Dad Jokes

I need a Dad Joke for a department meeting.. give me your best?

Posted by Krabss

i know zero dad jokes.

what is a department meeting? maybe i could make a joke if i had a context?

Mortgage Servicing

Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.

Why did the guy get fired from his job at orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate.

Why do eye doctors live so long? They dilate.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.

How do you steal someone’s coat? You jacket.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies.

What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he went to school? “Bison.”

So far I'm going with the Receding Hare line!

A few more for fun 🙂

What did the baby corn say to the mom corn?

Where’s the popcorn?

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

I've decided to sell my Roomba.

It was just collecting dust anyway.

Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes?

They just want to help you become a groan-up.

The Lego shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being.

People will be lined up for blocks.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why type of dog tells time best?

A watchdog.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are so good at it.

Dad, can you put my shoes on?

No, I don't think they'll fit me.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

What’s harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

Where do quarterbacks go to dance?

Footballs.

What are the world’s smartest animals?

Fish, because they stay in schools.

What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear?

Loafers.

Why are frogs so good at basketball?

They always make the jump shots.

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.

Why is Yoda such a good gardener?

He has green thumbs.

Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?

The batter!

Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?

Forget it. It’s way over your head.

I heard a rumor about butter today. But I am not gonna spread it.

Posted by Krabss

idk, my baby dady gave me yesterday a peper spray to have, to defend myself and our kid if i have to.

before he was a the biggest asshole, and hired the most expensive lawyer to crush me. he lost ofc. and i had no lawyer. so be chill. be smart and don't lose your cool.

idk if that's a good joke, but it made me lol

Posted by Krabss

maaan, i was trying to make up one, and i couldn't, then i googled american jokes, not one was funny, then on my own language even worse. it's simple, dads are not funny.

So youve read many good dad jokes They're funny because they're so desperately uncool that you're not even sure whether to laugh or grimace.

This guy is the god of dad jokes.

Posted by Krabss

maaan, i was trying to make up one, and i couldn't, then i googled american jokes, not one was funny, then on my own language even worse. it's simple, dads are not funny.

lol exactly