@newlove
10 Years
is she selfish?
Is Constant Self-Focus in Friendships Selfish
Focusing mostly on oneself in a friendship can seem selfish, especially if it leaves little room for mutual sharing. Healthy friendships involve balanced conversations where both people feel heard and supported. If your friend consistently dominates conversations without reciprocating, it may indicate a lack of consideration. Addressing your feelings openly can help improve understanding and balance.
Okay so both of you guys want me time talks actually. That's cool next time you call her to talk about you for alittle bit.
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Okay so both of you guys want me time talks actually. That's cool next time you call her to talk about you for alittle bit.
Been there done that!
I actually thought that she calls me to talk about herself so i should give her a call to talk about myself...
Called her...she listened...but then the same old story
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Okay so both of you guys want me time talks actually. That's cool next time you call her to talk about you for alittle bit.Been there done that!
I actually thought that she calls me to talk about herself so i should give her a call to talk about myself...
Called her...she listened...but then the same old story
click to expand
What is the mercury and mental aspects you both have?
Posted by leowww
Selfish.She might got used to the extra emotional support since her breakup.
Maybe she doesn't even realize it.
you should tell her, your friendship will fizzle out anyway....eventually. ..maybe
it's touchy but you don't need that & that's not what best friends are about.
i think of telling her but i feel i may hurt her...her ex broke up with her stating that she talks too much about herself...she was very upset and kept on repeating the same words everyday...me telling her the same thing may shatter her i feel
What do you want to talk about? I heard if you have an air or mutable communication planet that doesn't match up to a cardinal or fixed planet it may be one sided, maybe talking about things that's important like sex, food, money, and who our next president is going to be. Idk. Either people are narcissistic or just aren't aware of it.
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
What do you want to talk about? I heard if you have an air or mutable communication planet that doesn't match up to a cardinal or fixed planet it may be one sided, maybe talking about things that's important like sex, food, money, and who our next president is going to be. Idk. Either people are narcissistic or just aren't aware of it.
Well there are so many things which u can share or want to share with nobody but your bestie...
Work issues...juniors...boss... boys...
Posted by Nevermore
Is she talking about herself everytime?
She does to a certain extent...not everytime though
Juniors? Boys? Huh why do you like to talk about that. Are you in high school?
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Juniors? Boys? Huh why do you like to talk about that. Are you in high school?
Juniors at work...boys-ok let me correct myself...Men
does that sound better?
Hell no. Give it alittle more time and sit down and tell her calmly. Then if it doesnt change or no compromise then you don't need a friend like that. Or just keep as friends light and casually only.
Posted by leowww
Selfish.She might got used to the extra emotional support since her breakup.
Maybe she doesn't even realize it.
you should tell her, your friendship will fizzle out anyway....eventually. ..maybe
it's touchy but you don't need that & that's not what best friends are about.
i think of telling her but i feel i may hurt her...her ex broke up with her stating that she talks too much about herself...she was very upset and kept on repeating the same words everyday...me telling her the same thing may shatter her i feel
Chances you might unfortunately ?....no matter your approach...but if you guys are close...she'll understand....otherwise very one sided friendship and that's not right
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Right...i should just say her instead of complaining about her behind her back...lets see if she understands
Thanks for your help 🙂
Every human is selfish to a degree, OP.
if it's her normal behaviour then there's not much you can do about that
i had a similar friend, recently she tried to reconnect but she didn't change at all... I think she doesn't even know me daspite all this years since all she ever does is talking ab herself
people like that don't change, it's their nature 😆
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Hell no. Give it alittle more time and sit down and tell her calmly. Then if it doesnt change or no compromise then you don't need a friend like that. Or just keep as friends light and casually only.
Yeahh...will do that...thanks 🙂
this sounds very immature on your part ... certainly, there are (other) people in your life where the main person is you.
We all have different relations with different people. This seems to escape you.
Basically, you want to change her to suit your ego better. Whereas, an open minded and mature person would want to accept her as she comes.
Just as .... when it's you doing the talking to your other people in your life, you expect them to be mature and open minded enough to take you as you come.
If you cannot grant her the right to be her, then you should do her a favor and remove yourself from her presence.
this sounds very immature on your part ... certainly, there are (other) people in your life where the main person is you.
We all have different relations with different people. This seems to escape you.
Basically, you want to change her to suit your ego better. Whereas, an open minded and mature person would want to accept her as she comes.
Just as .... when it's you doing the talking to your other people in your life, you expect them to be mature and open minded enough to take you as you come.
If you cannot grant her the right to be her, then you should do her a favor and remove yourself from her presence.
Well i love my bestie since 20years...something about her just ticked me off recently and sooo this thread...
Well for your advice,
i guess i will accept her the way she is...be more mature 😛
And i will share about whatever i want to talk about with her (with maturity)
Posted by newlove
Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?
I have a Taurus friend like this.. The thing is, she doesn't have a lot of friends and she sure as hell doesn't talk about her feelings or what is going on in her life with others. So the way I see it is that she trusted me enough to tell me all this. She also went through a break up and then when she found someone else, she'd share all the details. When I would think she was done and start talking about something else, she'd relate it to her life and it would be about her again. It hasn't bothered me though because we all are different and we treat certain friends differently. Maybe she just feels secure with you and can talk about things that mean something to her with you. You just have to understand that she is that type of friend who is going to talk to you about her life and if you don't like it well then find another friend to talk to.
*Now if she's the type that ALWAYS needs attention from EVERYONE, only ever cares about herself, and is never really a friend to you. Well then that would be selfish.
Posted by newlove
Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?
I have a Taurus friend like this.. The thing is, she doesn't have a lot of friends and she sure as hell doesn't talk about her feelings or what is going on in her life with others. So the way I see it is that she trusted me enough to tell me all this. She also went through a break up and then when she found someone else, she'd share all the details. When I would think she was done and start talking about something else, she'd relate it to her life and it would be about her again. It hasn't bothered me though because we all are different and we treat certain friends differently. Maybe she just feels secure with you and can talk about things that mean something to her with you. You just have to understand that she is that type of friend who is going to talk to you about her life and if you don't like it well then find another friend to talk to.
*Now if she's the type that ALWAYS needs attention from EVERYONE, only ever cares about herself, and is never really a friend to you. Well then that would be selfish.
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Well she tries to share those things with other people but they don't give so much importance to her things and in turn talk about themselves
she did mention eralier to me that i am the only one friend who actually listens to everything she says...thats why i don't really feel like stopping her from saying what she wants to share with me
The thing is i had a breakup too and didn't get that much support from her (listening wise)...we both had breakup almost at the same time soo...
Anyway i guess i am overanalysing...i will talk to her about this...coz she might not even realise i feel like this...thanks 🙂
Posted by AriesLove
She must be an Aries. Haha
Libra
Posted by AriesLove
She must be an Aries. HahaLibra
click to expand
And you are a?
@newlove good thinking.
Talk to her about it. I do have few friends I can talk to as well. In turn I rarely talk about myself and only talk to those few people about big problems... But sometimes I end up just going on and on to those few people (since they listen.) lol
Libras are communicators and boy can some of us just over analyze.
Tell her and see how she reacts. You make it sound as if she is a good friend to you, just simply talks too much. I'd much rather someone tell me how they feel than hide it. But if you already have then, I don't know that's up to you where you want to go from there...
Posted by AriesLove
She must be an Aries. HahaLibra
And you are a?
click to expand
I'm cancerian
Posted by jane84
@newlove good thinking.Talk to her about it. I do have few friends I can talk to as well. In turn I rarely talk about myself and only talk to those few people about big problems... But sometimes I end up just going on and on to those few people (since they listen.) lol
Libras are communicators and boy can some of us just over analyze.
Tell her and see how she reacts. You make it sound as if she is a good friend to you, just simply talks too much. I'd much rather someone tell me how they feel than hide it. But if you already have then, I don't know that's up to you where you want to go from there...
Yes she is very good friend...
Yeaa i must talk to her about it
Thanks 🙂
But this might be a case where you are both going through a rough time and both need someone to listen to how you are feeling. And because you are both seeking this type of attention, it's starting to feel very one-sided. A friend who is not going through this could very well be the better person to talk to, but because your best friends, it's hard to do that.
You both want emotional support, but it's difficult when you are going through the same thing. Hanging out and NOT talking about it would be more fun so that you can not think about it...but now that she's talking to someone else...she probably wants to share it with you. But that's not going to feel good for you to listen to if you have not moved on and are still needing that emotional support front the breakup.
Hmm why are we girls so complicated? Lol
Posted by jane84
@newlove good thinking.Talk to her about it. I do have few friends I can talk to as well. In turn I rarely talk about myself and only talk to those few people about big problems... But sometimes I end up just going on and on to those few people (since they listen.) lol
Libras are communicators and boy can some of us just over analyze.
Tell her and see how she reacts. You make it sound as if she is a good friend to you, just simply talks too much. I'd much rather someone tell me how they feel than hide it. But if you already have then, I don't know that's up to you where you want to go from there...
Yes she is very good friend...
Yeaa i must talk to her about it
Thanks 🙂
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Well I'm glad. My friends are extremely important to me and I would hate to lose a good one.
Hope you girls can figure it out and be there for each other as needed! 🙂 Good luck!
Posted by jane84
But this might be a case where you are both going through a rough time and both need someone to listen to how you are feeling. And because you are both seeking this type of attention, it's starting to feel very one-sided. A friend who is not going through this could very well be the better person to talk to, but because your best friends, it's hard to do that.You both want emotional support, but it's difficult when you are going through the same thing. Hanging out and NOT talking about it would be more fun so that you can not think about it...but now that she's talking to someone else...she probably wants to share it with you. But that's not going to feel good for you to listen to if you have not moved on and are still needing that emotional support front the breakup.
Hmm why are we girls so complicated? Lol
Well the breakup happened pretty while ago
Now she has a new guy and i have a new guy...seems we both want to talk about it 😛
Soooo complicated we are!!!
And we say guys are complicated!!!! Hell no
Posted by Prince_Pisces
Omg I hate people who have to turn everything into a conversation about themselves. Probably because it doesn't leave me any room to do the same LOL!
I thought guys love to listen more!!! 😛
Posted by jane84
But this might be a case where you are both going through a rough time and both need someone to listen to how you are feeling. And because you are both seeking this type of attention, it's starting to feel very one-sided. A friend who is not going through this could very well be the better person to talk to, but because your best friends, it's hard to do that.You both want emotional support, but it's difficult when you are going through the same thing. Hanging out and NOT talking about it would be more fun so that you can not think about it...but now that she's talking to someone else...she probably wants to share it with you. But that's not going to feel good for you to listen to if you have not moved on and are still needing that emotional support front the breakup.
Hmm why are we girls so complicated? Lol
Well the breakup happened pretty while ago
Now she has a new guy and i have a new guy...seems we both want to talk about it 😛
Soooo complicated we are!!!
And we say guys are complicated!!!! Hell no
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I see... New beginnings and you both just want to share it with your best friend! Lol Geez.
And hell no, I had mostly guy friends growing up (a few close girlfriends, who I'd hate to lose touch with) but because guys are way less complicated. But I'm all about girl power also. You have to have some girlfriends for the things guys just don't understand. Lol
Posted by newlove
Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?
what's her and your sign?
Posted by leowww
Selfish.She might got used to the extra emotional support since her breakup.
Maybe she doesn't even realize it.
you should tell her, your friendship will fizzle out anyway....eventually. ..maybe
it's touchy but you don't need that & that's not what best friends are about.
i think of telling her but i feel i may hurt her...her ex broke up with her stating that she talks too much about herself...she was very upset and kept on repeating the same words everyday...me telling her the same thing may shatter her i feel
click to expand
I don't believe this.
I have a friend that keeps me on the phone for hours at a time complaining about everything and anything. I can't even get a breath in.
A few days ago she called and before she could start I started complaining about my life. She suddenly had to go. I'm hoping she got the point.
Posted by newlove
Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?
I think you are selfish. If you are good friends then you could address this. Convos flow. I do not have a set time for how many minutes my bestie and i can talk about ourselves. It varies, sometimes i have no issues at all and i lovr exchanging and conversing with her on any given matter.
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Well i guess you didn't read the comments..fyi when i have my issues,she doesn't really give importance..i will just state an instance
Me: hey you know about this(issue) Her:ohh/ok/wow/hmmm Her: i forgot to tell you (mentions another issue of her own)
I don't have problem to hear what she has to say but always? Thats what i find irritating at times
Posted by leowww
Selfish.She might got used to the extra emotional support since her breakup.
Maybe she doesn't even realize it.
you should tell her, your friendship will fizzle out anyway....eventually. ..maybe
it's touchy but you don't need that & that's not what best friends are about.
i think of telling her but i feel i may hurt her...her ex broke up with her stating that she talks too much about herself...she was very upset and kept on repeating the same words everyday...me telling her the same thing may shatter her i feel
I don't believe this.
click to expand
You dont believe what?
Posted by Deedee86
I have a friend that keeps me on the phone for hours at a time complaining about everything and anything. I can't even get a breath in.A few days ago she called and before she could start I started complaining about my life. She suddenly had to go. I'm hoping she got the point.
Mine doesnt hang up...she changes the topic...when somebody is talking to me about anything,i dont interrupt them...i find that rude
Posted by newlove
Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?
what's her and your sign?
click to expand
Friend - Libra
Me - Cancerian
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Ok so i am talking about my best friend. We talk almost everyday over phone. We don't meet very often coz we are busy these days. She almost calls me everyday. The problem is she talks too much about herself. This is an all time problem. But i have recently noticed that its happening wayyy too much. If we talk for 1hour, then i get a chance to talk about my own self or life for about 10minutes max. Its not that i stay i silent rest of the time. But its about her. She went through a breakup so i thought she needs someone to hear. But a new guy entered in her life and i am sitting here listening to everything in detail. I maybe sounding selfish here.
Whenever i say anything about myself, she reciprocates but then again changes the topic and that pisses me off. Is it normal or am i being selfish?