually in rut-- though many are. If a man has any substance, no matter how much he may try to hide it, a divorce is not just a bump in the road.

The marriage failed. Many guys are not terribly adept at processing emotions. He may be defaulting to hatred because that's far easier than getting into "messy" feelings and taking a hard look at what happened-- and the fact that he might have had a hand in it.

Even if he is willing to accept some responsibility, it's still easy to hate you for causing him to have to face that.

Bottom line, it's HIS problem.

Yes, I know it's HIS problem and I haven't bumped into him in 6 months so chances are it'll be another 6 months or more before it happens again. I know it's the final stages for me with the acceptance of the breakdown too...failure is not something I take very likely..

Hatred is a simple, primal emotion. In fact, deep thinking tends to derail it, or at least temper it. Many men do not mind hating. It's simple, direct, forceful and requires little thought and less introspection.


He was always a thinking man and use to surprise me with the details of his thoughtfulness that's why his reaction baffles me but I know I'll never understand it and therefore will need to accept this!