Being A Friend In A Time of Need During Covid...

Hi all, just wanted some feedback as a bomb got dropped on me a few hrs ago.

I had been sleeping most of the day as I was exhausted from a long work week going on 5 hrs of sleep daily. When I woke up, I found that my pisces ex-roommate had called 12 times and left a text msg to call him.

I called him back and he was crying and sobbing that his girlfriend said she may not love him anymore. Quick background she is older, divorced and has 2 teenage kids that live with the father. She was also laid off for 1 month from the clothing store she helps co-run due to co-vid.

Her and my pisces friend have been dating over a year and a half but only started living together in september. I think the combination of losing her job temporarily as well as forced isolation with him 24/7 may have gotten her stressed.

I could be wrong, but I think she is acting out emotionally due to being stressed. Anyhow, I told him to give her some space and let her sort things out.

But he wanted me to come over and I just woken up feeling a little weak with a very light headache. That was concerning for me enough to say I could not and explained why But I could talk to him on the phone for as long as he wanted. And that maybe if I feel better by tomorrow, we could maybe meet in person

He understood (it seemed like he did anyway) But Ive known him long him to be openly skeptical about people (he has a good bs detector) and wonder if he thinks Im lying to get out of meeting him. He told me he would call back when he felt more together in a hr and that was an hr and a half now ago.

I dont think Im being wrong in socially distancing given I should be cautious with my symptoms. The other thing too is he is a nurse and works with disabled and elderly I am also a little weary about being around him in person because he could be sick and not know it - (hes in his late 30's)

I currently live in Santa Barbara and while our county has 100 something covid cases, the actual city has around 28 documented so far (majority are elderly btw) For right now, it's low-key compared to LA and San Francisco.

Do you think I should bite the bullet and meet up with him tomorrow if I feel better? Or am I on point to keep my distance and offer support via phone instead?

I am debating about calling him back today. Just because I think he needs space to get his head in order regarding this Would you call him back today to check up or wait till tomorrow like I am thinking of doing?

What's meeting in person gonna do more or add more to the conversation ?

He's being Childish kinda selfish and irresponsible.

You've done what you could : offered to listen.

🤷‍♀️

Keep your distance and communicate by phone. If he doesn’t accept or understand that he is selfish and immature.

That is kind of what I thought as well The other thing is too he is working on getting back our deposit from the landlord and we would need to meet in person to get the money

We used to be roommates and lived with an older guy whose name was on the lease too. Older guy left us hanging with moving his stuff out as well as our stuff. He bolted town and went homeless I think to a different city for a while.

We documented him leaving his stuff as well as not helping clean the place up. But the landlord wouldnt budge and not give a separate check without the older guys name on it.

Flash forward a few months later and older guy is back in town. My pisces ex-roommate finally communicated to him he needs to be present to the landlord if he wants his deposit back

I think my pisces friend thinks if we are meeting in person to get the money soon then why would it be a problem meeting him now? Again I am only assuming and I could be overthinking it. But I know how his mind works.

I might call him back tomorrow instead and remind him he works as a nurse with elderly people and elderly people are the ones getting covid here in santa barbara He is a high risk to be around in person and that he should just mail my deposit to me instead.

I kinda felt this relationship was going to blow up in his face as they spent all their time together outside of their work And never with any friends besides me.

And when I hung out with them as a couple I felt I might as well not be there anyway I am a personal beliver that people who are in relationships should have their lives and friends. And if they spend too much time together, familiarity breeds contempt eventually.

I hope I am wrong, but I have a bad feeling me and him are about to head towards a falling out due to him potentially feeling I am not being there enough for him

Tell him it’s exceptional circumstances and you are not prepared to take the risk. If he doesn’t get that, he’s not a true friend.

His relationship breakdown isn’t life and death. Isolating this virus literally is life and death. Stay home.

UPDATE - He called me a few hours later and apologized for crying so much. I made it crystal clear why we couldnt meet in person and at that point I think he completely was cool with it.

Apparently, she had been feeling resentful towards him the last month because of him being bossy about his neat freakness. Makes sense since he has a Virgo Moon, and I lived with him. He can be unintentionally bossy about being neat

Also, the fact she had been laid off and left home with nothing to do and no friends to talk to. She feels very isolated. I told him that is on her to make friends, its not his job. However I did tell him he needs to compromise and learn to communicate in a better way.

Their relationship is up in the air right now still but he is calmer. The thing I told him is was that they should have had a serious discussion about living style s before moving in. I think it is important that is out in the open because if you dont discuss that topic then it becomes what it is now - a ticking time bomb.

I told him if it doesnt work out with her , the next time he dates someone he needs to be very cautious and diligent before moving in with them.

I have my own place now and I like not having to answer to anyone. In fact, if we are not dating through face time in 6 mths if I meet someone and it gets serious, I am going to push us keep separate living situations instead of moving in. Unless the living style s are compatible, it is too much of a risk of homelessness otherwise

Stay home. If he was a true friend to you he would not be suggesting you make the physical journey to see him as he already knows about the distancing rules.

Talk to him over the phone. If he doesn’t like it, then that is one less “friend” you have to worry about.

We got it worked out thankfully with me and him as he understood when he called back

His relationship is still up in the air though. I told him if he wants to really be with her, he needs to tone down his neat freakness and not come across bossy

I'm still perplexed they never had the discussion about living style s before moving in together. Just due to the fact it is a huge change that can end badly for both involved financially and living-wise.

I hope they work it out, because otherwise if covid gets manageable in the next few months he is going to want to hang out all the time when not working.

To be honest I dont want to hang out with him all the time as we are a little too different as people to hang out on a regular basis