Well, screwed up with the Libra man. What now?

Hi all...

I never dreamed I would post on a Libra board...but life for this Virgo girl has been let's say interesting these days.

Scenario...

Met a Libra male age 45, (I'm 27) on Mar. 10th against my wishes. Well, a co-worker introduced me to him after I'd been telling her for over a week I don't want to date anyone. She'd known him for over 2yrs. So, I met him at my job, as he came in on business with his mom. I totally loved his sense of humor, being laid back, cute, sexy etc. We flirted a bit and I went out with him that night. Well, we couldn't get enough of each other I guess...and I went back to his house to see a movie. I knew I would not have sex because of my standards. Now, he's at the stage where he wants kids and a wife. He was married for 5yrs but divorced now. So, I started picking away at him with questions to the point he slept only 1hr that night. Now after picking away with questions he always was sweet and honest I think in his responses and never cranky till the next morning. Then I realized, I could find no fault with this man and for me, I looked forward to spending more time with him as I liked him even more so now. He looked forward to spending time with me too prior to the questioning and me being difficult overnight at his place. But by morning, he was tunrned off and all went downhill after. He does not want to speak with me again. I have had little sleep since this incident. I can't stop thinking about him and what I could do to turn this around. I just take a while to warm up to people and pushed him away before I even had him. Any advice would help. He's in Brazil right now on a 10day vacation

You also have a right to be who you are. And if questions & answers is what you need then he should not deny you. If this turns him off then that does not bode well for a possible future anyway.

That answer probably did not help. huh? But seriously, if you want him to come around you may need to put yourself in his presence once again and win him over with your heart, flatter his ego, or explain why you asked him. Bit of witch craft, I guess...

He may have gotten confused about the change that he saw prior to the questions and then the questions. I have met lovely people that I thought were idiots in the beginning. (Not that you are an idiot, of course!)

Is there anyway that you can see him again without making too much effort?

Thanks for your response... agree. I think he's basing some of this on my possible level of maturity. I am 27 and he did mention his onerns as to wether I may be mature to handle the kind of relationship he desires. He wants a woman. And I know he thinks I may be crazy but he's soo not right and I wish I could tell him that but I can't. At this point he will not respond to text. He thinks he made a good choice. I know if I SEE him, we would most likely laugh about this whole mess.

He may come to the dealership to service his car after his vacation as he told me he needed an oil change soon. He comes for oil changes religiously every 3-4months. He was there in December, so he's expected soon. I just wonder if he would choose to go elsewhere because of possibly running into me. Gosh...

My co-worker still wants for us to work this out. He refuses to speak with her too. She happened to be dropping her daughter off one morning for school and saw him entering his gym. So I know where he works out. But, I'd be shy to try bump into him. I can't. I happen to be a member of that gym group too, just 10miles away at a different location.

We're not too good at talking about the real thing also. Kind of kills the enthousiasm & mystery.

Let him be. I don't think as such the questions themselves turned him off. But more like the fact that there is nothing to fight for anymore. Because we like to fight for you before we have you. What do you think?

He does not like to fight period. And, from a couple of conversations I kinda suggested that, I thank you for your conerns or suggestions but I dont know you well enough to be quite bothered by them. I don't think he wants to fight or chase...he's at a stage in his life when he feels all will just happen naturally like the way we met...spontaneous. My problem is I sabotaged myself...and he's left with that image/perception of me. I have a gut feeling that it can be turned around because he cannot resist a good joke with his sense of humor. He was disappointed is what I feel about how things turned out.

And this one night was on 10th March?

See, we're not good at being upset with people, or angry for that matter. It does not linger. Even on VERY big issues, we're very forgiving. So he's not angry or anything like that. More likely he may think right now that you're not all that compatible.

You should put yourself outthere one more time to give yourself another chance.

with him you think?

When I see him again I'll be like "The strangest thing happened to me a few ago. I remember going on a date with this really charming, sexy guy named... Casey...and I really liked him; but, then I don't remember what happened after we left the restaurant? That weird. Then my twin sister told me she blew the date for me and I wanted to strangle her. We are identical twins, so I guess somewhere along the way she disguised herself as me. She's can be a little troublemaker. I want to apologize for her behavior and believe me, she wont accompany me on a date again.

Anyway Libra, I want to thank you for your input, it was quite useful

interesting scenario!! 😉

Male Perspective: Sounds like he got the "third degree" from you---no one like that; ESPECIALLY when you're just starting to get to know him / her. I went out on a date with one lady I was VERY interested in her and she started barraging me with questions. So I told her to cool it so I could get to know HER better. She did and our relationship grew. BUT if she had kept it up I would have walked and never looked back.

Libras can give you the advice on approaching him again, etc. I'm giving you a guy's perspective. No fun. EVEN IF he was VERY interested in you!

That's it. I did give him the third degree. But, he did past my so called tests.

Libra men, I really need you to give me some more advice on this. This guy is special.

Hmmm Virgo and Libra!! It could be an interesting pair up.

My advice virgo, is to keep it fun/keep it light....relax, don't get so caught up on "tests" and just enjoy his company, if he actually gives you another chance to do so.

I must say there is quite an age gap between you....you sure you want to go on the Libra Rollercoaster ride with somebody so much older? oh and it is a rollercoaster ride trust me!! Personally Im happy to continue mine now - it was a bit dodgy for a while there but yeah....Im enjoying things now but we are only 10 months apart in age.

I did have a long term r/ship with somebody quite a lot older than me but at the end we were just in different stages of our lives and we grew apart, then I dated somebody quite a lot younger than me *giggles@the memories* and the same thing...we were just at different stages. Guess it works for some but personally I wouldn't do it again...just my $ 0.02 worth!!

🙂

He may have passed your tests---but may need time to recover from the probing (I would---and would be thinking about the experience).

Absolutely and Im not a man!!! LOL

good comment I must say.

Calm, gentle, peace loving Librans wouldn't get along too well with the picky, quarrelsome Virgo Im afraid....they love fun, happy environments 🙂

I know...my brother's fiance is a Virgo and she is very pleasant but most Virgos I have come across are picky, etc....Maybe I've just come across bad eggs LOL. Hey I can be quarrelsome at times too - its healthy to not be a "yes dear, no dear" person but some people make a hobby out of it just to get reactions - it works a treat LOL

All signs have their little quirks so don't mind me!! Nobody else does 😛

Yeah, right, NOBODY minds Chatz. Yeah, right.

Virgos? ALWAYS picky, some quarrelsome, some subtle.

Virgo79 is taking hers a tad too seriously!!

At 45 he's going to have to have been around a bit...he's not going to take too kindly to being put under the microscope and will say forget it (that should be taken seriously)...even though she is only 27 and it would be a huge ego boost for him to have a 27y.o. on his arm, if he's said forget it, I'd take that very seriously!! Unless she tempts him with sex - remember, they can resist anything but temptation LOL

I for one HATE being tested and given the third degree. Some people get, and others don't right away that we are very quick and very cunning. If I were in his situation I would have caught onto it quick, passed the tests with flying colors and then dissapeared without second thoughts as well. Just to prove a point. You may get what you want in the short term when you put us under your microscope, but you'll pay dearly in the end.

Libras are really good at games, but I think for everyone, not just Libras, we grow out of them when we reach a cirtain level of maturity, and once we do that not only do we not play games but we become very intolerant of those who do. He knew he had your company for the night, probably wasn't turned off enough to kick you out when he started to get put off by your questioning so he just waded it out. He probably was really attracted to you which also led him to this.

This is very important for everyone to know about us, but especially important to Virgoes. We NEVER owe you and explanation, in terms of justifying who we are as people. If your getting one, it is because we feel you are worth the explanation and it is only really done genuinely at our offering. If it is expected of us, expect us to leave. Life is to short to have to justify yourself to someone you care about, or potentially care about.

He is probably pissed off that you didn't sleep with him. I can't see a 45 yr old man with a 26 yr old for any other reason. Most men when pressed admit they like younger women for sex and status. Sorry, I don't think he was serious about you to begin with. I think you escaped the noose on this one.

(I am assuming you mean you turn 27 Sept. 10.)

Thanks, LS. I was wanting to bring that up, too. He invested that much time in you, gave you personal information, and you didn't sleep with him. Chances are, he felt he wasted his time and just gave up with trying.

"So, I started picking away at him with questions to the point he slept only 1hr that night. Now after picking away with questions he always was sweet and honest I think in his responses and never cranky till the next morning."

This was your first date with him and you were asking relationship-based questions. He pbly answered them hoping it would get you further with him and he was cranky the next morning because he only got 1 hour of sleep. 1 hour of sleep with sex is a different feeling than 1 hour of sleep without sex...unfortunately.

Sorry you went thru this. There are far better men out there.

LS, she meant she met him on March 10th.

Ahhh okay. They met March 10th.

When I was in college a male friend told me most men want something from you. Sometimes it is a date, sometimes sex, sometimes a kiss, sometimes a friendship. Just don't give more than you are willing to loose.

There are MILLIONS of men out there. MILLIONS of great men. Just take this as a learning lesson. Don't drill into people. People don't like it. Plus it means more when they give freely of themselves. You can't make intimacy happen. It develops over time. And test all you want ... when you do that you only see what they want you to see. You only know someone by seeing them and the integrity they hold every day, through out their life, over a long period of time.

Just accept this as a whoopsie.

🙂

See, I probably need some Librans around more to make me smile more. Chatz u made me laugh...lol. You r definately getting the full picture. I chose not to add this little part because he really did not "ask" just implied that "I would have sex if you'd allow me"...lol. I was unresponsive to that and so he might have sufferred the night long thinking about it. Oh well...I should have taken your advices before the date but it was short notice.

Little Sparrow I would say no guy would say no to sex period. However, he did not ask we just kissed alot. He knows I have not had sex for God knows how long...can't even remember...THAT LONG so he was not expecting a one nighter. However, with the way we were into each other...maybe he thought I would...who knows, he was hard, so might have been disappointed. I just know, we were going to see a lot more of each other "until" I slept over.

The age gap...is a concern. It's not enough of a concern to me when he makes me laugh my ass off and kisses me passionately to cause me to melt. It's not a concern when you simply feel like a child at heart. That's how I feel about him.

Houston, I don't believe he had ulterior motives to begin with. He just wanted things to have flowed more smoothly. After our date, we were half way back to my car in his car when "I" opened my big mouth and suggested a movie. Well, the theatre, possibly closed, we went to his place. Sex was NEVER the intention for him that night or me. But, since I was there and it did not happen and I "turned" him off...phwee...

Just addressing one comment about me asking him personal questions on the date. Hmmm, I was allowed to ask them by him. He was more than happy to answer especially since he was quite expressive about having kids, and re-marry. And, his dating efforts were towards that end.

All great advice! Thanks

Hi virgo79. Your experience sounds eerily similar to that of a former friend of mine (former because we fell out over a woman...long story anyway). The reason I am posting this is because he is also Libra.

Ok, the short story is as follows: At the time he was 25 (4 years ago) and he was begining to lose his good looks, in the sense that he was balding (in an 'old guy' style , i.e. from the back) and he had developed a champion pot belly (what do you expect if you have Fosters for dinner haha). So he needed reaffirmation of his value as a man. He met this 17 year old friend of his sister at a party, and of course for a 25 year old man to sweet-talk a teenage girl is no big deal. They went back to his and she left the next morning, never to get in touch with him again. In a nutshell, what happened between them is 99% the same as what you described in your original post. I know because that loser recounted the whole night's events to me the next day, asking for advice. He was furious that a teenager had rejected her, especially after he had 'listened to her teenage bollocks (=bullshit for you USA-ians) all night long like her daddy' (sic).

So beware 🙂 I am not saying this is what happened between you and that guy for a second ok, every human interaction is unique. I do, however, second the advice of the forum members who think there might not be much common ground between you two to get a relationship off the ground. But then I am a realist 😉

Good luck anyway, and the decision is obviously yours in the end. Weight the pros and cons, as Libras keep telling us hehe.

LOL that's quite funny

To put this in perspective...there is a difference between the first 'explosion' of lust, and long-term compatibility. These two could not be further apart, and just because he answered your questions in a satisfactory way (or, indeed, if he had not) does not mean that you are meant to be together and have 2.3 kids and a Mondeo 🙂 I have many Libra friends (they are fantastic company, the men a bit psycho which is good for crazy fun sometimes etc.) and what they share in common is their superficial treatment of relationships. Of course they regard themselves as very deep etc., but I don't buy it. They are like emotional butterflies, flying from one flower to the next when the novelty/magic of the first experience wears off. This view is also based on a short-lived relationship with a Libra, who is now trying to give me rational arguments of why we should be friends. In conclusion, I believe they genuinely like to see other people being happy, but their ways of going about this can be seen as manipulative, selfish and definitely unconventional! My biggest accusation towards my Libra 'ex' is that when she claims to be empathising, all she really does is put herself in my shoes and come up with 'Yeah, but...' to say what SHE would do if she was me. It makes me laught that the conclusion she always reaches then is 'I don't undesrstand you!' No shit! So the focus always returns on her by magic. When I point this out to her of course she is mortally offended 😉

* does not mean that you are meant to be together and have 2.3 kids and a Mondeo

Agreed! I don't understand why everyone thinks every attraction is "it". It drives me crazy. THANK-YOU for saying it. Not every attraction is meant to be a date. Not every date is meant to be a relationship. Not every relationship is mean to be your lifemate.

You are bang on. This was about sex. He put up with her in hopes of return on his investment of time.

The simple truth is ... if he wanted to spend time with you ... he would.

I would usually comment on a subject like this. Everyone made pretty good points. However, I'd like to hear "his" side of the story. Everyone has based their opinions on one perspective that gives the poor guy a personality that could be in total error. This is not to say that "her" side of the story is a lie in any way, but it's still good to see the whole picture.

.....just my thoughts.

Yup! two sides of a story 🙂

Well you aren't going to get the full story. I find truth exists in three. Your truth. My truth. And what really happened which no one ever sees because perception clouds it.

That being said ... unlike most people on here ... I don't think someone wanting to have sex with you is a bad thing. I don't think him wanting to have sex with her is a bad thing. I think sex and validation are very human needs.

I think her naivete plays against her. Asking questions is not the way to get to know someone and test them. You have to observe them and what they do. Anyone can lie and say whatever you want to hear. I don't think she should feel bad about this at all. Obviously, he was very attracted to her but not wanting a relationship for any number of reasons a) lack of compatibility b) age difference c) not compatible long term d) not emotionally available at this time, yadda yadda.

I would see it as validation of my attractiveness and see it as a learning experience.

you know? onward, upward all that jazz ....

Yeah LS, I guess there is definitely some truth in that. However, he might feel completely different. His point of view could be different.

Hello all, been very busy with work (last day at current job today, so tying up loose ends and these keep appearing out of nowhere!) 🙂

LS yes I agree that there are 3 sides to the truth: his, hers and the objective one (which I guess can only be judged by hermaphrodite - i.e. no gender bias - aliens).

I don't, however, agree with the following: "I don't think someone wanting to have sex with you is a bad thing. I don't think him wanting to have sex with her is a bad thing. I think sex and validation are very human needs". This is the main reason why I and this Libra who I was seeing are currently in such a wrap. We had sex on the first night that we met (I had not planned it, and would not normally do it on the first data). Ok...that first time was the actual one-2-one meeting, but we had talked on the phone for about 1 month prior to that ('met; through a mutual friend). I am not blaming her of course, cause it takes two to tango etc etc etc. What I am saying is that she then rejected me as a bf, but when I said I cannot be a friend to her (relationship -> rejection -> friendship is not for me, not logically but emotionally) she was totally shocked and asked for a chat. After a looooooooooooong chat, where she tried to explain using reaon why we should stay together (love didn't happen for her, but I'm still a very special person and she wants me in her life) I said I would give friendship a go, but no promises. If I promised then I would be lying, because I have never done this before and I simply don't know...

Anyway...now she is again texting me every day, including to wish me good morning and good night and I believe she wants to keep me as a 'back up' until something else comes along or I don't know...

Any input would be appreciated, since I am confused and think she is totally confused too (confusion is contagious) 🙂

PS This is the first ever woman in my life where I can say I give up, no comprende!!! And I thought that I am a great judge of personalities hehehe...think again!

VirgoC, sounds like you should either except the friendship or not. When Libras tell you something, like they can't be in a relationship with you (however they seem to want to always remain friends if you mean something to them) then, they probably mean it. So it is your call. They are great friends, but if you can't handle being friends, then walk away and who knows she might change her mind. You know how they can go back and forth in their heads when they are not sure. Only when they are not sure, because if they are you will know.😉

If you walk away now she'll PROBABLY come back---in her own sweet time.

*HIS own sweet time. (My bad).

as they do

Hey Virgo79 IF you want to keep things going with him, send him a card. Libras LOVE receiving cards---and you have a perfect excuse with Easter. Suggestion.

they do?? oh!!! ahwell he will have to be happy with just chocolate!!!

Virgo79, just make sure its not too mushy!!!

Yeah. Keep it light and funny. Just give him an open door to let him come back to you. And, Chatz, I'm surprised! No card for your Libra guy—? You still have time to create one of your own. (We men love the hand drawn ones done with color crayons---there's just something so pure and primal about it---oh, maybe that's just an Aries thing.)

Yeah Im worried he'd think Im trying to hard, otherwise I'd go all out - you know us Leos, we love to give!! I will draw one for you though...you just gotta come and get it 🙂

He'll go all shy with the chockies I bought him let alone a mushy hand made card....oh but actually come to think of it, he looks so cute when he is like that *ponders*

Thanks for the hint though 🙂

What's your favorite brand of chocolate?

Cadbury!!!! Yours?