Body Parts (Page 16)

how do i make money? that's easy...




maybe TOC did get blocked. she normally can't shut her mouth this long.

😛 @ domino. don't fuq with the classics.

there's a place for you in hell!

oh, the flagger? according to my profile she's designated "feral."

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! you might wake it up.

but yeah, on that thread that other obsessed chick created about me stepping on people's backs to become Queen of DXP, the feral one stated that from now on she's going to flag all of my threads in hopes of getting me banned. little does she know, i created a pseudo account and i flag myself...a little e-S&M does a body good.

AA - she was COUGHING! lord, remind me to email you "the dummy's guide: how to choose a hooker for virgins." i don't want your first time to be a disaster.

a barney?

your coworker is right. stop sending explicit emails to everyone. it's very unprofessional.

well kick off those shoes and start scrappin! show that bitch who's boss. if you do it in baby oil and mud, your boss might give you a raise.

and AA if you don't need the book, i won't bother to email it but i do have some diagrams that'll help you find the right entry point. don't want you fumbling around down there giving chicks UT infections. have you decided how you want your first time to be? on a bed of rose petals i bet.

nah, librans aren't decisive enough. too many ways to kill. the body would be stabbed, shot, dismembered, partially eaten, some cooked, other parts buried, some weighted and throw into the ocean and the rest would be made used to make a keychain.

i type too fast for my brain.

you're such a dork.

so not cat fight?

you make children homeless.

poor barefoot children who are now forced to be feral and walk the streets of aussie land eating food out of garbage cans.

the world makes me weep.

i hate when people pose questions. it makes me go in search of answers and thus...

http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/05/28/astrology-and-serial-killers-born-under-a-bad-sign-part-one/

http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/05/29/astrology-and-serial-killers-born-under-a-bad-sign-part-ii/

not bdays but close. TOC, your serial killer looks like a serial killer

HA! and look at the libra. i told you, a libra serial killer wouldn't be able to decide on one way to kill. indecisive weirdos.

you know, only you could put a positive spin on murder. first the children, now you're all for ice picks as a death device. sheesh!

i was thinking of having a pamper day tomorrow. i'm feeling a bit run down. spa day would be grand but i dunno if i should.

uhm, don't make me your first kill.

a friend of mine suggested it because i've been a bit down lately. said i needed a day for just me and to remind me of how spectacularly wonderful i am. i probably wouldnt be able to get an appointment tomorrow anyway and to be honest, i don't like people touching me and making small talk.

on a side note, one of my closest friends is soooooooo out of the closet now. it's funny because growing up, she was always weird but i was too. lesbian never really registered but it isn't surprising either. she's happy though BUT i have yet to spend time with her since she came out. she also has a gf that she's been dating for a couple of years and they'll be moving in together soon. it's one thing to say, "do you" from afar but seeing her in a couple capacity will be...interesting to say the least. i don't even like when hetero couples fawn all over each other around me. i can only imagine how she behaves around her girl and i wonder if i'm as tolerant as i hope to be?

i've had only one other friend come out and he was...unexpected but he'd been grooming me for it for years so it wasn't totally unexpected either. i've never been around him and his SOs either.

and yeah, i saw that wiki page. i was looking for bdays. the US leads in crazies but only by number...not statistically.

my guess would be that water signs are the most likely to kill.

lunch? 😛

i'm going to try and get AA to simulate nibbling but he keeps giggling like a school girl on the webcam which makes it difficult for him to maintain a woody.

you're probably right.

but if you could move a little to your left...

brad is looking rather old.

i started a poetry thread. but no one goes on that forum 😢

Rape
by Jane Cortez

What was Inez supposed to do for
the man who declared war on her body
the man who carved a combat zone between her breasts
Was she supposed to lick crabs from his hairy ass
kiss every pimple on his butt
blow hot breath on his big toe
draw back the corners of her vagina and
he haw like a California burro

This being war time for Inez
she stood facing the knife
the insults and
her own smell drying on the penis of
the man who raped her

She stood with a rifle in her hand
doing what a defense department will do in times of war
and when the man started grunting and panting and
wobbling forward like
a giant hog
She pumped lead into his three hundred pounds of
shaking flesh
Sent it flying to the Virgin of Guadelupe
then celebrated day of dead rapist punk
and just what the fuck else was she supposed to do?

And what was Joanne supposed to do for
the man who declared war on her life
Was she supposed to tongue his encrusted
toilet stool lips
suck the numbers off of his tin badge
choke on his clap trap balls
squeeze on his nub of rotten maggots and
sing god bless america thank you for fucking my life away

This being wartime for Joanne
she did what a defense department will do in times of war
and when the piss drinking shit sniffing guard said
I'm gonna make you wish you were dead black bitch
come here
Joanne came down with an ice pick in
the swat freak motherfucker's chest
yes in the fat neck of the racist policeman
Joanne did the dance of the ice picks and once again
from coast to coast
house to house
we celebrated day of the dead rapist punk
and just what the fuck else were we supposed to do

i'm feeling "man"gry for some reason

let's hope it was the ice pick.

ok...SPILL IT! between you and that ram i'm sick of the secrets.

uhm...no one knows you. and do like everybody else, delete your account in 24 hours and come back under and new name 😛

i think one my virgo fem friends has. she's not talking to me now. i expect a call/email in the upcoming months. i shall not be returning either 😛

SPILL IT!

ok, when you tip over to the "yes" side, start typing immediately.

and yeah, she may have. especially since i sent her a link saying, "check out this forum."

why don't you and he play explorer? virgo men have good oral skills.

and i won't hold my breath on that PM. if it's anything like your previous decision making process, it'll be winter and by then, i won't give a crap.

drunk? you mean in about 5 hours? i should be mid-siesta by then. in fact, i'm almost done transferring these files so should be calling it a night in a bit if frenchy doesn't msg me when he wakes.

frenchy is an interesting fella but his atheism and treehuggerness are sorta getting in the way. i don't so much mind that he doesn't believe in god but he keeps associating anything related to religion with the catholic church and it gets on my nerves. and where i'm earth conscious, the fact that we argue for hours about why having a clothes dryer is me leaving the planet a cess pool for future generations, that my excessive consumption of tuna is going to lead to their extinction and god knows whatever other hippy crap he can think of, i'm not sure we're well suited. i think i need to stop like, talking about stuff with men. maybe i should try giggling more?

and stop trying to work the aqua into this discussion.

the gemini i was with is the "lil wee." he lasted FOREVER! too. his technique was alright though. we tried role playing once. it was the most AWKWARD thing ever.

i think the best thing about him was that his nipples were sensitive.

suss? 😛

i think i should play dumb because i'm clearly opinionated and men only like that in theory.

he's not a "real" hippy but he does make a lot of comments about american consumerism. he's not wrong. just kinda self-righteous about it. for example, i love tuna. tuna is good. in fact, i shall be eating a can of it shortly so i'm the WRONG person to make endangered species list arguments to.

and yes, atheism in the extreme. and he makes offensive comments about religion too that i find annoying. again, i don't so much mind that he's an atheist. he's just a disrespectful and pushy one.

i'm not sure when i'll take a trip to paris. he's offered his home to me but uhm...no! i want to make a vacation of it so ideally would stay for 3 weeks and that's a whole lotta hotel/hostel money. plus, AA wants me to head to the UK to see his nob.

as for the quicky, i think i would've preferred if the gemini was quick. at least it wouldve been over with and i wouldn't have had to fake it for so long. eventually i think he knew i was faking which didn't help matters. how old was the aqua?

that comment about AA was to see if he was still around. i think he's throwing a hissy fit at the moment though.

i do have a friend from college that lives outside of london that would be kinda cool to see again. and i'm not sure if i want to hit up other countries as well. i got so much i'd like to do but should probably concentrate on paris. i'm afraid if i get over there too soon though i might not come back. it'd be cool to be an american and an illegal immigrant. it seems like such a contradiction.

as to the aqua, i had a guy that didn't like woman-on-top because it made him cum too quick too...not as your aqua though. was the aqua drinking/smoking beforehand? maybe that impaired him a bit so that he couldn't keep his yang up? and you didn't say how old he was? he was legal wasn't he? OMG! he wasn't was he? you're such a perv.

coffee stains your teeth and makes you poop.

i just got back from the worst outing evah! if your gut tells you beforehand that something is wrong, listen to your bowels.

nugglenuts! there you are!!!

ok so like, a few years back i had this grand experiment where i said "yes (i'll go out with you)" to any dude who asked. normally, if i don't like a guy, if he doesn't seem my style /attractive to me, i will make up a boyfriend/husband or pretend to be gay. but my new-age girlfriends have taught me that's not only snotty as i could be missing out on a great opportunity but i'm also declining FREE FOOD, FREE MOVIE and a chance to get out of the house. i mean, it's just a date and if a guy wants to feed ya, why the hell not.

so this was my rational going into this "date." i met a guy this past weekend at home depot (store where you buy shit to build shit). anyhoo, i looked a hot mess and my initial reaction was no! as i loathe! when a guy attempts to talk to me if i look undatable. i mean seriously, why do men approach when you have on a pair of sweatpants and doo-rag—

long story short, i said yes and where he wasn't the WORST companion ever, i have come to the conclusion that the aries affected me far more than i realize and i shall need to get that behind me in order to move forward. so right now i'm charging my phone as it's been off for like...two days as i didn't want to talk to him but i guess it's time.

the date? nothing really. i'm just a bitch is all.

i can be a man's worst nightmare. if i get in a certain mood, it's really hard to change course. i can know that i'm being a total ass and yet, the snottery continues.

he was totally uninteresting to me and i KNEW he was a dud when we spoke on the phone and yet, i accepted the dinner offer. now keep in mind, this is what i learned to rally against years ago. there's a fine line between prejudging someone and not liking them. i naturally lump the two together and i'm rusty right now so it's hard for me to tell the diff. he, i just didn't like him and i knew that going in.

so we got to the spot, it's not totally horrible initially. i'm nervous but i think it went downhill when he asked me what kind of music i liked. i asked him the same question and i got back a litany of rap artists. that was the start of many mismatches.

the end result, i was BORED and i don't play "NOT BORED" well. i hardly spoke and if i did, i was very short. i tried to seem engaged but it was very forced. i found it difficult to laugh. i was just...removed.

now here's the thing, i think that turns some guys on. "what?" you ask. snotty bitch seems to turn some guys on. it's sorta like women who are attracted to bad boys. it's very weird.

anyway, i guess he wasn't as turned off as i was because he asked me what i was doing this weekend. i told him i didn't know and to give me a call which for me means, i shall never speak to you again.

laughs @ WB. i never thought of that as a good pick-up location but now that i think of it, you're right!!! i may have to make that my new lunch spot.

AA - shut the hell up before i make you my bitch!

we went to the cheesecake factory. i don't like they're food but the ambiance is nice. it's not exactly pricey but i think it's a good first date place though. i probably should've opted for something on a lower rung given im not calling him back. it makes me feel guilty knowing he had to come out of pocket and he's not even going to get a 2nd conversation. i will text him thank you though.

TOC, how's the shiny new phone?

conservative? there? WHATEVER! my guy friend who lives outside of london was talking about fingering a chick while propped up against a car a few weeks back. you all are sluts and you know it!

and i like rap/hip-hop but that's the obvious. he lacked depth in the musical category and i pictured myself sitting on a couch watching music videos all day. sooooooo not my style yo!

http://www.thecheesecakefactory.com


too bad on the cover thing. it's sorta wack to cover it up anyway. i mean, you're supposed to have it out and about for others to see how shiny it is. you'll just end up dropping it in a toilet so what's the point of the cover?

who is ronnie coleman?

scorpio men scare me. seriously. when i think about them, i think of someone hiding in a bush. and yeah i know, they're not all that bad but they creep me out. it's the only sign i've sworn off. them an sags but sags only because i have so many male sags in my family. we get along for the most part but sag men don't take criticism well and as you can tell, i'm sorta relentless if ya get me going.

libra men are too full of themselves.

i had to pause on the aries men. i like them i just think...

they can be antagonistic and emotionally retarded. but i can be as well so it's sort of a comfortable match but you see the result 😛

we're going to see how it bodes virtually with the pisces and i think i should try cancer too. although cancer might drive me up a wall. logic dictates i'll end up with a virgo though and there's something depressing about that.

lol @AA. yes, she makes you want her pie.

and so are libra women TOC. libra women are pretty self-absorbed. they have a tendency to make everything about them. if you stubbed your toe, they not only stubbed their toe before but they were hospitalized.

my cousin is a libra and he's famous for...

"oh shit?" libra

"what?" me

"i just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and DAMN i'm fine." 😛

WHATEVAH! @ AA

seriously, i don't know any fat taureans. i'm not sure why we get such a bad wrap in the physical category. most of the taurus women i know are pretty vain actually. we have our vices but we don't like being overweight. that's not to say that we're size 1's but rollie pollies? naaaaaaaaah! i mean, how can we be seductive if we're all mammoths?

and TOC, you would be the first libra that isn't vain in history. libra's are great folk but very me-centered conversations.

lol! no no no! i tried scorpio. NEVER...never...NEVER again.

my scorp fem friend is a bit crazy too but the shit she does is comedic. but that's me looking at it from an outside perspective. for the guy on the receiving end of it, i can imagine that it can get pretty scary. not in a threatening way but in a, "god, please stop" way.

AA - you just want me to sit on it don't you? that's all this is about? i turned you down and refused to sit on it so no all of a sudden, i'm a prehistoric creature.

and TOC you're probably forced to listen to you gem friend because they won't shut up. which is another stereotype i don't get. all the gem's i know aren't chatty.

scorps and the bedroom....what-EVER! i think that's a rumor perpetuated by scorps and scorp astrologers.

lol...what is it with you and scorps today? are you having trouble in the "garden?"

aries is supposed to be quick in bed...and selfish. AA, how long does it take for you to get one off? are you like TOC's aqua? 3 minute man?

hmm...the gemini chick i know is funny too but we can only take small doses of one another. we're both very sarcastic.

ok, i would like to know...

when you lost your virginity and to what sign? AA, you can opt out of this question given it hasn't happened yet.

and yet, for some odd reason, you miss the lil wee?

i never timed it. the aqua i was with was quick but he could get it back up quickly. but then he'd !O! quickly again. it was really frustrating.

the leo on the other hand....OOOOOO! he always let me !O! first. then he would let me rest for a few minutes..."you need to rest princess...go ahead a rest for a bit." i loved it! after a few minutes we were back at it and at that point, given i had already had one, the second one was just a bonus. i miss that cheating bastard!

i was 23, aqua....and it was anti-climatic but i loved him. i remember calling my girlfriend who was also a virgin at 23 and she was dying to know what it was like and i said, "i dunno. it was nice."

HA!