punishment?

Hey people,

To all the libra men and libra experts....

Let's say you are in a 'friendship' with a libra man and things crossed the line into the non plutonic zone one time but you are still friends. Apparently there are mutual feelings between both parties but there is the matter of bad timing. So, lets say libra dude feels slighted by something said to him or how he preceived it. After all, libra men appear to be very sensitive folks.

Is it libra's nature to punish the 'offender' by not calling? I thought communication was so important to libra.


Also, are you fickle people? Are you attention seekers? Are there issues with insecurity?

Thanks for your insights!

"Is it libra's nature to punish the 'offender' by not calling? I thought communication was so important to libra. "

Well, sure Libra men (and men in general) play the "silent treatment" game. But typically with Libras, when they've chosen to cut off all communication with their partners, the reason for it goes way beyond some kind of mental game. Libras can be so forgiving time after time & while they usually know deep down they should cut you off, they won't because not turning their backs on those they TRULY (keyword) is a natural habit for them. So when a Libra actually does turn their back on you or decides to cut off communication, that is not to be taken lightly.

Alot of my Libra female friends seem to always use the "silent treatment" on their partners alot BUT that usually only happens when the end of the relationship is nearing. And them cutting you off just to come right back to you is done when they begin the stages of battling what they really want, rather it's to be with you or to be better off hurt & alone. But when it comes to the male Libras I know & have dealt with, they can almost be passive when it comes to using the silent treatment on those they love b/c they fear that those types of games will backfire on them. The good thing about Libras is that they weigh the options before they make a decision. And a Libra usually won't cut the communication off with you unless they really feel they need to see what it's like to be without it. And to you (the person looking on the outside), it may seem like the typical silly game that men play when they're trying to prove a point. But in their minds, it kills them more than it would kill their partners to cut off the communication; thus when they actually cut of the communication (even just for a short while) that usually means there's an imbalance & unstableness they are feeling in the relationship.

Once you get a Libra who's starting to play the "disappearing just to reappear" game that could either mean that the Libra is testing himself to see if he really can survive with out you (which will explain why he might all of the sudden take you OFF "punishment." OR He's starting to realize that the relationship & commitment is not stable anymore & that unbalancing nature of theirs starts to come into play. Should I leave? Or should I stay. Does this person deserve my time, energy & love.

But hey, I'm saying all of this with the assumption that you are talking about a Libra who is in l

But hey, I'm saying all of this with the assumption that you are talking about a Libra who is in love with you. Not in lust. Not in like. Not in friendship. But actually in love with you.

And you can usually match up a Libra's feelings with his own actions. If he disappears or appears to be "punishing" you, it's because somewhere a long the line he might feel betrayed & might be questioning the relationship's worthiness. And if he's taking time out to do this (you might interpret this time as him playing games or trying to "punish" you just to prove a point), that'll explain why he all of the sudden acts like you don't exist or like he all of the sudden needs his distance.

And when a Libra realizes or believes he cannot survive very long without you & when he believes he's made up his mind that the betrayal from the other person can be forgiving, you'll start to notice your Libra randomly reappearing again. They don't just disappear unless they have a pretty good reason to. It's the same with Aquarians. When Libras feel pressure or feel betrayal is knocking at their doors, they'll step away from the situation (even though it means leaving the other person confused) & when they have taken enough time out to reach their final conclusion, they'll either make the decision to pop back in your life & start all over (with some new added insecurities) or they'll completely suprise you & never reappear again.

OMG Kry, you explain me soooo well and I just act that way without thinking I'm actually doing anything but justifying things in my own mind/world!!!

Thanks Krys, thats a very thorough answer. And I think spot on too!

We are not in love; it has only been 2 months that we have known each other and we talked about our relationship every step of the way. We agreed to go slowly, get to know each other as friends first and sex was out of the question. He kept his physical distance; instead we talked alot on the phone. But we managed to see each other every couple weeks for tea or whatever.

We got intimate one time just after xmas. We talked and talked about it beforehand even! We knew it wasn't necessarily going to lead us into a romantic relationship; for other reasons, now is not good timing for that (for him). He called me the evening afterwards and things seemed the same between us for which I was glad.

But, about a week after while on the phone I said something (unrelated) which he didn't like apparently. I didn't know this at the time though. He called me a week later (to the day) and asked me if I knew why he had not called me. I also had not called him in this period. He then told me it was a comment I had made the week before.

Honestly, I almost think that was an excuse and he was just taking the time to reflect on 'us'/stuff. His reason for not calling was really not much of a reason in my opinion and considering how we usually communicate (very openly).

Anyways, this week we have been playing phone tag and have not had a chance to speak. But, I think we really need to talk and see where things are at. I know the sex was not just a meaningless fling to him and I need to see where his head is regarding it. I am not about to push for anything with him. I am happy being his friend if that is all that is in the cards for us. He knows this too as I have not been pressuring him at all along the way. As I said, we have been very open with one another. There is a real barrier...I can sense it.

I miss him in my life....just looking for insights.

Why is the timing not right for him ?? Just wondering for what reason...

"Honestly, I almost think that was an excuse and he was just taking the time to reflect on 'us'/stuff. His reason for not calling was really not much of a reason in my opinion and considering how we usually communicate (very openly). "

Well, it's not uncommon for Libras (in the beginning) to find something to nick pick about the other person. There are 2 sides of a Libra. The 1st side is the way they are before they commit to you: they are picky, they have very high standards & aren't as forgiving or accepting of "faults" when they see any too soon. You almost have to be on perfect behavior when you first start dating a Libra OR when you're trying to get a Libra to see you as more than a friend. The other side of the Libra is how they are when they've actually commited. They are more accepting, more forgiving, more adaptive to even the annoying things about someone else's personality & aren't quick to cut off the communication once the connection has been established unless they have no other choice.

You seem to be dealing with the Libra before the commitment is made. And it's hard to figure them out b/c we always hear about how loving & forgiving & adaptable Libras are but then when we meet one, we realize they've more than likely charmed us BEFORE we've charmed them. Communication is very important, yes. But what establishes good communication (in his mind) means that the 2 of you see eye to eye on alot of things, issues, & morals. Whatever you said might've made him think that you two were intellectually not on the same page. And even though the communication had been good for so long, all it would take is that ONE comment he didn't like & he'd let that 1 comment overshadow all of the other things you said/did RIGHT. It's unfair & unequal but that's just how Libras are. Their #1 priority is making sure the person they are interested in turns them on intellectually, versus turning them off with 1 comment they might've taken too far.

But like I said, usually when a Libra cuts off the communication or all of the sudden appears to be this "distant" being, it's for a reason & a good one (even though the other person may not understand it yet.) He's not doing this to play mind games with you. He probably really did hear your comment, pull back & start to re-question things.

A Libra BEFORE the commmitment might appear to be distant, not a sucker for love & someone who isn't easy to charm. But a Libra once he's made the decision to like you further than friendship will be completely attached to you. They'll make time for anything they feel is worthy, so if you're Libra is all of the sudden "too busy" then that means he is emotionally detaching from you (even though the 2 of you are still in the beginning). The easiest way to turn OFF a Libra is to annoy him intellectually or mentally. And the best way to get a Libra to overlook that annoyance is to stimulate his mind in other ways & show him why he should give YOU a second chance at becoming someone he can see himself settling down with.

Libras almost sometimes have double personalities. Before the commitment, they are picky, unaccepting, expect to be chased first, & almost see your conversations as a competition that measures why he should like-to-love YOU in particular instead of the other 7 billion girls on this planet that might be knocking at is door too & they won't hesitate to show the side of them that doesn't need anyone.

But yet after the commitment has been made they are more laid back, they are slow to take annoyance to things because they'll realize that if they really wanted to, they could overlook the petpeeve or weird comment. They become attached to the hip & almost like a kid in a candy store, they will not want to give up on (easily) something that took them soooo long to like. They become very understanding & very adaptive to the flaws & goodies a woman brings & actually loves her more because she is not perfect, but yet still like or lovable

Thanks for your responses everyone.

The comment was as follows. He was going to a new years eve party and told me he was being 'forced' to go to this party but felt obligated to go. So, a couple days later I asked him how the 'hostage taking' went and then elaborated that I didn't think a grown man could be 'forced' to do anything unless being held at gunpoint. I thought it was quite funny actually but apparently he was offended.

Its bad timing for him because he has recently moved to Canada from the US and is trying to establish himself here. He has goals which are very important to him and I think as much as he wants the companionship a relationship can offer, he does not want to be distracted from his goals/plans.

This is the second 'tiff' we have had since knowing each other and what I like about him is that he doesn't avoid usually. He tackles it head on. He speaks his mind and usually I know where I stand with him. I do feel distancing however.

He is also HIGHLY intuitive. Is this something common to libras?

"So, a couple days later I asked him how the 'hostage taking' went and then elaborated that I didn't think a grown man could be 'forced' to do anything unless being held at gunpoint. I thought it was quite funny actually but apparently he was offended. "

Who knows, this particular comment might've sparked some remembrance of something in his past or he simply could be overly sensitive. There are 1,000 ways someone could've took that statment & he chose to take it to the point of letting that 1 comment effect what the 2 of you have, rather it's friendship or love. Or it could've been that this guy feels that you say alot of things that are blunt or rather offensive to him & maybe he chose that particular comment & moment to finally emphasis that he's offended.

But hey, if you've been talking to this guy for a while, you should be able to tell if he's the type of guy that is oversensitive or always finds it his priority to nick pick things about others. And if you don't get the feeling that he's that type of guy then I'm sure your comment offended him for reasons he's probably not going to open up to you about. Him or someone in his family could've had problems/issues (in the past) dealing with guns, freedom or the imposing of something on someone through force...Who knows. And if that's the case then that'll explain the all of the sudden distance & attitude.

"Its bad timing for him because he has recently moved to Canada from the US and is trying to establish himself here. He has goals which are very important to him and I think as much as he wants the companionship a relationship can offer, he does not want to be distracted from his goals/plans."

And hey, that's not a bad thing. Often times, women complain about how they want a man with goals & who is focused so that he can be an even better man with them when the relationship begins, but when the man is in those middle stages of getting his life together (which normally requires full & complete focus) women automatically assume that if they can't have it RIGHT NOW, then they no longer want it. So if I were you, I just let this thing take some time. Let him get settled in but don't necessarily let him use that "I'm getting myself together" speech for too long because like I said, when Libras can sense something unique or intriging about someone, they will drop what they're doing to chase after that thing or person. I'm not saying that Libras lose focus when they are interested in others, but Libras WILL make room for someone even when they don't even have time for themselves & that's just b/c of the constant craving for love or satisfaction in some way, shape or form.

And yes Libras are very intuitive. Even though it may take them a long time to find love, they still feel like they are experts on the topic. So when they first meet someone, they believe in their own intuition alot more stronger than others. They will know after a while or sometimes immediately if the person they are "dating" will be someone they can see themselves with long term. If they can't see themselves with you long term it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you, but instead they found alot of flaws in you (before they really gave you the chance) that they don't want to struggle adapting with. And hey, every time your Libra notices something in you that he doesn't particularly like he won't always or necessarily voice his annoyance. Alot of times, they'll hold it in until they can't take it anymore & once they feel that way (especially in the beginning), they come up with 100 excuses like "well I'm not ready," or "I still need time"...you get the point.

Libras are very good at picking out those who they believe will be the best match for them & when they are actually annoyed or turned off by something you do (even if it's the smallest thing), they pay attention to their own gut. Is it fair that them listening to their gut all the time means that alot of good & intelligent women will be turned lose or kept at a distance? Yes, it is. But in the Libran mind, even though he craves love & seems to have trouble finding the right match, he will always have faith that someone will do the trick, eventually. When Libras start using distance as their weapon or as an excuse to not commit or take things further, it's because they are not 100% sure that they are ready to cut off ties with you, yet at the same time the thought has entered their minds. And until a Libra fully makes up his mind he'll be wishy washy one minute & appear to adore you the next. You'll know when he makes up his mind about what he wants with you. He'll either let you know up front with a more specific reason (other than just "Oh I'm new to the town so I'm trying to adjust" OR he'll completely change, open up & be very clear about what he wants from you, what he can give you & what he's expecting from you. I think you might be a little lead off or confused because he is too! lol

Krys, again what you have said makes total sense and rings true with my libra friend from what I know of him so far. We had a good, long talk this evening. He brought up the recent changes and distance between us and told me he has missed me and our long talks. He told me that my comment raised a red flag in him and that he felt pressured. We got it all out on the table and agreed to continue along the path we were heading towards. Again he showed me why I like him so much; he knows himself well, he understands/observes others and he is open.

I feel better because we got a lot out in the open and I really believe that if he didn't care he wouldn't have taken the time and effort to discuss things. I am just looking forward to the easy flow we had returning to our friendship and keeping an open mind to whatever will be.

You really helped here Krys. I am not sure if you are a libra or just very knowlegeable regarding astrology and/or human nature (or all of the above). But thanks!!

Well, I'm an Aquarius & I've dealt with ALOT of Libras & have come to understand them very well. See, the very thing that connected you two (communication & the fact that you two can be so open with eachother) can & should be the very same thing that bonds you two back together whenever trouble comes to the air. The fact that you guys talked about it & feel that everything is back to normal for you two makes this a win/win situation.

You won because he you let him know that you "cared enough" to wonder why he was acting that way. You let him know that yes, you do pay attention to his behaviors & are tuned in fully to the relationship, & he will always remember that the next time he finds himself wanting to be distant & chances are, he'll respect you twice as much. You let him know that communication is just as important to you as it is him & Libras will genuinely appreciate you that much more, even over the smallest of issues.

He won because he now realizes he has a woman on his side that notices when he's being distant. And in his mind that means that you're actually trying to get to know him & you showed him that you were the kind of woman that won't give up easily the first time she sees something fishy. The reason he didn't tell you what was causing his distance was for something so small, but yet he'll still be amazed at how easy it was to open up to you & let it all out. And when a Libra realizes that he can do that with you he'll start to put you on a higher pedistool & remind himself why he likes you in the first place. A Libra's biggest concern is finding someone that can intellectually stiimulate their minds and/or break them out of their stubborn "I'm not going to tell" mode & believe it or not, doing that is VERY hard. And he knows that & will be convinced that because YOU managed to do it, you must be special. And when a Libra sees you as more unique, different & special than all the others, he'll begin the process of an attachment that won't end for a very logn time. To him, there is no better feeling then to know that he can be asked a question, & feel that the other person will understand him & still "want" him even after he answers that question. By that simple conversation, you've might've taken you're friendship/relationship to another level that you don't even realize yet